Today is a day for lovers, or so the merchandisers of the world say.  Do Keith and I do anything special?  You better believe it.  It’s usually nothing huge—a card, a homemade gift, a bouquet of handpicked wildflowers, a special dessert.  We don’t try to single-handedly support Madison Avenue.  Sometimes Keith simply takes the day off and we spend time together talking—what a novel idea, especially for some married folks!  Not because we celebrate some Catholic “saint” or because we feel pressured by society, but because we take every opportunity to revel in our love.  How do you think we have managed to put up with each other for all these years?
Romance is not an un-Biblical concept.  While the description of the body in several passages in the Song of Solomon may not appeal to our Western ears, it is still used in the courtship rituals of some Eastern countries today.  The Proverb writer speaks of romance like this: There are three things which are too wonderful for me, yes, four which I do not understand:  the way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent upon a rock, the way of a ship in the middle of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid, 30:18-20. 

The writer of Ecclesiastes tells us to live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your life of vanity, which he has given you under the sun…for that is your portion in life, 9:9.  “Live joyfully” is an injunction; it is not passive.  Do not wait for it; initiate it yourself.  These passages were originally spoken to couples whose marriages were arranged.  Imagine what God expects of those of us who chose our own spouses after “falling in love.” 

Two or three times a week as I clean out Keith’s lunchbox in the evening, I find red, heart-shaped love notes he has cut out of some office scrap paper and written—I know he has taken time out of a busy day to think of me.  And he usually calls during his lunch hour.

Eating a nice dinner out is in our budget only a couple of times a year—and that is up from the early days of our marriage--but I can make a four course meal for two for the price of one entrée in an upscale restaurant, and enjoy doing it. Several times a year, we dress up, get out the china, light the candles, and have a meal I have worked on all day.  When the boys were little, I fixed them their own special meal—more along the lines of pizza than boeuf bourguignon--then explained how they could help mommy and daddy have a special time together by going to bed early, and staying there.  Besides the reward of their favorite meal, they could stay up late reading and talking to one another.  We occasionally heard thumps and giggles long after we would have ordinarily put a stop to it, but never once did they not fulfill their part of the bargain by interrupting us because we stressed to them how important their part was and they were thrilled to do it. 

Marriage is a high maintenance relationship.  If you neglect it, it goes downhill in a hurry.  Do something today, no matter how small it may be—and whether or not the other one reciprocates--to keep that from happening.  Make sure it is something that will mean something to your spouse, not just to you!  Men and women are different that way (as if you hadn’t noticed).  Then choose another time to do it again—not just your anniversary or Valentine’s Day.  Do it sometimes for no good reason at all. Or isn’t keeping your marriage alive reason enough? 

God expects you to romance one another.

Drink waters out of your own cistern, and running waters out of your own well.  Should your springs be dispersed abroad, and streams of water in the streets?  Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.  Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth.  As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times, and be ravished always with her love.  Prov 5:15-20   

Dene Ward

Today’s post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.

I do not have any children so you may think I don’t have anything worth listening to.  But for 7 years I was in the position of managing some of Mama's little darlings in what was, for many of them, their first job.  So I saw up close and personal the results of modern American child rearing.  It was rarely pretty.  

Most kids, as they first get out into the world, have no sense of cause and effect. They have no idea that they should ever put the group ahead of themselves. They don't know how to deal with adversity because they've never been allowed to experience it before. They don't know what work is, have no sense of responsibility, and don't acknowledge any absolutes. AND THESE ARE THE GOOD KIDS!

Good parents should raise their children to succeed in life, and if they cannot hold down a job, they won’t.  Period.  So here are some suggestions from the boss they might work for someday, who is probably a lot like most bosses.

1) Don't protect your kids from their mistakes.  If they goof up, allow them to feel the pain it causes.  Point out the relationship between their actions and the consequences.  When it’s their fault, they need to own it, not blame someone else.

