Today's post is the beginning of a series by guest writer Lucas Ward.

Whatever the eventual relationship between European settlers and the Native Americans, the friendship between the Pilgrims and the Indians is a historical fact.  The Natives were a great help to the Pilgrims and were a major reason that colony survived the first year.  Yet, something odd continued to happen:  the Indians would explain to the Pilgrims how to do something, but leave something out.  When the settlers had trouble, the Natives would say, "Oh, you have to do this.  Everyone knows that."  They grew up in a culture and environment in which certain truths weren't so much taught as absorbed as children.  The Pilgrims grew up in a different culture and environment and had not learned those things.  It sometimes led to great confusion.  Similarly, because of my rearing in the Church, I just don't worry about demonic possession.  "Everyone knows that!", but then I was asked three different times by four different people in a nine day stretch about demonic possession and did they need to be concerned about it. It occurred to me that maybe this was something I needed to address.  I preached two sermons on this and related issues, which I hope to turn into three to four articles here. 

Demonic possession as described in the Gospels is dramatic and scary.  There is a reason Hollywood keeps mining this material to make horror movies.  After reading the Gospels, it makes sense to be concerned about this terrifying phenomenon.  In considering this, the first thing one should realize is that in the Bible demonic possession took place for a very limited period of time.  There are NO cases of demonic possession in the Old Testament.  Yes, Saul was troubled by an evil spirit (1 Sam. 16:14), but that's what he was, troubled.  He was not possessed or taken over by it.  That is the only thing even related to possession mentioned in the OT.  Possession is hardly mentioned in Acts (chapter 19), and not mentioned at all in any of the epistles or even in Revelation.  Biblically, demonic possession was an affliction that began just before Jesus began His ministry and tapered off during the time His Apostles were active.  This matches both OT and NT prophecy:

Zech. 13:1-2  "In that day there shall be a fountain opened to the house of David and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem, for sin and for uncleanness.  And it shall come to pass in that day, saith Jehovah of hosts, that I will cut off the names of the idols out of the land, and they shall no more be remembered; and also I will cause the prophets and the unclean spirit to pass out of the land."

When was the time that a fountain was opened in Jerusalem to wash away sin and uncleanness?  When Jesus died for our sins and was raised, right?  This time would also encompass the establishment of the church and its expansion throughout the world, right?  What does God say would happen at that time?  Among other things, He would cause the unclean spirit to pass out of the land. 

1 Cor. 13:8-10  "Love never fails: but whether there be prophecies, they shall be done away; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall be done away.  For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; but when that which is perfect is come, that which is in part shall be done away." 

Paul here prophesies that spiritual gifts, including prophecy and speaking in tongues, would cease when the perfected, or completed, revelation of God's word was revealed. Sure enough, by the end of the first century as John completed the Revelation, the reports of miracles ceased.  If there are no miracle workers, then there are none who can exorcise demons.  Would God allow us to be controlled puppet fashion by evil spirits with no hope of being cleansed?  Of course not, and I can prove it:  1 Cor. 10:13  "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."  If this passage is true, then we can say definitively that God would never allow us to be possessed that way, as it would be beyond our ability to control.

Why did God allow demon possession during that time?  So Jesus could demonstrate His authority.  All of Jesus' miracles demonstrated His authority.  He had authority over nature (calming storm, walking on water, water to wine).  He had authority over illness, shown by his numerous healings.  He had authority over death, with triple the recorded resurrections of anyone else in the Bible.  He had authority over demonic forces, shown not only by His exorcisms, but His ability to delegate such authority to as many as 70 disciples (Luke 9:1; 10:17). 

Do we have concerns about demonic influences in our lives?  Yes, which is the topic of my next devo.  Do we have to worry about becoming a possessed, evil creature against our will?  Categorically, emphatically NO!

1 Cor. 10:13  ". . . God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability. . ."

Lucas Ward

I have studied Abigail for a few decades now but, just like always, I noticed something new this time through. 

 Most everyone knows the story:  a bad man married to a good woman, a woman who dares to stand against him and do right.  But let’s speculate a little—and it really isn’t much speculation at all.

 1 Sam 25:4 calls Nabal “a churlish and evil” man, or, in the ESV, “harsh and badly behaved.”  That is not the half of it.  Look at the way those two words were translated in other places.  “Churlish” is also “obstinate, hard, heavy, rough, stubborn, and cruel.”  “Evil” is “grievous, hurtful, and wicked.”  This man wasn’t just a grouch, he was mean and cruel, and it came from a wicked heart.

