Shortly after meeting some new people, word came back from mutual friends that their assessment of us was, “They do so well for a handicapped couple.”

              Handicapped?  We had never thought of ourselves that way.  No one else, even people who have known us for years, has ever described us that way.  Now Keith, who has reached the point of “profound deafness” may well be called handicapped, but he has never used that word of himself.  He just keeps on doing what needs to be done because it has to be done.  About the only thing I have taken over for him is the telephone.

              He has never used his handicap as an excuse.  Nothing disgusts him more than many of the felons he must deal with who blame society, their parents, their neighborhoods, their economic class and anything else they can for their lack of education and ambition, and their crimes.  He was raised in back hill poverty, without running water, with only a kitchen woodstove for heat in a climate where the water bucket in that same kitchen often developed a top layer of ice overnight.  He began going deaf in his early 20s and already had one hearing aid at 27.  He finished a college degree while supporting a wife and two children.  He continues to work, even now in his mid-60s, despite his ever increasing disability and one stroke already on his medical record.  He uses none of these “handicaps” as an excuse.  They are simply obstacles he must overcome.

              Too often we want to claim handicaps in our work for God.  I don’t have time.  I don’t have the money.  I don’t have the talent.  I am too young and inexperienced.  I am too old.  I am not popular.  I am too shy.  The same God who promised he would not tempt you more than you are able to bear, will not give you an opportunity you don’t have the ability to handle.

              He doesn’t lay out the opportunities like a multiple choice test, then let us choose the one we want.  “None of the above” is not on the list either.  He is the one who decides our handicaps and his decision is obvious in the things he places before us to do.  He expects us to choose “all of the above.”

              Handicaps will make you stronger, but not if you use them as excuses.  You must work your way through them.  Then God will decide whether you did as much as you were able to do.  He is the one who really knows.
 
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12:9,10.
 
Dene Ward

We’ve been going through old pictures lately and found one of two year old Lucas standing in his father’s work boots.  Even though he was long-legged for his age, those boots reached the tops of his thighs, and his small feet were lost in them.  Still he knew what he wanted at that young age—to grow up to be as big as his daddy.

              Many families have walls where children stand to be measured.  Usually Daddy or big brother have made a mark so high the toddlers can hardly see it, but they eagerly lean up against that wall to check their progress. 

              Paul told the Ephesians we are to measure our height against the height of our Big Brother.  Until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, Eph 4:13.  Why aren’t we as eager as children to stand up against that wall and measure our progress?

              I have a feeling it has something to do with giving up before we even start.  “I can’t be like Jesus.  I’m not perfect,” escapes so many mouths it’s no wonder we never even chase after that perfection.  Why try when we have such a defeatist attitude?  And since I don’t try, I certainly do not want to stand there and be measured—I know I haven’t grown an inch!  Yet Paul makes it plain that we are expected to grow up, to become spiritually mature.  Epaphras…greets you, always struggling on your behalf in his prayers, that you may stand mature and fully assured in all the will of God, Col 4:12.  You cannot excuse yourself and hope to please God. 

              The last study I wrote for my women’s class was Growing to Spiritual Maturity.  We covered as many aspects of maturity as we could think of—perspective, knowledge/wisdom, steadfastness, diligence, modesty, humility, self-control, respect and consideration for others, integrity, dependence upon God, tolerance, and striving for peace rather than squabbling all the time.  We scoured the gospels for the example our Big Brother set for us, and yes, we found ourselves seriously lacking in a lot of places.  So what do we do, simply sit back and sigh wistfully for the unattainable?

              No, we made plans, specific plans, how to overcome the deficits we saw in our character.  We listed, not only such obvious helps as seeking advice, praying, and studying the scriptures, but also specific behavior changes we could make to grow in the areas in which we found ourselves lacking.  We realize we will never be a perfect example of a mature Christian, but we can now eagerly approach that wall and measure ourselves to see how far we have come.  Maybe just an inch this year, but maybe we will have a growth spurt soon and grow six inches in one year.  It will never happen though as long as we avoid that wall, as long as we not only refuse to be measured, but do not even try to improve because we have already given up.

              You see, that is another aspect of maturity.  Real men (and women) don’t quit.  They don’t give up just because the task is difficult.  They make up their minds they will do the impossible, and then they do it.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 
 
Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me, Col 1:28,29.
 
Dene Ward

Before we get too far along in these study tips, you need to examine yourself to find out what works for you.

              Over the years I have come to realize that, for me, words are nothing but a mishmash, incomprehensible and unmemorable, if I don’t organize them somehow.  My mind needs graphics.  If I can see a list or make a chart, everything suddenly makes sense.  Otherwise, it’s hopeless.  So I read and read and read, and always keep a half dozen pieces of scrap paper next to my Bible.

              For example, I was studying John 8:12-59 one time, and though I figured out that this was a pivotal time in Jesus’ relationship with the Jewish rulers, I still saw nothing but a bunch of words.  So I read it about 5 times.  The second time I began to see a few things.  The third time I saw a few more.  About then I started my lists.  By the fifth time I was ready to complete them.  When I finished I had a four lists:  questions the Jews asked Jesus; accusations the Jews made about Jesus; accusations Jesus made about the Jews; and, personal claims Jesus made about himself.

