Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.
 
I know, I know, I'm neither married nor do I have children so I have no right to write on this subject.  That is the usual reaction of most, isn't it?  It occurs to me that the two men who spoke the most on these subjects in the NT were Jesus and Paul, neither of whom were married or had kids.  How did they speak wisely on the subject?  Well, they spoke as the Holy Spirit directed them (Mark 13:11, John 8:28).  While I am in no way claiming inspiration, I can read what the inspired writers wrote down and pass on those principles.  So, in this post I will take care to not include any of my opinions nor any of the things I've heard my parents say as they taught marriage and family classes, but will present only what the Holy Spirit directed Solomon to say.  So, if you dislike or disagree with any of the following, you aren't disagreeing with me, but with the principles the Holy Spirit laid down through Solomon.
 
The first clear principle that Solomon lays down is that if you want to be a good parent, you must first make sure you are walking in the light.
Prov. 20:7  "The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!" 
Prov. 14:26  "In the fear of the LORD one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge." 
If a father or mother is righteous and walks in integrity, the children will be better off.  Blessed.  His children will have refuge from the chaos of this world.  This doesn't mean that you have to be completely perfect, but rather that your walk is in the light, instead of predominately in the dark.  A parent who doesn't care about being right himself can do immense damage to his family.
Prov. 11:29  "Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise of heart."
The proverb seems to be the gist of what Paul was speaking of in Eph. 6:4   "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."  So, as a parent, our first duty to our children is to ensure that we are walking right with God.  Good parenting will naturally follow.
 
The second thing Solomon says about child rearing is that it involves training.
Prov. 22:6  "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." 
Training in its nature implies time taken.  It implies a plan followed.  If you were paying a personal trainer to help you get in shape and he cancelled half your appointments and when he did show up he just randomly assigned you different exercises until it became plain he was not following any sort of planned program, you'd fire him, wouldn't you?  God has assigned us to train our children.  In these efforts, are we any different from that horrible physical trainer?  Solomon gives an example of how he worked to give his son a path to wisdom.
Prov. 22:17-21  "Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge, for it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, if all of them are ready on your lips.  That your trust may be in the LORD, I have made them known to you today, even to you.  Have I not written for you thirty sayings of counsel and knowledge, to make you know what is right and true, that you may give a true answer to those who sent you?" 
Solomon not only taught his son, but wrote out 30 sayings for his son to learn.  He was working to lead his son in the right way.  Parents must have a plan, follow it, and be around their kids enough to know if it is working. 
Prov. 20:11  "Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright." 
Jesus said, "By their fruits you shall know them."  Solomon says the same about children.  We can know who they are by what they do.  Which means that parents should be paying attention so they can see if they need to adjust their planned training of their children to meet who their child actually is.  My parents tell me that I was a stubborn child who, when very young, would listen to Dad tell me not to do something and then, grinning, do it right in front of him.  Nathan, on the other hand, would say, "OK", leave, and then sneak back to do it when Dad wasn't around.  We made ourselves known by our acts and Dad and Mom had to adjust their training of us accordingly.  Parents should be teaching children a lifestyle discipline.
Prov. 29:17  "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart." 
Prov. 19:18  "Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death." 
That last one is a bit funny.  I think all parents have a moment in which they just want to strangle their children. Solomon understands that and says, no, don't kill them, there is still hope.  Follow the discipline plan you've made and eventually "he will give delight to you heart."
 
Usually when we think of discipline, we think of punishment, which is not really correct.  However punishment is a part of teaching a discipline and of child rearing.  Solomon (from the Holy Spirit, remember) approved of corporal punishment in all areas of life (10:13, 14:3, 19:29, 20:30, 26:3) so it is not surprising that he approved of it in child rearing. 
Prov. 22:15  "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him."
Prov. 23:13-14  "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.  If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol."
 