2) Don't protect your kids from life.  I once was talking to one of my employees and said, "Life isn't fair."  She looked at me strangely and said, "Yes it is, or it always has been to me."  All I could do was stare at her with my mouth hanging open and think "Oh, you poor girl!"  She had no defenses built up.  When something unfair happens to her, which it will, she will have no idea how to handle it.  She'll likely fall apart.  Inoculate your children against life by letting them see what goes on and showing them how to handle it.

3) Teach your children that they aren't the most important thing in the world.  (I know, they are the most important thing to you, but if you aren't careful you'll teach them to act as if they are the world's royalty.)  When I was growing up I didn't always get what I wanted, not always because it was a bad thing or because my parents couldn't afford it, but because it was my brother's turn to choose or Dad or Mom wanted to do something different.  We were also taught to consider how our actions affected others. There was no quicker way to anger Dad than to be noisy when Mom was napping. We were taught to think of others.

4) Teach your children what work is.  If you live in town, this may be harder – no, I don't consider taking the trash out twice a week and mowing a quarter acre lawn on a riding mower to be work -- but figure something out.  I had good kids as employees who wanted to be good employees, but just didn't know how to work: how to stick with a job until it was finished, how to see what needed to be done and do it, how to stay busy.  There's an old phrase that really needs to be introduced to America's youth: "An honest day's work for an honest day's pay".  Most kids today think that clocking in on time, working while the boss is watching, and talking to their friends the rest of the time is "work".  The company isn't paying them to stand around, and one day they may find out the hard way.

5) While there are some gray areas, some things are right and some are wrong.  Even modern psychology tells us that children are happier with boundaries—it makes them feel secure.  The same fence that keeps them in, keeps the bad things out.  So teach them some absolute guidelines. Best place to start: your Bible.

Wow, I've become a cranky old man.                          

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might...Eccl 9:10

Lucas Ward

I have discovered a new body part.  It is called the “forgetter.”  A few weekends ago, it ran in overdrive.  On Saturday morning I melted the butter, then forgot to put it in the pecan waffle batter.  I preheated the waffle iron on high, then forgot to turn it down to medium.  Tough black waffles were not what I planned for breakfast.

On Sunday morning I seasoned the roast with salt, pepper, fresh thyme and marjoram, browned it in olive oil, chopped some onions, garlic, and celery and sautéed them in the drippings, deglazed the pan, then put everything back in with potatoes and carrots. Sounds like a great cooking show, right?  I set the temperature on the oven, set the timer to start while we were gone, and walked out of the house without turning it on!  I knew we were in trouble when I walked in and sniffed and that aroma that instantly makes your stomach stand up and beg was missing.

I always used to think the passage in James about the man who looks into the mirror and then walks away forgetting what he saw, was a little farfetched.  But now I regularly look at myself in the mirror every morning, walk away and get sidetracked making a bed or sorting laundry, taking a phone call or paying a bill, and forget to comb my hair until I look again a couple of hours later.  Lucky for me I have a head full of curls and the style these days is to look like your hair has not seen a comb for three weeks.  Celebrities pay big bucks for such a look.  So I can get by, right?  Everyone will think I just have the same hairstyle as some glamorous movie star.  When I looked out and said good morning to the meter reader the other day, the look he gave me said he was not fooled a bit.

So it is not as difficult now to realize that people can look at the mirror of God’s word and walk away, forgetting to change themselves.  They are as easily distracted by the “cares and riches and pleasures of this life,” as I am by assorted housekeeping duties, and the Word is choked out of them, Luke 8:14.   But change is the essence of repentance; it is the point where self is pushed aside, and obedience and service to the Lord becomes my reason for living.  If I can see in God’s word what I need to be and do, and then walk away without doing it, I have not turned my life over to Him—I have not been converted, or else I have turned my back on that commitment like an unfaithful spouse.  That is why the Old Testament prophets call it spiritual adultery. 

Sometimes I forget because I want to forget.  In a culture where self-control is a scarce commodity, it’s easier to say, “That’s just the way I am.”  It’s even easier to never look in the mirror in the first place because I do not want to see anything wrong with myself.  But God won’t be fooled any more easily than my meter reader was.

