The last in the series. 

After I read the book to my grandsons, I took it and looked on every page, up and down, backwards and forwards and could not find her.  I knew He-Did-It Harriet was in there somewhere.  Then I began looking for torn out pages.  Nope.  The book was intact.  Finally, I remembered where she was—in my class's imagination.  They told me the book was incomplete, that several people were missing.  So I told them to come up with the missing children themselves, and they did.  After all these years, Harriet is the only one I remember.
 
             He-Did-It-Harriet has several problems.  First, she's the tattletale.  It isn't that she cares about people and whether they might get hurt—she wants them to get in trouble.  Do you think adults don't think the same way sometimes?  Usually after you point out a problem they have.  "Maybe what I did was wrong, but you…"  Or "brother so and so," Or "sister whatsis."  Tattling on anyone to divert the attention of the elders, the preacher, or any other kind soul who is simply trying to help.  Harriet needs to be told in no uncertain terms that what anyone else did does not make her sins okay.

              Harriet's other problem, especially as an adult, is to blame everyone else for her sin.  "But I'm a victim," she says of poor parenting, of a violent culture, or abuse of one sort or another.  And especially, "He was mean to me.  That's why I quit going to church."  You mean, you allowed someone else to cause you to abandon the Lord who gave his life for you?  That same Lord said, "If the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch."  He said through his prophet Ezekiel, "The soul that sins, he shall die."  My sin is my fault because I let it happen, not because of anything anyone else did.  Never in the Bible will you find a place where someone else's failings actually excused the sin of another.

              And Harriet will never see her own failures.  I have lived long enough to know that practically every problem between two people has two sides.  Harriet, though, sees only her side.  She will judge the motives of others and criticize their actions and words, demanding an apology.  When the other side does this too, things will never be straightened out.  But what often happens is the other side will read in their Bible, "Love covers a multitude of sins," and though they, too, were hurt, they will be the first to proffer the demanded apology, hoping for one in return, and when they don’t get it from the self-absorbed Harriet, just go along for the sake of unity and peace in the family or the church rather than make their own demands.  Harriet is so wrapped up in herself that she will never recognize this fact:  one apology almost always demands one in return because no one is perfect.

              Our entire culture is full of He-Did-It Harriets, people who refuse to take accountability for their actions and blame everything and everyone they can for their failings.  When we let that invade the church, even taking up for the Harriets out there who try to blame it on the preachers, teachers, elders, and caring brothers and sisters who dared to tell her she was wrong, we give the Devil a victory.  He has won Harriet, but he has also won anyone else who sees her get away with sin and still be accepted as a part of what should be a holy brotherhood.  Now they know exactly how they can get away with it, too.

              The children did not know when they made up Harriet that this one might be the most important one of all.  Or maybe they did.  Maybe they have seen it too long among their playmates and while they cannot see from experience the evil that is wrought by them, something in them saw a problem.

              If you should use this book with your children or your Bible classes, try this simple exercise.  Have them come up with characters they do not like to be around and do not want to grow up to be like.  Children are far wiser than we sometimes think.
 
He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Gen 3:11-13).
 
And Moses said to Aaron, “What did this people do to you that you have brought such a great sin upon them?” And Aaron said, “Let not the anger of my lord burn hot. You know the people, that they are set on evil. For they said to me, ‘Make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.’ So I said to them, ‘Let any who have gold take it off.’ So they gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.” (Exod 32:21-24).
 
And Saul said to Samuel, “I have obeyed the voice of the LORD. I have gone on the mission on which the LORD sent me. I have brought Agag the king of Amalek, and I have devoted the Amalekites to destruction. But the people took of the spoil, sheep and oxen, the best of the things devoted to destruction, to sacrifice to the LORD your God in Gilgal.” And Samuel said, “Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of divination, and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the LORD, he has also rejected you from being king.” (1Sam 15:20-23).
 
