We talked a few weeks ago about that difficult conversation you must have with your spouse—about how he wants to be cared for should he become unable to make those decisions himself, about what treatments he does and does not want, and even about the handling of his physical tabernacle after he is called home.  It is not an easy subject and the longer you wait the more difficult it will become.  But God expects this of a wife who "does him good and not evil all the days or her life.”

A few have asked and yes, we have had that conversation.  At this point it is still just a “someday” so it was relatively easy.  We even managed a joke or two to relieve the tension. Another ten years and that might not have been the case.  Give yourselves the same gift.

There is another conversation you need to have, the one with your parents.

First we are going to presume that those who bother to read this already understand their obligation to their parents and are willing to take care of it.  Jesus seemed to presume that God’s people understood that responsibility himself (Mark 7:9-13).

The difficult thing in this case is recognizing the time when the roles have made a complete reversal, when you might need to make the decisions for your parents instead of allowing them to make them.  It will not be easy.  They may even resent it.  But think about this:  at one point in your life, they made all the decisions for you and many of them were difficult.  You ought to know from your own parenting experience that children change your life and your schedule, that they become the first and last things on your mind day and night, that you sometimes cry long and hard as you decide to do things you know they need but will not like, and that may even effect your relationship with them.  It comes with the job.  That’s what parental responsibility is.

Now take every one of those things and turn it toward your care for your elderly parents.  It may change your life, your schedule and your priorities.  That’s the way it is and as it should be—you did the same thing to them the day you cried your first lusty little cry.  You may have to give up parts of your life for them—just the way they gave up things to raise you.  And you may need to go against their wishes for their own good, even if it makes them angry.  That is NOT disrespecting your parents.  That is taking on the responsibility of their care.

A few suggestions.  If your parent is the independent sort, you may need to be the one who says, “You can’t live alone any longer.”  She may beg you not to take her into your home or put her into assisted living or whatever option is best, but if her balance is poor, if she can no longer see to her basic needs, if her mind is not clear enough to take her medications properly, then it may just be that difficult time.  It is not a sign of respect to allow her to live in filth because she can no longer clean up after herself—it is actually a danger to her health and the ultimate indignity.  If she falls easily, who will be there to call for help, or will she lie there for hours until you come to make your regular check on her?  If she cannot cook any longer, how will she get the proper nutrition?  Would your parents have allowed any of that to happen to you as a child?  Then why would you allow it to happen to them and call it “respecting their wishes?”

Go to her doctor’s appointments and find out exactly what the doctor says, not what she reports that he has said.  She may forget something or simply get the information wrong due to an unclear mind.  AND TELL THE DOCTOR EXACTLY WHAT IS HAPPENING AT HOME.  He may make a decision based on seeing her for a five or ten minute appointment that would be completely different if he talked to her for twenty or thirty minutes.  You need to tell him if she doesn’t take her medicine as he prescribes.  You need to tell him if she repeats the same thing every thirty minutes.  He needs to hear that she can no longer perform simple tasks like putting toothpaste on her toothbrush or deciding whether she needs a spoon or a fork to eat soup.  You are not tattling—that’s a playground term.  You are taking on the responsibility God expects of you to care for a parent, and you are doing it even when it might cost you that parent’s goodwill for a while.  Someone has to be the adult when she no longer can be, and that someone is you.

Get a list of her medications.  What will happen if you make an emergency run to the hospital and you cannot tell them what she is taking?  If she is unable to do so, the proper care may be delayed or the wrong care may result in disaster because no one had that information.

So talk about it now.  Ask her (or him) if, when the time comes, she might like to live with you or another sibling, or whether she would prefer assisted living.  And recognize that things can change.  My grandmother lived 98 years.  By the time she needed that care, my father was ill and my mother was his caregiver 24/7.  She could not take her mother in, too, so assisted living was the only way to go.  When the time came for my mother, we lived way out in the country where she would have no visitors and no place to walk for exercise on uneven ground, plus a home with steps and doors too narrow for her walker to fit through, and where her doctor and the nearest hospital was nearly 30 miles away.  We could not afford to move and the doctor said she needed to be close to him.  So, once again, assisted living was the answer.  She was not left alone.  We saw her between 1 and 3 times a week, took her to all her appointments, had her out to our house for every holiday and many times for a meal in between, and called every day we were not there.  Our church family was marvelous about visiting, and even taking her out for lunch.  Of course, she was a pretty marvelous person to visit with too.

