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Living on Concrete

I grew up in the city.  We walked on concrete roads and sidewalks, pulled in on a concrete driveway, and parked on a concrete carport.  When we swept and vacuumed the floors we only had to do it once or twice a week and hardly accumulated more than a tablespoon of sand (we're in Florida, remember) in the dustpan each time, and only had to change vacuum cleaner bags a couple times a year.
            But I have lived most of my married life in the country.  For half that time we had no driveway or carport.  Now we have a carport, but still no driveway.  We do a considerable amount of living and working outdoors, taking care of a large garden and five acres.  Our road is nearly a half mile long, private, and unpaved.  When Keith walks that half mile to the mailbox down by the highway, he treads on dirt, sand, and limerock, not a sidewalk.  Even though we have a mat by the door and a runner just inside it, we still track a considerable amount into the house.  I could sweep every day but don't have the time.  Even every other day will yield twice as much as a week's worth when I lived in the city.  Every time I hear that passage, "Shake the dust off your feet," I wish we could do it just that easily.
            The inescapable conclusion is that living on concrete will keep more of the dirt out of your house.  Too many Christians, and churches, want to keep the dirt out, to live on concrete spiritually.  I am not talking about keeping sin out of our lives.  I am talking about being such a clean freak that the only people we want to offer the gospel to are nice nuclear families with no marriage problems, no addictions, and no ongoing issues that might "cause problems."  Many years ago I caught myself saying, "I should invite them to church.  But wait, they are in second and third marriages.  That's just asking for trouble."  I don't remember how long it took for me to remember a certain woman at a well in Samaria whom Jesus went out of his way to speak to and offer a chance at salvation.  She had one whale of a marriage issue, but Jesus didn't stay on the concrete.
            Long ago and far away a men's business meeting actually told Keith he was bringing "the wrong class of people" to church.  Never mind that he was the only one bringing people from the community.  What he had found out in his door knocking was that those were the people more likely to listen—the ones who had problems and didn't think they were just fine and dandy. It was in one of those nice upper middle class neighborhoods where those brothers wanted him to pass out invitations that the man outside watering his well-manicured flowerbeds turned his hose on Keith, his Bible, and all his fliers.
            Who listened to Jesus?  Few of the middle class Pharisees and upper class Sadducees.  Usually it was the blue collar workers and those in less than reputable occupations—fishermen, harlots, and publicans.  If we want to reach people, we need to step off the concrete and walk around in the mud where they live like he did.  We need to be willing to track in a little sand and then sweep it up.  Yes, it's a lot more work dealing with those kinds of people, but that is what our lives are supposed to be about—sharing the good news and helping the babes grow.  You offer the gospel to everyone.  It is their decision whether they are devoted enough to the Lord to clean up their lives, not ours.
            Don't be satisfied with living on concrete—going about your life with your family, going to church on Sunday, and staying away from the big bad sins as we define them, while ignoring the opportunities to reach out that God sends your way.  You might stay out of the dirt, but there will still be sand in your house—and it all came from you.
 And it came to pass, that he was sitting at meat in his house, and many publicans and sinners sat down with Jesus and his disciples: for there were many, and they followed him. And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with the sinners and publicans, said unto his disciples, How is it that he eats and drinks with publicans and sinners? And when Jesus heard it, he said unto them, They that are whole have no need of a physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners (Mark 2:15-17).