Dene Ward

Picky Pete is another character from the book in the table manners section.  He is the child who will only eat about 5 things—if you are lucky—and it must be the correct brand prepared in the correct way or it doesn't count.  If you have a Picky Pete—and I did—you must eventually teach him to gratefully accept what is placed before him.  Unless he has a certifiable illness or allergy, it is rude not to.  In the first place, someone has worked long and hard to prepare that meal.  In the second, and most important, God has provided it, and that is the only reason he is not starving.  (But parents, cleaning your plate is not predicated on the children in China, okay?)
 
             We had a rule in our house.  You try everything once.  And if you ever say, "Yuk!" (or "Eeew" or any other such word of disgust) you have to eat a double serving.  At least I was never embarrassed at someone else's house that way, and they did discover that some things they thought might be awful actually tasted pretty good.

              The problem with Picky Pete is that the more he is catered to, the worse he gets.  And when he grows up, it will show in ways that are much more of a problem. 

              Remind them of these things, and charge them before God not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers.  (2Tim 2:14 )

              Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.  (2Tim 2:23 )

              As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephesus so that you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine, nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith. (1Tim 1:3,4 )

              Pay special attention to that last one.  Folks, we are not talking about doctrine.  God expects exact obedience.  You cannot honestly study the whole Bible and come up with any other conclusion.  But some things are just not worth bringing up, especially in a mixed group of beginners and older Christians.  They will cause more confusion than clarity.  And you know exactly what I am talking about.  Picky Pete loves these things, and he doesn't care whose faith he ruins, just so he can get a good argument going.  Wise, considerate people who enjoy discussing those trickier things, and whose faith is mature enough to handle it, know that is it better to get together privately to do so.

              Picky Pete is not about details—God expects us to faithfully follow the pattern.  No, Picky Pete is about causing a ruckus regardless the collateral damage.
 
He is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions, and constant friction among people who are depraved in mind and deprived of the truth... 1 Tim 6:4,5
 
Dene Ward

I can’t really believe it.  I was going through all those painful physical therapy exercises you have to do to keep moving when you have injuries or surgeries, and to keep my mind off the pain and the endless repetitions, I flipped on a channel that runs only old shows, about the only kind I can stand to watch any longer.  On a defunct old program I suddenly heard something profound enough to catch my attention.  A character was complaining about his life and how bad he felt.  Another character looked at him and said, “If you want to feel better, take a pill.  If you want to BE better, face the truth about yourself.”
That old show was the original Perry Mason, which debuted on CBS on September 21, 1957 and ran until May 22, 1966.  It was television's first weekly one hour drama.  Based on Erle Stanley Gardner's books, it was every bit the hit they were, collecting a Golden Globe and at least 4 Emmys, along with a Silver Gavel Award from the American Bar Association.  I remember hearing that stirring music as my parents watched the show from the warmth of my bed as a very small child.  I was an adult before I ever saw an episode or read one of the books.

              As for that line of dialogue, it was spoken by Raymond Burr as he portrayed the eminent lawyer. I stopped mid-rep, losing count completely.  What was that I had heard?  I repeated it to myself at least three times so I wouldn’t forget it—maybe—and it was weighty enough a thought that it did stay with me until I could write it down.  “This one I must use sometime,” I thought, and then suddenly realized that God has been using it for millennia, sort of.

              “Face the truth about yourself,” we say.  He says:

              Be not wise in your own eyes…Prov 3:7.

              There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death, Prov 16:25.

              Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart, Prov 21:2.

              There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth, Prov 30:12.

              He feeds on ashes, his deluded mind deceives him, he cannot rescue himself,,,Isa 44:20.

              Let no one deceive himself.  If anyone among you thinks he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise, 1 Cor 3:18.

              For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself, Gal 6:3.

              If anyone thinks he is religious but does not bridle his tongue and deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless, James 1:26.

              Your head should be spinning by now.  How many times have I deceived myself into ignoring rebukes and shunning well-intentioned advice?  And then, when it all falls apart and I am left hurt and weeping, did I ever once stop and think over that advice and those rebukes again and think maybe—just maybe—I should have listened?  Maybe—just maybe—I am not as astute as I seem to think I am.  Oh, I say the right words (“I am not perfect”), but when the fruit reveals itself in my actions, everyone knows I cannot be reasoned with because “My case is different.”  So many people think themselves the exception to the rule that you wonder why God bothered to write a guidebook for us—it doesn’t apply to anyone! 