 Now imagine a “beautiful and discerning woman” married to such a man.  It almost had to be an arranged marriage—she certainly didn’t fall in love with him.  Since he is extremely rich and she is still in prime childbearing age (we find out later), he is probably older than she.  This is also a time when no one would have said anything about physical abuse.  As you keep reading in chapter 25, the man’s servants are clearly terrified of him.  I do not doubt for a moment that they had all suffered physical punishments from him, probably many unjust.  I wouldn’t even be surprised if Abigail hadn’t suffered the same.  God’s Law protected women from men in every way possible, but for a man like this the Law meant nothing. 

 So along comes David’s army, men who had protected Nabal’s servants from passing raiders by the way, which means his livestock--his wealth--were also protected, and David is now in need of provisions for several hundred men.  Surely this “very rich” man who was already in the middle of a celebration time when the food would be plenteous, v 4, 8, could spare some for them. 

 David carefully instructed his men exactly how to approach Nabal.  If you have one of the newer translations you will miss this.  ESV says they “greeted” him, v 5.  But that word is one that means far more than saying hello.  It can also be translated salute, praise, thank, congratulate, even kneel.  All those words involve respect and honor.  Yet Nabal drives them off with exactly the opposite attitudes—disrespect, dishonor, and ingratitude for their service to him.  “Who is this David?” he asks, accusing him of rebellion (v 10, 11), though Abigail knew exactly who he was (v 28, 30), the anointed of God.

 Abigail knows nothing about this event, but Nabal’s servants know plenty about her.  They come running, afraid for their lives for the way their master has treated a warrior and his army.  And Abigail saves the day, gathering up as much as she can and sending it on to David, riding up herself to reason with him and beg for their lives.  When she asks David to remember her, she isn’t asking him to save her from her lot in life.  She goes back to the man and the responsibilities she sees as hers.

 Now think about this.  What would happen today if something similar occurred to a beautiful young woman, stuck in a loveless marriage to a horrible man, a cruel man who probably beat his servants and maybe her as well?  Do you think she would have had any concern for anyone else? 

 Abigail was not so wound up in her own misery that she couldn’t see the misery of others.  She probably cared for the servants her husband abused.  She didn’t whine about not deserving this kind of life.  She didn’t expect everyone to wait on her hand and foot or bend over backwards for her because she was mistreated, nor did she fall into a useless heap of flesh because life was “unfair.”  She just “dealt with it.”  Instead of being a drama queen focused only on her own problems, she looked for ways to help others as the opportunity arose.  She did not allow her misery to blind her to the needs of others. 

 We could talk about her “going behind her husband’s back,” but let’s quickly notice this—she saved his life too, at least until God came into the picture and took it Himself.  “Looking to the good of others,” we call that nowadays and label it the highest form of love.  Abigail did this for everyone, including the undeserving, and regardless of who did and did not do it for her.

 Abigail understood this, and so should we:  it’s not about me, it’s about Him.

[Doing] nothing through faction or through vainglory, but in lowliness of mind each counting other better than himself; not looking each of you to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others, Phil 2:3,4.

Dene Ward

     I will always remember the day my two year old had a seizure.  His temperature had risen like a rocket and the next time I looked at him, he was obviously in distress.  The first thing I thought was, "My baby is dying."  And the first thing I did?  Nothing.  I just stood there stunned and unable to move.  It took my husband saying, "Go put him in the tub," in a sharp voice to wake me up and get me moving.  After that I was fine.  I undressed him while the tub water ran and laid him down in it, pouring water on him to cool off his little body.  It's a wonder steam didn't come off him.  By then, the doctor had returned our call, told us to wrap him up and head into town.  We found out our old car would do just fine going 90 down those nearly empty country roads, and within minutes of our arrival, the little guy sat up on the examining table with a funny look on his face, wondering I am sure, "How did I get here?"  He doesn't and never will remember my arms around him and my kisses on his forehead, nor my murmuring in his ear, "Mommy loves you, Mommy loves you," again and again.

