I was in the middle of making an excuse the other morning when suddenly I heard myself.  Yes, I was tired, I had a headache, and serious things were whirling around in my mind.  So surely my snappy tone of voice was understandable, wasn’t it?

            Let’s check this theory out.  Jesus is supposed to be my example.  Simply making the claim to be his disciple means I try my best to do what he would do.  So if I look at what had to be the worst time of his life on earth, the last twenty-four hours, then I can measure myself against the true standard.

            Over the Passover meal, when his disciples were once again arguing about who would be the most important in the kingdom, he finally lost his cool. “Shut up!  I have more important things on my mind than dealing with your petty concerns right now.”

            He was so concerned about the upcoming trials he would need to endure, he never once thought about what they might be going through, and left them to their fears and confusion.  “Grow up!” he told them.  “It’s high time you figured this out for yourselves.”

            When one of his best friends betrayed him, the other apostles were still murmuring among themselves about who it must be.  “Be quiet,” he said.  “This isn’t about you.”

            He was obviously in tremendous pain as he hung on the cross, so how could he even begin to worry about his mother and her care?  “Can’t you quit that sniveling?  You’re only making things worse.”

            Well, that’s how it might read if it were me going through those trials.  Instead, Jesus left an example that shows me there is no excuse for poor behavior.  Despite what he was going through, the like of which I have never had to endure, he kept his thoughts on others.  He kept his voice tempered.  He kept his actions loving.  Not even his enemies suffered a tongue-lashing of the type I find so easy to dish out when I am upset or do not feel well.

            For you see, God does not allow trials in our lives so we will have excuses for sin.  He allows them so we will grow and get stronger.  When I excuse my behavior because of what I am going through, I fail the test.  Unless I recognize where I failed and determine not to do it again, I will not get stronger; I will only get weaker.  In the process I will make it more likely that the next time I will fail again.  And again.  And again.  Till there is no more need for trials at all because Satan has me exactly where he wants me, and I am too weak to even think about fighting back.  Even those I claim to love will know to stay away from me when things are not going well, and so my last avenue of help is also gone.

            The sad truth of the matter is the one who is best at making excuses is one poor excuse for a Christian.

For hereunto were you called: because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow his steps:  who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:  who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered threatened not; but committed himself to him that judges righteously:  who his own self bare our sins in his body upon the tree, that we, having died unto sins, might live unto righteousness; by whose stripes ye were healed.  For you were going astray like sheep; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls,  1 Peter 2:21-25.

 
Dene Ward

(For hints, help, and instructions on using this blog, click on the FAQ/Tutorial page on the left sidebar)

            Girls raised in the South, or GRITS as one of my coffee mugs calls them, are some of the strongest people on this earth.  These women were nurtured on grits, greens, cornbread and chores from the time they could chew.  They work hard and long without complaint.  They know that getting dirty is healthy and sweat is not a terminal disease so they don’t avoid either one.  They can hoe row after row in the hot sun, shell beans till midnight, can, blanch, and preserve in a steamy kitchen for hours, cook for an army every night, and then clean it all up and start over the next morning. 

            They show up like magic when others are hurting and do whatever needs doing.  They find their way in any kitchen, heating up casseroles seasoned with love and tears, stirring pots of vegetables flavored with fatback, slicing tall layer cakes and mile high meringue pies, sinking their arms in a sink full of suds, and grabbing up a basket of laundry on their way out the door to be returned clean, mended, ironed, and folded before the house of mourning even realizes the clothes are missing. 

            They will take anyone’s children in their laps and dry up tears, listen to sad stories, and tell a few funny ones to bring back the smiles.  They bandage skinned knees and aren’t too prissy to change a needful baby’s diapers, no matter who it belongs to.  They will even offer a little discipline on little bottoms that think since Mama’s not around no one else cares—they care.  They can play tag, hide and seek, and red rover, make mudpies and sand castles, and then go home and finish whatever needs doing, no matter how late it gets.  They will stay up all night with anyone who needs it, then get up and go again as if nothing has happened.