              A rebuke should make me stop and consider, not stomp and smolder.  Yes, that is still difficult.  I am not sure it ever becomes easy.  But those scriptures up there say that if I do not consider, the vengeance I wreak with my answering anger to the one who cared enough to try, will only destroy me.

              “If you want to feel better, take a pill.  If you want to BE better, face the truth about yourself.”
 
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. Jas 1:22-25
 
Dene Ward

Seems like every August one of the morning network shows will have a spot on what to do with all those tomatoes.  Unfortunately, those shows usually air from New York City where they seem to think that everyone thinks like they do and lives like they do, and that even the weather follows suit.  New York City must be the center of the universe. 
 
             Down here in Florida our tomatoes are 1 to 2 months gone by the time those shows air, depending upon the year.  We eat and give away those perfectly formed, unblemished firstfruits from the last week of May till halfway through June.  Then I spend a week canning tomatoes with the plum varieties, and a few days on specialty items like salsa and tomato jam.  Another week using up the end of the year uglies on sauce, and that’s that.  It’s a rare year that I have tomatoes after the Fourth of July.

              And guess what?  In the south part of this long state, things are different still.  Tomato season Is different for every location and climate.

              It’s like that for Christians too.  Not only do different spiritual ages have differing levels of understanding, but even different locations fight different battles.  A long time ago, we moved north.  Talk about culture shock.  Not only did I see my first snow, we had to fight heresies that had been fought down south ten years earlier.  You can see those things happen in the New Testament too, as trouble travels from city to city. 

              We can also discover exactly how patient—or impatient—we are with our brothers and sisters.  I forget how long it took me to reach this point and expect it of them in a few short weeks.  I become annoyed with their failures and with their lack of understanding.  Somehow I expect them to leapfrog a few decades and catch up.

              That is not how it works, and we must make allowances.  It may mean we are more careful in our decision making, and it may mean we give up our liberties.  It’s one thing to be held hostage by the views of the stubborn who claim they are “offended;” it’s quite another to trample on the fragile souls of those new in the faith, who are still grappling with the baggage they have not quite left behind. 

              And let us not deter, or even discourage completely, their salvation with some manmade list of things they should know before we accept them into our congregations.  Smacks a little of catechism class, doesn’t it?  Just how much do you think that Philippian jailor knew when Paul baptized him “in the same hour of the night?”  Enough to understand his need for a Savior and how to contact that redeeming blood.  He had a lifetime to learn the rest.
 
             Tomato season for me is not tomato season for you, and my Christian age is not the same as yours.  If you expect a green tomato to taste like one that has been vine-ripened in a home garden, you are not as wise as you think you are.
 
We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me,  Rom 15:1-3.
 
Dene Ward

Sulky Sue is a cute little blond, whose angelic expression can turn ugly in an instant.  Whenever she doesn't get her way, she screams, pouts, holds her breath, or otherwise makes the entire family miserable.  Mom and Dad have given in to her tantrums so often that she has come to expect everything to go as she wishes.  They are now just plain scared of her.

              So what happens when Sue grows up?  She still expects to get everything she wants, and whoever is in the way will be sorry if she does not.  Complaining has become her way of life.  She is not happy unless there is something to gripe about.  And gripe she will, even to the point of public scenes.  Preachers, teachers, elders and deacons instantly tense up when they see her approaching.  Is Sue happy today, or did I do something else to upset her?

              Grown-up Sue has never outgrown the egocentrism of a child.  She sits back and watches, gathering more and more "righteous" anger each day that passes because, you see, everyone is out to get her.  Even family and friends are guilty of treating her unfairly, and with "malice aforethought."  Nothing is ever accidental, and everyone always has her in mind when they say or do anything.  

              I once sat and talked with an older woman for about thirty minutes.  In that short amount of time, she said, "_______ didn't like me and wanted to cause me trouble," three different times about three different people.  I so badly wanted to ask, "And what did those three have in common?  Having to deal with YOU."  But I did not.  Maybe I was scared of her, too.