 Dene Ward

Nursery Tales

I was a lucky young mother.  When my babies were small, I worshipped with church families that had no nurseries.  I did not realize at the time what a blessing it was.
            When Lucas was a baby, we met with a small congregation that rented a union hall.  The union must not have been very popular.  At the end of a narrow hall was the only room big enough for meeting together, and thirty of us filled it up.  Five of us were nursing mothers, and since that was over half the families in the congregation, the men agreed that we should be able to simply step out of the room to get ourselves situated, then come back in to sit and listen to the sermons or Bible classes while we nursed our babies.  New babies have a tendency to nurse for long periods of time.  We might have missed a full hour if these men had not been so mature-minded, and we ladies gratefully learned early how to stay modest while nursing.  I doubt anyone walking in would have even known what we were doing.
            When Nathan was a toddler we had moved to a place with an actual meetinghouse.  It was an old building way out in the country with absolutely no modern conveniences except electric lights, and certainly no nursery.  You walked in the door and there you stood in the open auditorium.  That meant when you had to deal with unruly children, you dealt with them and then came right back into the assembly. 
            So why do I think I was lucky?  Because I did not have the source of temptation that so many young mothers must deal with today.  When you have no choice, there is no temptation.  Young mothers today must be much stronger than I ever had to be.
            I gleaned advice from several older women during those years.  My mother, for instance, was happy to tell me about how she foiled my attempts to ruin her worship services.  I always acted up and she would take me to the nursery—she lived in the city.  Finally, when I was 18 months old, she realized that she had not trained me, I had trained her—all I had to do was wiggle and squeal a little and I got to go play!  The next Sunday, she took me, not to the nursery, but outside, and applied her hand to my bottom in a less than comforting way.  Then she marched me right back into the auditorium.  She said I looked at her with outrage, as if to say, “This is NOT how it works!  You broke the rules!”  But I was not a stupid child; I learned the new rule quickly:  being taken out of the assembly is not a pleasant experience.
            I went to visit her once at this same meetinghouse.  Suddenly, my baby needed a diaper change and needed it then.  To have stayed sitting there any longer would have broken the commandment to “Love thy neighbor.”
            So I got up and took my twenty-month-old to the nursery.  I was stunned when I walked in.  Several young mothers, and a few who looked like grandmothers, were sitting in there chatting away.  A playpen had been placed in the middle of the room, full of toys.  The side of the playpen was lowered and each baby was sitting around it, reaching in and playing with both the toys and each other.  Could the women see the preacher?  Yes, there was a large picture window in front of them.  Could they hear the preacher?  Well, there was a speaker on the wall, but their talking and laughing drowned it out.
            After the diaper change, I got out of there as quickly as I could.  I recognized the siren call immediately.  I had dealt with two babies at once, while their father preached.  We never lived close to family so I never had a grandparent to help out either.  It was often tiring, frustrating and embarrassing to try to train my children to behave in the assembly.  To have a place to go where I would no longer have to wrestle with them, where they could play and squeal to their heart’s content, would have been wonderful.  But it would not have taught them how important the group worship of God is, how precious the rituals we follow, how much it meant to me and therefore how much it should mean to them.
            Being a parent is not for the weak of heart, mind, or body.  You are on duty 24/7 and you must do what you must do no matter what else is going on in your life.  Children will not wait.  You cannot easily “unteach” what you later wish you had not taught.  I would give anything to undo a lot of the mistakes I made, but it just won’t happen.  In the end you hope you did more right than wrong, and that those right things were more lasting and impressive. 
            Think about what you do, when you do it, and how.  Think about what those little eyes see and those little ears hear.  Think the most about what those little minds infer from what they see and hear you doing.  Your children aren’t stupid either.  Whatever it is you do, when you do it, it stays with them the longest.
And [Hannah] said, "Oh, my lord!  As you live, my lord, I am the woman who was standing here in your presence, praying to the Lord.  For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.  Therefore I have given him to the Lord.   As long as he lives, he is given to the Lord.”  And he worshiped the Lord there, 1 Sam 1:26-28.