Remember to look in the mirror this morning, and don’t forget what you see.

But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deluding yourselves.  For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man seeing his natural face in a mirror; for he sees himself and goes away, immediately forgetting what kind of man he saw.  But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty, and so continues, being not a hearer that forgets, but a doer who works, this man shall be blessed in his doing.  James 1:22-25.

Dene Ward

What if I said to you, “He is as slow as a turtle,” and then a few minutes later added, “He’s moving at a snail’s pace.”  What would you say?  I’ll tell you what you would not say.

You would not say, “Oh, he must have hard skin,” or, “He must be slimy.”  You would not look at me in exasperation and say, “Well which one is he?!  A snail or a turtle?”  Why is it then, that we do that to the Bible when the Holy Spirit uses figurative language? 

Usually there is only one point to a figure, whether it is as small as a metaphor or as complex as a parable.  God can call the church a family, an army, a vineyard, a kingdom, and a bride.  There is a point of emphasis for each figure.  Most of us get that one, but then do crazy things with the parables, finding and binding points where there are none, or tying ourselves into knots trying to explain why both Jesus and the apostles’ teaching are called “the foundation.”  Bible study wouldn’t be nearly as difficult if we used the same common sense with it that we do with everyday language.  That’s why the Holy Spirit used common language—so we could understand

Eph 6:16 says faith is a shield.  1 Thes 5:8 says faith is a breastplate.  Couldn’t Paul get it right?  Yes he could, and yes he did.  Faith is either one depending upon the point you are trying to make.

The word for shield in question is used only that one time in the New Testament that I could find.  In its etymology, it originally referred to the stone that covered the door of a cave.  That immediately brings to mind the stones that covered both Jesus’ and Lazarus’s tomb-caves.  The door had to be heavy so a scavenging animal could not dislodge it.  It had to completely cover the opening so that after four days, as Martha reminded Jesus, the smell wouldn’t get out.

The word was later used for a specific type of shield—a large rectangular shield that would completely cover the soldier just like that rock covered the cave door.  What did Paul say about the purpose of that shield?  “To quench all the fiery darts of the evil one.”  Did you get that?  It covers so well and is so heavy that none of those darts can get past it.  So whose fault is it when they do?  It’s ours because we stuck something out where it didn’t belong, or completely dropped the shield. 

Now what about that breastplate in 1 Thes 5:8?  That word is thorax which is now our English word for “chest.”  No, it doesn’t cover the whole soldier like the shield, but it does cover all his vital organs, and it does another thing as well.  A thorax was a piece of armor with two parts, covering both the front and the back.  Faith is like that.  It will help you with the attacks you see coming—and sometimes you can see your problems rushing head-on—but it will also protect you from surprise attacks from the rear.  Sometimes life deals you an unexpected blow—“didn’t see that one coming,” we often say--but your faith can protect you from even those sorts of things. 

So is faith a shield or a breastplate?  Faith is both, depending upon the point you are trying to make.  The thing the two metaphors have in common is protection.  God has given us what we need to stay safe.  Don’t get so busy trying to explain things that shouldn’t need explaining that you forget to use it.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Ephesians 6:11-13

Will the Lord cast off forever?  Will he be favorable no more?  Is his mercy clean gone forever? Do his promises fail for evermore?  Has God forgotten to be gracious?  Has he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Psalm 77:7-9

            I have had some difficult days in the past few years; days when, like the Psalmist, I wondered where God was, and why He had left me.

            I get angry with myself during those times.  At this stage of my walk with Him, this should not happen any more, should it?

            But then I remember standing by my father’s bed in CCU, in a quiet broken only by low murmurs from the nurses’ station, and the beeps, wheezes, and dings of the machinery keeping him alive.  All the tubes and hoses fastened to him were almost more than I could bear to look at, and I usually found myself watching the vitals monitor.  You know what I wanted to see then?  Up and down.  Up and down.  Up and down.  The last thing in the world I wanted to see was a flat line.