              Sue has let bitterness soak into her soul.  She is never happy, at least not for long.  She is looking for trouble everywhere.  She takes everything personally, makes mountains out of molehills, and blames God for giving her a miserable life.  For some reason, it never crosses her mind that she has pouted and moaned herself into becoming a crabby, peevish, irritable old woman (or man), and she cannot understand why people stay away from her.  Tell her to count her blessings and you will be counting the days, months, or years until she speaks to you again.  But it will probably be a great relief!
 
              Life never goes the way we plan.  Get your child used to the fact that he will have to patiently put up with drivers he thinks are idiots, bosses he can hardly stand, teachers he thinks are unfair, and neighbors who are nuisances.  Tell him to "Get over it!"  It happens to everyone and he is not so special that it will not happen to him too. 

             God's people have hope even in the midst of sorrow.  Sulky Sue is too wrapped up in herself to see beyond this world to the glory of the next.
 
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.  2 Cor 4:17,18
 
Dene Ward

This has become almost laughable on Facebook.  Someone tries to make a legitimate point and someone else manages to find an objection to something that was not even addressed.  They wrap themselves in an aura of godliness by creating a major out of a minor and end up ruining the address of a real problem that would have benefited many.  It isn't godliness, folks; it's arrogance.

              Recently I saw a quote from someone many of us would disagree with theologically.  However, it was an excellent quote and it answered a real problem that many we do agree with may have.  Almost immediately a comment came in about not taking anything by this man seriously because of some of his other beliefs.  That turned a profitable discussion into one designed to repudiate anyone who does not fall into place down the line doctrinally.  I wonder how many who needed that quote missed its beneficial point, and how many went on their way in an error this quote might have helped, and all because someone out there had to look so righteous.

              Rather than just have my think-so about it, let's approach this scripturally and see what we can find.

              Paul quoted pagans at least twice to prove his points. 
              …for in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain even of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.  Being then the offspring of God, we ought not to think that the Godhead is like unto gold, or silver, or stone, graven by art and device of man. (Acts 17:28-29)
              One of themselves, a prophet of their own, said, Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, idle gluttons.  This testimony is true. For which cause reprove them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith, (Titus 1:12-13)

              The apostle John quoted one of the instigators of the murder of Jesus, in which he said his statement was not only true, it was prophecy.  But a certain one of them, Caiaphas, being high priest that year, said unto them, Ye know nothing at all, nor do ye take account that it is expedient for you that one man should die for the people, and that the whole nation perish not.  Now this he said not of himself: but, being high priest that year, he prophesied that Jesus should die for the nation; and not for the nation only, but that he might also gather together into one the children of God that are scattered abroad.  So from that day forth they took counsel that they might put him to death. (John 11:49-53)

              The book of Proverbs was Divinely preserved for us all these centuries later for the good advice within it, even though the writer, as we say these days, went off the deep end.

              And Jesus himself tells us that the sons of this world…are wiser than the sons of light.  (Luke 16:8).  In other words, learn from them.

              All of that tells me that I am allowed to make judgments about what is and is not profitable, who is and is not worth listening to, as long as I am careful.  John also tells us to "Prove the spirits whether they be from God," (I John 4:1), and if I understand the context of that epistle correctly, he had a few baptized believers in mind first.

              Even good brethren who loved him gave Paul some lousy advice (Acts 21:11-14).  That means that even a "baptized, non-premillenial believer" can be wrong.  That includes commentaries and other books by our brethren.  I have found so many mistakes in children's Bible class literature that I am appalled.  I have seen well-respected gospel preachers write that God made an exception for the Ephraimite Samuel to make sacrifices, when it only takes a few minutes of research to find out that Samuel may have lived in Ephraim, but he was indeed a Levite (I Chron 6:16-28).  And I am told that Zerr's commentary on Genesis says that Gen 3:16 means that women should not take pain killers during childbirth.  I am glad that man was nowhere near me when I needed an emergency C-section!  So much for the brethren's commentaries.