            How do they do it?  The women I grew up watching had one magic ingredient—love—love that involved selflessness, strength, and purpose, and was borne from the heat of life.  Maybe living in the South made that come more naturally, just as the southern heat and humidity makes the sweat pour more profusely. 

            God applies the heat to us as well.  In Isa 48:10, God told His people,   Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. Affliction hurts.  It burns in a flash and roasts in constant pain and fear.  But eventually, the heat refines our souls and makes them pure and strong.

            What, you think it unfair that God would do this?  Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.  If He would do it to His own Son, who are we to get some sort of special dispensation?  In fact, the special dispensation is in the trials.  If God never put us through these things, we would be weaklings, always babes, never maturing to spirituality.  Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

            There is another result from all this fiery testing, perhaps the best result of all.  God speaks of a group of His people in Zech 13:9, saying, And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'They are my people'; and they will say, 'The LORD is my God.'"  I will go through whatever it takes to have Him declare me His child and answer my call, won’t you?

            Even now, as the long hot summer approaches, I am ready for it.  It reminds me that just as the southern heat strengthens my body, the spiritual heat can work wonders on my soul.  I know from watching both of my grandmothers, and my mother and aunts.  I know from working side by side with other women as we toil for our families and neighbors, and for the Lord, too, as we serve our brethren. 

            You need to become comfortable with the fire.  If you can’t stand the heat, the kitchen is the least of your worries.

Each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 1 Corinthians 3:13

Dene Ward

(For hints, help, and instructions on using this blog, click on the FAQ/Tutorial page on the left sidebar)

(For hints, help, and instructions on using this blog, click on the FAQ/Tutorial page on the left sidebar)

            Keith called me outside one Saturday.  I was in the middle of something important and was a little irritated. It is hard enough to do things these days when I have to lean so close, squint so hard, and put up with the resulting headaches trying to see what I am doing.  Then he wants to interrupt me, and I will just have to start all over again.  But I sighed, a louder one than was called for, and dutifully went outside.

            The afternoon sun was waning, for which I was grateful.  No matter how dim the day I have to reach for sunglasses nearly all the time now.  He took me to a shaded spot on the west side of the field and pointed.  Then I saw it, or them as it turned out, probably a hundred dragonflies darting here and there all over the place. 

            He felt bad for me because I could not see them all the time.  In fact, I would not have known what they were had he not told me, but I think my vision of them was the best.  He saw them in the shade as well, when they once again became ugly black bugs, but I only saw them as they came out of the shadows, the sun striking their wings and lighting them up like tiny golden light bulbs.  Then they would disappear, but more would appear in their place, over and over, darting here and there in movements no one could possibly predict.  I think my view was much more magical than his, and therefore far more delightful.  We stood there watching them for several minutes.  I probably could have stood their longer since I had the better view, a view he would never have because he could see so well.

            No matter what we may be going through in this life, God always prepares good things for us, but we will never see them if we always stay inside ourselves, commiserating with ourselves, rewinding over and over the tape of all our troubles till we can recite them from memory to anyone who asks, and even some who don’t.  There is a silver lining somewhere if we just search, and in the searching who knows what treasures we might find? Besides, it will keep us too busy to complain so much.

            Go out there today and look for those silver linings—or the golden dragonflies, or whatever God has specially prepared to help you through this day.  You will find them, but only if you have a mind to.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.  Psalm 23:5,6.

Dene Ward

(For hints, help, and instructions on using this blog, click on the FAQ/Tutorial page on the left sidebar)

            I was sound asleep when it started.  I knew I was asleep but somehow I carried on a regular conversation with myself. 

            “You are too asleep to do anything about this.  Even if you woke Keith up, he could not hear you.  Maybe you could point.”  So I whacked him across the chest with my left arm.  He sat straight up in bed shouting, “Hunh?  What’s happening?”  He turned on the light.

            By then it had started.  I was still asleep, but I was bouncing rhythmically and grunting, “Uh—uh—uh” with every bounce.  He thought I was having convulsions and about to die.