There are two things to note in these passages.  First, the goal in mind:  to drive away folly and save his soul from Hell.   Good parents aren't striking their children just because they are angry.  They don't hit them because they had a bad day at work or they are disappointed in how their lives are going.  They apply corporal punishment as needed in following their plan to train up their child.  They do it for the purpose of driving out foolishness and saving the child from hell.   Also notice that "if you strike him with a rod, he will not die."  If your child is winding up in the hospital because of your "discipline", then you are doing it wrong!  This is supposed to be enough to straighten them up, not injure them.  The Bible does not condone child abuse.  Again, THE BIBLE DOES NOT CONDONE CHILD ABUSE.  It does, however, strongly endorse properly applied corporal punishment as a teaching tool.
Prov. 29:15  "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." 
Prov. 13:24  "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." 
Again, the purpose of reproving your child and using the switch is to give wisdom.  The other option is a child who brings shame to his parents.  As to the parents who say that they just can't bring themselves to spank their children, Solomon says it is because you don't love them enough.  Just as when Jesus says that if you don't hate your father and mother etc, you can't be His disciple (Luke 14:26) He doesn't mean to hate them, but to love Him enormously more, and Prov. 13:24 doesn't mean the parent actively hates the child and therefore withholds punishment, but rather he doesn't love the child enough to do what's in the child's best interest, even though it hurts the parent.  Let's face, you love that cute little bugger and it hurts to even think about being the reason he is crying.  It makes you sick to think about causing him pain.  If you truly love him, however, you will be diligent in your discipline.  "Diligent" implies hard work, and this is very hard for many parents, but remember the purpose:  to drive out foolishness, instill wisdom, and save his soul from hell.  That little pain you inflict when he is young will save him from huge amounts of pain later in this life and especially after it. 
There are a lot of people who disagree with this method of child rearing.  Despite it being taught by the wisest man ever, inspired by God to teach it, there is a growing number of people in the Church who don't follow the method (and then later wonder why their children went astray).  

Again, I am not giving you my opinion.  I simply read you what the Proverbs teach, so you aren't disagreeing with me, but with what the Holy Spirit led Solomon to write.  Let me leave you with one final proverb.
Prov. 14:12  "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death."
So, therefore,
Prov. 22:6  "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." 
 
Lucas Ward
 

Then Shemaiah the prophet came to Rehoboam and to the princes of Judah, who had gathered at Jerusalem because of Shishak, and said to them, “Thus says the LORD, ‘You abandoned me, so I have abandoned you to the hand of Shishak.’” Then the princes of Israel and the king humbled themselves and said, “The LORD is righteous.” When the LORD saw that they humbled themselves, the word of the LORD came to Shemaiah: “They have humbled themselves. I will not destroy them, but I will grant them some deliverance, and my wrath shall not be poured out on Jerusalem by the hand of Shishak. Nevertheless, they shall be servants to him, that they may know my service and the service of the kingdoms of the countries,.” 2Chr 12:5-8.
            It’s easy, when you find yourself in a trying situation, to make excuses for your behavior; to say, “Woe is me,” and expect everyone to sympathize with you and pat you on the back, not just occasionally or even often, but almost as if it were a daily penance on their part because you have to deal with the difficult and they don’t—at least in your mind.
            “Why is this happening to me?” can become a mantra if you aren’t careful.  Maybe God, in the passage above, answers that question.
            Judah repented when they learned the consequences of their disobedience and God repented their destruction.  But He did not stop their servitude to the king of Egypt.  “This way they will learn how to serve me,” he told the prophet.
            Did you ever think that maybe that “unjust” master (boss) was there to teach you service?  Or that difficult spouse? 
            Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly, 1Pet 2:18-19.
            Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct, 1Pet 3:1-2.
            Did you ever think that maybe that obnoxious neighbor or ornery brother in the Lord might be there to teach you patience and forbearance?
            Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing, 1Pet 3:9.
In fact, doesn’t God expect us to use every situation, whether blessing or trial to improve as His servant?  The sufferings we endure are meant to be opportunities for growth, not merit badges on a boastful sash.
            Suffering does not make us exempt to the call to service.  People in all situations of life have been serving God as hard as they can for as long as they can, whether rich or poor, sick or healthy, hungry or full, old or young, even in slavery, for thousands of years.  The place God puts us is the test of our faith.  Will you pass the test? 
 
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you, 1Pet 5:10.
 