              So what does all of this mean?  You can find good, common sense advice anywhere.  You can find people you may not agree with entirely who have the ability to open your eyes to something you do agree with.  How many times have you heard our denominational neighbors used to put us to shame when it comes to zeal and spreading the gospel?  Whether friend or foe, whether pagan or believer, be open enough to hear what "the sons of this world" have to say that might help you.  And don't be so arrogant as to think you know best what others need to hear, including yourself.
 
Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Prov 26:12)
 
Dene Ward

If you missed it, see last Monday's introductory post about this series

              Look-at-me-Louie is a debonair little guy in the book.  Blond, well-dressed, riding a skateboard, a satisfied smile on his face, and his hands on his hips.  Louie will always be showing off and demanding attention.  He is sure he is great at everything, and no one can tell him otherwise.

              I am sure that you have seen grown-up Louie.  He talks constantly—about himself and his accomplishments.  Kind of like a neighbor I once had who told us often of all the money he made before he retired.  It was plain what he was proud of—his wealth, and he was happy to tell us again and again how he had gained it. 

               Grown-up Louie now sports a SELF-satisfied smile.  He can be loud at times, demanding attention not just from the one he is talking to, but the whole room.  He believes he is always the best choice for whatever position or honor comes along and can get downright ugly if he does not get it.  Kind of like a man I knew long ago and far away who started a smear campaign against an eldership because he himself wasn't chosen.
 
             Grown-up Louie does not take correction well at all.  "Why, how dare you try to tell me something when I am so much better than you are."  We once tried to help a young man whose name might as well have been Louie.  He already knew everything he needed to know, thank you very much.  "Why, I am used as the good example to everyone else!  No one can teach me anything."  He knew more than people thirty years older with decades more experience.  There was no way we lowly people could possibly help him.

              He was right, actually.  We could not help him--because he did not believe he needed to be helped.  And that is the sad truth about all the Louies you may know.  The elders cannot help them.  Preachers and teachers cannot help them.  No one can help them until they learn to see themselves clearly in the mirror of God's Word.  The only thing they will hear is praise because that is all they think they deserve.  Once you stop that, they become deaf to you.

              Some of the Louies out there will actually grow up and learn to listen, but some not.  I know a few in their 60s who still cannot stand to hear that they have made a mistake.  Suddenly, you become the enemy instead of a friend.  But sometimes something happens to wake them up.  That's wonderful, but think of all the wasted years, the things they might have learned, and the progress they might have made if they had not been a Look-at-me-Louie in the first place.

              Don't waste your life looking for praise and spurning instruction.  You will wind up being so much less than you could have been for the Lord.
 
Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.  Prov 9:9
A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.  Prov 13:1
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.  Rom 12:3
 
Dene Ward

It was a couple of years before we finally had sparrows at our bird feeder.  For some reason, it took them the longest to find us.  But which variety?  I never realized there were so many until I tried to look these little guys up in my bird book.  One afternoon, a sparrow perched on the window ledge right beside me and I looked down on his tiny red-brown cap.  Aha!  He was a chipping sparrow.
 
           You know what else I noticed?  He always has friends with him.  What started out as two or three, by the third or fourth day had become a dozen, and the next Saturday afternoon I counted 21 on my five foot long feeder. 

            On our last camping trip, we threw some biscuit crumbs onto the grass outside the edge of our graveled state park campsite simply because I had heard a dove out there one morning and Keith was hoping to lure him out into the open.  I grabbed the binoculars—even though I sat only fifteen feet from that grassy spot—and saw a sparrow.  No, wait!  Not one but two, no--three, no--half a dozen.  Keith said, “Look at all those sparrows!” and I answered what I had come to know over the months, “You never see just one sparrow.”

            This, of course, made me think.  Cardinals?  Yes there were always more than one, usually a pair, and when they raise a family nearby they bring them to eat too.  They are a bit territorial, though, and will sometimes fly at other birds to knock them away from the food.  No one else is supposed to enjoy this privilege.