     I hope I am better now in a crisis.  We have certainly been through enough of them in our lives, but I see others who have the same trouble spiritually.  Grief can put you into a state pf spiritual paralysis, where all you can think about is your loss, reliving terrible things over and over.  Certainly there is a time for grief, and some losses are more difficult to recover from than others.  You will never "get over" them, but at some point we must rouse ourselves to get past them so we can not only serve God again, but serve others, especially those who are going through the same thing and need the help only a fellow sufferer can give.  Isn't this what our Lord did?  (Heb 2:18)

     Sorrow over one's sin can paralyze.  Is it right to sorrow?  Of course it is.  Godly sorrow is a part of real repentance.  Yet when we allow that sorrow to invade our thoughts constantly, refusing to forgive ourselves or worrying whether God really has, both a way of doubting His promises, we may not actually be working for the devil but he is just as happy because we aren't serving God either.  Sometime today, read through Psalm 51, David's first psalm of repentance, and then Psalm 32, a psalm which came a little while later.  You can see the transformation from a man who is practically wallowing in sorrow, to man who has come to not only recognize his forgiveness, but who also has gone back to serving the Lord with a renewed zeal.

     I am sure we can add to this list of things which stop us in our tracks and ultimately keep us from serving God.  Whenever you find yourself in that place, remember: there is nothing healthy about paralysis.  Quadriplegics generally do not live as long as healthier people.  We may need time to recover from a blow, but then we must return, ready to use what we have learned to serve God by serving others, just as we should have been doing all that time before.

O the blessedness of a man,  To whom Jehovah does not impute iniquity,  And in whose spirit there is no deceit. When I have kept silence, my bones have become old, Through my roaring all the day. When by day and by night Your hand is heavy on me,  My moisture has been changed into the droughts of summer. Selah. I cause You to know my sin,  And I have not covered my iniquity. I have said, “I confess to Jehovah concerning My transgressions,”  And You have taken away the iniquity of my sin. Selah. For every saintly one prays this to You,  In the time to find You.  Surely at an overflowing of many waters, They do not come to him. You are a hiding place for me, You keep me from distress, Surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah  Ps32:2-7

Dene Ward

Today's post is by guest writer Keith Ward.

"Always back in" was my mantra for all aspects of being safe when I was out in the felon's world. It covered a number of other safety tricks I employed as a Community Control (House Arrest) Officer, but was also literal. We never knew when a probationer might be drunk, on drugs, or just had a fight with his girlfriend. A hasty exit might be necessary and also not being too obvious about it could be important for "the next time." An officer I had helped train knew the news reports were wrong when they said that I was shot while I was backing out.  He knew I would have backed in and thus, pulling straight out into the street.

After my excitement, I had numerous opportunities to speak on officer safety, so here are a few of the rules: I switched to an analog watch because it can be read in lower light without lighting you up and taking both hands; I had the door-operated light in my vehicle disabled so I would not be silhouetted every time I got in and out after dark; I used a clicker pen because I could operate it one handed; I kept my pepper spray available to my weak hand so if the situation escalated, my gun hand would not be tied up; I stood balanced on both feet, my right elbow in my left hand so that I looked like an attentive listener while actually my vitals were covered and my hands could move quickly for defense; and several more as well.

Actually, Christians daily go into a more dangerous world than any street I ever entered (1 Pet 5:8).  Yet, we carelessly go forth not only unarmed but apparently unaware of the dangers. A rule often repeated for being safe in the world is "be aware of your surroundings at all times. Interviews with criminals reveal they target the unaware, not the alert." This is not true of Satan. He already owns the unaware and targets the active Christian. We cannot avoid entering his world, so what safety tips can we use to avoid becoming his prey? Spiritual safety is not a one size fits all matter as the temptation that is very strong for one may not be a blip on another's radar. The following are suggestions and cannot all be used at once.

Fill your heart with hymns and songs of Zion.  Maybe it is just me, but I am much more likely to recall a spiritual song when I am in spiritual trouble than a scripture citation, no matter how glibly I can quote the passage. It is very difficult for Satan to keep pornographic fantasies in your head when you are singing—aloud or silently – "Holy, Holy, Holy." Humming "Angry Words" or even "Higher Ground" while in bad traffic and running late can prevent stress and road rage. The list can go on for as many types of temptations as man faces. God did not write 150 plus psalms without reason. The aptness of the song to the temptation is of little importance; the spiritual attitude it brings is your strength. And, have you noticed that many of the new songs are not easy to memorize and leave our armory empty?

Always back in—if you have any reason to suspect temptation in a situation you will be in, plan your exit in advance. If work took you there, your exit may cost you a sale or a promotion. But, staying most likely will cost your soul.