Dene Ward

It happens all the time in exactly the same way.  Sometimes we are coming out to our own rock-lined fire ring up against the eastern woods.  Other times we are rebuilding in the metal ring of a state park campsite.  Feathery white ashes cover the circle as much as four or five inches deep, the remains of a dead fire from the morning or even the night before.  But lean over and blow on those ashes and red embers glow beneath.  Hold your hands a few inches above and feel the warmth from that earlier fire.
            So we start gathering twigs of all sizes.  First we lay on a handful of pine straw, which almost immediately begins to smoke, followed by twigs the circumference of darning needles, then pencils, then finally some as big around as your thumb.  Usually before we are finished the straw is burning and once we hear the first crackle of wood, we know we have been successful.  If we have it, a sliver of lighter wood will ensure the fire doesn't go out, especially if we must take the time to grab a hatchet or axe and do some log splitting.  Now we're ready to sit back and warm our bones, throwing on another full size log as needed.
            You can learn a lot from a campfire.  For one thing, those tiny darning-needle-sized twigs are just as important as a larger log.  The latter may last much longer and give out more heat, but it would never have caught in the first place without the smaller twigs.  It might smoke and char a bit on the outside, but that's about it.
            For another, you aren't the only thing a good fire warms up.  Sometimes in our zeal for warmth, we stack twigs so high that a few fall off and roll to the back of the ring.  I was watching one on an early cool spring morning, seven or eight inches long, maybe a half inch in diameter, as it stood against the back side of the ring, at least a foot from the flames.  Suddenly, without a spark landing on it and without even smoking first, it burst into flame.  It had been a roaring fire.  We had already backed our chairs away a good two or three feet further, and it was so hot that a twig a good foot or so away had burst into flame without even being in the fire.
            So which piece of wood are you?
            Are you the small, seemingly insignificant twig that catches quickly and then passes its heat on to another and another and yet another?  The one who constantly mentions the Lord in your life and the love and generosity of spirit in your brethren rather than complaining about them?
            Are you the one who burns so hot that anyone nearby catches on fire, too?  The one who brings your friends, who peppers the preacher with questions they have asked you as you try to satisfy their curiosity and teach them the truth?
            Are you the larger log that burns long and hot, leaving embers behind that will help others start yet another fire after you are gone, one that might even burn larger and hotter than anything you ever imagined?  The parents who faithfully teach children who grow up to preach the Word to hundreds, who work long and hard to start a congregation in your area, who hold Bible studies in your home and attend gospel meetings as your Friday night entertainment?
            Campfires:  I have always enjoyed sitting next to one, watching the flames, yellow, orange, red, purple, and even blue, listening to the crackle and hiss, smelling the various smells of burning oak, hickory, and cedar.
            They are also a pretty good place to sit and think…
 
If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.  (Jer 20:9).
 
Dene Ward        

A good neighbor gave us some of the seed pods that had fallen beneath her live oaks, so that's where we put ours, too.  We thought they did well that first fall, growing to about three feet tall, red-tinged dark green "fingered" leaves, and then in October some dark red blooms that looked like half-size hibiscus blooms.
            We wanted to know more but could not find them under the name she called them, October Roses.  After a whole lot of trying, we finally came upon them at a nursery website from Australia:  hibiscus cannabinus.  Yes, that is a suspicious name and the leaves looked a bit suspicious too, but no, they are not that illegal plant you instantly thought of when you saw that Latin name.  If you are really interested in all their uses, which include salad leaves, cooking oil, paper, cordage, varnish, and diet supplements, go to this Aussie website:  https://fairdinkumseeds.com/products-page/brassica-lettuce-and-asian-greens/hibiscus-cannabinus-red-kenaf-brown-indian-hemp-seeds/ .  It's an interesting read.
            We also discovered that they are "full sun" plants, and here ours were in the deep shade of a live oak tree, just like the neighbor's had been.  So last spring we moved them.  Those three foot high plants have shot up to nearly 9 feet tall and they appear to be climbing.  I can hardly wait to see what happens with the blooms now that they are where they belong.  Things always do better when they are placed where God intended them to be.
            I have seen some brothers and sisters who seem to think otherwise.  I can look at Facebook, for example, and see where they hang out and with whom, not to mention what they are doing.  The language of the people they mingle with in their comments also makes it readily apparent that this is not where a Christian belongs.  Don't give me the usual, "But Jesus ate with sinners," excuse.  Jesus ate with sinners so he could teach them and reach them and bring them to repentance.  How much teaching are you doing?  How many have repented?  Let me tell you what those friends of yours whom you are not teaching think about you.  They think you are a hypocrite who claims to be one thing while living another.  They evidently know better than you that you ought not to be in that place, nor doing those things.  Just ask them what a Christian should and should not do and see for yourself.
            That is only the most obvious way that we plant ourselves in the wrong places and then wonder why we don't grow.  Who are you dating?  Who did you marry?  The answer to those questions will dictate the focus of the rest of your life.  The focus for a Christian should be serving the Lord, something that a married person can only do to his absolute best when married to someone else with that same focus.  I know some sad people who will tell you not to make the same mistake they did.
            What about the occupation you have chosen?  Some things may not be wrong, but they have a tendency to put you in places you don't need to be, places and situations far too dangerous for your soul.  The same thing is true of hobbies and special interests.  Be careful out there, and don't fool yourself for a few fleeting pleasures.
            Where have you chosen to live?  Do you have a group of strong, faithful brethren you can spend your spare time with, go to for advice, and lean on in times of trouble?  Or are you forced to go it alone, trying your best to be what you need to be with no help within a couple hours' drive?  Most folks my age can make a list of people who thought they could "start a church there," only to completely fall away from the Lord within a couple of years.  All for a well-paying job or "great opportunity."  Opportunity for what, exactly?
            It really does matter where you plant yourself.  You may grow three feet tall and put out a few blooms and think you are fine, but tell me why your Heavenly Father should be satisfied with that when He meant for you to grow upwards of ten feet tall, covered with blooms?  Don't plant yourself in the dark shade when you were meant to be placed in the full light of the Son. 
 
