My grandsons love playing in the park.  Their city yard is postage stamp small without room for two active little boys to run around much, so they enjoy a place with swings, slides, jungle gyms and seesaws.  I even get on the seesaws with them, helping with the large weight deficit on their side by using my legs.
            Seesaws may be fun at the playground, but they are not God’s idea of ideal service.  Yes, we may falter once in awhile.  Many passages speak of faith in flux, but as we mature in that faith, the flux should become smaller and smaller.  David speaks of the opposite of a seesaw faith, even when he is running for his life in Psalm 57:7.  My heart is steadfast, O God, or, in several other versions, My heart is fixed.  In a time of fear, when others would have wavered, David is able to keep his faith in God steady. 
            So the question is, how do we avoid the seesaws in life?  First, let’s make it clear—you can’t avoid the park altogether.  I hear people talking about life as if it is always supposed to be fun, always easy, and always good, and something is wrong when anything bad happens.  Nonsense.  We live on an earth that has been cursed because of man’s sin.  When God curses something, he does a bang-up job of it.  To think we would still be living in something resembling Eden is ridiculous. 
            We are all dying from the moment we are born.  Some of us just manage to hang on longer than others.  Some of us catch diseases because they are out there due to sin and Satan.  Some of us are injured.  Some of us have disabilities.  Some of us are never able to lead a normal life.  It has nothing to do with God being mean, or not loving us, or not paying attention to us one way or the other, and everything to do with being alive.  Everyone receives bad news once in awhile—it isn’t out of the ordinary.  Everyone experiences moments of fear and doubt.  We all go through trials.  But just because you are in the park, doesn’t mean you have to get on the seesaw.
            We must have a steadfast faith no matter what happens to us.  The Lord is faithful; He will establish you… 2 Thes 3:3.  Our hearts can be established by grace, Heb 13:9.  But those things are nebulous, nothing we can really lay our hands on in our daily struggles.  Am I supposed to just think real hard about God and grace and somehow get stronger?  Yes, it will help, but God knows we are tethered to this life through tangible things and He gives us plenty of that sort of help as well, help we sometimes do not want to recognize because of the responsibility it places upon us to act. 
            We must be willing to be guided to that steadfastness by faithful leaders, 2 Thes 3:3-5.  We must be willing to obey God’s law, James 1:22-24, and live a life of righteousness, Psa 112:6, before steadfastness makes an appearance.  We must become a part of God’s people and associate with them as much as possible, Heb 10:19-25.  We must study the lives of those who have gone before and imitate their steadfastness, laying aside sin if we hope to endure as they did, Heb 12:1-2.  Every one of those things will keep us off the seesaw.
            Yeah, right, the world says--to change one’s life and become part of God’s people, the church—for some reason those are the very things they will laugh to scorn.  And we fall for what they preach--a Jesus who “loves me as I am” without demanding any change, and divides His body from His being, labeling it a manmade placeholder for the true kingdom to come.  “I can have a relationship with God without having a relationship with anyone else,” we say, and promptly climb aboard the seesaw, Satan laughing gleefully at us from the other end.  Guess what?  That’s who we are having a relationship with.
            Get off the seesaw now before he has you sitting so high up on it, your legs dangling beneath you, that you are unable to reach the grounding your faith needs.  You may still have moments of weakness and doubt, but those things will grow less and less if you make use of the help God has given you.  You can have a steadfast faith, even if it finds you hiding in a cave from your enemies.  My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast…For your steadfast love is great to the heavens; your faithfulness to the clouds Psa 57:7,10
 
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58.
 