Know your strengths and keep them up front. Do not let your "sword arm" become entangled with matters that do not profit. Proclaim your faith often so you will be obligated to live up to it. Engage in reasoned conversations about Biblical morality. As Jesus said, "Let your light shine." Satan is the Lord of darkness and you just might save someone else too.

Don't silhouette yourself, stand in doorways, or focus on anything other than the dangers around you. You have no safe haven other than church and often Satan attacks your mind even there. The advertisements on TV, the books, the movies, the lifestyles of co-workers, the desire to blend in and avoid being a troublemaker all work against your faith, your growth, your salvation.

"If we walk in the light as he is in the light…"

Keith Ward

We live under a couple of huge live oaks, trees so big it would take half a dozen people holding stretched out hands to reach around them.  That means when I planted a flower bed on the west side of the house under one of those trees, the lee side so to speak, I had to be careful what I put there.  Anything with a “full sun” tag wouldn’t make it.  But it also means that I can grow things outside that others might need to take inside on a frosty morning.  The tree protects them with both the extra degree or two of heat it gives off and its shelter from the settling dew that crisps into frost on a winter morning.

            Isn’t that how we raise our children, on the sheltered side of life, and even on the sheltered side of the church?  That is as it should be.  Children shouldn’t need to worry about where their next meal is coming from.  They shouldn’t be concerned with the office politics their parents must put up with.  They certainly shouldn’t hear about church squabbles.  Your job as a parent is to protect them from those things. 

            But you can’t do that forever.  Sooner or later they need to learn about people, about their imperfections, maybe even the danger they pose to others.  That’s why we teach them that no one should touch them in certain places, that they should never get in the car with a stranger, or accept candy, or look for lost puppies.  It’s unfortunate, but we do it because we love our children.

            I am afraid we are not that smart about teaching our children about problems among brethren.  It isn’t just the false teaching wolves we need to teach them about, though more of that would be helpful.  We seem to have raised a generation that thinks everyone out there is harmless and means well because they speak in syrupy tones and sentimental mush-mouth.  No, the thing we must be most careful about is how they see us handling the disappointments with our brethren.  What they see us do and say can make or break their spiritual survival.

            When Keith was preaching full time, we saw people who claimed to be Christians acting in every way but that.  We saw couples at each other’s throats.  We saw family cliques.  We received physical threats.  We were tossed out on our ears more than once for his preaching the truth.  It may be that the only thing that kept us both faithful was realizing how these things might affect our children if we didn’t handle them carefully. 

            When they were old enough to understand what was happening, we never blamed the church.  We never blamed God.  We told them that sometimes people were not perfect, even good people--sometimes they just made a mistake.  I was NOT going to let what those people had done to us cost my children their souls.  They were what mattered. 

            As they grew older, we talked often about being faithful to God, not to a place or a group.  We reminded them about Judas.  What would have happened if the other apostles had let Judas’s monumental failure run them off?  What about Peter, their erstwhile leader?  If everyone had given up because of his denial there would have been nothing for him to return to upon his repentance.  The mission of the church depended upon those men staying faithful regardless.  God was counting on them.  We told them over and over, you never let what someone else does determine your faithfulness.  God expects you to do the right thing no matter what those people do.  I had to learn to control my depression and discouragement and not give my children cause to leave the Lord. 

            We planted our children on the sheltered side of the house, but then we moved them slowly one foot at a time to a place where the sun would beat down on them and the cold would leave frost on their leaves.  Finally they were as inured as possible from the effects of other people’s failures, including our own.  If they ever fall away, they know better than to blame someone else.

            Be careful what your children hear you say about your brethren.  Be careful what they see in your actions and attitudes.  Sooner or later they will need to stand the heat of the noonday sun and the bitter cold of a spiritual winter.  Don’t give them an easy excuse not to.

For there must be also factions among you, that they that are approved may be made manifest among you 

1 Corinthians 11:19

Dene Ward

I think there is a part in all of us that wants to show off for our parents.  Over the last several years, I have gotten into distance swimming as an exercise routine.  I swim across a cove and back on the island every couple of days, roughly 0.7 mile.  Nobody in my family had ever seen me swim it.  None of us had ever been big swimmers until I stumbled into it.  So, when Mom and Dad came to visit late last October, I drug them to the beach.  (It was my day for swimming.  I had gotten to the point that if I missed, I got antsy, but there was a big part of "Look at me, Mommy and Daddy!" in it.)  I swam a longer route than usual, nearly 0.9 mile, and Mom and Dad were appropriately impressed.  (No, they didn't give me a lollipop.) 