Dene Ward

August 18, 1999 Bread and Circuses

The people who once bestowed commands, consulships, legions, and all else, now meddle no more and longs eagerly for just two things—bread and circuses.  Decimus Junius Juvenalis.
             I could not find any dates for that writing, which came from Juvenal's Satire X, nor even for Juvenal himself beyond "first century."  However, the phrase he uses there has become famous in politics.  Google it and you will find pages of citations.  The most interesting site I found was the August 18, 1999 edition of The Onion, a satirical online publication that regularly publishes witty and biting pieces.  If you want to read it, and it is still online at this point, here is a link:  https://politics.theonion.com/congress-approves-4-billion-for-bread-circuses-1819565262
            As for the original writing, Juvenal used that phrase to describe how the Roman rulers kept the masses content, while gradually stealing away all their power.  What had once been a Republic had become an empire ruled by selfish, immoral, greedy men, more interested in retaining power and wealth than caring for the people under their rule.  And the people themselves deteriorated into a populace addicted to free distribution of food and violent gladiatorial contests.  They were so distracted by mindless self-gratification that they had become unable to think, unable to recognize any greater good beyond their own desires.
            I can think of ways this might apply to America today, as I am sure you can, but it is nothing new.  Jesus dealt with the same mindset.  In John 6:26, he reproached the masses who followed him like this:  You seek me…because you ate of the loaves and were filled.  When he began to talk about the True Bread, they left. 
            The Pharisees came on more than one occasion, and to test him they asked him to show a sign from Heaven, Matt 16:1.  Herod on the night before he was crucified had long desired to see him, because he had heard about him, and was hoping to see some sign done by him, Luke 23:8.  They wanted a show, a “circus,” not a sign that would produce faith.  John tells us that for many of these people though he had done many signs before them, they still did not believe in him, 12:27.  Bread and circuses do not work in the spiritual world any more than they do in the physical.  It may bring in more initially, but how many stay when they find out what is really required of a disciple? 
            None of this is to say that we should not reach out to the world in as many ways as possible.  After all, Jesus did feed them, and he did do signs.  But sooner or later we must get past the superficial and reach the heart.  If my neighbor is in need, why not help him?  When I take a meal to the sick, perhaps he will be more willing to realize that his sick soul needs food too, and maybe he will come to me to feed it.  If I am part of an assembly that is open and friendly, that worships whole-heartedly and obviously instead of sitting like bumps on a log, perhaps he will sooner understand that the heart is not all that matters because he will more often visit and hear the word of God spoken clearly and forcefully.  But we must sooner or later do as Jesus did and force the choice upon them: 
Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink.  Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like the bread the fathers ate and died. Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever, John 6:54-58.
And when they refuse to exist on nothing but Christ, then we must also do as he did—let them go and not bother chasing them down.  They have shown what they really wanted—bread and circuses--spirituality was not part of it.  God does not want people who are so distracted by mindless self-gratification that they become unable to think, unable to recognize any greater good beyond their own lusts.  He wants people who live on him and his word, even when it is uncomfortable and inconvenient, even if it costs more than they had ever imagined.  He wants a people for his own possession, who will give him the glory and honor he deserves.
 After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, will you also go away?  Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God." John 6:66-69

 Dene Ward

Identity Theft

A look back at a difficult moment in my life, hoping this will help you in yours.

A few weeks ago, Satan finished what he started three years ago and stole my identity.  I have packed up the last of my teaching supplies: sheet music, collections, method books, assignment notebooks, theory books, technique books, concerti, history notebooks, listening labs, computer disk theory games, stickers, rhythm instruments, home made music bingo games, magic slates with grand staffs permanently imprinted on them, even my old textbook How to Teach Piano Successfully.  I have sent them on to a young piano teacher in Ohio, who is just starting out.