Talk about possibilities now, before the decisions are hard. The longer you wait, the more heartbreaking it will be.  And since when has God ever accepted ignorance as an excuse? 

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God, 1Tim 5:4.

Dene Ward

From my journal:

Monday, June 13, 2005.

This is the big day.  “Terrified” pretty well says it all.  We began it with a prayer and that prayer continued on silently through the day for both of us. 

Today I will undergo a surgery that has never been done successfully before, using a newly invented device that has never been used before.  If it works, my vision will be saved for awhile longer.  If it doesn’t, I will be blind in that eye.  If we don’t try it, I will be blind in both eyes, probably before the year is out.

We arrived early, expecting a wait, but they took me straight in, after I signed some special consent forms upstairs.  Since the FDA had not approved this, “you will have to sign your life away,” the doctor told me, but what choice did I have?  I signed page after page, and then initialed some handwritten lines added along the side of the form.  One of them said, “I understand that no one knows how this material will interact with human tissue.”  Finally they sent me back downstairs to the surgical floor. 

When the nurse called me in, Keith and I shared a long hug.  I am sure that no one else there understood why we made such a big deal out of this, but it was possible that I would never see him out of that eye again, and maybe not the other before much longer.

That was quite a day and quite an experience.  I was indeed terrified.  You don’t sign your life away like that unless you are desperate, unless the only other choice is a bad one.  I did it, and it gave my left eye another year and a half of vision before we had more difficult and painful surgeries to go through, which have spared me yet again.  Signing my life away has given me many more years of vision so far—vision, not good vision—years no one expected even if the surgery worked, and who knows how much more to come before the medications stop working and the surgeries are compromised. 

That level of desperation is the level you must feel in your spiritual life before you will “sign your life away” to God. 

And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison-house were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened: and every one's bands were loosed. And the jailor, being roused out of sleep and seeing the prison doors open, drew his sword and was about to kill himself, supposing that the prisoners had escaped. But Paul cried with a loud voice, saying, Do yourself no harm: for we are all here. And he called for lights and sprang in, and, trembling for fear, fell down before Paul and Silas, and brought them out and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved?  Acts 16:26-31.

Do you think that jailor wasn’t terrified?  Do you think he wasn’t desperate?  Imagine how that plea sounded coming from this trembling man who thought his life was over.  “What must I do to be saved?”

Desperate people do desperate things—like commit their lives to God.  If you never felt that desperation, chances are your commitment was not real.  Chances are you will fall when times get tough, when sacrifices are demanded, when you lose more than you bargained for.  Desperate people do not bargain.  They take the first offer and take it immediately.

How desperate were you when you were offered salvation?  If you “grew up in the church,” you may never have felt it.  Doing what everyone expects of you is not desperation.  Wanting the approval of others, especially one particular “other” is not desperation.  “Just in case” is not desperation.  You have to recognize a need and know there is no other way of taking care of that need.  You have to know what it means to stand a sinner before a holy God—and it doesn’t mean you feel guilty because you stole a cookie from the cookie jar. But Simon Peter, when he saw it, fell down at Jesus' knees, saying, Depart from me; for I am a sinful man, O Lord, Luke 5:8.  That, standing a sinner before a holy God, is the recognition you must come to.

Signing your entire life away to God is exactly what He expects of you.  So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple, Luke 14:33. Nothing and no one can be more important to you than Him.   I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me, Gal 2:20.  Your entire life is no longer yours to do with as you please, but since you know that is your only hope, you do it gladly.

How desperate were you?  How desperate are you now?

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory, Col 3:1-3.

Dene Ward

Medicine has come a long way since ancient times and it hasn’t stopped progressing.  As a patient who has a rare disease, I have had my share of experimental surgeries and procedures, and endured experimental medicines and equipment.  Sometimes it’s just plain scary, but when it works, it’s amazing.  I can still see, several years after I was expected to lose my vision.  It may not be great vision, and the after effects of all these procedures and medications may not be pleasant, but let me tell you, any vision is better than no vision, and you will put up with a lot to have it.