Dad asked something regarding my concern about getting into trouble while swimming.  I grinned and said, "I don't get into trouble in the water."  His response was, "That's a dangerous attitude."  I completely understand his point.  Cockiness in dangerous situations is stupid and leads people into serious injury and death routinely.   And, make no mistake, open water swimming has dangers.  The Gulf of Mexico is not a big pool, as several tourists find out to their dismay each year.  Even the intercoastal waterway, which is where I usually swim, has tidal currents, wind driven chop that can get dicey, and aquatic wildlife that can range from cute, to annoying to truly dangerous.  Dad, however, had misunderstood my statement.  

You see, people don't drown because they get out over their heads and can't swim back.  People drown because they panic, then exhaust themselves flailing about, and then begin to despair.  It is almost like giving up and allowing oneself to go under.  Almost everyone can float.  Stay calm, roll over on your back and float.  While doing so, think.  How are you going to get back?  Then implement your plan, resting occasionally as needed.  The key is to stay calm.  I routinely go out a hundred yards or so on the days in between long swims and just practice being calm in the water.  I practice several different drown-proofing techniques.  I hang out in 8-10 feet of water for 45 minutes and learn to think of that as one of my natural environments.  Which is why when, on two occasions, my left shoulder just decided it was done for the day, I didn't drown.  I shrugged (one shouldered) and sidestroked to shore.  You see?  I don't get in trouble in the water, because no matter what happens, I can stay calm and handle it.  Which kind of reminds me of Psalm 46.  

1-3  "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah"

Do you ever feel like your world is falling apart?  In either your personal life or as you look around and don't recognize the country you grew up in?  Are there days you would be ready to swear that the earth is sliding into the sea?  Stay calm, because God is your refuge and strength.

6-7  "The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; He utters his voice, the earth melts.  The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah"

I know there are times when it seems that everyone is against us.  When standing for even the concept of truth, much less God's truth, seems to outrage the world.  Stay calm and keep swimming, because the LORD of Hosts, who can melt the world with the sound of His voice, is with us.  

Just like in open water swimming, panic and despair are what kills in our spiritual life.  We start to think that we just can't handle the bullying and ridicule anymore.  We just can't keep ourselves from the ever nearer and easier to achieve temptations of the world.   We just aren't going to make it, as the waves crash over our heads.  Stay calm.  Breathe and know that you can make it, not because you are such a great swimmer, but because God is right there with you.  He is your refuge, providing rest if you will just avail yourself of it.  He is your strength, to keep you swimming.  He is with you.  Stay calm; rely on Him, keep swimming.

Ps. 46:10  “Be still, and know that I am God."

Lucas Ward

It’s one of those recipes you don’t really like to admit that you use, especially if you have a reputation for baking from scratch or cooking multi-course meals for your anniversary dinner, meals like a leek and Swiss chard tart as an appetizer, an entrée of veal shanks with sage over polenta with broccoli rabe, ending with pear croustade in a hazelnut crust.  Somehow this recipe doesn’t fit into that mold.

            But once in awhile life gets hectic, stressed, entirely too busy, and you find yourself needing a dish for a potluck with exactly one hour to cook it and no extra time for much prep.  So then I pull out this three can, two bottle, two bag recipe, dump it all in a pot and go on with my life.  I have learned not to let it bother me when this stuff gets more raves than another recipe I spent six hours on.  I have also learned not to tell anyone what’s in it until they taste it because it is truly a weird concoction, but oh, so good.

            Those Party Meatballs, as the recipe calls them, have been my salvation more than once.  Sometimes we need something easy instead of something elaborate.  If it meets the need and is just as tasty, who cares?  There will be plenty more times for elegant three layer cakes and brined, crusted. herb-infused entrees.

            God understands that, too.  When I was very young I thought you couldn’t pray except at certain times, using certain phrases, making sure it was long and full of heavy, theological words and concepts, usually from the King James Version.  Why I thought that I don’t know.  The Bible is full of examples of people praying in all sorts of situations, all sorts of postures, long prayers, short prayers, prayers of profundity and simple prayers of just a few words.  Maybe that was the problem:  I just hadn’t studied enough myself.  All I had done was listen to what others told me.

