My neighbor, who has aggravated me with his inconsiderate behavior since he moved in, once again seems to go out of his way to provoke me.  So what do I do?  I find some way to return the gesture.

            This past Sunday morning in Bible class we had discussed Roman 12, including verses 18-20:  as much as in you lies, be at peace with all men. Avenge not yourselves for…vengeance is mine, says the Lord… 

            I nodded in agreement as the teacher explained the behavior a Christian should exhibit, and eventually became bored and impatient.  We all know this.  Why is he spending so much time on it?

            Now it is Monday, or Wednesday, or some other weekday, and I have left my religious cubbyhole behind.  This is real life, we are dealing with, not some ideal that always works out fine.  So, despite the fact that I know the “right” answers, I behave the “wrong” way.  This is different, I rationalize.

            Oh, really?  The only difference is that it is me, and I give myself a free pass whenever possible.  Besides, the vengeance thing is about serious matters, not some minor annoyance, so this does not count.  I am not a vigilante, after all. 

            So if it is so minor, why do I allow myself to be upset by it?  Well, because they did it to me.

            Reading the Word of God is not difficult.  Understanding it is sometimes more difficult.  But applying it to my life is the most difficult thing of all.  I make excuses for myself, (“It’s been a rough day”); I flatter myself with good intentions, (“I just want him to learn how it feels”); I try to make my actions seem normal and forgivable, (“It was just an accident, I meant no harm”), all while denying the other person any benefit of a doubt at all. 

            What I have really done is lower myself to his level.  What was that my brain just screamed out at him?  Jerk, idiot, lowlife? 

            I think I hear it echoing back to me.

Be not a witness against your neighbor without cause; and deceive not with your lips.  Say not, I will do so to him as he has done to me; say not I will recompense evil; wait for Jehovah and he will save you, All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes, but Jehovah weighs the spirit.  Prov 24:28,29; 20:22; 16:2. 

Dene Ward

This is  Part 7 of the Monday series "Whoso Findeth a Wife."

            In Ezekiel 24:16, Jehovah refers to Ezekiel’s wife as “the desire of your eyes.”  Too many wives miss the significance of that description.  We think that once we have caught ourselves a man, we don’t have to worry about our appearance.  If this verse means anything, it means that Ezekiel loved to look at his wife, that her appearance pleased him.  That doesn’t just happen.  In some manner, she paid enough attention to herself to stay attractive to him.

            Now, that verse also says a lot about Ezekiel.  She was the desire of his eyes, no one else.  She was the one he wanted to look at, not every other woman who might display herself in an inappropriate way.  He wasn’t in the market for another woman.  Notice also, Ezekiel was thirty when the book began, and no more than 36 when it ended.  He was not an older man with a decreased libido.  To even a young Ezekiel there was one woman and one woman only.

            But that still doesn’t take away from the idea that a godly woman is careful about her appearance.  I am not going to tell you that you have to stay a size 4—if you ever were to begin with.  Carrying his children and preparing his meals, plus the added responsibility of hospitality that in the Scriptures always involved sharing a meal, precludes any notion of a girl-like figure lasting through fifty years of marriage.  I am, however, supposed to be a living sacrifice, Rom 12:1.  That means I take care of my health as surely as it meant keeping those animal sacrifices healthy and unblemished.  It means I exercise self-control in all things, Gal 5:23; 2 Pet 1:6.  I heard one woman say, “To lose weight I have to be hungry, and I just won’t do that.”  With that attitude, Jesus would have turned the stones into a four course meal. 

            Yet even the most conscientious of women put it on.  Unless you are genetically predisposed to thinness, there comes a time when either your metabolism has slowed too much with age or you are under activity restrictions for medical reasons which make it more difficult to exercise it off.  Discouragement is constant.  Men can leave the butter off their bread and lose ten pounds in a month.  You can leave out both the butter and the bread, and maybe you will lose half a pound that month, but you will gain it and four more back the next weekend when you have company or cook for a church potluck.  You simply accept that your waistline will thicken, and a good man will understand.  But a Christian always exercises moderation and self-control, and always cares for her Temple, 1 Cor 6:19,20, even a slightly larger one.