            Titmice?  Yes, they come in pairs too.  But when other birds arrive, they often sit off in the azalea bushes scolding them with a tiny, high-pitched screech.  Even when I go out to add more seed, though the others fly away, the titmice will sit and fuss at me.  I keep telling them, “I am giving you a free and easy meal.  Be patient!”  But scolding seems to be their nature.  Nothing anyone else does suits them.

            And the catbird?  He always comes alone.  He pecks the suet and flies away as fast as he can.  He is the biggest bird to visit my feeder, but he acts like he is afraid of them all.  He never interacts with anyone.  He is there and gone, almost before your eyes can focus on him.  I wonder how he gets any nourishment at all.

            But the sparrows? They are not afraid to sit close together and stay long.  None of the bigger birds can scare them off.  In fact, the doves, which run up and down the feeder, literally “running” birds off more than feeding themselves, cannot run off those sparrows.  I saw a dove try to run at a sparrow one day, and the sparrow just sat there, minding his own “eating” business, until the dove at the last minute had to hop over him to avoid the collision.  Meanwhile, there are more and more sparrows coming, and my birdseed bill is growing faster than my grocery budget.

            Can we learn anything from all these birds?  You can probably see these lessons as easily as I can.  Christians are grateful for what they have and enjoy feasting on the word of God.  They enjoy each other too.  They don’t have time to criticize because they are too busy with the business at hand.  And most of all, they want to share. 

            There should never be just one Christian.
 
So the woman left her waterpot, and went away into the city, and said to the people,  Come, see a man, who told me all things that ever I did: can this be the Christ?  They went out of the city, and were coming to him. And from that city many of the Samaritans believed on him because of the word of the woman who testified, John 4:28-30,39.
 
Dene Ward
 

On the date above, the Associated Press ran a story about "half-naked natators" on the municipal beaches of New York City who were being fined ($1.00) for showing up topless.  "The city fathers insist on complete bathing suits—tops and trunks, or one-piece suits combining both."
              Yes, we are talking about men here.  Before then, public morals insisted that men not go shirtless. "Are you kidding?" some of you are probably thinking, but, as a preacher friend likes to say, "Here's the deal."  Just because society's sense of modesty has changed does not mean God's has.  We point to articles like this and use them to justify some of the most immodest clothing ever worn in any society through the ages.  And why?  Because we do not want to be different, that's why.  Folks, being different is what being a Christian is all about.  It is all over the pages of the New Testament.  If you can't stand to be pointed at and derided because you refuse to act like the rest of the world, then you are not up to the task of being a Christian.
              Granted, some of us have been raised to see certain things as "normal."  Do you realize how many things a missionary has to "unteach" in a pagan society where they are accepted as "normal?"  We are just acting like pagans when we allow our society to define our morality.  It is high time we re-examined our behavior, and in this morning's post, our clothing. 
              Do you realize that European women (I read in a newspaper article) view American women as "dressed like prostitutes?"  I wish I still had that article so you would know I am not making this up.  What we like to call "immodesty" is probably better defined as lasciviousness—that which arouses lust.  Here is where fathers fail to teach and mothers fail to accept their views.  Men know exactly what other men are thinking—especially men who are not even trying to be godly.  And what do men like to look at?
              Cleavage, short shorts, any kind of swimsuit (or anything that shows an entire length of leg or even just most of one), spaghetti straps, work-out clothes, tight jeans and skirts, strapless and backless clothes, bare midriffs (and a belly chain is a special turn-on), and any item that blatantly draws attention to certain parts of the body.  Yes, immodesty is often a heart issue.  A woman who dresses with "the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Pet 3:4) will seldom dress immodestly.  However, immodesty can also be a matter of ignorance.  Just as those pagans who thought polygamy was "normal" needed to be shown otherwise, some women think certain types of dress are normal because that is what everyone else wears.  Sometimes practicality simply demands some sort of list!
              That list above can be found in any article or book on the subject, even ones not written by Christians.  Ungodly people know what is and is not immodest.  For some reason, the list doesn't change no matter what the date of copyright.  In fact, it is the same list I saw as a teenager, oh, so many, many years ago.  So what was that about "things have changed?"  What incites lust does not change.
              "So what can I wear?" you ask pitifully.  A lot.  I haven't had a bit of trouble finding things to wear.  Neither has my daughter-in-law or my seven nieces.  There are even companies that make "modest swimwear."  Enough Christians of one stripe or another have asked for it and it is now available, if you will bother to look it up.  I did not have such a luxury and I truly looked weird in my swimming get-up, which was made up of various items of regular, modest clothing that covered me from neck to knee and was not transparent, even when it got wet.
              Another problem:  parents, please think about the extracurricular activities you involve your children in, both boys and girls, and the kind of clothing that activity usually demands.  Why would you allow your child to come to love, and even build his or her identity in something that sooner or later you will have to forbid?  Could you be any crueler?  I have reached the point that, though I enjoy gymnastics, I will no longer watch it now that half of every young female gymnast's behind is on display.  I probably should have turned it off sooner. 
              Every year that passes I see us accepting things that we should not, things we should avoid and teach our children to avoid, not excuse as "normal because everyone does it."  I remember conversations with my mother about that very thing.  "What everyone does is probably the best reason for you not to do it," she said, and she was absolutely right.
              Go look in your closets, sisters.  Look in your daughter's closet.  She will not understand when you suddenly forbid her to wear some things.  You will never be able to make her understand, probably, until she marries, and even then some women refuse to get it.  Why, their good man could not possibly have a problem with these things.  Yes, he can, and you are making it harder on him when you won't accept the facts of biology.
              We all have a responsibility to the people around us.  If we cause lust, we are "causing our brother to stumble (SIN)," and yes, it is too, our problem, not just his, because God will hold us accountable.
 