 Blood is one area where knowledge is still blossoming.  But just think of this.  Transfusions were not common until the turn of the twentieth century, and even then it had to be a live donor for an immediate transfusion.  It went on that way for nearly four decades.  Finally, Dr Bernard Fantus at the Cook County Hospital in Chicago performed several experiments and determined that human blood, under refrigeration, could last up to ten days.  Still not long, but enough for him to start the first blood bank on March 15, 1937.  Imagine the lives that were suddenly saved.  It must have seemed like a miracle.

 Medicine has progressed even further.  My little bit of research tells me that at 1-6 degrees Centigrade, blood can now be kept up to 42 days, and that some of it can be frozen for up to ten years.  I wonder if Dr Fantus had any idea what he had put into motion.

 But sooner or later that blood does become stale.  It is no longer usable to save lives.  And if there is a sudden loss of power that cannot be maintained with a generator or other power source, all of it will spoil almost immediately. 

 Imagine a blood that never loses its potency, that never becomes stale, that will always save. 

 For Christ has entered, not into holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true things, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf. Nor was it to offer himself repeatedly, as the high priest enters the holy places every year with blood not his own, for then he would have had to suffer repeatedly since the foundation of the world. But as it is, he has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself, Heb 9:24-26.

 Jesus does not have to offer himself “repeatedly.”  He does not have to keep a fresh supply of blood handy.  The saving power of his blood lasts forever.  And what exactly does it do?

 It makes propitiation, Rom 3:23.

 It justifies, Rom 5:9.

 It brings us “near,” Eph 2:13.

 It purifies our consciences and makes us able to serve God, Heb 9:14. 

 It forgives, Heb 9:23.

 It cleanses us from sin, 1 John 1:7.

 Now understand this—it isn’t the fact that Jesus cut his finger one day and bled a little.  Blood in the Bible has always represented a death.  The blood that saves us is the death he willingly died on our behalf, because only a sacrificial death can atone for sin (Lev 17:11).  And we don’t have to worry about “types” and “factors.”  His blood will cleanse us from “all sin,” 1 John 1:7.

 Nowadays people want nothing to do with another person’s blood.  Everyone wears gloves.  But to gain the benefits of Christ’s blood you have to “touch” it.  How do you contact that blood?  You simply “die” with Christ.  Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life, Rom 6:3,4. 

 And that blood bank still works for us.  It keeps right on forgiving as needed, as we repent and continue to walk in him for the rest of our lives.   

 Only once--that’s all he had to suffer.  Our trips to the blood bank will likely be more than once, but may they become less and less often as we grow in grace and faith and love.  It will be there when we need it, but let’s not squander a precious gift, nor take it for granted. 

And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him, Heb 9:27,28.

Dene Ward 

If Type 2 Diabetes has not become an epidemic in this country, I would be surprised.  Our poor diets, full of processed food, excess fat and sugar may very well be killing us.  It is actually possible to undo the effects of that disease with a little care and self-control.  My own mother managed to do that, in fact.

 Then there is Type 1 Diabetes, a far more serious problem.  I'm told that it has three stages, the final being the one that requires daily insulin injections.  Before insulin, diabetes was a death sentence possibly within months and seldom more than a year away.  It was treated with an extremely low carb diet, sometimes leading to literal starvation. 

 However, after years of research, Frederic Banting and Charles Best, working in the laboratory of John MacLeod, developed insulin.  On January 11, 1922, fourteen year old Leonard Thompson, a patient at Toronto General Hospital, drifting in and out of a diabetic coma, became the first patient to receive an insulin injection.  After the second within 24 hours, he had improved dramatically, and his blood glucose levels had dropped.  He went on to live thirteen more years, dying at 27, not of diabetes, but pneumonia.  Banting and MacLeod received the Nobel Prize in Medicine in 1923.

 While Type 1 is an autoimmune disease, Type 2 is a metabolic disorder.  Although genetics can impact it, lifestyle is more the determining factor—diet and exercise—too many simple carbohydrates and not enough activity.

 The same thing can affect us spiritually—too much "smooth" (easy to eat and digest) teaching, and not enough exercise.  The Israelites were condemned for complaining to the prophets God sent, …Prophesy not unto us right things, speak unto us smooth things, prophesy deceitsIsa30:10.  The Christians the Hebrews writer addressed were condemned for their lack of "exercise."   For when by reason of the time you ought to be teachers, you have need again that someone teach you the rudiments of the first principles of the oracles of God; and are become such as have need of milk, and not of solid food…But solid food is for fullgrown men, [even] those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern good and evil Heb5:14.