            I had a weepy moment or two.  This part of my life—35 years worth plus all those years learning--is definitely over now.  There is no going back; I simply cannot see the music any longer.  But I am happy to know that these things will be put to good use—that other little children will learn with them, and that a young preaching couple will have a bit more coming in to help out with a skimpy income.  But for a moment the large empty space under my piano made me feel invisible. 
            I am no longer the piano and voice teacher in Union County. 
            I no longer open my doors every afternoon to excited little faces, making sure that grubby little hands are washed before touching the keys, but still picking up every ailment my students brought my way, including parvo once, for goodness sake!  It must have been all the hugs. 
            I am no longer playing at weddings half a dozen times a year.  I am no longer meeting with my fellow teachers once or twice a month, serving as association officer or chairman of this committee or that. 
            I no longer take a dozen students to various competitions, crying with them for their losses and cheering for their wins.  I no longer spend hours on themed spring programs, gathering up suitable music, matching it to each student’s personality, then working out the details, including skits and grand finales. 
            I no longer present high school seniors in debut recitals with formals and tuxes, long-stemmed red roses, and a glittery reception afterward. 
            Satan has stolen all of that from me with this disease.
            It could have been a real problem for me.  I could have sunk into a depression difficult to come out of.  Then I remembered my real identity.
            Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us that we should be called the children of God; and we are, 1 John 3:1.
            Listen my beloved brethren did not God choose those who are poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which he promised to those who love him? James 2:4.
            But you are an elect race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, that you may show forth the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light, 1 Pet 2:9.
            He has granted unto us precious and exceeding great promises, that through these you may become partakers of the divine nature, 2 Pet 1:4.
            The Spirit bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint-heirs with Christ, if so be that we suffer with him, that we may also be glorified with him, Rom 8:16,17.

            I still have my identity, and so do you.  It’s the one that counts, the one that Satan cannot steal, the one that will last forever.

Dene Ward

Why Should I Love My Brethren (Part 2 in the Series)

Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.

I mean, let's face it, some of you aren't very lovable.  I'm even less so.  As we learned last time, the Bible defines love as action.  Things we do for those we love, or things we refrain from.  If I'm going to do all the work to love you, there had better be a good reason.  Otherwise, I might sit this one out.

            So, why should I?  Here's one reason:  love is basic to Christianity.  John 13:34-35 tells us that love of the brethren is a command from Christ.  More than that, our love for each other is to be the identifier of His disciples.  So, if Christ's followers are known by their love for each other, and I don't love my brethren, am I really a follower of Christ?  Also, the Apostle John tells us that love for the brethren was one of the foundational commands of early Christianity.  It was the "message heard from the beginning" (1 John 3:11) and "the commandment . . . heard from the beginning." (2 John 5-6)  Paul tells us in Gal. 5:14 that love of the brethren has always been fundamental in being one of God's people.  After all, the entire Law of Moses could be summed up by "love thy neighbor". 

            A second reason to love your brothers is that you cannot have a relationship with God without loving them.  After all, "He that loves not, knows not God". (1 John 4:8)  And "if a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, cannot love God whom he hath not seen." (1 John 4:20)  The only way to have a successful relationship with God is to love your brethren.  In fact, love of the brethren almost defines a relationship with God. "if we love one another, God abideth in us, and his love is perfected in us" (1 John 4:12)
            Then there is the fact that to walk with Christ is to love the brethren. "This is my commandment, that ye love one another, even as I have loved you. . . Ye are my friends, if ye do the things which I command you." (John 15:12,14)  The command is to love, and to be His friends we must obey His command.  In other words, you can't be a friend of Jesus' if you don't love the brethren.  Also, the only way to know we are of the truth is to love one another (1 John 3:18-19).
            So, love of the brethren is basic to the very concept of Christianity, is necessary to having relationships with either the Father or the Son, and is the only true way to know if I am of the truth.  There is one other reason to love my brethren:  to be ready for the judgment. 
1 Pet. 4:7-8  "But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore of sound mind, and be sober unto prayer:  above all things being fervent in your love among yourselves"
The end of all things is at hand and to prepare for it, then Peter tells us that "above all things" we should love one another.  The most important thing I can do to get ready for judgment is to love my brethren.   The MOST IMPORTANT thing I can do to get ready for judgment is to love my brethren. 
            Ok, ok, maybe I'll try to love you unlovable rascals.
 1 Pet. 1:22 " . . . love one another from the heart fervently"
 Lucas Ward

August 13, 1865 Wash Your Hands!