            Now I know better.  Now I know that in the middle of a crisis I can send up a quick prayer for control, for calm, for an easy resolution.  I don’t always need an opening salutation, I can just say, “Help me, Lord.”  I don’t have to preface everything with my own unworthiness.  Usually in the middle of a problem, that is already on my mind anyway and God knows it just as well as I do. 

            I don’t have to find a quiet spot alone.  I can talk to God in the middle of a milling crowd if my child has wandered off and I can’t immediately find him.  In fact, I can scream to Him if I want to.  God understands if there isn’t time to hunt up a closet right now.  In fact, He is more than pleased that I think of Him first in trying circumstances.  He is thrilled that my relationship with Him can be so spontaneous.  There will be other times for reverence.

            God makes it easy for you to talk to Him.  People who have set up word and posture requirements, with ideological notions of “propriety,” are the ones who make it difficult to approach God.  He went to a lot of trouble and pain and sacrifice to make Himself available at any time in any circumstance. 

            You may not want Party Meatballs all the time, but when the time is short and the need is urgent, they will do just fine.  We certainly need lengthy times of humility and reverence in our approach to God.  But God also made a simple way for us when we need Him quickly.  Don’t let anyone mess with His recipe.

May all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you! May those who love your salvation say evermore, "God is great!" But I am poor and needy; hasten to me, O God! You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay! Psalms 70:4-5.

For the recipe accompanying this post click Dene's Recipes.

Dene Ward

College football has been around as an organized sport since 1869, when Rutgers played what is now Princeton University.  It took a while, though, for it to come to its fruition in what we now recognize as the various divisions of the NCAA and all of its conferences.  Even those took some time to become what we know today.  The SEC, in fact, first included Georgia Tech, Tulane, and Sewanee!

     But though organized college football may have begun in 1869, it was November 2, 1898, before the first man climbed a fence, ran onto the field and attempted to rouse the fans with a cheer.  His name was Johnny Campbell of the University of Minnesota.  Before long, others joined him, and yes, in the beginning it seems that they were all young men.  It was World War II when most of the young men were off fighting a war before young women stepped in as what were first called "yell leaders."  We now call them cheerleaders.

     It isn't just sports teams who need a cheerleader.  I suppose the first true cheerleader for the church might have been Barnabas.  Here was a wealthy man, a good man and full of faith, who not only sold a piece of property and gave the money for the aid of needy Christians (translate that to property prices today for an eye opener), but who was so encouraging to others that the apostles nicknamed him, "son of encouragement/exhortation/consolation" whichever your translation chooses.  He was a man of patience who gently prodded others to become what he knew they could be—John Mark, for example.  He was a man of trust and courage as he introduced the former persecutor Paul to the church in Jerusalem and then went with him to work with the church at Antioch where they received and taught Gentiles.  Truly if there was ever a cheerleader in the church it was Barnabas.

     We all need a cheerleader sometimes.  I remember clearly the many times friends have gone with me when I was asked to speak, especially in the early days.  Their friendly faces in the audience spurred me on when the topic became touchy, though necessary.  Students in Bible classes can do the same for teachers.  Elders need people who encourage the members to follow them, speaking of their wise decisions and the good that can come from their plans, instead of goading them into rebellion.  Evangelists need the same.  For some reason, we seem far more prone to DIScouraging than ENcouraging, and that simply ought not to be.   Imagine a cheerleader screaming, "Lose team!  Lose, lose, lose!"

     But we beseech you, brethren, to know them that labor among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; and to esteem them exceeding highly in love for their work's sake… 1Thess5:12,13.

     But let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teaches in all good things Gal6:6.

   God designed the church as a fellowship that helped each other.  That is why we cannot be a servant of God without being a part of the people of God.  We hold each other up and yes, we cheer each other on, especially when trials abound.    Blessed [is] God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and God of all comfort, who is comforting us in all our tribulation, for our being able to comfort those in any tribulation through the comfort with which we are comforted ourselves by God; because, as the sufferings of the Christ abound to us, so through the Christ our comfort also abounds; and whether we be in tribulation, [it is] for your comfort and salvation, that is worked in the enduring of the same sufferings that we also suffer; whether we are comforted, [it is] for your comfort and salvation; and our hope [is] steadfast for you, knowing that even as you are partakers of the sufferings—so also of the comfort 2Cor1:3-7.

     You may think you have nothing to offer the "team," but when you do so, you are arguing with the plan of God.  When you feel helpless at the plight of others and don't know what to do, you can always cheer.