They are planted in the house of Jehovah; They shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bring forth fruit in old age; They shall be full of sap and green: To show that Jehovah is upright; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.  Ps 92:13-15
 
Dene Ward

I recently came across an article titled “How to Avoid the Natural Reactions that Affect Good Decision Making.”  It is too long to go over here, but it did make me realize that natural reactions can be controlled.  How?  The author, who was not interested in spiritual matters at all, listed several ways, but they all boiled down to this—control yourself and do not let those “natural” reactions rule you.  The Sermon on the Mount is full of exactly those kinds of statements.
            Rejoice and be glad [when others revile you and persecute you] for so persecuted they the prophets before you.
            But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
            But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
            And that’s only a few from Matthew 5.  This is not easy, but I think the key is this:  God doesn’t expect us to control our natural reactions—he expects us to change what comes naturally to us.  And He expects us to do it during the most difficult times of our lives.  His people have been doing it for thousands of years.
            Jesus went to Peter’s house one evening and found his mother-in-law lying sick with a fever.  What did she do the moment she was healed?  And he came and took her by the hand and lifted her up, and the fever left her, and she began to serve them, Mark 1:30.  How many of us would have taken the next few days off to recuperate, expecting a little more sympathy too?
            The apostles were arrested and put in prison, then brought out and beaten.  What did they do? Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name, Acts 5:41.  Rejoicing at being beaten?  That certainly wouldn’t be my natural reaction.
            Stephen was stoned for what he preached and what did he do as he lay dying?  And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep, Acts 7:59-60.  Impossible, you think, to forgive your murderers, but not for Stephen, a man “full of grace” Acts 6:8.
            Aquila and Priscilla were run out of Rome, forced to leave their home because of persecution.  What did they do?  They set up shop in Corinth and offered Paul a place to stay for as long as he needed (Acts 18:1-3).  Me? I probably would have pleaded a need for time to get organized and put my life back together before I put my home in the upheaval of a long term guest.
            Paul and Silas were beaten and thrown into prison.  What was their reaction?  About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, Acts 16:24.  They were aware that “others were listening to them.”  I’m not sure I would have been aware of anything but my own aches and pains, and completely unconcerned about what others were going through.
            And what did David do immediately after his child died?  Then David arose from the earth and washed and anointed himself and changed his clothes. And he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped, 2 Sam 12:20.  At this most horrible time for any parent, David worshipped.  Is it really surprising?  Job did the same thing, and he had lost all his children.  Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped, Job 1:20. 
            It seems that the natural reaction for a true child of God who undergoes any sort of trial is to turn to his Father, to serve, to worship, to pray, to sing, even to forgive.  I am usually more interested in my own welfare than anyone else’s.  I tend to forget anything spiritual and concentrate on my own physical or emotional pain as if it were the most important thing there is.  Is that what a Christian should do?  These people tell me otherwise, and I could have found many more examples. 
            Truly I have a long way to go, but this maybe I can remember:  If I have become a new creature, then what is “natural” about me, including my reactions, should have changed too.
 
Now the natural man receives not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him; and he cannot know them, because they are spiritually judged. But he that is spiritual judges all things, and he himself is judged of no man, 1 Cor 2:14,15. 
 