 When you hear complaints like, "This Bible class is too hard," or, "too much work," "The preacher stepped on my toes," or "He wasn't uplifting," then a case of spiritual diabetes is soon to follow.  A dear friend of mine once told me, "I want to be challenged to do better, not patted on the head like a child and told I'm just fine the way I am."  Seems like Jesus thought that way too when, "loving" the rich young ruler, he told him, "One thing you lack" Mark 10:21.

 Too many carbs in your spiritual diet will give you a deadly case of spiritual diabetes.  Too many sit on pews in a diabetic coma, coming around only when the praise band gets loud enough.  Maybe it's time for a shot of spiritual insulin.

And the brethren immediately sent away Paul and Silas by night unto Berea: who when they were come thither went into the synagogue of the Jews.   Now these were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of the mind, examining the Scriptures daily, whether these things were soActs17:11,11.

Dene Ward

     I will always remember the day my two year old had a seizure.  His temperature had risen like a rocket and the next time I looked at him, he was obviously in distress.  The first thing I thought was, "My baby is dying."  And the first thing I did?  Nothing.  I just stood there stunned and unable to move.  It took my husband saying, "Go put him in the tub," in a sharp voice to wake me up and get me moving.  After that I was fine.  I undressed him while the tub water ran and laid him down in it, pouring water on him to cool off his little body.  It's a wonder steam didn't come off him.  By then, the doctor had returned our call, told us to wrap him up and head into town.  We found out our old car would do just fine going 90 down those nearly empty country roads, and within minutes of our arrival, the little guy sat up on the examining table with a funny look on his face, wondering I am sure, "How did I get here?"  He doesn't and never will remember my arms around him and my kisses on his forehead, nor my murmuring in his ear, "Mommy loves you, Mommy loves you," again and again.

     I hope I am better now in a crisis.  We have certainly been through enough of them in our lives, but I see others who have the same trouble spiritually.  Grief can put you into a state pf spiritual paralysis, where all you can think about is your loss, reliving terrible things over and over.  Certainly there is a time for grief, and some losses are more difficult to recover from than others.  You will never "get over" them, but at some point we must rouse ourselves to get past them so we can not only serve God again, but serve others, especially those who are going through the same thing and need the help only a fellow sufferer can give.  Isn't this what our Lord did?  (Heb 2:18)

     Sorrow over one's sin can paralyze.  Is it right to sorrow?  Of course it is.  Godly sorrow is a part of real repentance.  Yet when we allow that sorrow to invade our thoughts constantly, refusing to forgive ourselves or worrying whether God really has, both a way of doubting His promises, we may not actually be working for the devil but he is just as happy because we aren't serving God either.  Sometime today, read through Psalm 51, David's first psalm of repentance, and then Psalm 32, a psalm which came a little while later.  You can see the transformation from a man who is practically wallowing in sorrow, to man who has come to not only recognize his forgiveness, but who also has gone back to serving the Lord with a renewed zeal.

     I am sure we can add to this list of things which stop us in our tracks and ultimately keep us from serving God.  Whenever you find yourself in that place, remember: there is nothing healthy about paralysis.  Quadriplegics generally do not live as long as healthier people.  We may need time to recover from a blow, but then we must return, ready to use what we have learned to serve God by serving others, just as we should have been doing all that time before.

O the blessedness of a man,  To whom Jehovah does not impute iniquity,  And in whose spirit there is no deceit. When I have kept silence, my bones have become old, Through my roaring all the day. When by day and by night Your hand is heavy on me,  My moisture has been changed into the droughts of summer. Selah. I cause You to know my sin,  And I have not covered my iniquity. I have said, “I confess to Jehovah concerning My transgressions,”  And You have taken away the iniquity of my sin. Selah. For every saintly one prays this to You,  In the time to find You.  Surely at an overflowing of many waters, They do not come to him. You are a hiding place for me, You keep me from distress, Surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah  Ps32:2-7