            But if your figure is the only thing that makes you the desire of your husband’s eyes, you obviously picked the wrong man.  Watching your weight is only a small part of a woman’s appearance and, except in cases endangering health, probably the most superficial.  A lot can be said for just staying presentable.  Are you clean and sweet-smelling?  Is your hair clean and combed?  Are your clothes clean, pressed, and mended?  It is just as impossible to live with a woman and never see her in curlers and cold cream as it is to live with a man and never see him sweaty and unshaven, but is she still shuffling around in those dingy scuffs and ratty terrycloth robe at noon?  Does she save her nice clothes, makeup, and hairdos for others, and always wear holey jeans or frumpy house dresses and leave her hair scraggly and unkempt for him, even when it isn’t window-washing, bean-picking, or floor-scrubbing day?

            The worthy woman made “for herself carpets of tapestry, her clothing is fine linen and purple” Prov 31:22.  We certainly do not advocate living beyond one’s means, but the wife should make some effort to look nice—for him.  It costs more time and money than most of us have to look glamorous, but just a little time and effort would give some husbands a welcome change, plenty enough for him to call her “the desire of my eyes.”

            The most important way for women to stay beautiful is to “adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety, not with braided hair and gold or pearls, but (which becomes women professing godliness) with good works” 1 Tim 2:9,10.  Many a plain woman has become beautiful to me as I came to know her because of her character shining through, but no amount of makeup has hidden for long the ugliness of others. 

            One cannot make her features more regular or remove the flaws from her skin, but she can clean up her soul and with God’s help, keep it white as snow.  She can keep from becoming hard and bitter.  She can keep her voice from screeching and whining.  She can keep her face from scowling and sneering.

            A man has no business expecting his fifty-year old wife to look twenty-five, but he has every reason to expect her character to grow younger until she becomes “as a little child” Mark 10:15.  As the king advised in Proverbs 31:10: Grace is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears Jehovah, she shall be praised.


Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.1 Peter 3:4.

Dene Ward

           On December 9, 1973 Marshall Efron’s Illustrated Simplified Painless Sunday School began on CBS.  Seeing that little tidbit of information brought back words I hadn’t thought of in years.  “That’s just asking too much.”

            You’d think that I could remember who said that to us one evening while we sat studying the Bible in his home.  You’d think I could remember where he drew the line that kept him from serving the Lord.  It isn’t often you find someone that honest.  Most people offer excuses instead.  They understand that they are telling God they are not willing to sacrifice for him.  In fact, they will usually make a list of everything they have done before adding, “But that’s just asking too much.”  What they fail to see is that if they are willing to give it up, it isn’t a sacrifice.  The sacrifice comes when you don’t want to give it up; the sacrifice comes when it hurts. Serving God is not supposed to be “painless.” 

            Too many of us believe that just because we got up, dressed up, and drove to another location instead of sitting there watching some sort of “Painless Sunday School” on television that we are sacrificing for the Lord.  We will sit in the meetinghouse on Sunday morning.  We will even sit for the full two or three hours, whatever our group has chosen.  Just exactly what have we given up?  Sleep?  Another day of fishing?  A little more yard work?  Doesn’t sound like much of a sacrifice.

            Many will alter their lifestyles a bit.  What have they given up?  Hangovers?  Gambling debts?  STDs?  If you aren’t stupid, that’s another easy sacrifice to make.  It only becomes difficult when the dependency has developed.

            What we steadfastly refuse to give up is ourselves. 

            Can we admit wrong?  Can we yield to others?  Can we toe the line, even when the thing in question affects us individually?  It’s much easier for the non-music lover to give up instrumental music in the worship.  Trust me.  I know.  It’s much easier to bide by the Lord’s words concerning marriage when you have a solid relationship, and when your children have also chosen well.  It’s much easier to serve when you actually like the people you are serving.  Yet ease is the very thing that makes it not much of a sacrifice.  The true sacrifice comes when, instead of twisting scriptures to suit ourselves and frantically searching for loopholes, we do what hurts.