And the hand of the Lord was with them: and a great number that believed turned unto the Lord. And the report concerning them came to the ears of the church which was in Jerusalem: and they sent forth Barnabas as far as Antioch: who, when he was come, and had seen the grace of God, was glad; and he exhorted them all, that with purpose of heart they would cleave unto the Lord: for he was a good man, and full of the Holy Spirit and of faith: and much people was added unto the Lord. And he went forth to Tarsus to seek for Saul; and when he had found him, he brought him unto Antioch. And it came to pass, that even for a whole year they were gathered together with the church, and taught much people, and that the disciples were called Christians first in Antioch Acts11: 21-26.

Dene Ward

Part 4 in a four part series.

            When caring for someone who is seriously ill, the caregiver often fails to care for herself.  I remember vividly the day my husband had some sort of attack that doctors were calling a stroke.  Meanwhile, I had a seriously abscessed tooth and an appointment for a root canal while he lay in the hospital.  I thought about canceling the appointment regardless the pain I was in, but his doctor looked at me and said, "Go take care of yourself so you can take care of him."  And that, indeed, is the bottom line.

            First I will give you the tips my friends have shared with me, and then we will talk about something else that many good Christian women wrestle with.

            1.  Schedule some time for yourself every day.  It may be devotional time with Bible study and prayer.  It may be exercise.  It may be journaling your feelings as you go through this process.  Whatever it is, make the time to do it.

            2.  Focus on the positives each day.  Don't dwell on the difficulties you encounter, or what life used to be like, or what retirement was supposed to be like.  Cherish each day and focus on creating sweet, new memories with your spouse.  Include your children and grandchildren whenever possible.

            3.  Plan an enjoyable outdoor activity for each day—a walk, a drive, sitting on the porch or in the yard, visiting a friend.  There is something emotionally healing about fresh air.

            4.  Take life slow and easy.  Do nothing in a rush.  Model the behavior that you have requested of the patient, and stay calm.

            5.  Take care of yourself physically—eating balanced meals on a schedule, drinking enough liquid every day, etc.  The last thing you need is to have your own health go downhill in a rush because you "don't feel like eating," or "don't have the time to eat," etc.

            6.  Above all, do not hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, and neighbors.  As members of the Lord's body, people should not just be mouthing, "Let me know if there is anything I can do," but actively looking for things to do for you.  If home and car maintenance are not your bailiwick, ask for help.  We are meant to serve one another and in this way you will not only aid the women in serving you, but the men too.  Trying to do it all will simply undo many of the things we have talked about as you become overtired and completely frustrated.  Making a martyr out of yourself is not the answer to anyone's problems, least of all the patient's.  ASK FOR HELP and don't be ashamed to do so.

            And now to that other issue.  Many women have problems taking on the role of caregiver, not because they do not wish to care for their very ill husbands, but because it requires them to, in their minds, usurp his authority as head of the house.  It is difficult for a woman who has been taught to be in subjection, honoring her husband as the leader of the home, to take over responsibilities and decision-making, especially when his weakened ability to think logically may have him trying to refuse the medical care he needs.  The doctor will look to the wife to decide upon the appropriate care and medication, and ultimately, when it might be time to seek care outside the home.  Let me see if I can help those women a little bit.

            I imagine everyone knows Bathsheba, but only in that sad instance of 2 Sam 11 and David's adultery and murder.  What we don't realize is that she seems to have become his favorite wife, bearing him at least four sons.  When David finally lay on his deathbed and his son Adonijah took over the throne against the plans of God and his father David, Nathan went to Bathsheba to tell her about it.  He obviously expected her to step in for her fatally ill husband.  With only a little persuasion she went to David and told him what was happening.  Nathan came in at the appropriate time and vouched for what she had told him.  That took care of the matter, then and there.  But what if Bathsheba had refused?  Let's face it, she had the most to gain because it was her son Solomon whom God wanted on the throne.  It probably looked self-serving of her at the least.  But David was so ill, he didn't even know what was going on; he certainly couldn't do anything about it himself.  Bathsheba looked to her husband's interests when he was no longer physically able.  (1 Kings 1)

            And then we have a very different example.  Abigail's extremely rich husband, Nabal, was "churlish and evil."  When David's men came to ask for some food—during a festival time when there was more than enough and after David's men had protected his workers and herds—he sent them away empty-handed with harsh, insulting words.  David was so angry he was ready to kill Nabal and everyone in his household.  Abigail went behind her husband's back and did what he refused to do, taking a generous amount of food to David and his army and their families, and giving him some wise and godly advice.  (1 Sam 25)

            Wait a minute!  How is that a good example?  This is how:  the man was drunk as a skunk.  He had no idea the danger he had put himself and his family and servants in.  Abigail may not have done what he wanted but she saved his life when he was too incapacitated to see the danger. 