Dene Ward

     Perhaps because I am no longer parenting, I am a latecomer to this "soft parenting" concept.  I first heard of it from a friend who lives far away.  Evidently, the majority of parents in her congregation are raising their children this way.  As a Bible class teacher, she is not impressed.  Seems they need a second or even third teacher for "crowd control," and sometimes the entire class is spent just asking the children to sit down and listen.  Even if they get the majority to do so, one or two of the others do their best to disrupt class so that the others cannot learn.  So I decided to do a little research into this "new" approach to parenting.  I have read half a dozen or more articles, both pro and con, and even a couple that say "Maybe."  But how about we compare this method to the Bible's directions on parenting?  There are many plans in a person’s mind, but it is the counsel of the LORD that will stand  Prov 19:21. 
     In the first case, I could not find that term in more than one article.  Most of the others used the term "gentle" parenting.  From the list of dos and don'ts (funny how the parents were given a list when it was verboten to give the children such a list), I did not really see much difference in the two. 
     First, let me just say that I highly resent the description.  Why?  What is the opposite of gentle or soft?  Hard, intimidating, authoritative, whatever you come up with is an implicit judgment against the ones who do not follow this new method.  I believe I was at least a fair mother, gentle when needed, strong and firm when needed.  Yes, I made some mistakes; I can make you a list if you want.  All parents make mistakes.  We are not perfect.  Funny how the ones I read about who want to criticize their parents, cannot for the life of themselves figure out any mistakes they have made.  Something wrong with that mentality, I think.  Let him who is without sin cast the first stone, John 8:7.
     Second, "Gentle Parenting was not hammered out and defined by child development specialists, but by social media influencers" (FamilyMan.movember.com—I could not find an author, only the psychologists who reviewed it).  "It hasn't gone through the same kind of testing and study as some of the more widely known approaches to parenting."  If you don't have a problem with that, perhaps you should think twice about your judgment on anything else as well.   If you truly want sound advice, look for a Christian couple who have successfully raised a family, not some nobody on social media who may or may not even believe in God.
     One of the problems with this method is "it can cause parents stress and frustration" (Dr Cara Goodwin in separate articles.}  It can be completely impractical.  In every case of misbehavior the parent is to focus on the child and his assessment of why he did a particular thing.  And in every hypothetical example of how to do this, the child always acquiesces.  I'm sorry, but let's talk about real children and real situations and reactions.  Suppose your child decides he does not want to wear socks today, but the school insists on it, perhaps as part of a school uniform.  Do you really have time, early in the morning when everyone is preparing to go out for the day, to discuss this with him, trying to show him that it is reasonable, and gain his approval?  And if you do, what if he still does not want to wear his socks?  Sometimes you obey the rules "just because."  I doubt the police officer who writes you a ticket will stand there and try to gain your acceptance in the matter.  You can discuss when you can, but you will not always be able to, and when it comes down to brass tacks, he has to wear the socks if he attends that school whether he likes it or not.  Every child needs to learn that concept or he will be in trouble big time someday.
     Another problem with this method is that you may actually be rewarding bad behavior.  Every time he screams or hits his brother or plays with the china figurine you told him to be gentle with, you are giving him the attention he wants.  What does he learn?  If I want Mama, just do something she doesn't like.  You have reinforced that idea again and again.
      Gentle parenting can easily become permissive parenting, which can be harmful to the child in the long run.  One study (a real study now) showed that preschoolers that were raised with permissive parenting had less self-control and independence as teenagers (Also Dr Goodwin).
     Gentle parenting can create a kid-centric family.  While that may not sound bad, it really makes no sense at all.  (See earlier post on April 25, 2025.)  The marriage is the foundation of any home, and the adults are the ones who should be making the decisions and leading the way.  They are the ones who are mature, experienced in life, and wiser certainly than any two—or ten--year old ever was.  Yet too often this method means the kids run the house and the parents are afraid of their reaction when they must make a decision the children won't like.  This is backwards, another caution issued by Dr. Goodwin. 
            This method talks about being "partners" with the child in his upbringing.  No, we are not partners, which implies equality in knowledge, authority, and ability.  God very specifically gave two roles here—parent and child (Eph 6:1ff, among many, many others).  Children need the security of a person they know can and will provide and protect, as well as train.  He needs to know that there is someone far more able than he is to take care of his problems and needs.  Partner does not imply that, and neither does "friend."
     And maybe the worst thing is that gentle parenting treats the child as an isolated unit, outside the context of family or community, meaning with no concern for how their behavior affects others. Let me camp here for a while.  In the first place, the impracticality shows up again.  Suppose your child smacks his brother in the head with one of their toys.  Now you have a hurt child who is bleeding all over the place (scalp wounds are the worst) and a child who caused the hurt that you are now supposed to stop and discuss things with?  How did you feel when you hit your brother?  What do you think caused you to do this?  How can we keep this from happening again?  Meanwhile, your other child, who deserves all of your attention at the moment, is left hurting and ignored, has blood running into his eyes, and wonders, "What about me?"  None of us is an "isolated unit."  We all have some sort of community we interact with, even if it is just a small group of friends at school or kids in the neighborhood.  A servant of the Lord is always concerned with how his behavior affects others.  If nothing else, it's simple good manners, something else this method seems to ignore.
     This is where I have the gravest doubts.  How is this child supposed to learn self-control, self-denial, and putting the needs of others before himself, even his enemies, as Jesus taught?  Or do these parents think that somehow all of this can wait until the child is grown?  Really?  I think I remember having "the golden rule" printed on my school ruler as a child.  Everyone knew you learned these things as children so it would be ingrained by adulthood.
     You aren't supposed to say no, this method says.  God didn't have that problem.  He put one big no-no right in the middle of the perfect place to live, Eden, and he said, "Do not eat of it or you will die."  Another time, in the space of 17 verses he said some version of "no" eleven times (Ex 20:1-17).  When their children heard the law, what do you think they heard but restriction after restriction?  Yet God said, When your children ask you later on, What are the stipulations, statutes, and ordinances that the LORD our God commanded you?  Deut 6:20, it was to be a teaching opportunity, not something that caused them anxiety.  In fact, nearly every psychologist I have read says that children do best when they have clear cut boundaries.  It may seem like restraint from one side, but from the other it represents security.  Children with security (and routine, I might add) always do better. Of course we want to praise and encourage our children and not be constantly criticizing them.  But just as certainly, God did not think it would ruin their spirits or stunt their emotional development to tell them no once in a while.
     Two of God's servants turned out to be horrible fathers.  God told them exactly what they did wrong when raising their children. 
       But the sons of Eli were wicked men. They did not acknowledge the LORD’s authority… Also, before they burned the fat the priest’s attendant would come and say to the person who was making the sacrifice, Give some meat for the priest to roast! He won’t accept boiled meat from you, but only raw.   If the individual said to him, They should certainly burn the fat away first, then take for yourself whatever you wish, then he would say, No! Give it now! If not, I’ll take it by force!  The sin of these young men was very great in the LORD’s sight, for they treated the LORD’s offering with contempt 1 Sam2: 12, 15-17.  Eli tried to stop them when he heard what they were doing, but it was too late.  What did God say about their father? He restrained them not 1 Sam 3:13.  He didn't say, "No," when they were young, so when he tried with his now adult sons, they wouldn't listen.  He didn't raise them to know that they could not do whatever they wanted to do, and since that was exactly what God meant for him to do as a father, his whole family lost the priesthood, 1 Sam 2:27-30, and he and his sons died. 
     David did much the same thing with Adonijah.  Even though God had chosen Solomon to be the next king after David, Adonijah would have none of it.  He rebelled, and even after Solomon showed him mercy and let him live, he wouldn't stop.  He thought if he approached his kingship through the back door, he could finagle his way in.  So he asked for Abishag, David's last concubine.  Anyone schooled in the culture knows that a claim on the king's wife is a claim on the throne, and so he was dealt with accordingly--executed.  And the problem once again began in childhood.  Now his father had never corrected him saying, Why do you do such things? 1 Kgs 1:6. 
     Do not think for a minute that what they are learning now as they manipulate you (yes, they know how) that they will turn out to be wonderful servants of the Lord.  Train up a child in the way he should go, the Proverb writer says.  What you are teaching now is the way they will go when they grow up.  If they are never restrained, if they never learn about authority, if they never learn concern for others, if they never learn plain old good manners, how can they ever understand what faces them in real life—that you don't always get what you want?  In fact, the world doesn't care what they want.  That will be far more traumatic to them then than a "No!" now.  Not to mention the more important spiritual results.  My husband, the probation officer, met far too many of them across the table from him, young people who grew up thinking they could do whatever they wanted to do because they always had, and found out the hard way that was not true.
 