Dene Ward

     Eleven weeks ago I had surgery on my right thumb.  Well, actually, the surgeon made two incisions—one in my forearm and one where my thumb connects to my wrist.  I never realized that arthritis could get so bad that they would actually take a bone out.  This one is called the trapezium.  "There was severe degenerative arthrosis and sequelae of severe degenerative joint disease as surrounds the trapezium," the report says, and who am I to disagree.  It certainly hurt more and more, and I was unable to use that hand more and more.  I couldn't peel anything; I couldn't button anything; I couldn't open anything, even the non-childproof caps; I couldn't write more than a word or two before the pain became too much to bear; more and more often I dropped what I picked up because it hurt too much to hang on to it.  The rheumatologist had tried everything else and this was the last resort.  A bone was removed and a tendon harvested from the forearm to put in the empty spot where a hole had also been drilled to thread it through and fasten it in.

     So after time in a bandage and splint and more time in a cast, I am back to a splint/brace and doing physical therapy.  I am a pianist and writer who types constantly.  Surely this will be a cinch for my strong hands, I thought.  Oh, if only.  All you need to do is look at my two hands side by side with the brace removed to see what has happened in these past weeks.  My right hand now looks like a skeleton's hand with loose skin draped over it.  The musculature is simply gone.  Touch your thumb to the tip of each finger on the same hand.  Easy, huh?  My affected thumb couldn't even begin to do that, especially not to the little finger, which shook like someone with the palsy.  This also took a toll on the surrounding body parts.  My entire hand and arm were swollen twice their size and I could no longer bend my wrist in any direction at all.  After four weeks in therapy and diligently going through the ten exercises sent home with me twice a day, I am beginning to make some progress—but no one has actually promised that I will get it all back.  Disuse, even if it was necessary while I heal, has done a real number on me, and if I refuse therapy because it hurts, I will never get it back.

     For every one that partakes of milk is without experience of the word of righteousness; for he is a babe. But solid food is for fullgrown men, [even] those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern good and evil  Heb 5:14.

     Too many of us think that sitting on the pew four hours a week is the same thing as "exercising our senses."  We don't want to do anything we consider "extra."  Well, guess what?  If you are to grow and become stronger and more knowledgeable, you have to work at it every day, not just at your therapy appointment on Sundays.  You can't get away with ignoring God's Word because "who needs to know anything about these obsolete old books anyway?" as one brother said, complaining about a study of the minor prophets.  Just look at what the Hebrew writer tells us we will no longer be able to do if we don't exercise:  we will no longer be able to tell good from evil.  If you cannot see that influence in our society now, your soul is at risk, something far more important than your physical health, because eventually, that same disability will infest the church.  In fact, I have heard some of it already.  Even if you had a great amount of knowledge and ability in the past, disuse will steal it from you just as I have lost my hand and finger dexterity.  If you don't use it, you lose it, a maxim that applies in all things.

     Work hard, today and every day.  You don't want to wind up in a spiritual cast for eternity.

And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and all discernment; so that you may approve the things that are excellent; that you may be sincere and void of offence unto the day of Christ  Phil1:10.

Dene Ward

     Another issue Keith has always had with his hearing has been direction.  Even when he can hear something, he is not certain which direction it came from.  90% of the time he is wrong.  We have expected the implant to improve this, and it has, but not completely.  He is wrong only half the time now.  This morning he asked where the pounding was coming from and while he was close—he said north—it was actually west northwest, in fact, close to due west.  We assume this will improve just as everything else has.

     He is not the only one with this problem.  When a new Christian comes with a question about something they "heard," usually on television or a podcast, I always cringe.  Their zeal, which is commendable, often puts them on a seesaw, up with elation and then down again when they find out their new source is anything but scripture-based.  If the first thing all of us learned to do was to ask, "Where did this come from?" we might not find ourselves in such a bipolar state of mind. 

     Learn to ask yourself first, "Did this come with scripture to back it up?"  If not, then chuck it immediately.  Anyone who cannot give you a scripture-based reason, a "thus saith the Lord" as we used to say in the old days, should probably be ignored on general principle.  But suppose they give you a scripture.  Ask yourself if it contradicts any other scripture whose meaning you are certain of.  The Bible does not contradict itself.  If that person has interpreted it in such a way that two Bible principles are opposed to one another, they absolutely must be misusing scripture, perhaps out of ignorance, but perhaps not.  As much as we hate to believe such things, it is possible that this person is deliberately misleading you for the sake of his own agenda. 