Dr. Joseph Lister usually gets all the credit, or shares it a bit with Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes.  Doctors should wash their hands before treating each patient, and their tools as well.  But according to Steve Kellmeyer, a nationally known author and speaker, Dr. Ignaz Semmelweiss was actually the first physician to require hand washing before treating each patient in a maternity ward in Austria, putting an end to "childbed fever" in his ward.  For all his work, his careful data keeping, and a mortality rate a mere fraction of others, he was roundly ridiculed.  How could a speck of dirt under the nails or on the skin, or using the same tool on a live patient that was just used on a corpse during an autopsy cause death?  It was all "Catholic superstition."
            Semmelweiss was professionally attacked, denied tenure at the university where he taught, and eventually suffered a mental breakdown from the stress, being placed in an insane asylum "where he was beaten until he died" at age 47 on August 13, 1865.  His only crimes were he "believed in God and germs."  (All quotes are from Kellmeyer in a comment on an article about Lister.)
            Not two years later, on March 16, 1867, Dr. Lister presented a paper titled "An Address on the Antiseptic System of Treatment in Surgery," and medicine was changed forever.  Kellmeyer believes the only reason he was accepted and Semmelweiss was not is that Lister was not Catholic.
            If you know anything about Judaism, you know that hand washing was required of certain people at certain times, beginning in Exodus, shortly after the delivery of the Law on Mt. Sinai.  The LORD said to Moses, “You shall also make a basin of bronze, with its stand of bronze, for washing. You shall put it between the tent of meeting and the altar, and you shall put water in it, with which Aaron and his sons shall wash their hands and their feet. When they go into the tent of meeting, or when they come near the altar to minister, to burn a food offering to the LORD, they shall wash with water, so that they may not die. They shall wash their hands and their feet, so that they may not die. It shall be a statute forever to them, even to him and to his offspring throughout their generations (Exod 30:17-21).
            Hand washing is still practiced today by Orthodox Jews.  Although hand washing is certainly a healthy custom, that is not what the law is about in Judaism.  In fact, it is required that the hands be clean before they are washed and soap is not used in the ceremonial washing.  It is about ritual, not hygiene, and is symbolic of washing away impurities from our lives.  However, by the first century the ritual was just that—an empty practice that never reached the heart.  Jesus scandalized the Pharisees when he refused to wash his hands before a meal and denounced them for missing the whole point of the ritual.  While Jesus was speaking, a Pharisee asked him to dine with him, so he went in and reclined at table. The Pharisee was astonished to see that he did not first wash before dinner. And the Lord said to him, “Now you Pharisees cleanse the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. ​You fools! Did not he who made the outside make the inside also? But give as alms those things that are within, and behold, everything is clean for you (Luke 11:37-41).
            As Christians we also have a washing ritual, and too many times we also miss the point.  And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on his name (Acts 22:16).  Too many sing "Just As I Am" and think that means they do not have to make a large and fundamental change in their lives by putting away impurity when they commit their lives to the Lord.  Yes, Jesus will accept you as you are, but he expects you to change who you are.  Go your way and sin no more (John 8:11).  But some want to keep living as they have, enjoying the same lifestyles that smack far more of wallowing in the mud than washing away sins.    We must become "new creatures," living new lives with new motivations and new goals—living for Him and not for ourselves.  When we confess Him, we deny ourselves.  If that has not happened, we are just like those first century Pharisees whom Jesus so strongly denounced:  "Hypocrites."
            Semmelweiss understood the value of literal washing and in a very real way, died for his belief.  God expects us to die to sin, beginning with that first symbolic washing that for some of us occurred so very long ago.  Was it only a symbol, or did it really mean something?
 
…Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  (Eph 5:25-26).