Think of him who endured such opposition against himself by sinners, so that you may not grow weary in your souls and give up.  You have not yet resisted to the point of bloodshed in your struggle against sin.  And have you forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as sons? My son, do not scorn the Lord’s discipline or give up when he corrects you.  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son he accepts. Endure your suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline?  But if you do not experience discipline, something all sons have shared in, then you are illegitimate and are not sons.  Besides, we have experienced discipline from our earthly fathers and we respected them; shall we not submit ourselves all the more to the Father of spirits and receive life?  For they disciplined us for a little while as seemed good to them, but he does so for our benefit, that we may share his holiness.  Now all discipline seems painful at the time, not joyful. But later it produces the fruit of peace and righteousness for those trained by it Heb 12:3-11.
 
Dene Ward

Keith had major surgery a couple of springs ago and because of his profound deafness I was with him in the hospital as caregiver 24/7.  We don’t do real sign language, but it is easier for me to communicate with him after 45 years of gradually adapting to his increasing disability.  People who are not used to it simply do not know how, and reading lips is not the easy fix to the problem that most think.
            Unfortunately, this hospital stay coincided with the garden harvest.  The beans, squash, and cucumbers had already begun coming in.  While we were away that week, those vegetables continued to grow.  When we got home, the beans were a lost cause--thick, tough, stringy and totally inedible.  The squash looked like a brass band had marched through, discarding their bright yellow tubas beneath the large green leaves, and the cucumbers as if a blimp had flown over in labor and dropped a litter.  If we expected the plants to continue to produce, I had to pull those huge gourds.  That first morning home I picked and dumped 8 buckets full.
            Gardens are taskmasters.  They don’t stop when it doesn’t suit your schedule.  They don’t wait till you have a free moment.  You must reap the harvest when it is ready or you lose it.  Every morning in late May and early June I go out to see what the day holds for me.  Will I be putting up beans or corn or tomatoes?  Will we have okra for supper or do I need to pickle it?  Are the jalapenos ready for this year’s salsa?  Are the bell peppers big enough to stuff or do I need to chop some for the freezer?  Do I need to make pesto before the basil completely seeds out? 
            And then you look for other problems.  Has blight struck the tomatoes?  Do the vining plants have a fungus?  Have the monarch butterflies laid their progeny on the parsley plants?  Have the cutworms attacked the peppers?  Has the ground developed a bacteria that is killing off half the garden almost overnight?  Do things just need watering?
            Childrearing can be the same way.  Children don’t stop growing until it suits your schedule. They don’t wait till you have a free moment.  You must reap the harvest when it is ready or you lose it.
            God expects you to carefully watch those small plants.  He expects you to check for problems before they kill the plants, and nip them in the bud.  It is perfectly normal for a toddler to be self-centered, but somewhere along the way you must teach him consideration for others.  Are you watching for ways to overcome his innate selfishness and teach him to share? Do you have a plan to teach him generosity?  It won’t happen by itself--you have to do it.
            Are you examining your children every day for those little diseases—stubbornness, a hot temper, whining, disrespect, or the other side of the “leaf”—inordinate shyness, self-deprecation, pessimism.  God expects you to look for problems from the beginning and try to fix them so your child will grow into a happy, well-adjusted adult, able to serve Him without the baggage of character flaws that should have been caught when he was very small.  Parents who ignore these things, thinking they will somehow go away when he grows up, are failing in their duties as gardeners of God’s young souls.  Those things will not disappear on their own any more than nematodes and mole crickets will.
            He also expects you to make clear-eyed judgments.  He may be your precious little cutie-pie, but you need to take off your tinted glasses and take a good look at him.  If you ignore his problems because you are too smitten to see them, you do not love your child as much as you claim.  Whoever spares the rod, hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him, Prov 13:24.  When I ignore the blight in my garden, it’s because saving the garden isn’t important to me.
            Have you and your spouse ever just sat and watched your children play?  Have you ever given any thought at all to the things you might need to correct in them?  If your schedule is too busy for that, then you are too busy.  Period.  Your children will keep right on growing, and without your attentive care they may rot on the vine. 
            You are a steward of God’s garden.  The most important thing you can do today is take care of it.
 
Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table… Psalms 128:3.
 
Dene Ward

I still have fond memories of Silas’s first solo visit with us out here in the country.  He was not quite four and stayed three nights alone, no mom and dad to get in the way and spoil the fun!  The first morning we had to assure him that walking outside barefoot was not a capital crime, but once his toes hit the cool green grass, he giggled delightedly.  “I like bare feet!” he instantly proclaimed, and took off running. 
            He was used to being inside all day, playing with his Matchbox cars, putting together puzzles, reading books, and watching his “shows,” educational though they might be.  Yet he found out there were a lot of fun things to do outside, especially when you have five acres to romp around in instead of a postage stamp-sized yard.  That’s all they give you in the city these days. 
            He and Granddad whacked the enemy weeds with green limb “swords.”  They pulled the garden cart up the rise to the carport and rode it down.  They dug roads in the sandy driveway and flew paper airplanes in the yard.  They played in the hose and threw mud balls at one another.  Every night this little guy went to bed far earlier than he usually did at home—it was that or pass out on the couch from exhaustion as we read Bible stories.
            My favorite memory is watching him as we walked Chloe every morning.  He begged for one of my walking sticks and I adjusted it to his height.  Then he ran on ahead, hopping and skipping along, holding granddad’s too-big red baseball cap on his head with one hand so it wouldn’t fall off, the walking stick dangling from the other upraised arm, singing and laughing as he went.  That picture of sheer joy will forever be etched in my memory.  He may have been too little to remember it himself, but someday I will tell him about it, someday when he needs a reminder of joy at a not so joyous time. 
            I remember that time nearly every morning when I walk Chloe, especially when we reach the back fence where Silas’s little feet suddenly took off on the straightaway and his laughter reached its peak.  And I wonder if God has anything etched in His memory, anything from that time in Eden when everything was perfect and his two children felt joy every day in their surroundings, in each other, and in Him.  Surely, the God who knows all has special memories of how it used to be.  Can you read the end of Revelation and not think so? 
            Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever, Revelation 22:1-5.
            Maybe God has recorded that so we, too, can be reminded not of what we have lost, but of what we have waiting for us.  Maybe He put it there for the times when life here is not so joyous, a picture of hope to carry us through.  It may not be etched in our memories—not yet—but the fact that He still remembers it and wants it, means someday we won’t have to count on etchings any longer.  Some day it will all be real once again.