     A lot of decent people have been misled by men who were out for no good but their own.  Some have lost their livelihoods; some have lost their lives; many have lost their souls.  Hon Meng Chen, Marshall Applewhite, David Koresh, Jim Jones and others you may not have heard of hoodwinked their believers into signing over their possessions, committing adultery in some cases, and ultimately facing death in any number of ways.  They all started small, with a group who believed a doctrine found nowhere but in their leader's megalomaniacal mind.  "I would never believe such a thing," I am sure they all thought several years before the fact, but ultimately, they failed to check things out.

     Keith's hearing is improving as he gains more experience with the implant, but his spiritual hearing has never been bad.  Yours can be just as good as his.  Don't be like the millions who believe a lie simply because they want to.

And then shall be revealed the lawless one, whom the Lord Jesus shall slay with the breath of his mouth, and bring to nothing by the manifestation of his coming; whose coming is according to the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders, and with all deceit of unrighteousness for them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God sends them a working of error, that they should believe a lie: that they all might be judged who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness 2Thess 2:8-12.

      Here in Tampa we still take a third cup of coffee outside every morning, but now, instead of seeing our 5 wooded acres, dotted with sheds, bird feeders, and gardens full of flowers, herbs, and vegetables, we sit on a screened porch that looks out at the back fence no more than ten feet away.  It may not be as nice a view as before, but it still serves its purpose as we rehash classes, sermons, and things that need to be seen about in the week to come, usually people who need to be seen about.  I am more likely to have the week's schedule firmly in my head so we can avoid conflicts or, if we find any, figure them out.

     As we sat there a few days ago, Keith suddenly sat up straight. "Listen!  What is that?" he asked.  I knew instantly from all my days up north with bird books and binoculars. 

     "It's a wren," I told him.

     "A wren!" he said in wonder.  "It's been forty years since I've heard a wren."

     Okay, take a big gulp now and blink your eyes really fast to stem the rising tears as I did that morning.  That moment may be the most amazing moment he has had since the cochlear implant was put in and turned on.  I used to sit and listen to wrens for a long time because their song was so loud and clear and beautiful. Yet I knew a woman who had grown irritated with wrens because, "They're so cotton pickin' loud!"  They may have been loud, but Keith had not heard them at all.  I cannot imagine ever complaining about a wren's song.

     I suppose I could come up with all sorts of applications on this one—so could you.  But just consider now the things we often complain about:  song leaders and the songs they choose or how they choose to lead them; Bible class teachers who are studying for hours but are still not public speaking specialists and so are often not exactly riveting orators; preachers who are too blunt, too general, too loud, too long, etc., etc., etc.   But imagine someone who has never heard the life-giving Word of God and how he listens to it.  We can tell you from experience that no one listens to, comprehends, thinks about, studies for, or instantly forgives the imperfections of a preacher or teacher like a brand new Christian. 

     Just what are we taking for granted ourselves?  The timid voice of a new convert as he reads from the Word of God; a congregation of ordinary people singing the best they can if a bit draggy and a lot flat; a small toddler calling out exuberantly during services because, after all, everyone else just did; a young man scrambling around for a passage as he delivers his first talk, voice trembling and face turning a bit red, note papers fluttering in the air conditioner draft; a teenager saying the closing prayer, hesitating here and there, occasionally repeating himself as he still manages to present a heartfelt prayer to the God of all of us, who also sits patiently and listens to far more than just the sounds we make.  Just a little perspective can change a complaint into blessing.

     Have you heard a wren lately?  If you are doing a lot of complaining, maybe you need to go outside and listen for a few minutes.  Maybe you need a change in attitude, and perspective.  Then just maybe you will recognize the soul pleasing sounds you have been missing.

And he said, How shall we liken the kingdom of God? or in what parable shall we set it forth? It is like a grain of mustard seed, which, when it is sown upon the earth, though it be less than all the seeds that are upon the earth, yet when it is sown, grows up, and becomes greater than all the herbs, and puts out great branches; so that the birds of the heaven can lodge under the shadow thereof. And with many such parables spoke he the word unto them, as they were able to hear it Mark 4:31-33.

Dene Ward

Most of you know that Keith had a cochlear implant put in earlier this year.  I have not reported much about it because it is a work in progress—a slow one.  We have learned many things and found out that most of our assumptions were not exactly correct.