Dene Ward

Just because I get bored cooking the same old things over and over, I wandered over to my cookbook shelves last week and ran my fingers over them all, thinking.  Most of the time these days I use Cooking Light cookbooks, trying to bolster our health and trim our waistlines, but I also have others that include the family favorites.  I have started listing the recipes I use again and again on the front flyleaf of my cookbooks now, because it dawned on me that as many books as I have, the boys will never be able to find their favorite recipes otherwise after I am gone.  Some of my cookbooks are at least forty years old, and that doesn't count the two or three of my mother's I saved, which are nearing 80 years old.
            A few months ago, I was talking about recipes with another woman and she asked me, "Do you still eat casseroles?"  She went on to explain that when she takes food to families with sick mothers or to after-funeral dinners, when she asks if there is anything they do not like, "casseroles" was a common complaint.  Some of my favorite meals from childhood were casseroles, but, I realized, I hadn't cooked many of the things myself lately.  Squash casserole during garden season might have been the last one.  But I do still cook them.  Turkey pot pie, turkey divan, beef and noodle surprise, baked ziti, and who can even exist without lasagna?
            So as I was running my fingers over my cookbooks that day they came to rest on the Favorite Recipes of America Series, Casseroles volume (copyright 1968).  Suddenly I made the decision.  This week will be retro-casserole week!  And we have thoroughly enjoyed the memories these old dishes have brought back to us.  One of my favorites has been a slightly updated "green bean casserole."  How is it updated, you ask?  Throwing together homemade mushroom cream sauce (rather than a can of cream of mushroom soup), and adding some buttered panko crumbs to the French-fried onions to make an extra crispy topping.  Green Bean Casserole is once again in my regular repertoire.  The best part?  It's still green bean casserole.  Nothing I did changed what is essentially beans, mushroom cream sauce, and fried onions.
            Have you noticed how old things are brought back in style lately and labeled "retro?"  As long as you smack that title on it, people will accept it.  Except, it seems, religion.  Such has always been the case.  God's people tired of His simple, solemn service and His carefully followed rituals.  They much preferred the excitement that their neighbors' idolatry brought.  It began with gradual changes—but things that were actually changes, not simply a better tasting mushroom cream sauce.  Jeroboam put up golden calves in both Dan and Bethel, to worship Jehovah, mind you, in much more convenient locations (and places that kept them from being tempted to join back with Judah).  Then he changed the Levitical priesthood.  Then he changed the feast days.  The ones who knew better, mostly the priests, left for Jerusalem, which accounts for the need to begin a different priesthood than the Aaronic.  There were few of those left.
            But before long, even that wasn't enough.  Convenience was good, but excitement was better.  And idolatry delivered that in spades.  Just look at the famous contest on Mt Carmel.  We think all that jumping around and hollering was because the false prophets couldn't get their god to answer them.  Perhaps a little, but it was normal for that kind of worship.  And once Jehovah answered Elijah's call, what did the people do?  We stop reading far too soon because of the chapter division.  All that yelling, "Jehovah he is God," fit right into their new style of worship service.  It probably went on for hours.  They probably screamed it and cheered every time Elijah lopped off a head.  "Hey!  Now this is what we had in mind.  This is real worship," they were probably thinking.  These people were not brought back to repentance one little bit.  And how do I know?  Because when Ahab got home that night and made his report, nothing had changed.  Jezebel was still in control—and the people allowed it.  Then Jezebel sent a messenger unto Elijah, saying, So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I make not thy life as the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time. (1Kgs 19:2).
            Elijah knew the score.  And when he saw that, he arose, and went for his life, and came to Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.  (1Kgs 19:3-4).  These people wanted nothing to do with bringing back the old ways, with worshipping God the way He had instructed them so long before.  And it only continued throughout their history until finally, they went too far and He destroyed most of them. 
          We need to wake up, people.  I am all for updating that green bean casserole—but not for changing its very essence.  If you take out the beans and add carrots, it is no longer green bean casserole; it's something entirely different.  When I can no longer tolerate vegetables at all, but want a dish full of cotton candy, I am just catering to an immature intellect that mistakes emotion for true reverence.  It isn't about what I like.  It's about what God commands.
           As you can tell, my week of retro-casseroles has brought up a lot more than good memories.  Let's take some time to examine what is happening around us and make sure we haven't thrown out our Casserole Cookbook just because of some fad diet that everyone has glommed onto.  Good nutrition for the soul is not always popular, but it is always healthy.
 
Thus says the LORD: “Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. But they said, "We will not walk in it." (Jer 6:16).

Will we?
 
Dene Ward

I was ten years old the first time I remember anyone calling me “ugly.”  It was Sunday night, just after services had let out, sometime during the school year.  We all stood in pools of manmade light around the little rock church building, the adults talking and laughing together, the children scampering about in the front yard of the lot, usually girls together and boys together, except for the teenagers who stood together in a group off to one side, aloof from it all.  I didn’t do much running because of my vision, so it was easy for a boy to sneak up behind me, pull my hair and say that awful word.
            No, he did not have a crush on me.  That’s what they always told girls like me, that and the ugly duckling story.  I was overweight with a head full of frizzy hair, and big coke bottle glasses that made me look bug-eyed and a little stupid.  When he said it, he meant it.
            Despite my precarious vision, I fled around the side of the building into the blackness of the back yard—no lights to see here, either ugly me or my ugly tears.  I would never have gone back there for any other reason—it was far too scary and I tripped over things right in front of me even in broad daylight, but that dark, shadowy place was where I thought I belonged, because I had seen myself in the mirror and I believed him.  I had also heard several adults talk about my “ugly glasses,” and what a shame it was I had to wear them.  What they didn’t realize was since I could not see at all without them (a +17.5 prescription), they were as much a part of me as my nose or any other part of my face.  They were my eyes, and if they were ugly, so was I.
            Child psychology has come a long way.  We know that children believe what others say about them.  If you tell a child he is bad, he will live up to it.  And if you tell a little girl she is ugly, it will take her decades to get over it.
            So why do we do this thing to ourselves?  Why do we go on and on about being “only human,” as if being made in the image of God were a bad thing?  Why do we constantly tell one another we are “not perfect?”  Why do we introduce ourselves as “sinners?”  Okay, maybe it is a humility thing, but I see too many times when it is something else entirely—it’s an excuse for not doing better.  And the more often we give ourselves those excuses, the more often we will need them.
            Listen instead to the Word of God:
The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, Rom 8:16.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works…Eph 2:10.
And, having been set free from sin, [you] have become servants of righteousness, Rom 6:18.
…But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God, 1 Cor 6:11.
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light, 1 Pet 2:9.
            That’s what you are—God’s work, God’s children, chosen, royal, holy, righteous, sanctified.  Tell yourself that every morning. Look in the mirror and say the words aloud.  We are “called saints” right along with those Corinthian brethren, 1 Cor 1:2.  Stop calling yourself a sinner all the time.  If that is what you believe, that is what you will do, and then find yourself running back into the darkness trying to hide from it all.
            Turn on the light and call yourself by the names God does.  This is an “Ugly Duckling” story that has really come true.  You are His child, and that makes you beautiful.
 