            “What’s wrong?  What’s wrong?  What’s wrong?!!!” 

            I was still asleep and could not answer him.  Even if I had been awake, I probably could not have said anything.  It hurt that badly.  Finally I managed to point (still sleeping), and somehow—being married for 39 years maybe?—he figured it out.  I had a charley horse.  But which leg?  He just grabbed the one nearest and started pushing against my heel and rubbing my calf muscle.  He got the right leg—actually the left leg, but it was the right one.

            Finally I woke up.  I lifted my toes and pushed against his hand.  Five minutes later it was over with, but I still had a knot in my calf muscle the next morning and it took fifteen minutes before I could walk flat-footed.

            Charley horses must be the worst pain possible for something that is so harmless.  They will not kill you—you just wish they would for a minute or two.  Then you realize that it will soon be over and everything will be fine.

            That is the way the early Christians dealt with trials and persecution.  Peter says, now for a little while, if necessary, you have been put to grief in many trials.  He recognized that they were grievous, they did hurt, but they were only “for a little while.”  After telling his readers that they would suffer, the Hebrew writer says, For you have need of patience, that, having done the will of God, you may receive the promise. For yet a very little while, He who comes shall come, and shall not tarry Heb 10:36,37.

            Sometimes that grief is tremendous.  It certainly was for those Christians.  We all recognize that we must die.  We know that one or the other spouse will, in most cases, go before the other.  That is normal.  We all know that we will bury our parents.  That is the natural order.  It still hurts, but we understand it.  When the unnatural happens, it hurts even more.  I have known women who dealt with widowhood in their 30s and 40s.  My own in-laws buried a ten year old daughter whom cancer had stolen from them.  I cannot imagine the pain.  I know one good sister who had to endure both of those things—a widow at 40 and an only child, a daughter, who died unexpectedly a long time before she did.

            How did she make it?  She realized that these trials are transitory.  They do not last.  That trite old saying is trite because it is true, “This too will pass.”  Only one thing lasts—the joy we will have as we exist forever with our Father and Savior.  Hang on to that hope.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to his great mercy begat us again unto a living hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, unto an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, that fades not away, reserved in heaven for you, who by the power of God are guarded through faith unto a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been put to grief in manifold trials, that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold that perishes though it is proved by fire, may be found unto praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ: whom not having seen you love; on whom, though now you see him not, yet believing, you rejoice greatly with joy unspeakable and full of glory: receiving the end of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Pet 1:3-9.

Dene Ward

(For hints, help, and instructions on using this blog, click on the FAQ/Tutorial page on the left sidebar)

            Long ago and far away I remember someone saying, immediately after a sermon on the subject, “Attitude shmattitude.  I am sick and tired of hearing about attitude.” 

            I thought to myself, “And you, sir, certainly have a bad one.”

            Hanging by one of the magnets on my refrigerator is a quote by Charles Swindoll that ends, “…We have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.  And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes.”

            My neighbor recently returned from a trip to Alaska, a trip she and her husband have wanted to make for a long time.  They flew to Anchorage, then rented an RV and traveled the state for two and half weeks.  As they were returning the RV, ready to fly back home, she fell in the parking lot, face down.  It was a nasty fall.  The ER doctor put 14 stitches in her face.  Five of her front teeth were knocked out, and she is still, after two months, receiving the dental repair work for that, already totaling $10,000.  She needed a doctor’s note before the airline would allow her on the plane to fly home.  She was in a wheelchair, of course, and the other passengers were staring out of the corners of their eyes—being too polite to stare straight on.  (We’ve all done it.)  Her husband finally told everyone she had had a run-in with a grizzly bear, and she looked so bad someone actually believed it.

            You know what she said after she told me about it?  “It’s okay.  It was the last day not the first, so our trip wasn’t ruined.  I can’t eat very well, so I’ve lost about 20 pounds.  I can’t chew on my nails, and for the first time in my life I have nice looking nails.  And I fell so flat I’m lucky I didn’t break my nose as well.”