     I suppose I thought that once this was in place that it always worked, that you would hear from then on.  No.  Just like any other electronic equipment, it needs a power source, in this case a battery.  That means you put it on in the morning and take it off in the evening to recharge.  I still cannot call out in the night and expect him to hear me.

     And then there is the "hearing."  The implant itself does not hear.  It simply provides an electronic signal to the auditory nerve and he must learn to translate that impulse into a normal sound or word.  Every day he practices "hearing" with either a computer program or by taking out his regular hearing aid that still sits in the other ear, and the two of us talking.  Gradually he is learning that this noise equals that word.  He is going much more quickly than most, they tell us, but it still seems slow to both of us.  He does the best when he has the hearing aid, the implant, and his usual lip reading in play, but if he is ever to reach the point that he is ready for a second implant, he must get much better using only the implant.  Otherwise, he will be lost if he still cannot "hear" with the first one.

     And then there is the sound itself.  Even when he can translate a word, it sounds more robotic than human.  Sometimes pitched too high and sometimes too low, and very often mechanical.  As one doctor put it, it sounds like a cross between Mickey Mouse and R2D2.  That too, can distort the word for him.  All in all, it is not a miracle worker.  It is plain hard work with moments of discouragement and moments of wonder.  A friend who was born deaf ultimately stopped using hers.  It wasn't worth the trouble to her.  She is not the only one who has ever felt that way.  So far Keith has found the motivation to plod on.

     The fourth week we were sitting at a stoplight waiting when suddenly he reached over and turned off the turn signal.  "How can you stand that?!" he said.  He was hearing a turn signal!  Last week he sat at the dining table and then suddenly looked up at me and said, "Is that clock ticking?"  Yes, the kitchen clock ticks.  "Why?  It runs on a battery."  But you and I would have long ago learned to ignore it.  That is a skill he is having to learn.

     Our spiritual hearing can work the same way.  Sometimes we turn it off on purpose.  If I don’t want to hear what you have to say, I won't listen.  Sometimes what you say sticks out like sore thumb because it is different.  Everyone else just tells me what I want to hear but you have the love—and guts—to tell me what I need to hear.  Sometimes it sounds off a little because that is exactly what it is.  I am supposed to be able to tell truth from falsehood, especially in regard to God's Word.  If it doesn't sound right, don't just accept it or even just ignore it—look it up yourself.  I have seen Keith looking at me and others strangely a time or two as he hears these strange sounds that are voices he must learn all over again to recognize.

     And sometimes what you hear can be the thing that saves your soul.  When you recognize it, you should instantly want more.  You should work harder and harder to understand it because you know your eternal life depends upon it.  You have the motivation while others do not—you believe and they don't. 

     Check your hearing this morning.  Do you need an implant?  Wherefore putting away all filthiness and overflowing of wickedness, receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls Jas 1:21.  The Word of God is worth hearing and obeying.  Don't take it out and turn it off because it offends you or because it takes some work to understand.  Your soul depends on how well you hear.

Therefore speak I to them in parables; because seeing they see not, and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand. And unto them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah, which says, By hearing you shall hear, and shall in no wise understand; And seeing you shall see, and shall in no wise perceive: For this people's heart is waxed gross, And their ears are dull of hearing, And their eyes they have closed; Lest haply they should perceive with their eyes, And hear with their ears, And understand with their heart, And should turn again, And I should heal them. But blessed are your eyes, for they see; and your ears, for they hear  Matt 13:13-16.

Dene Ward

Part 4 in a four part series.

            When caring for someone who is seriously ill, the caregiver often fails to care for herself.  I remember vividly the day my husband had some sort of attack that doctors were calling a stroke.  Meanwhile, I had a seriously abscessed tooth and an appointment for a root canal while he lay in the hospital.  I thought about canceling the appointment regardless the pain I was in, but his doctor looked at me and said, "Go take care of yourself so you can take care of him."  And that, indeed, is the bottom line.

            First I will give you the tips my friends have shared with me, and then we will talk about something else that many good Christian women wrestle with.

            1.  Schedule some time for yourself every day.  It may be devotional time with Bible study and prayer.  It may be exercise.  It may be journaling your feelings as you go through this process.  Whatever it is, make the time to do it.