Dene Ward
 

We just spent a week with the grandkids.  When it comes to food, they are just like mine were at that age.  They prefer their oranges out of a can, their macaroni and cheese out of the blue box, their chicken cut into processed squares, and their potatoes long and fried.  Forget the complex and strong flavors of Parmagiana Reggianno, feta, and bleu—they want American cheese, thank you.  And all their sauces must be sweet—about half corn syrup.  True, these two enjoy olives—but they need to be canned and black.  A strong, briny kalamata is summarily thrown across the table.
            Children have immature palates.  For the most part strong flavors are out and bland ones are in.  Sugar, salt and fat make up their favorite seasonings.  And it must be easy to eat.  When you can barely hold a spoon and get the food on it and into your mouth, you prefer things that are solid without being hard and which fit the hand.  We would never give a child a fresh artichoke to eat, with instructions like “Peel off the leaf, dip it into lemon juice and melted butter, put it between your teeth and pull it out of your mouth, scraping the good part off as you pull, then discard the leaf.” 
            One day they will understand the pleasure of different tastes and textures.  Their palates will become educated to appreciate different foods and even different cuisines.  Even the pickiest of childhood eaters usually learn as adults to eat new things, if for no other reason than to be polite or keep harmony in the home.  When a woman spends hours a day cooking, she wants more than a grunt and food being shoved around the plate in an attempt to disguise the fact that very little of it was eaten. 
            But sometimes people become set in their ways.  They decide they don’t like something, even if they have never tried it.  They won’t entertain the possibility that their palates have changed, and so won’t keep trying things as they become older.  When I was a child I hated every kind of cheese, raw onions, and anything that contained a cooked tomato.  Now I eat them all.  Imagine if I had never found that out.  No pizza!
            What about your spiritual nourishment?  Are you still slurping down canned oranges and packaged mac and cheese?  Do you still think instant mashed potatoes are as good as real ones, and Log Cabin as good as real maple syrup?  What if the Bible class teacher taught a book you had never studied before?  Would you learn with relish or complain because you actually had to read it instead of relying on your old canned knowledge?  What if he showed you a different interpretation of a passage than you usually hear?  Would you chew on it a little and really consider it, or just dismiss it out of hand because it wasn’t what you already thought you knew?
            Keith and I have both experienced complaints from people because our classes were “too deep” or “too hard” or “took too much study time.”  Really?  It’s one thing to have an immature palate because you are still a babe.  It’s another to have one because you haven’t grown up in twenty, thirty, forty years of claiming discipleship. 
            The spiritual palate can tell tales on our spiritual maturity in every other area.  Jesus expected his disciples to mature in just a few short years.  “Have I been with you so long and you still do not know me?” he asked Philip (John 14:9).  If we don’t know his word, we don’t know him.  If we don’t know him, we have no clue how to behave as Christians.
            An educated palate for spiritual food is far more important than whether you have learned to like liver yet.  Become an adventurous spiritual eater.  You will find this paradox: though you become hungrier for more, you are always satisfied with your meal.
 
For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil. Hebrews 5:12-14.
 
Dene Ward

Perhaps you remember Abraham's servant, the one he sent to Haran to find Isaac a wife.  First, let's realize that though we might automatically assume this is the Eleazar of Genesis 15, it is now so many years later that Eleazar would have been about 100.  Sending him on a trip hundreds of miles long that would possibly take over a month, might not have been realistic.  The Hebrew term we translate "oldest [servant] in his house who ruled over all he had," might be better translated, "Senior Administrator" (Gen 24:1)  I am certain that Abraham gave his elderly servants who had spent their lives serving him a retirement of sorts, lowering the task difficulty and the number of hours of real labor accordingly.  So we really do not know who this servant is. 
            However, whoever he is, he has learned about God from his master.  So when he arrives in Haran he asks God to be with him and give him this sign:  that the maiden who not only offers him a drink but also offers to water his camels, is the one he is meant to find (24:12-14).  And almost immediately it seems, Rebekah arrives on the scene.  She performs exactly as the servant had prayed. 
            Let's talk a minute about that task.  It was not uncommon for women and even older children to be charged with retrieving the water for the household.  I am sure we have all seen those jars they carry on their heads.  I am not sure how much those jars weighed, but I am told that a gallon of water weighs 8.33 pounds.  If the jar held five gallons, or the ancient equivalent, it would have weighed 41.67 pounds plus the weight of the jar.  That's quite a load.
            Now let's consider the camels.  The servant did not have just a couple of camels—he had ten (24:10).   I am told that a thirsty camel will drink 25 gallons of water.  Multiply that by 10 and then divide by the number of gallons in the jar, of which we are uncertain, but the more it held the better as far as having to draw up the water.  If it held 5 gallons, Rebekah would have had to draw water up from the well 50 times.  If the jar were smaller, we could be approaching 100.
            Rebekah was a teenager, probably 14-15.  Girls in ancient times were considered marriageable as soon as they reached puberty.  Some want to say that they reached puberty far later than our girls do today because they were not well-nourished.  Seems to me we are not talking about peasants here, but wealthy, or at least comfortable, families.  No malnourishment to worry about.  John MacArthur says that by the first century most all girls reached puberty by 13 based on social and marriage customs of the time.  Another thing we need to come to grips with as we study Genesis:  teenage girls sometimes married 40 year old men, or sometimes even older.
            Rebekah, and all teenagers in the Bible for that matter, did hard and heavy jobs that benefited the running of the entire family.  That doesn't mean their parents were abusers.  The children were raised to be responsible enough and strong enough to do it.  What about our children?  Are they raised thinking that they should be waited on hand and foot?  Do they have any idea what it takes to make a household run?  Do we tell them how important what they do is for us?  Have they ever come in tired and worn out because of actual work they have done?  No wonder employers nowadays have such a difficult time finding people who know how to work and have the will to do it.  A friend of mine actually told her children, "If you don't get the day's chores done, you don't get supper," based on 2 Thes 3:10.  Evidently, it worked, but only because she actually carried it out.
            Teaching your children to work, and to work hard, is a life skill they simply must have in order to be successful, both in this life and our spiritual lives.  We are not being good parents when we shirk that duty.
 
The one who is lazy becomes poor, but the one who works diligently becomes wealthy. The one who gathers crops in the summer is a wise son, but the one who sleeps during harvest is a shameful son Prov 10:4,5.
 