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure, 1 John 3:1,2.
 
Dene Ward

Sometimes people give what they consider the perfect advice, only to discover that their perfect scenario doesn't work everywhere.  I take one medication that is thinning my hair rapidly.  Yesterday I read an article on how to take care of your hair so that you can fight that problem.  Among several do's and don'ts in the list was this:  don't blow-dry your hair all the way, leave it a little damp.  Immediately my head started shaking "No!"  I was blessed with a headful of thick, naturally curly, black hair.  Unfortunately, that goes along with this word:  frizzy. If my hair is not blown dry completely I look like I am wearing a Brillo pad on top of my head or, in the words of an old Phyllis Diller joke (yes, I am old), I stuck a wet toe in a hot socket.  So I completely ignored that advice.  It hurt no one but my hair to do so.
            When Covid began its ugly reign, we had a similar problem.  Wearing a mask was everyone's handy-dandy solution.  Not in this house.  When one of you is deaf and needs to read lips, it simply won't work.  And then there is the issue of claustrophobia I have had my whole life.  Warm stale air equals suffocation to my mind.  HOWEVER…
            When we go out, when we buy groceries, when we have a doctor appointment, when we assemble with the saints, if we are asked to wear a mask, we do.  Some people think that makes us "sheep."  Why would we act this way?  It's simple if you read your New Testament.
            When one of you has a grievance against another, does he dare go to law before the unrighteous instead of the saints? Or do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world is to be judged by you, are you incompetent to try trivial cases? Do you not know that we are to judge angels? How much more, then, matters pertaining to this life! So if you have such cases, why do you lay them before those who have no standing in the church? I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers, but brother goes to law against brother, and that before unbelievers? To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded? But you yourselves wrong and defraud—even your own brothers!  (1Cor 6:1-8).
            No, masks have nothing to do with suing one another—at least that I have heard of yet.  (But give it time.)  The passage is not really about that.  The prohibition against making lawsuits against a brother is just one specific example of ceding my rights because the mission of the church and its reputation in the community around it is more important than anyone's rights!  It is the Lord's church and the mission He gave that body of believers that matter.  Notice what Paul says:  "Why not rather suffer wrong?"  When I demand my rights about anything to the ill effect of the cause of Christ, I have forgotten not only who I serve, but the very definition of being a disciple—following in your Master's footsteps.  What if he had claimed his rights as Creator instead of climbing up on that cross?  Where would we be then?  He suffered wrong, and was defrauded, to save us.
            Paul goes on to say in that passage above, that when I claim my rights regardless of the consequences, I am actually defrauding my brethren because of how I have made that group of people look to the outsiders around us.  I am the one who has wronged them.
            When I do wear a mask, I am being the follower of the Suffering Servant, who, by the way, was called the Lamb of God.  If voluntarily wearing a mask makes me one of His lambs, I am happy to be called a "sheep."
 
A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master. (Matt 10:24-25).
 
For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.  (1Pet 2:21-24).
 
​To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.  (Luke 6:29).
 