            When your husband is no longer able to make decisions about the important things in your lives, he expects you to take over and do what is best for him.  She does him good and not evil all the days of his life, the Proverb writer says of the worthy wife (31:12).  My husband has told me certain things he wants me to do should he become unable to do or think on his own.  He expects me to carry out his wishes.  How is that usurping his authority?

Talk to your husband now and find out what he wants.  Then when—if—the time comes, be a faithful wife, even if it means doing what his damaged mind no longer wants to be done.  You are not being a bad wife.  You are not being un-submissive.  You are, in fact, being the wife you ought to be, and there is no shame in that at all.

            I hope you have found these articles helpful.  My mother's ordeal is over.  Both she and Daddy have gone on to their rewards.  But my friend's trial continues, as it does for so many.  Today, join with me in a special prayer for those men and women as they fight fear, frustration, and grief to care for their loved ones in the best way they can.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  (Isa 41:10).

Dene Ward

Part 3 of a four part series.

            As I have mentioned, and will keep on stressing, I am not a medical professional and will not attempt to give you any medical advice.  What I am sharing now has come straight from the caregivers, what worked for them and what did not.  You can look on the internet in several places and find other things to add here.  The things in this article come from their personal and practical experience.  I believe they might also be beneficial for visitors, or for those who offer care time while the caregiver is away running necessary errands.  These were shared by those who have been there and who want to help others with their hard-won wisdom and knowledge.

            1.  You must enter the Alzheimer's patient's world; do not expect him to understand or interact in your world any longer.  A basic tenet of education is "Start where the student is at."  The same is true of the Alzheimer's patient.  Don't try to make him do what he can no longer do.  If he wants to converse, then talk about the things he wants to talk about, but if he is no longer conversational, then you must do the talking and watch his reactions for signs of interest or lack thereof.  If he closes his eyes or turns his back, try another subject.

            2.  Address him by name ("Hello, Bob").  He may not reply but at least he knows he is not being ignored. 

            3.  Ask simple yes or no questions and give him choices whenever possible, but no more than two.  "Do you want ______ or ______ for supper?"  "Do you want to watch ________ or _________ on TV?"  Always be willing and able to live with whatever he chooses.

            4.  Don't say, "Do you remember__________?"  Instead, say, "I remember when we ______________," and allow him to say something, to nod or smile.

            5.  Find something to keep his hands busy.  Puzzles might be a good choice, but be aware that while you may have started with 1000 piece puzzles, you will gradually need to move to 500, 300, and even 100 piece puzzles as the illness progresses.  Pay attention to what is happening and his frustration level to know when to switch. 

            6.  On the occasion when something must be done (going to the doctor, getting dressed, taking a bath, taking medication), do not say, "Do you want to __________?"  Just say, "It's time to _________."  This avoids the problem of him answering your question with a "No," especially if it is something that simply must be done at a certain time.

            7.  Patiently answer the same question as many times as it takes, even if it is asked in rapid succession many times.  Use the same verbiage.  Control your frustration and answer it as if it is the first time he has asked.

            8.  Give simple three or four word instructions, helping him accomplish a task one step at a time.  Do not overburden him with too much information at once.  For instance, when he is dressing himself, you might need to tell which article of clothing to put on, one after the other and how to do it.  Another friend of mine had left her mother dressing herself for church and when she returned, found her with her slip on top of her dress.  Do not assume that the patient knows how to do anything the correct way anymore, but stand by and watch, ready to give one piece of information at a time, but only as needed.  For as long as possible, let them have their small victories.

            9.  Remember that you are the patient's anchor, especially when he begins following you around and seems nervous and clingy.  Be there for him and reassure him that you will not leave him.

            10.  And above all, remember that the patient is still a human being with feelings just like you.  They may not be able to verbalize and are limited in their abilities, but they will always remember who makes them feel good.

            The caregivers I have spoken to hope these things will help you as you travel a long, hard, and often lonely road.

And we urge you, brothers…encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.  (1Thess 5:14).

Dene Ward