Dene Ward
 

Along time ago we lived near a man who raised a little livestock.  He had a sow down the fence line from us, and one summer morning we woke to find piglets rooting their way through our yard, trying to find mama. Mama was too big to get under the pen, but the babies weren’t.  After that we kept tabs on those piglets, and the boys, who were about 6 and 4, loved going to see them.  Baby animals, as a general rule, are cute—even pigs.
            One evening I stuck my head out the door and hollered extra loudly, “Dinner!” because I knew that’s where they were.  Keith said they started back immediately, Nathan on his shoulders, and Lucas walking along side.  About halfway back he swapped boys, and told Nathan to run on ahead and wash his hands. As he watched, Nathan ran along the sandy path toward our driveway, then veered to the left instead of to the right toward the house.  Immediately his father yelled, ‘What did I tell you to do?!” and Nathan instantly changed his direction and ran for the house without even a backward look.
            As he approached the deep shade of the drive himself, Keith felt an inch tall.  Nathan’s tricycle was off to the left, parked in the hedgerow by our chicken pen.  That’s what he had been headed for because his father had taught him to always put up his tricycle.
            He put Lucas down on the ground and sent him on into the house as he went for the tricycle himself, to put it up for his younger son, who had only been trying to obey his father in all things.  Just as he got there, a gray-green cottonmouth as thick as a bike tire tube charged from the bushes.  Keith was able to grab a shovel in time and kill it. 
            Imagine if he had been a four year old.  Would he have seen the snake in time?  Would he have even known to be on the look out as one should here in the north Florida piney woods?  Cottonmouths are not shy—not only will they charge, they will change direction and come after you.  A snake that size could easily have struck above Nathan’s waist, and at only forty pounds he was probably dead on his feet.
            Now let me ask you this—does your child obey you instantly?  Or do you have to argue, threaten, bribe, or cajole him into doing what you tell him to do?  Do you think it doesn’t matter?  The world is filled with dangerous things, even if you don’t live where I do—traffic, electricity, deep water, high drop offs—predators.  If you don’t teach him instant obedience, you could be responsible for his injury or death some day--you, because you didn’t teach him to obey.  Because you thought it wasn’t that important.  Because you thought it would make him hate you.  Because you thought it made you sound mean.  Or dozens of other excuses.
            We put our boys in child car seats before it was required by law.  We actually had other people ask us, “How do you get him to sit in the seat?”  Excuse me? Isn’t it funny that when the law started requiring it, those parents figured it out?  Not getting in trouble with the law was evidently more important to them than the welfare of their children.
            The hedgerows don’t go away when your child grows up.  In fact, they become even more dangerous if you haven’t taught him as you should have.  Isn’t it sad when the elders of the church have to nag people to get them to do one simple thing for the betterment of the church or the visitors whose souls they are supposed to care about, like sitting somewhere besides the two back pews?  Those are probably the same people who as children had to be begged to obey their parents. 
            Do you want to know what someone was like as a child?  I can show you the ones who threw tantrums; they’re the ones who threaten to leave if things aren’t done their way.  I can point out the ones who wouldn’t share their toys; they won’t give up anything now either, especially not their “rights.”  The snake in the hedgerow has bitten them, and this time it poisoned their souls, not their bodies.
            Look around you Sunday morning.  Decide which of those adults you want your children to be like when they grow up.  It doesn’t happen automatically.  It happens when loving parents work hard, sometimes enduring a whole lot of unpleasantness and even criticism, to mold their children into disciples of the Lord.
            Danger hides in the hedgerows.  Make sure your child’s soul stays safe.
 
Now Adonijah [David’s son and] the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, "I will be king." And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, "Why have you done thus and so?" 1 Kings 1:5-6.

On that day I will fulfill against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them, 1 Samuel 3:12-13.
 