            The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: A broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise, Psalm 51:17.  Pain is what makes a sacrifice sincere.  Humble repentance that involves giving up selfish desires and yielding to others who do not deserve it are the most difficult sacrifices to give, and therefore, the ones that God wants most to see in us.  Until we manage that, anything else we do in service to God is a sham, no matter how beautifully we sing, how generously we donate, or how knowledgeably we teach.

            When Jeroboam became king of the northern 10 tribes of Israel, in spite of God’s promise to him of a lasting dynasty if he only obeyed, he looked at those fickle people and said, “I know exactly how to keep them here.”  He made it easy to serve God.

            And Jeroboam said in his heart, Now will the kingdom return to the house of David: if this people go up to offer sacrifices in the house of Jehovah at Jerusalem, then will the heart of this people turn again unto their lord, even unto Rehoboam king of Judah; and they will kill me, and return to Rehoboam king of Judah. Whereupon the king took counsel, and made two calves of gold; and he said unto them, It is too much for you to go up to Jerusalem: behold your gods, O Israel, which brought you up out of the land of Egypt. 1 Kings 12:26-28.

            “It’s asking too much,” he told them.  “Let me make it easy for you.”  And just like that, the people in the north left the God who had delivered them from slavery, defeated their enemies, and provided all their needs. 

            What is it that Jeroboam would offer you?

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ, 
Philippians 3:7-8.

Dene Ward

Now that we have a carport for the first time in 27 years, I find myself wondering if all we did was get something else to keep clean.  I know I sweep it every morning I am home and the weather is cooperative.  If I miss a day, it’s really a mess.  A little while ago, after a couple of rainy days, I had an especially large job ahead of me.  In places on the edges the dust was caked an inch thick.

            I thought I would never finish.  I swept several times in each patch and still the dust flew.  Finally I looked at Chloe and muttered, “There is enough dust here for God to make a whole person.”  As my mind is apt to wander into strange places, it was only a second or two before I wondered if I was sweeping some Native American from four or five hundred years ago, or perhaps some Spanish conquistador who never made it home.

            Now that’s a humbling thought, isn’t it?  Some day several hundred years from now, someone may be sweeping me off their carport, or whatever they have by then.

            When it comes right down to it that is all these bodies are.  As God told Adam, For dust thou art and unto dust shalt thou return, Gen 3:19.  Too many times we think we are more than that.  But answer this:  how many billions (or trillions?) have ever lived in all of time, and how many of those do you find in your child’s history book?  I imagine the percentage would be point zero, zero, zero, zero something, or even less.  How can I ever think that I am so important to the world that I would wind up in that tiny group?  I will be surprised if anyone remembers me even twenty years after I am gone, much less several hundred.

            Thinking too well of myself will do nothing but cause serious trouble.  How many relationships are ruined by self-centeredness?  How many tyrants came out of an ego that could not be satisfied?  How often has the Lord’s body suffered schisms because someone thought he was more important than any of his brethren?

            If you think about it, it is ironic that the only person who was ever as humble as he should have been is the one who changed history forever.  While we claim to follow Him, we evidently don’t believe His way is the best.  Humility seems to be the most difficult thing we have to learn, and the place we most often fail.

            So go sweep your carport today.  It might be that you will gain a little perspective.

For if a man thinks himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself, Gal 6:3.  

The dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit to God who gave it, Eccl 12:7

Dene Ward

 

          Men seem to have a problem with prepositions.  Keith, for example, mixes up “in” with “over,” “on,” “at,” and “beside.”  When he takes anything out of a drawer, his idea of putting it back is to put it on the counter over the drawer, rather than in the drawer.  In the morning, he leaves the cough drop wrappers on the floor beside the bed, rather than putting them in the trash can.  When he undresses, he throws his clothes at or on the hamper, rather than putting them in it. 