            She put me to shame.  She had come up with four blessings in her mishap, when I wonder if I would have been doing anything but moaning. 

            As Christians our attitudes do make the difference.  The way we handle adversity should make people ask us, “How can you do that?  What is your secret?” 

            Those early Christians knew the secret.  They rejoiced “that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor” Acts 5:41; took “pleasure” in all their sufferings “for Christ’s sake” 2 Cor 12:10; “received the word in much affliction with joy” 1 Thes 1:6; and “took joyfully the spoiling of their possessions” Heb 10: 34.  How?  They had their priorities straight, and that kept their attitudes straight.  They truly believed a better place awaits us. 

            That is what faith requires: for he who comes to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of those who seek after him, Heb 11:6.  Sometimes I think we focus so much on the first part of that, that we miss the second part.  If I want this world and its “stuff” so badly, then maybe I don’t really believe there is a reward waiting for me.  If I do not have the attitude of Paul that “to die is gain,” then my faith is an empty shell.  Why in the world do I bother?

            Attitude, shmattitude.  Don’t get sick and tired of hearing about it.  It can help you make it successfully to the end, which is really only a beginning that will never end.

But call to remembrance the former days in which, after you were enlightened, you endured a great conflict of sufferings, partly being made a gazingstock both by reproaches and afflictions, and partly becoming partakers with them that were so used.  For you both had compassion on them that were in bonds and took joyfully the spoiling of your possessions, knowing that you have for yourselves a better possession and an abiding one, Heb 10:32-34.

Dene Ward

            In our women’s study we recently spent some time on the first century church’s attitude toward persecution.  We found several passages that told us the results of persecution.  What would you guess they were?  The group diminished in size and visibility, becoming timid and fearful, hiding when they worshipped, and keeping their faith a secret from their neighbors, right?  Although we all knew better than that, we were still surprised by what we discovered.

            In Acts 5 persecution left the early Christians with even more determination to preach so that in Acts 8 when persecution scattered them, the church spread over all the known world.  And why should we emulate these people?  In Romans 8 we found that we will be glorified if we suffer and in 2 Cor 4 we manifest the life of Christ when we are persecuted.  Philippians 1 tells us we have a token of our salvation when we suffer, and 2 Thessalonians says that our faith grows, our love abounds and we are counted worthy of the kingdom.  Peter tells us in various chapters of his first epistle that persecution proves our faith, gives us a blessing, and that the Spirit will rest on us when we endure it.  Then in Revelation, the brethren are promised that if they endure their coming trials they will wear white robes, they are washed and cleansed, they will live with Christ in His kingdom and have rest (chapter 6,7,20).

            So how should we feel about persecution?  The class decided it might just be necessary, even desirable.  Those first century brothers and sisters rejoiced in it (Acts 5:40-42), took pleasure in it (2 Cor 12:10), and considered it a privilege (Phil 1 :27-30).  Maybe we should be rethinking our attitudes about persecution. 

            I asked what they thought would happen if we were really persecuted today.  At first the women said, “The church would shrink a whole lot.”  Then, remembering what we had discovered about the early church, we decided it wouldn’t.  We would just see who was really part of the Lord’s body, not who showed up and sat in the pews.  And if history is any indicator, when the world saw how we stood for the Lord, even in the face of pain or death, they might understand that this is something worthwhile, something they might need in their lives as well, something worth any sacrifice called for.  Isn’t that what happened in the first century? 

            So should we be thanking God that we can worship “without fear of molestation?”  As big a coward as I am, I might still do so, but frankly, I am not so certain I should any more.

Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteousness’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are you when men shall reproach you and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake.  Rejoice and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so persecuted they the prophets that were before you, Matt 5:10-12.

Dene Ward

“They didn’t come see me when I was sick.”

You’d think by now I’d be used to it.  I’ve heard it everywhere I’ve been, but it still amazes me that people who have been Christians for decades still view suffering the wrong way.  Yes, we suffer in this life.  All of us suffer in one way or the other.  So why do those few think that the reason for their suffering is so they can be “Queen for a Day?” 