            You see, the question isn’t, do you have some down days?  The question is, do you come back up?  A flat-liner is dead.  Ups and downs mean you are dealing with the vagaries of life, some days better than others. They do not mean you have no faith; they just mean you are still alive!  Certainly we shouldn’t experience the wild ups and downs of a rollercoaster ride, but the gentle waves of a rising tide is perfectly natural, waves that lap the shore steadily, reaching further and further inland so that today’s lows are higher than yesterday’s highs. 

            So when you find yourself in the valley, don’t give in. Hang on and pull yourself back up. That’s what matters.  Besides, you are not the only one pulling.  If you were, you would never make it back up.

As for me, I said in my haste,
    I am cut off from before your eyes.
Nevertheless, you heard the voice of my supplications
    When I cried unto you.
Oh love Jehovah, all you saints;
    Jehovah preserves the faithful
But plentifully pays back the proud.
    Be strong and let your heart take courage.
All you who hope in Jehovah.
     Psalm 31:22-24

Dene Ward

I used to jog.  As my vision has decreased, my exercise regimen has changed as well.  The jog became a walk, then a walk with trekking poles as support, and now an indoor elliptical machine.  But I miss that outdoor time---six laps of a ½ mile plus each.  No, I did not get bored walking around in circles every day.  I have learned more about wildflowers, trees, and birds than ever before, and my dog and I have a game we play that I am positive she has made up rules for.  The walk is also an excellent time for prayer and meditation. 

About the only thing I did not like about the path was the occasional spider web, especially when I was surprised by a face full of one.  Like all predatory traps, they are practically invisible.  If I were a fly instead of a human, I would have been snared and eaten a long time ago.

One morning as I came east across the north end of the property, I passed through a shaft of sunlight shining on a web ahead of me, turning it into spun gold.  Just in time I was able to stop, grab a twig from the ground, and wipe the web out of my path.

Satan is never called a spider, but his traps are exactly like those spider webs.  They are invisible.  Unless you shine the light of God’s word on them, you will walk right into them.  They may even look attractive, like the beautifully intricate web I saw that day.  We must never forget that they are as deadly to us as a spider web is to a fly.

The opening of your word gives light;
            It gives understanding to the simple.
I opened wide my mouth and panted, 
            For I longed for your commandments. 
Turn unto me and have mercy on me, 
            As you do to those who love your name. 
Establish my footsteps in your word, 
            And let not any iniquity have dominion over me.
Psalm 119:130-133

Dene Ward

I remembered recently a walk Chloe and I took one morning when she was still a puppy.  It was a particularly nice day.  The steam bath of a Florida summer had given way to the milder warmth of early fall.  Migrating birds had stopped for the breakfast buffet in the nearby woods.  My hawk called good morning from high overhead.  A breeze fluffed up the grass and sent cotton ball clouds scudding across the sky.  Our world was filled with beauty and peace.

All of a sudden, down at my feet, Chloe belched.  This was not the dainty puff of air I sometimes hear from our older heeler, who then looks at me with embarrassed, downcast eyes.  This was a full-blown, open-mouthed belch that, proportionate to her size, would have rivaled any beer-bellied redneck.  I laughed out loud from the sheer shock of it.  I had never heard a puppy belch.  I didn’t even know it was possible.  Puppies are cute; puppies are playful; puppies are sweet and innocent.  Hearing Chloe belch certainly ruined that image.

Unfortunately, image is one thing and reality is something else entirely. Sometimes we forget that and set ourselves up for a lot of disappointment that could be avoided.  And sometimes that disappointment costs us our faith.

Consider this one thing, among many others:  how much more shocked are we when a preacher or elder falls?  “What hypocrites!” we instantly accuse.  Yet, isn’t it a poor preacher who cannot preach better than he can practice?  Why should his inability to be perfect (which we have no problem telling him about otherwise) keep us from trying at all?  The reality is we all fail once in a while, even though our image of them says they shouldn’t.

Whenever someone says to me, “I’ll never go to that church because some of the people there are hypocrites,” I usually answer, “Even the apostles had a Judas among them, but they did not let that make them forsake their Lord.” 