            I could accept that this is just a “man thing” except for this:  this same man makes Biblical arguments about prepositions every day.  The best explanation to me is that we all see what we want to see instead of what is really there, and hear what we want to hear instead of what was really said.

            Many of my friends have the same problem.  They want to live as “good” people and think that Christ and the church have absolutely nothing to do with their salvation.  The Bible, on the other hand, says that “in Christ” we have redemption (Rom 3:24), the love of God (Rom 8:39), sanctification (1 Cor 1:2), grace (2 Tim 2:1), and salvation (2 Tim 2:10).  Not out of Christ, but in.  Which of those things are you willing to do without?

            Baptism is for the remission of sins (Acts 2:38), not after or because of, and we are baptized into one body (1 Cor 12:13) not on a convenient Sunday nor because we were voted in.

            Some of my brethren have a similar problem.  They think that sitting on a pew is what makes us in Christ.  Yet the scriptures they quote every Sunday tell them that “in Christ” we are new creatures (2 Cor 5:17), created for good works (Eph 2:10).  Not only that but we must prove we are in the faith and we do that by showing Christ in us (2 Cor 13:5), following in his footsteps in those good works (1 Pet 2:21).  We prove we are sound in the faith by the way we live our lives every day (Titus 1:10-2:13).

            Prepositions are not that difficult and they do matter.  Do you want to eat dinner at the table or under it?  Do you want to take a shower in the bathroom or out of it?  Do you want to sleep on the bed or beside it?  Do you want your wife to feed you breakfast in bed or on the bed (where she threw it at you because you obviously do not understand prepositions!)?  See?  All it takes is a little honesty with ourselves, enough to see beyond our biases, beyond “what I’ve always heard,” beyond “what mama said,” and you can make the same changes that those people of the first century did—pagans who before lived lives of sin without giving it a second thought, who had no concept of monotheism, who had to change every aspect of their lives, even to the point of bringing persecution upon themselves and their families, and many times death. 

            Maybe that’s the problem.  We are simply not that honest, brave, or sincere in our devotion to God and a Savior who gave up everything for us.  We want to throw the clothes at the hamper and say to God, “See how much I love you?”

            Let me tell you something—He ain’t buyin’ it.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Ephesians 5:25-27

Thanks to Keith for being such a good sport about this one!

Dene Ward

And he came to Lystra and Derbe and behold, a certain disciple was there named Timothy, the son of a Jewess that believed, but his father was a Greek, Acts 16:1.

            Having been reminded of the unfeigned faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded, in you also, 2 Tim 1:5.

            Did you see it?  Don’t feel bad.  I missed it too, for years.

            Wasn’t it great that Eunice taught her son so well?  But how many of us are thinking in the back of our minds, “Tsk, tsk, it would have been easier if she had married a child of God to begin to with.”  I have been guilty of such snap judgments myself over the years, placing these people in my own culture and social customs.  Lydia aside, it was not common for a woman to make her own living in those days, in those places.  Because of that, to be left alone a widow was to be sentenced to a life of poverty and dependence upon the kindness of others.  Look how many passages in the Law made provisions for the widow and orphan.  They did not live in a day of insurance policies, pensions, Social Security, and Aid for Dependent Children.  If God’s people did not follow the Law as he designed it, the widow and orphan would starve. 

            Parents often arranged marriages, and expecting their daughter to live alone and support herself simply because they could not find a God-fearing husband for her was not an expedient choice for Eunice’s parents.  Out in the Gentile world with few practicing Jews in the area, the best they could do was find a Greek whom they thought would take good care of their daughter.

            And here is what we miss:  how do we know there were no Jews to choose from?  It was Paul’s custom to go to the synagogue first when he came to a town, (Acts 13:5, 14; 14:1: 17:1, etc).  From the account in Acts, it seems evident that there were no synagogues in Lystra or Derbe.  That also means there were fewer than 10 Jewish male heads of household in the town, the number necessary to form a synagogue, and not even enough Jewish women to meet down by the river as in Philippi, (16:13).  Which means there was no Jewish school to send her son to, one of the primary functions of a local synagogue.  Besides these obstacles, how many little boys want to “be like Daddy?”