Dene Ward
 

I hardly ever go to the mall.  Because our finances have always been tight, I only shop for things when I need them, otherwise it seems to me an exercise in futility.  I can’t afford to get “tired” of something.  If it works, we use it.  If it hasn’t fallen apart yet, we wear it.  Yet sometimes I have to make that trip, usually once a year, twice at the most.  The first time I made it with a toddler and a babe in arms was almost disastrous. 
            Both my boys were obedient little boys.  Not that they came that way—it took a lot of effort and consistent training because they both had Ward blood in them, but eventually I never had to worry about taking them anywhere.  Two year old Lucas followed along as I traipsed from store to store looking for—well, I don’t even remember now.  I had Nathan in one arm, a diaper bag in the other, and my purse over one shoulder, so there was no hand to hold on to Lucas.  He was usually right by my side, and if he suddenly disappeared, I looked back and he had just lagged a bit as we went by a particularly eye-catching display.
            Then, just as we left one of the anchor stores on the far side of the mall, and stepped into the open area, I looked down and he wasn’t there, nor anywhere close.  My heart plummeted, my stomach heaved, and my mind screamed his name before I could even get it out of my mouth.  I ran back into that store, and there ten feet inside, he was standing by a display.  What had caught his interest I don’t know--I doubt I ever knew.  I called his name and he looked at me and smiled and came running.  Me?  I knelt on the floor and somehow with a squirmy four month old and a diaper bag and a purse, I managed to wrap him up in my arms and hug him so tightly that he started to pull away.
            “You need to be careful to stay with Mommy, okay?” I managed with a slight catch in my throat, and he nodded happily.  On we went to do the necessary shopping, but my eye was on him far better than it had been before.
            I doubt very many of you have not had something similar happen to you.  It is, perhaps, the worst feeling in the world to think your child might be lost.
            It amazes me when people do not have that same horrible feeling when their child’s soul is lost.  How can you not run around calling his name and asking people for help?  How can you not agonize about it?  I want to share with you two wonderful examples should you ever need them—which I pray neither you nor I ever do. 
            We have spoken with the lost child of a close friend more than once, offered to study the Bible, and just conversed about life in general at other times.  She appreciates everything we try to do for her child, whether it works or not.  She has even told her child, when that child was mildly disgruntled about one conversation, “Isn’t it wonderful that they care so much?” which effectively put that problem to rest. 
            I keep in contact with the child of another friend.  That child is not amenable to spiritual discussions these days, but he knows I will say something every time anyway, and probably because of his good parents, he accepts my overtures in a friendly way, tolerant when I leave him with a statement like, “You know what you need to do.”  She has told me she doesn’t care what I say to her child, “Just please keep saying something.”
            Neither one of these parents allow their children to complain in their presence about the ways we approach them.  Neither one of them blames us nor anyone else for the decisions their adult children have made, and their children know that too.  I carry great hopes for both of those children, and for those grieving parents.  I feel like their lost children will indeed be “found” some day, partly because of the attitude their parents have managed to keep throughout the whole ordeal. 
            If you have a lost child, follow their example.  As long as you allow that child to blame someone besides himself, he will never see the need for repentance.  As long as you allow her to make excuses, whether justified or not, she will think everyone else is at fault, not her. 
            When I lost Lucas for those few minutes, I didn’t care who helped find him, or what I looked or sounded like as I went running and hollering back into that store.  I just wanted my baby safe and sound.  Can you imagine someone saying, “No!  I don’t want you to look for my child?” 
            Your child may be standing right in front of you, but if his soul is lost, he might as well be a helpless toddler lost at the mall.  Do what you need to do, and accept the help of others without hamstringing them. I lost my little boy once.  I don’t want to ever go through that again, but if I do, rest assured, I will be calling you for help to find him, and I won’t care a bit how you go about it.
 
But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to celebrate, Luke 15:22-24.
 
Dene Ward

It's been eleven years, which I can hardly believe.  Silas came to visit all by himself.  Granddad had carefully planned the play time, and on the first afternoon, as the thermometer hit 95, and the sun beat down mercilessly, he grabbed the garden hose and I knew immediately what was up.
            Keith was always a hands-on Dad, more hands on than the boys wanted in some cases, but also in the fun times.  He played with them from the time they were born, carefully moderating his strength when they were small, but never moderating the little boy inside that never quite left him.  One of my favorite pictures came when he knocked on the door one rainy day, and there the three of them stood, streaked with mud, having played in the soft warm rain throwing mud balls until you could only tell which was which by their relative size.
            So now it was four year old Silas’s turn, his baptism by mud, so to speak, as Keith filled up the low spot in front of the sour orange and the herb bed, dammed by a berm so the water would back up and have time to soak into the ground before rushing on down the hill to the run just off the east side of the property.  As soon as the spot was a couple inches deep, Keith called him in to splash around.  Even that took awhile, but finally Silas waded in and started jumping up and down, squealing with delight as the water splashed up around him, and especially when it splashed on Granddad.
            Then came the magic moment.  Keith reached down into the black mud, scraped up a handful, and flung it carefully onto Silas’s back.  Talk about indignant!  He scrambled up the slope to the carport where I sat in the breeze of a fan, drinking iced tea and watching the fun.  “Granddad threw mud on me,” he complained as he spun in a circle trying to see the damage behind him.
            “So throw some on him!”  I said encouragingly.
            He was aghast.  “But it’s dirty,” he argued.
            “That’s the fun,” I told him, and he slowly walked back to the puddle, glancing over his shoulder at me with a skeptical look.
            Granddad met him with another handful of mud, this time on the chest.  “Arghh!” he protested and scrambled away, but this time not to me.  I was obviously not on his side in this one.
            “Here,” Keith said, and stood, chest bare and arms out wide.  “Throw some on me.”
            Once again, Silas yelled, “No,” but it wasn’t long till he finally picked up a handful of mud on his own.  Keith stood there with a grin, waiting as Silas walked up to him.  But the little guy couldn’t stand it.  Just as he got within a four-year-old’s throwing range, he turned and threw the mud into the puddle instead.  Immediately, Keith picked up a handful and threw it on him.  Silas ran around in circles, but never left the area this time.  In a flash he had another fistful, but once again threw it in the puddle. 
            Finally, Keith sat down in the mud.  “See?  I’m already muddy now.  It’s okay to throw it on me.”
            It still took another five minutes, but finally Silas got into the spirit of the thing and threw a generous handful at Keith.   I am not sure how much reached skin, but he was as thrilled as if he had dumped a bucketful on him.
            For the next thirty minutes the mud was flying.  They both wound up with mud caked on their shorts, dripping from clumps on their shoulders, bellies, backs, and even their heads.  I doubt Silas had ever been that dirty in his entire life, and he thoroughly enjoyed it.
            I could do a lot with this one.  I could talk about hands-on fathering.  I could talk about shucking your dignity so you can play with your child, about shedding that authoritative image so he will know you love him enough not just to correct him, but to enjoy being with him--on his level, not yours.  That’s easy, so I will let you take care of those.
            How about this?  Did you notice how hard it was for Silas to actually start throwing the mud?  Even though he was assured it was all right, even though he was encouraged to have fun that normally was not allowed, it still took a long time for him to give in, but give in he did.  Why do we think we can hold up against far more powerful forces than that when we place our souls in harm’s way?
            The world will tell you it’s all right.  The world will tell you it’s fun.  The world will say, “Look at me.  See?  I’m doing just fine, and so will you.”  If you think you won’t give in, you probably have an inflated opinion of your spiritual strength.  The truly strong person would have never been there to begin with.
            So take it from a little boy who had the time of his life in a mud fight.  You will give in too, only your fight will end up with a dirt that can’t be washed away with a hose, and you may enjoy it too much to ever leave the mud puddle behind.
 