            2.  Focus on the positives each day.  Don't dwell on the difficulties you encounter, or what life used to be like, or what retirement was supposed to be like.  Cherish each day and focus on creating sweet, new memories with your spouse.  Include your children and grandchildren whenever possible.

            3.  Plan an enjoyable outdoor activity for each day—a walk, a drive, sitting on the porch or in the yard, visiting a friend.  There is something emotionally healing about fresh air.

            4.  Take life slow and easy.  Do nothing in a rush.  Model the behavior that you have requested of the patient, and stay calm.

            5.  Take care of yourself physically—eating balanced meals on a schedule, drinking enough liquid every day, etc.  The last thing you need is to have your own health go downhill in a rush because you "don't feel like eating," or "don't have the time to eat," etc.

            6.  Above all, do not hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, and neighbors.  As members of the Lord's body, people should not just be mouthing, "Let me know if there is anything I can do," but actively looking for things to do for you.  If home and car maintenance are not your bailiwick, ask for help.  We are meant to serve one another and in this way you will not only aid the women in serving you, but the men too.  Trying to do it all will simply undo many of the things we have talked about as you become overtired and completely frustrated.  Making a martyr out of yourself is not the answer to anyone's problems, least of all the patient's.  ASK FOR HELP and don't be ashamed to do so.

            And now to that other issue.  Many women have problems taking on the role of caregiver, not because they do not wish to care for their very ill husbands, but because it requires them to, in their minds, usurp his authority as head of the house.  It is difficult for a woman who has been taught to be in subjection, honoring her husband as the leader of the home, to take over responsibilities and decision-making, especially when his weakened ability to think logically may have him trying to refuse the medical care he needs.  The doctor will look to the wife to decide upon the appropriate care and medication, and ultimately, when it might be time to seek care outside the home.  Let me see if I can help those women a little bit.

            I imagine everyone knows Bathsheba, but only in that sad instance of 2 Sam 11 and David's adultery and murder.  What we don't realize is that she seems to have become his favorite wife, bearing him at least four sons.  When David finally lay on his deathbed and his son Adonijah took over the throne against the plans of God and his father David, Nathan went to Bathsheba to tell her about it.  He obviously expected her to step in for her fatally ill husband.  With only a little persuasion she went to David and told him what was happening.  Nathan came in at the appropriate time and vouched for what she had told him.  That took care of the matter, then and there.  But what if Bathsheba had refused?  Let's face it, she had the most to gain because it was her son Solomon whom God wanted on the throne.  It probably looked self-serving of her at the least.  But David was so ill, he didn't even know what was going on; he certainly couldn't do anything about it himself.  Bathsheba looked to her husband's interests when he was no longer physically able.  (1 Kings 1)

            And then we have a very different example.  Abigail's extremely rich husband, Nabal, was "churlish and evil."  When David's men came to ask for some food—during a festival time when there was more than enough and after David's men had protected his workers and herds—he sent them away empty-handed with harsh, insulting words.  David was so angry he was ready to kill Nabal and everyone in his household.  Abigail went behind her husband's back and did what he refused to do, taking a generous amount of food to David and his army and their families, and giving him some wise and godly advice.  (1 Sam 25)

            Wait a minute!  How is that a good example?  This is how:  the man was drunk as a skunk.  He had no idea the danger he had put himself and his family and servants in.  Abigail may not have done what he wanted but she saved his life when he was too incapacitated to see the danger. 

            When your husband is no longer able to make decisions about the important things in your lives, he expects you to take over and do what is best for him.  She does him good and not evil all the days of his life, the Proverb writer says of the worthy wife (31:12).  My husband has told me certain things he wants me to do should he become unable to do or think on his own.  He expects me to carry out his wishes.  How is that usurping his authority?

Talk to your husband now and find out what he wants.  Then when—if—the time comes, be a faithful wife, even if it means doing what his damaged mind no longer wants to be done.  You are not being a bad wife.  You are not being un-submissive.  You are, in fact, being the wife you ought to be, and there is no shame in that at all.

            I hope you have found these articles helpful.  My mother's ordeal is over.  Both she and Daddy have gone on to their rewards.  But my friend's trial continues, as it does for so many.  Today, join with me in a special prayer for those men and women as they fight fear, frustration, and grief to care for their loved ones in the best way they can.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  (Isa 41:10).

Dene Ward