I will always remember the day my two year old had a seizure. His temperature had risen like a rocket and the next time I looked at him, he was obviously in distress. The first thing I thought was, "My baby is dying." And the first thing I did? Nothing. I just stood there stunned and unable to move. It took my husband saying, "Go put him in the tub," in a sharp voice to wake me up and get me moving. After that I was fine. I undressed him while the tub water ran and laid him down in it, pouring water on him to cool off his little body. It's a wonder steam didn't come off him. By then, the doctor had returned our call, told us to wrap him up and head into town. We found out our old car would do just fine going 90 down those nearly empty country roads, and within minutes of our arrival, the little guy sat up on the examining table with a funny look on his face, wondering I am sure, "How did I get here?" He doesn't and never will remember my arms around him and my kisses on his forehead, nor my murmuring in his ear, "Mommy loves you, Mommy loves you," again and again.
I hope I am better now in a crisis. We have certainly been through enough of them in our lives, but I see others who have the same trouble spiritually. Grief can put you into a state pf spiritual paralysis, where all you can think about is your loss, reliving terrible things over and over. Certainly there is a time for grief, and some losses are more difficult to recover from than others. You will never "get over" them, but at some point we must rouse ourselves to get past them so we can not only serve God again, but serve others, especially those who are going through the same thing and need the help only a fellow sufferer can give. Isn't this what our Lord did? (Heb 2:18)
Sorrow over one's sin can paralyze. Is it right to sorrow? Of course it is. Godly sorrow is a part of real repentance. Yet when we allow that sorrow to invade our thoughts constantly, refusing to forgive ourselves or worrying whether God really has, both a way of doubting His promises, we may not actually be working for the devil but he is just as happy because we aren't serving God either. Sometime today, read through Psalm 51, David's first psalm of repentance, and then Psalm 32, a psalm which came a little while later. You can see the transformation from a man who is practically wallowing in sorrow, to man who has come to not only recognize his forgiveness, but who also has gone back to serving the Lord with a renewed zeal.
I am sure we can add to this list of things which stop us in our tracks and ultimately keep us from serving God. Whenever you find yourself in that place, remember: there is nothing healthy about paralysis. Quadriplegics generally do not live as long as healthier people. We may need time to recover from a blow, but then we must return, ready to use what we have learned to serve God by serving others, just as we should have been doing all that time before.
O the blessedness of a man, To whom Jehovah does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit. When I have kept silence, my bones have become old, Through my roaring all the day. When by day and by night Your hand is heavy on me, My moisture has been changed into the droughts of summer. Selah. I cause You to know my sin, And I have not covered my iniquity. I have said, “I confess to Jehovah concerning My transgressions,” And You have taken away the iniquity of my sin. Selah. For every saintly one prays this to You, In the time to find You. Surely at an overflowing of many waters, They do not come to him. You are a hiding place for me, You keep me from distress, Surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah Ps32:2-7
Dene Ward
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