To those who leave the church “because of all the hypocrites,” Keith usually says, “And you are going to leave the Lord’s church in their hands?”  You see, what it all boils down to is yet more excuses for our own behavior.

No matter how well put together people seem on the outside, everyone has problems.  Sometimes the worst problem anyone can have is trying to live up to another person’s image of him.  If anyone knows he is not perfect, it is usually the one whom everyone else thinks is.  Not preachers, not elders, not elders’ wives, not great Bible scholars—no one is without fault.

That person you think is a perfect wife?  Once in a while she nags.  That person you think is a great husband?  Once in a while, he leaves his dirty clothes in the floor.  That couple you think have a perfect family?  Once in a while their children roll their eyes at their parents and actually rebel a little.  That one you think is always so kind and sweet?  Once in a while she loses her temper. 

Never blame your own faithlessness on the imperfections of others.  No one is perfect.  Don’t let your image of how things ought to be, rob you of your faith when reality checks in.

Even puppies belch.

If you, O Jehovah, should mark iniquities, who could stand?  But there is forgiveness with you that you may be feared.  I wait for Jehovah, my soul does wait, and in his word do I hope.  O Israel, hope in Jehovah, for with Jehovah there is lovingkindness, and with him is plenteous forgiveness.   Psalm 130:3,4,7.

Dene Ward

Some things are just not supposed to happen.  Sooner or later you will have a flat tire.  Sooner or later your AC will quit on you.  Sooner or later the washer will stop washing and the dryer will stop drying.  None of these things are pleasant, but they all happen to everyone.  When it happens, you groan and then get on with the business of life.  But some things are just not supposed to happen.

I was putting some things in the refrigerator the other day.  Usually the door swings shut by itself, but this time, as I twisted to get the next item, it swung all the way open.  Then it quietly fell off its hinges and tumbled shelf side down, dumping pickles, olives, ketchup, three kinds of mustard, Worcestershire and soy sauces, homemade jelly, butter, cream cheese, and my super special ordered-from-California eye medicine onto the floor, leaving the rest of the refrigerator wide open and humming.  For a moment I just stood there, stunned.  We have been through several refrigerators—a couple of cheap ones that came with the apartment or trailer we were renting at the time, and a couple of secondhand ones.  But this one was a recommended model we bought new.  Never have we had a refrigerator door fall off, not even the inexpensive or used ones.  Refrigerator doors do not fall off. 

Don’t you know that is how God feels at times?  We can find several passages where he laments our actions, saying, “This is not supposed to happen,” at least in substance, if not verbatim.  James 3:10 is a prime example:  Out of the same mouth comes forth blessing and cursing.  My brothers, these things ought not so to be.  James tells us we should not bless God and then curse man because when we curse a man made in the image of God, we might as well be cursing God.  Yikes!  That puts another spin on it, doesn’t it?  Understand, we are not talking about using four letter words here, but about maliciously wishing evil upon a person.  We are not supposed to do it--not even to other drivers!  And James acts like we ought to know this without being told:  we should not be cursing men! 

Unfortunately, we do not know, or willfully ignore, many such things.  We should know God is our Creator and worship him, but for some reason that is hotly debated even among intelligent people.  We should know God’s law; he has made it available and easy enough to understand.  But even in the church we have “seasoned” Christians who cannot find their way from Acts to Habakkuk without getting lost somewhere in Ephesians, and who think John wrote several “Revelations.”

I wonder if God does what I did the other morning, stand there in shock, staring at a door-less refrigerator, with my mouth hanging open, thinking, “What?  That just doesn’t happen.”  Unfortunately, it does.  You wonder if God is really all that surprised any more.  Tell you what, let’s work on a real surprise for him—let’s make sure we don’t do any of those things from now on.

The ox knows his owner, and the ass his master’s crib; but Israel does not know, my people do not consider, Isa 1:3.

Yes, the stork in the heavens knows her appointed times; and the turtledove and the swallow and the crane observe the time of their coming; but my people know not the law of Jehovah, Jer 8:7.