You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen, 2 Peter 3:17-18.
 
Dene Ward

Today's post is by guest writer Joanne Beckley.

There are no original thoughts in the following bits of wisdom that I accumulated through the years. Yes, you may even have been one of the wise ones from whom I listened and learned!

Specifically for Mom
Tit 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, . . . teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

1. When you are tired or angry, shut your mouth. Everything is colored and wisdom is not present.
2. Listen! Whether it is wise counsel from husband, friends or, yes, even your child.
3. Adapt, adapt, adapt. Life does not revolve around your desired special bed of roses.
4. Go to bed with a tomorrow list in hand. Tomorrow will have purpose and your smile will be present.
5. Awake with a Bible reading, song and prayer. Ideally, your entire family will join in, led by your husband. And don’t forget to make time for personal Bible study and meditation. “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ” 2 Pet 3:18.
6. People often think the worst first. Forgive them.
7. “I’m sorry” should not be hidden treasure.
8. Everyone benefits from a cheery greeting. And don’t be surprised when suddenly your ear needs bending.
9. Husbands come first, then children. In time and priority, always. BTW, your husband is NOT one of your children.
Eph 5:24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives [ought to be] to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
10. Someday is Today. Set goals and aim toward them. Life goals, 40 years, 20 years, 10 years, 5 years, 1 year, 1 month, and one day at a time. What you do today should be toward your 1 month goals. Life is precious. Don’t live with regrets.
11. Bears are not allowed at our house. Recognize what makes you growl and either fix it or adapt.
 
Training Children
Mt 19:19 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER; and YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF."
1. The Bible is your training manual. Use it! Www.childtrainingbible.com
2. Kids are manipulators par excellence. Stand your ground.
3. Begin as you mean to go on. Train for the future. Don’t change the rules. Modesty, obedience, respect, etc. Remember, God sets the standards.
4. Service is first learned at home. How you serve is what they learn.
5. Training is two-fold: affection and discipline. Both must be present and wisely distributed at all times.
6. “If a man will not work, neither will he eat.” Teach your children to work, and work with pride of accomplishment. If an attitude problem is present, remove the food.
7. Require respect toward ALL adults.
8. Children grieve. Help them.
9. Discipline problems at school will be noted at home.
10. When all is well, get ready for another surprise. Kids have a knack of tossing yet another challenge into the ring and you will be scrabbling yet again to find the answers.
11. When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang tight. Set the children down - separate chairs, separate areas, and tell the children you need to go pray. And then go!
12. There is nothing wrong with your very young children sleeping in tomorrow’s clothes. Bathe the children, dress them in t-shirt and shorts/jeans. Tomorrow’s day begins without hassle.
13. Consistency, thou art a jewel. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
14. Clean the high-chair before you leave the kitchen.
15. Teach daily from God’s Word. Teaching character is critical in your child’s first five years. Bible stories, yes, but USE them as you emphasize character building qualities. Bible chronology can come later when they have a better understanding of time.
16. Don’t always hide to pray. Children need to see you practice what you preach.
17. Walk your Talk. Think seriously about baptizing a child. Knowledge is not enough. Do they understand Biblical steadfastness (commitment)? Do they understand what it means to confess Jesus as Lord?
18. You talk they listen. They talk you listen. Listen!
19. Post family rules on the back of the kitchen door. End of discussion.
20. Food and worship do not mix. Neither do toys and worship.
21. Refusing to obey is called rebellion. Nip it!
22. Purity is respect for self as God made you. Others (boys!) need to recognize the “No!” in you.
23. Encourage, encourage, encourage!
 
Col 3:17 And whatever you do in word or deed, [do] all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

Joanne Beckley