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.  For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves… (1Pet 3:3-5)
 
Dene Ward

Due to my congenital eye problems, I grew up reading in my room instead of playing outside with the other kids.  That may sound odd—reading when one has an eye problem—but, you see, reading was safe.  As long as I had my coke bottle glasses I could sink back into my imagination and see the world.  Whenever I tried to play with the other children, I always tripped over something I did not see, fell and skinned my knees, or got hit in the face with whatever ball we were playing with at the time because I could not see it coming, sometimes breaking those expensive glasses. 

            Then I married a man, and had two boys.  Here I was with a house full of men and had absolutely no experience either playing sports or watching them.  Well—I tried to watch football once when I was about 10.  It looked to me like two bunches of men who every minute or so ran into each other and fell down.  I did enough of that myself, and could not see the attraction at all.

            But I wanted a close relationship with my family, so I started sitting with them on Saturday afternoons, watching what they watched—football and basketball.  Although I still do not have any idea what a “pick and roll” is, or why in the world they call a guy a tackle and then forbid him to do exactly that, I can now identify a naked bootleg and tell when a charge is not a charge, but a blocking foul.  The boys got a big kick out of teaching these things to Mom.

            I went to that trouble because I cared about my family relationships.  Do I care for my neighbors as well? Or have I bought into the egocentric American notion that the world should operate on my schedule and according to my desires, and no one else has any legitimate problems, or any other rationale for what they do other than to aggravate me and get in my way? 

         Will I ask the man next door about his golf game, while studiously avoiding the old joke about golf being “a good walk ruined?”  When I meet the lady across the street at the mailbox, will I ask to see her latest crocheted creation, even though I don’t know the name of a single stitch, and can barely sew a straight line on a machine?  If I want to develop the kind of relationships that will become closer and deeper, and perhaps eventually lead them to the Lord, I hope I will.  These things may seem insignificant, but they pave the way for things that are anything but.

            What lives will you and I try to touch today?
 
For though I was free from all men, I brought myself under bondage to all, that I might gain the more.  And to the Jews I became as a Jew that I might gain Jews; to them that were under the law, as under the law, not being myself under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law; to them that are without law as without law, not being without law to God but under law to Christ. To the weak I became weak, that I might gain the weak.  I have become all things to all men that I may by all means save some.  And I do all things for the gospel’s sake, that I might be a joint partaker thereof.  1 Cor 9:19-23
 
Dene Ward