Dene Ward

I don’t see like you do.  I don’t even see like those of you who have less than perfect vision.  Normal vision has never been a part of my life.  I suppose that’s natural when you have a congenital eye disorder. 

When I was a child, no one ever told my parents exactly what was wrong with me, just, “She has really bad vision.”  As a teenager I began to figure out that it was worse than I thought when my doctor allowed all the student doctors to examine me and give their opinions, then sat back and told them why they were wrong.  Then after I married and we moved out of state, I actually had a doctor tell me he wished I had never walked into his office.  I never did again.

So how do I see?  That groundbreaking surgery on June 13, 2005, which has saved my vision for six extra years now, has left some interesting effects. Depending upon the day, the light, the internal pressure at any particular moment, I have double vision, tunnel vision, blurry vision, foggy vision, white reflections that block most of the view, ghost images, black specks, pale yellow splotches, starbursts, gold concentric circles, a fish-eye lens effect, spinning black and silver pinwheels on the periphery that move toward the front—and shaky equilibrium!    .

But I think that makes me understand Jesus’ statement in Matt 6:22 better than most:  The lamp of the body is the eye; if therefore, your eye is single, your whole body shall be full of light.

Jesus is talking about focus.  What do I focus on, this physical life or the spiritual?  The immediate context is the contrast between spiritual treasures and earthly treasure (v 19,20), God and mammon (v 24), the concern for physical needs versus righteousness and the kingdom (v 31-33). 

I often become distracted by things that get in the way of my vision.  I am down to one eye I am still legal to drive with now, and concentration on the road is important.  I have to consciously make an effort to ignore the specks, the splotches, the circles, the starbursts, the reflections, and on days when the blur is too much, I simply cannot drive if I want to avoid a mishap. 

In the same way it is easy for our spiritual “eye” to become distracted by all the things in front of us, by a concern for wealth, acceptance, and security, but also by necessities like food, clothing, and shelter--things which certainly are not wrong in themselves.  But when that is the thing we focus on, our eye is no longer single but, as Jesus plainly says in verse 23, “evil.”  Sooner or later we will have a spiritual “wreck.”

That is probably where Satan gets the majority of us—we have to provide for our families.  Worrying about that can actually make us do more than we need to, perhaps even push us over into a covetous attitude of always wanting more, not relying on God, and putting Him and his kingdom so far down on the list that we never even get to it any more.  And that means that our “eye” is no longer light but darkness, making us see things in ways that deceive us—we can serve God while we serve this world and its treasures, can’t we?   

Jesus appeals to our common sense.  Two different things cannot be the “most” important.  We have to make a choice—which one comes first?  Which one do we focus on?  Whom do we serve, God or mammon?  

Take it from someone who knows—double vision doesn’t work.

Lay not up for yourselves treasure upon the earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break through and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consume, and where thieves do not break through and steal, for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.  The lamp of the body is the eye; if your eye is single, your whole body shall be full of light.  But if your eye is evil, your whole body shall be full of darkness.  If therefore, the light that is in you becomes darkness, how great is the darkness!  No man can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will hold to one and despise the other.  You cannot serve God and mammon.  Matt 6:19-24

Dene Ward

I knew a woman once, a faithful Christian, who believed that crying over the death of a loved one was sinful.  She bravely, some would say, faced the loss of a child to a dread disease with a smile.  No one ever saw a tear leave her eyes.  I know a lot of people who agree with her, a lot of people who would applaud her as “strong and full of faith.”  I don’t.  In fact, that erroneous belief of hers affected both her physical and mental health for the rest of her life.  It also made her unsympathetic to others she should have been best able to comfort. 

God created us and He made within us the impulse to cry, just as He made other appetites and needs.  He never expected us not to cry, not to mourn, and not to grieve.  Do you want some examples?  Abraham cried when Sarah died, Gen 23:2.  Jonathan and David cried when they realized they would not be together again in this lifetime, 1 Sam 20:41, and David cried again when he heard that Jonathan, and even Saul, were dead, 2 Sam 3:32.  Hezekiah “wept bitterly” when he heard that he had a terminal illness, 2 Kgs 20:3.  Paul wept real tears when he suffered for the Lord, Acts 20:19, and he wept for those who had fallen from the way, Phil 3:19.  Where do we get this notion that righteous, faithful people never cry?