Probably only a few of you remember that show.  I was very young myself.  Originally it aired on a local radio show in LA, but it was picked up for national broadcast by NBC on January 3, 1956.  It has been called the first “reality show” and it was roundly criticized even in its day.  It went like this:  three or four women showed up to tell their stories of woe and suffering and the audience voted on who was suffering the most and that one “lucky” woman received a robe, a crown, a bouquet of roses, and several prizes, in effect being treated like a queen for one day.  A contest to see who is suffering the most?  Really?  But isn’t that what so many in the church do?  “I deserve more attention than so-and-so because I have more problems than she does.”

People who constantly complain about not getting enough attention are giving themselves away for, as Jesus says, “Out of the heart the mouth speaks,” Matt 15:18.  Indeed, if my suffering were as severe as my “Woe is me!” attitude, I wouldn’t be thinking about the attention I do or don’t get, but about the trial itself.  But all that is beside the point.  Suffering is not about being served.

Peter tells us that suffering refines us, makes us pure and stronger (1 Pet 1:6-9).  James seems to indicate that suffering brings wisdom (Jas 1:2-6).  But I think that even those things don’t reach the ultimate reason we suffer.  Suffering is about discipleship.  A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher, Luke 6:40.  Why do we think we can be a disciple of a suffering servant and never suffer like he did?

So why did Jesus have to suffer?  Hebrews tells us that because he suffered he is able to help those who also suffer (2:18), and that as a high priest he is able to sympathize with us (4:15.).  He learned obedience by the things he suffered “with loud cries and tears,” (5:8).  Yes, he really suffered and the whole purpose of his suffering was so he could help others who are suffering the same way.

So why do I suffer?  Doesn’t it make sense that as a disciple of Christ, I am suffering for the same reason he did, so I can accomplish the same thing he accomplished?  We neither suffer so we can be the center of attention nor so we can stand as judge over others who give that attention.  We suffer so that we can better serve those who are suffering similar things.  Even the purity, strength, and wisdom that come from suffering helps us accomplish those ends.  As with everything else in a Christian’s life, my suffering is not about me, it is about others. 

Have you been forsaken by an unfaithful spouse?  Be willing to talk openly to those who are going through the same things.  You may well be the only one who understands the thoughts that go through one’s head, the looks you get from others, the ordeal of custody battles and the instant poverty that sometimes accompanies this betrayal.

Have you survived cancer?  Look for new victims who feel the constant pressure of wondering not if it will return, but when.  Look for still others, not just cancer victims, but anyone with a bleak prognosis.  No one understands the axe hanging over their heads like you do.

Have you been the victim of violent crime?  No one understands the constant terror that one lives with after that, the burden of overcoming paranoia—seeing a boogeyman behind every face in a parking lot, in a grocery aisle, passing you in a car as you walk to get the mail.  No one else can understand the embarrassment of once again becoming a little child who is afraid of the dark.

Have you lost a child?  Have you lost a child to the world?  Have you faced financial ruin?  Have you lost everything to a fire, a hurricane, a tornado?  Are you facing disability or the caregiving of a spouse who no longer knows who you are?  Everyone has faced something, and God expects you to use that experience, and the strength and wisdom you have gained from it, to help someone else.  You are the Lord’s agent on this earth.  Don’t let all your pain go to waste.

None of this can be accomplished if I am still whining about a loss that occurred years ago.  No one can be helped if I am still expecting everyone to pat me on the back for every little thing that comes along.  At some point God expects me to get over it.  Some afflictions are more difficult than others.  Some trials need a longer recovery period, but mature Christians eventually grow past the selfish need for attention. 

We don’t suffer so we can be “Queen for a Day.”  On the contrary, suffering makes us both eligible and obligated to help others.  God expects me to search out those who need my special experiences and serve.  Just when has He ever expected anything less of His people?

So Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood. Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured.. Hebrews 13:12-13

Dene Ward