             So now you have a woman married to a Greek, who was taught the scripture (Old Testament) so well that she “also believed,” meaning she accepted Jesus as the fulfillment of Messianic prophecy, something even the “well-educated” scribes and “pious” Pharisees could not seem to do.  And she raised a son to do the same, without a righteous man to influence him, without a formal religious education, and without a community of believers from which to draw help and encouragement.

            I daresay that none of us has the problems Eunice faced as a mother.  In this day when so many want to blame everyone else for their failures, when so many blame the church for the way their children turned out, she is a shining example of what can be done, of one who took the responsibility and, despite awesome odds, succeeded.

            The world bestows the term “Supermom” for all the wrong reasons.  Here is the real thing, one we should be emulating every day of our lives.

And these words which I command you this day shall be upon your heart, and you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up.  And you shall bind them for a sign upon your hand, and they shall be frontlets between your eyes.  And you shall write them upon the doorposts of your house and upon your gates,  Deut 6:6-9.

Dene Ward

This is Part 6 of the Monday series "Whoso Findeth a Wife."

We’ve already quoted from Proverbs 31 extensively—the worthy woman, or as the King James reads, the virtuous woman.  Maybe it’s worth checking out the meaning of “worthy.”  Just what makes this woman so rare and precious, her value “far above rubies?”  The word itself has a depth of meaning you might never suspect.

The Hebrew word chayil is used 150 times in the Old Testament.  Look at these other words it is often translated by:  army, band of men, band of soldiers, company, forces, great forces, host, might, power, strength, substance, valor, war, able, strong, and valiant.  Look up these passages where the word is translated by one of those:  Judg 21:10; 1 Chron 5:18; 2 Kgs 2:16; 2 Chron 33:14; 1 Sam 9:1; 14:48.  Of the 150 available, that is a good representation.  Can you find the word in those verses?  If you see one that has anything to do with brave, strong men, that’s it:”worthy.”

We tend to think of strength and courage as specifically masculine traits, and yes, men may have the monopoly on brute strength, but look through Proverbs 31.  Not only does this woman have the strength to survive long, busy days, one after the other with no end in sight, but she has the inner strength to survive life!  “Hothouse flowers” who “have the vapors” are not who God had in mind when he created woman.

A woman should have the strength to stand by a man through thick and thin, “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse” and all the other things she promised all those years ago, to manage her household (1 Tim 5:14), to teach her children, to help the needy, to serve the saints, and to stand against the wiles of the Devil, and to quench all the fiery darts of the Evil One, Eph 6:11,16.

By using this word “worthy” in Proverbs 31, both at the beginning of the passage, v 10, and at the end, v 29, God is surely telling us that he expects his women to be strong, inside and out.  She won’t wilt when times get rough, when one trial after the other besets her soul. 

She won’t leave when the money is so scarce she can’t go shopping, when all the appliances break down at once and she can’t afford new ones.  She might even have to put her hands in dishwater and scrub, or hang clothes on a clothesline in the winter, but she will do whatever is necessary, when it is necessary.  She doesn’t have to have a certain brand, a certain level of living, a certain status among her peers or “my life is ruined.” 

She won’t go to pieces when the schedule is full and time is short, when there is a deadline to meet and being late is not an option. 

She will stand by a man, even when he makes mistakes that he has to pay for with shame and humility, forgiving and comforting as only someone intimately close can. 

When tragedy strikes, she may cry, but she won’t disintegrate.  She may grieve, but she won’t become bitter.  She may bend over in sorrow, but she won’t break in defeat.  In whatever life brings her, she plays the hand she was dealt and comes away a winner.

Ladies, God says there is strength and courage in femininity—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

A worthy [strong, valiant] woman, who can find?  Her price is far above rubies; she girds her loins with strength, and makes her arms strong.  Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come.  Many daughters have done valiantly but you excel them all.  Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.  Proverbs 31:10,17,25,29,31.

Dene Ward