Dene Ward
 

 I have been contemplating this post for over a year now.  Not that it was so difficult to compile; after all, I have made practically every mistake on this list.  (And I am making number 7 right now.)  The problem has been organizing them into something readable due to the sheer volume, especially if I try to comment on each one.  Just call me a Windmill Tilter.
            I am assuming that anyone caring to read this is a Christian so I will forgo the obvious things like speaking kindly.  Like not calling people or the things they believe "stupid," and similar sentiments.  I am assuming we all know that even when we disagree, especially publicly, it is far better, and even commanded, that we be kind and speak with words that will provoke healthy discussions rather than irate reactions.  So I won't even go there more than this brief paragraph.
            However, someone has said that if we all "just speak like Christians" none of these problems below would arise.  I don't believe that's true.  In the first place, Facebook is an open forum—at least until someone gives you a reason to block him, and that will always be after the damage has been done, damage you really had nothing to do with at all.  But since the troll caused the problem on your post, your name will forever be linked with something ugly.      
             And second, what one might say to a close friend might not be how he says it to a mere acquaintance, yet nothing "un-Christian" has been said.  (More on this below.)  So let's be careful about making unfair judgments.  "Where there's smoke there's fire," may be true, but there is a world of difference between a cozy fire in my fireplace and arson.
            So here goes:  Mistakes We Often Make on Facebook
           
           1.  Forgetting that hundreds, maybe thousands, of people, many you do not even know, will see your posts.  Whenever a friend comments on your post, it might very well show up on all his friends' newsfeeds with the heading "So-and-so commented (or liked or reacted to) this post."  Multiply the number of friends you have by the number of friends they each have and the number is staggering.  In addition, your employers, or your spouse's employers, or places you have applied to for work or enrollment can also see your posts.  Be careful what you say, how you say it, and the private information and photos, especially of your children, that you put out there. (Sexual predators drool over these innocents and sometimes have enough information to take action.)
Discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you, (Prov 2:11).
 
          2.  Forgetting that there is no tone of voice or natural face expression on Facebook.  Those emoticons don't cover all the bases either.  What you say tongue-in-cheek is usually the opposite of what you mean, but someone out there—maybe several someones—will take you seriously and be horrified.  And most will not question you personally, but spread what they think you believe or the character they think you have shown to your reputation's possible great harm.  When the Onion and Babylon Bee, both of which are known to be satire, are taken seriously, you can be sure it will happen to you, too.  Unfortunately, even warning people at the outset seems to do no good, because people do not read everything.  We have created a culture that loathes anything requiring more than a thirty second attention span so they just skim right past your warning.
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.  (Col 4:6).
           
            3.  Thinking you need to comment on everything.  You don't.  It's sort of like regular conversation—if you have something pertinent, helpful and encouraging to say, then do.  Otherwise, be quiet.
And I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.  (Matt 12:36).
 
            4.  Failure to stop and think first.   The immediacy of Facebook may be its biggest danger.  It's so easy to just type in a gut reaction and hit enter before considering the possible fall-out.  I have seen some wonderful people, who would never had allowed their frustration to show in person, say some truly hurtful things on Facebook.  Please re-read #1-3.
A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.  (Prov 18:6).
 
           5.  Inserting yourself into a conversation in which you do not belong.  If someone particularly asks "older people" for advice, if I see something harmful to a good person's reputation, or if I see something dangerous (especially as a retired law enforcement officer's wife), I will put in my two cents' worth.  But when young mothers thirty to forty years younger than I are sharing experiences, I usually bow out.  It would be completely irrelevant to today's culture, and look like an old gray head who just wanted some attention.  And never, ever, pontificate about something serious that you have never experienced.  "I would do this if it were me," is not true.  Frankly, you have no idea what you would do since it has never happened to you before.
The tongue of the wise utters knowledge aright; But the mouth of fools pours out folly.  (Prov 15:2).
 
          6.  Whining about the trivial—because compared to the rest of the world, most of our issues are trivial.  When all people see of you is this constant whining, they believe you must be a weak, spoiled, ungrateful, overgrown baby.  No one wants to hear it after the first hundred posts, and really, you do not want people to think that of you because it is probably not true!  Here is the test.  Go to your personal page and read all of your posts (not direct posts to your timeline, but YOUR posts) one after the other.  Pretend they are posts of someone you do not know.  What is the pervading image that those posts leave?  Does it sound like a whiner, a big grump, a materialistic drama queen, a self-righteous prig?  I guarantee you, if you are honest with yourself, you will be more than a little embarrassed.
She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. ​Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.  (Prov 31:17, 25-26).
 
          7.  Thinking you can actually change someone's mind in a Facebook discussion.  If you just enjoy a debate, then OK, provided you are careful of all the other things we have discussed, like who might see your comments and any damage they might do to a weak soul.  But don't be so naïve that it affects you emotionally when people ignore or disagree with your carefully reasoned out comments.  Our culture has reached the point where most people make decisions based upon emotions rather than logic and data.  If these things weaken you spiritually, scroll right on by.
It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.  (Prov 20:3).
 
          8.  Failure to use the delete button.  If someone posts something inappropriate, delete it from your newsfeed and tell Facebook why when they ask.  If someone makes an unkind or ugly comment on one of your posts, delete it.  If they persist, unfriend them.  Would you continue to call that person a friend out in the world, face to face?  In fact, if you are going to post at all, it becomes your responsibility to monitor your posts and keep them clean and beneficial to others.
Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather even reprove them; for the things which are done by them in secret it is a shame even to speak of.  (Eph 5:11-12).
 