 
Dene Ward

Refreshment

We worked our boys hard when they were growing up, weeding and picking the garden in the heat of a Florida summer, standing in a hot kitchen working the assembly line of produce canning and freezing, mowing an acre’s worth of our five with a push mower—not a walk-behind, but a push mower—splitting and stacking wood for the wood stove, hauling brush, raking leaves, and dumping them for mulch.  After hours of hard labor and buckets of sweat, nothing thrilled them more on a hot summer afternoon than a refreshing dip in a nearby spring.
            Springs, even in Florida, are cold.  It is almost painful to step into one--they will literally take your breath away.  I was one who gradually eased my way in to avoid the shock, but the boys wanted to “get it over with,” and usually jumped off the pier, the floating dock, or the rope swing, whatever that particular spring had as a point of entry, and if I was standing too close I “got it over with” too. 
            One of their favorites was Ichetucknee, probably because that one took up a whole day as we rented tubes and floated down the river from the spring head, leaving the water three hours later when we reached the picnic pavilions.  Even by that point in the float, the river was still close enough to the spring that we could chill a homegrown watermelon in its cool shallows while we ate tomato sandwiches and leftover fried chicken; and we never had to worry about snakes or alligators.
            We were always the only ones around clothed from our necks to our knees so we got a lot of strange looks.  The clothes did not help a bit with the cold.  They were for modesty only.  Nothing about a freezing wet shirt sticking to your body will keep you warm, even in a patch of sunlight.  Yet when I finally got wet enough that a mere splash did not make me squeal, the water was a refreshing respite from the sauna we call summer down here. 
            Peter told the people of Jerusalem that if they repented they would receive “seasons of refreshing” in Acts 3:19.  I am told that the word actually means “breathing,” as in catching one’s breath after hard labor or exercise.  That indicates to me that God is not promising us a life of ease.  Yes, we have blessings that others do not have, and that only those who are spiritually minded can even recognize and enjoy, but we will still experience heartache, persecution, illness, and other trials of life.  We are expected to wear ourselves out with service to any in need, as long as there is life in us.  God has no truck with laziness.
            But we have this promise—as surely as ice cold spring water lapping against an overheated body can refresh and renew, we will have refreshment from above that soothes our aches and heals our hurts, that rests our souls with the peace of fellowship with God, and that bestows grace on our tortured spirits.  Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that so there may come seasons of refreshing from the presence of the Lord; and that he may send the Christ who has been appointed for you, Jesus, Acts 3:19,20.



Dene Ward

A Thirty Second Devo

"Your kingdom come."  Christians ought not to utter this petition lightly or thoughtlessly.  Throughout the centuries, followers of Jesus suffering savage persecution have prayed this prayer with meaning and fervor.  But I suspect that our comfortable pews often mock our sincerity when we repeat this phrase today.  We would have no objection to the Lord's return, we think, provided he holds off a bit and lets us finish a degree first, or lets us taste marriage, or gives us time to succeed in a business or profession, or grants the joy of seeing grandchildren.  Do we really hunger for the kingdom to come in all its surpassing righteousness?  Or would we rather waddle through a swamp of insincerity and unrighteousness? 
The Sermon on the Mount, An Evangelical Exposition of Matthew 5-7,
by D. A. Carson



What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?

Sometime back a young lady came up to a friend of mine and said, “I want to be a sweet little old lady when I get older.  How do I do that?”
            I can imagine myself asking the same question when I was young.  I guess I thought there was a magic age, a time when suddenly I would understand everything and feel wise.  It hasn’t happened yet, and youth left me a long time ago. 
            My wise friend looked at this young woman and said, “The way to become a sweet little old lady is to be a sweet young lady.”
            She is so right.  I can guarantee you that every grumpy old man you know was once a grumpy young one, and every bitter old lady you know was a bitter young one.  You will not suddenly become wise just because you have aged, and you will not suddenly become good-natured either.  It reminds me of something I heard on an audio book recently:  there are no happy endings, only happy people. 
            And isn’t that what we Christians are supposed to be, happy?  Yet it seems I meet more and more unhappy Christians.  Maybe we do not dwell enough on the hope we have—or maybe we simply don’t believe it.  If I do believe in that hope, it will show in the things that do and do not upset me, in the things that do and do not discourage me.  It will show in how I treat people, even those who are not kind or who actively mistreat me.  It will show in the way I put others ahead of myself and my own desires, serving as well as I can in whatever situation I am in.  Isn’t that what a sweet little old lady does, or a kind and pleasant old man?  I have known many in my lifetime.  Christians should always become sweet little old ladies and kind and pleasant old men because they believe that here and now is not the end of the matter.  They understand that very soon they will see a happy beginning that never ends--and they believe it.          
            If you want to be a sweet little old lady when you grow up, start working on it today, whatever your age, or you will never make it in time.


Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.  Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.  She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed, Prov 3:13-18.



Dene Ward

Learning How to Help

We kept our grandsons for five days this past spring while their parents participated in the rehearsal and subsequent recording of a choral ensemble.  We had already been down for the Spring Piano Recital, but just couldn't stay the extra amount of time so their father suggested we take them home with us, and of course we were thrilled to do so. 
            We have kept them several times before, including a two week stint when their parents went to Israel.  Judah was only 5 and completely oblivious of anything except toys to play with and meals to eat.  Being away from Mom and Dad that long didn't seem to bother him much, but it did Silas, who was 8 then, and perhaps finally old enough to think of the possibilities.  On the fifth afternoon he was with us, his head got droopy and so did his smile.  I thought I might have seen a tear brimming in one eye.  So I sat him in my lap and hugged him and told him it was okay to cry and be sad that Mommy and Daddy were away so long.  He did cry quietly then, just for a few minutes as I rocked him.  Then I reminded him how much his grandfather and I loved him and that time would pass quickly and his parents would be back home.  That seemed to take care of it.  He was a happy child from then on.  I took a video of him in the pool and he talked to them on the international phone line three or four times.  They never knew he had had a problem.
            This last time Judah was 8, and Silas was 11.  Must be something about the age of 8.  Silas came to me the third morning and said, "Do you remember, Grandma, when Mom and Dad went to Israel and I got sad, how you talked to me and made me feel so much better?  Well, I think I saw tears in Judah's eyes this morning.  Do you think you could do that for him too?"  Of course I could, and did, and Judah did fine after that, too.
            That sweet boy can teach us two things this morning.  Have you ever heard those sermons about serving and wondered what you could do, about helping those who are having troubles and wish you knew how to help them?  Have you ever heard others talk about the people who came to them during a bad time and helped get them through it and thought, "How did they even know about the problem?"  Silas certainly figured it out.
            Here's the first thing—pay attention to those around you.  Infants may be completely egocentric, with a perspective that is only about, "Me" and what happens to "Me."  But mature people should have learned to notice others.  You will never be able to help a soul if you don't notice they are having problems.  That means look at people, closely.  Silas was close enough to see tears.  Listen to people.  When someone's anger seems completely misplaced, it's probably masking a hurt.  When someone is the opposite of their usual self, something is definitely wrong.  But you will never be able to look closely, listen closely, or notice differences in people's behavior if you are always chattering, always laughing, always talking about yourself.  It certainly isn't wrong to laugh and have a good time, but at some point, a mature person learns the value of silence and observation.  If an 11 year old can be quiet and still long enough to figure these things out, so can we.
            So now that you have noticed something, if you don't think you can help, what do you do?  Silas came to the one who had helped him.  Sometimes the one who is upset is someone you do not feel close to—go to someone who is close to him and ask them to help.  Sometimes it is a problem you have no experience with.  Find someone who has that experience.  Or if you are simply a beginner at all of this, find an older person with a reputation for wisdom.  The one thing you must never do is leave that hurting person alone with their pain.  If all you can do is give them a hug, do it.  Sometimes that is all it takes.
            I am proud of my grandson for being the big brother he is.  Oh, they have their fusses.  But this time he noticed his little brother was having a problem and he did something about it.  Surely we can do the same thing an eleven year old can.  Pay attention and look for help.  And, if you haven't done so, now is the time to start teaching your own children how to pay attention to others and try to help.  I imagine Silas learned it from his parents' examples.  Now it's your turn--make sure your children learn it from you.
 
Therefore lift up the drooping hands and strengthen the weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed (Heb 12:12-13).

 

Dene Ward