1 Thes 4:13 does not say we sorrow not over the death of loved ones.  It says we sorrow not as others do who have no hope.  “As” means in the same manner.  Yes we sorrow, but not in the same way.  We know something more awaits us.  Our sorrow is tempered with the knowledge that we will one day be together again, but that does not mean the sorrow ceases to exist—it simply changes. 

I cried often after my Daddy died, usually when I saw something he had made for me, or given me, or repaired that I thought was a goner.  He was handy that way, and I miss the care he showed for me in those small gestures.  Even now, writing these things makes my eyes burn and water just a bit, over a year after his passing.  But I do not, and I have never, let grief consume me and keep me from my service to God and to others.  I have not let it destroy my faith—my hope—that I will see him again and be with him forever.

Anyone who thinks that crying is faithless sits with Job’s cold, merciless friends.  Job did cry.  Job did ask God why.  Job did complain with all his might about the things he was experiencing, yet “in all this Job sinned not with his lips” Job 2:10.  What did he get from his friends?  Nothing but accusation and rebuke.  “Have pity upon me, oh you my friends,” he finally wails in 19:21.  Paul says we are to “weep with those who weep,” Rom 12:15.  If weeping were sinful, shouldn’t he have told us to, as Job’s friends did, rebuke them instead?  No, God plainly says at the end of the book that Job’s friends were the ones who were wrong.

And, of course, Jesus cried.  I have heard Bible classes tie themselves into knots trying to make it okay for Jesus to cry at the tomb of Lazarus.  How about this?  He was sad!  To try to take that sadness away from Him strips Him of the first sacrifice He made for us when He carefully and deliberately put on humanity.  Hebrews says He was “tempted in all points like us yet without sin.”  That means He experienced sad, and people who are sad cry.

Do you think He can’t understand our specific problems because He never lost a child? 

And when he drew near he saw the city and wept over it…O Jerusalem, Jerusalem…how often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings and you would not, Luke 19:41; Matt 23:37.

When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. The more they were called, the more they went away; they kept sacrificing to the Baals and burning offerings to idols. Yet it was I who taught Ephraim to walk; I took them up by their arms, but they did not know that I healed them. I led them with cords of kindness, with the bands of love, and I became to them as one who eases the yoke on their jaws, and I bent down to them and fed them... How can I give you up, O Ephraim? How can I hand you over, O Israel? How can I make you like Admah? How can I treat you like Zeboiim? My heart recoils within me; my compassion grows warm and tender, Hos 11:1-4,11.

Anyone who cannot hear the tears in those words is probably not a parent yet.  God knows what it is like to lose a child in the worst way possible--spiritually.  Don’t tell the Lord it’s a sin to cry.

I have seen too many people nearly ruin themselves trying to do the impossible.  I have seen others drive the sorrowful away with a cold lack of compassion.  Grieving is normal.  Grieving is even good for you, and God knows that better than anyone since He made our minds and bodies to do just that.  How much of a promise would it be to “wipe away all tears from their eyes” if He expected us to do it now?  In fact, David asks God in a poignant psalm to collect his tears in His bottle—don’t forget that I am sad, Lord.  Don’t let my tears simply fall to the ground and dry up, keep count of them—“keep them in your book” Psa 56:8.  Do you think He would have preserved that psalm for us if crying were a sin?

If you have lost someone near and dear, if you have received a bad diagnosis, if you have been afflicted in any way, go ahead and cry.  This isn’t Heaven after all.  But don’t lose your faith.  Sorrow as one who has hope, as the father of the faithful did, as the “man after God’s own heart did,” as one of the most righteous kings Judah ever had did, as perhaps the greatest apostle did, even as the Lord did.  Let it out so you can heal, and then go on serving your Lord.  His hand will be on you, and one day—not now, but one day--He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4

Dene Ward