            9.  Ganging up on those who make spiteful comments or disagree in an unpleasant manner.  I have seen it again and again.  Someone posts a perfectly innocent comment or observation and someone else comes in with something that can only be described as hostile.  So what happens?  Others come rushing in to put this miscreant in his place.  Bullying is a pretty good description of what goes on as each "defender of the righteous" verbally assaults the one who dared say anything "mean" to their friend.  No one seems to get the obvious—that this poor soul is somehow damaged, probably by mistreatment himself or an emotional crisis he is presently going through, or he would never have reacted in such an antagonistic way.  Will "taking him down a peg" fix the problem?  No, it will not.  It will only add credence to what he already believes about "so-called Christians," as he would define them.  Our Lord certainly did nothing of the kind and taught us to follow his example, showing kindness to our enemies.  How can you ever hope to reach the soul of a person to whom you have returned exactly as you received?   Your best chance is by treating him kindly, not ganging up and throwing stones.
But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ​bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. (Luke 6:27-28).
 
 
          10.  Thinking you always have to bring up the opposite side of a discussion "to add a little balance".  The one posting thought that particular side of the issue was the one that needed addressing the most at that particular time.  When you begin your, "Yes, but…," the people who might have benefited from his point, will now feel perfectly comfortable ignoring it.  You may have undone a lot of good that could have been done because you decided that it was your job to set things right.  Would you have done the same thing to the apostle Paul when he said, "Being therefore justified by his blood?"  Would you have run in and added everything he left out of that verse?  Would you have done it to Jesus when he quoted Hosea saying, "I desire mercy and not sacrifice," when everyone knows the Law certainly did require sacrifice?  The practice of bringing up only one side of an issue for emphasis is perfectly Biblical and the wise will understand that and allow it to work.
 
For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.  (Gal 6:3).
 
           If I sat here long enough I could come up with a dozen more, or perhaps they would all be variations of #1-3.  I have been on the wrong side of too many of these things, and I imagine you have seen yourself staring back at you on at least one point.  I hope this helps us all to remember who we follow—especially on Facebook.  Social media can be a good tool, but it can also be a tool of the Devil.
 
That no advantage may be gained over us by Satan: for we are not ignorant of his devices.  (2Cor 2:11).
 
Dene Ward

Our blueberries have not been particularly bountiful the past few years.  I remember years when over the three or four weeks we were picking, I had enough for four or five pies, two or three dozen giant muffins, blueberry pancakes at least twice, and a dozen jars of jam, and still put fifteen full quarts of berries in the freezer for later use.  This year I didn’t have enough for one muffin.  If blueberries are antioxidants, we may start rusting soon.
            When the blueberries are thin I really hate sharing them with the birds.  It would not be so bad if the birds would pick one limb or even one bush out of the twelve we have.  But they flit around pecking a blueberry here and a blueberry there.  Once a bird has pecked a berry just once, it is useless to us.  Yet there is still enough in the one berry for several more pecks if the bird would only take them, and then he would not need to peck so many others!
            Satan does the same thing to us.  How many faults do you have?  How many weaknesses do you fight on a daily basis?  If you are a faithful Christian, maybe only a few by now, certainly less than when you started out.  But you know what?  Satan doesn’t need to totally ruin you.  He doesn’t need to turn you into evil personified.  All he needs to do is make you satisfied with just one little fault, only one little thing that you need to work on, because the fewer pecks he makes into your soul, the more likely you are to be satisfied with your progress.  You will look at yourself and say, “I’m doing pretty well.  This one little thing won’t hurt my soul.”  And so you give in, you make excuses, you say to yourself, “That’s just the way I am, and after all, it’s not that bad.  I haven’t killed anyone lately.”  This is not to minimize the need for grace, just the attitude that says, “I’m satisfied where I am.”
            So we become a bush full of pecked blueberries, too ruined for those around us to nourish their souls, but not ruined enough for us to think we really need to do something about it.  Is that why the church isn’t growing?  Is that why we no longer have any influence on our neighbors?  Is that why our children are falling away and the future looks so grim? 
            Pecked blueberries are useless.  When Satan sends a bird to peck at you, beat him off with a stick if you have to.  One peck can cost you your soul.
 
But when the righteous turns away from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and does according to the abominations that the wicked man does, shall he live?  None of his righteous deeds that he has done shall be remembered; in his trespass that he has trespassed, and in his sin which he has sinned he shall die…I have no pleasure in the death of him who dies, says the Lord.  Therefore turn and live, Ezekiel 18:24,32.
 
Dene Ward