              I had written them verbatim out of the Bible, so my final task was to put them in everyday language—something that would resonate with me about what exactly was going on.  Then I went back and read the chapter again.  Oh my!  I had never realized the tension in the crowd and the danger Jesus was in.  And I had never realized his audacity either.  Suddenly that passage came alive for me.  It was easier to comprehend and easier to apply.  And isn’t that the point of study?

              A word of encouragement here that you will need:  Sometimes you make some amazing discoveries when you do this.  But sometimes you will work like crazy making a list or a chart or a progression or however it is your mind works, only to see no amazing discoveries at all. 

              For example, I was studying the oracles of the nations in Jeremiah 46-51.  After only a couple times through I realized I had an easily chartable bunch of facts there.  So I made my three column chart:  the nation, its sins, and the judgment God was sending.  It took a couple of hours to wade through that poetic and highly figurative language, but I made it and had a two page chart, in longhand, to look through.  What astounding things did I find in it?  Not much.  But I did see this:  several sins were listed again and again.  This is what I learned from that chart:  God has absolutely no truck with nations (or individuals for that matter) who are proud, arrogant, self-satisfied idol worshippers.  Tell me that doesn’t describe what this country has become.  And tell me we don’t have the same failings in ourselves at times, especially relying on things and people other than God.  We need a strong army, we need insurance policies and IRAs and huge portfolios.  Then we will be secure.  No, not so much.  God is still in control.  For all that work, though, it wasn’t a huge dividend to come up with.  But I did know for sure what was in those chapters.

              So take some time now and decide how you learn, how you remember, how you process information.  Sooner or later I will share some of the charts and lists I have come up with as examples, but let’s not get the cart before the horse.  Just because it works for me doesn’t mean it will work for you.  You know you best.  Find out what works and use it.
             
In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches. I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word. (Ps 119:14-16)
 
Dene Ward

We had chickens for a while and with the hens came a rooster.  Yes, they do crow in the morning, and not just at dawn.  Sometimes they are a little off—they anticipate the dawn and crow early.

              We had visitors once who were not used to roosters, city folk that they were.  Their three year old slept with them in the only extra bed we had, and that room was right next to the chicken coop.  About 5 am when the sky might have lightened to gray if you thought about it real hard, the rooster went about his act.  We usually slept through it, having been inured for a good while, but our guests said their small child sat bolt upright in the bad and said, “What was that Mommy?”  None of them ever got back to sleep.  The rooster did his thing about every fifteen minutes like a snooze button gone haywire until the dawn actually arrived, and that child came out of that bedroom with eyes as big as saucers.  Too bad you can’t muzzle a rooster.

              But maybe we shouldn’t muzzle those roosters after all.  Just as they woke the farmers to begin their day’s work, metaphorical roosters can wake us up.  Who doesn’t recall the real rooster that woke Peter from his self-deluded state?  And straightway the second time the cock crew. And Peter called to mind the word, how that Jesus said unto him, Before the cock crow twice, thou shalt deny me thrice. And when he thought thereon, he wept. (Mark 14:72)  He wasn’t the only one in scriptures who suddenly “awoke” to his sins.

              How about the lost son?  And he went and joined himself to one of the citizens of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him. But when he came to himself he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish here with hunger! (Luke 15:15-17)  I can just see him leaning over the trough as I did so many times when we had pigs of our own, and coming face to face—almost nose to filthy running nose--with a hog.  He may have been awakened by a pig instead of a rooster, but the effect was the same.

              And then there were the exiled Jews whom Ezekiel spent his life trying to convert.  God said that when the Messianic kingdom began they would “remember and be confounded;” they would “remember…and loathe themselves” for their sins (Ezek 16:63; 36:31).  That wonderful new kingdom would be so much more than they deserved that it would shake them out of their complacency.

              In Acts 2, that crowd of Jewish worshippers were awakened by the events of the day and the convicting word that Peter spoke.  “And when they heard...they were cut to the heart…” (v 37).

              And who can forget the light dawning on David when Nathan the prophet looked at him and said, “Thou art the man?”  (2 Sam 12:7, 13) 

              If you’ve never had a rooster crow in your life, you may still be asleep in your smugness and self-satisfaction.  It almost hurts when you are roused out of a deep sleep, and it should hurt even more when you are roused out of a spiritual sleep. 

              Pray for a rooster today.  And pray that you will hear it.
 
But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” (Eph 5:13-14)
 
Dene Ward         

 

Our last camping trip was typical—it rained on Tuesday.  However, the rain came with a slight variation this time. 

            We managed to get through all the daylight hours with clear sunny skies as we tramped all over Lookout Mountain and Chickamauga battlefield.  In fact, if it had not been for the exorbitant parking meters, we could have made any of the 2-7 mile hikes featured on the brochure we picked up without getting wet.

            So we headed back to the campsite for grilled half-pound burgers, potato salad, and baked beans.  We even managed to wash the dishes and get our evening showers.  Then, as we sat by the fire, the lightning lit up the sky, silhouetting the trees around us.  Fifteen minutes later the first raindrop fell and we scampered into the screen tent to finish our evening at the picnic table, reading, studying for Bible classes, and doing crossword puzzles.

            The next morning the rain had stopped, but it was still gray and damp.  By afternoon the wind picked up and cooled off, but the front had not yet passed.  The gray skies continued and a mist, too heavy for sitting by the fire with a book, filled the air around us.  Once again we were relegated to the screen, and as we sat at the table in the cold, damp wind, we became more and more miserable.  Ordinarily, sitting by the fire will keep you warm enough, along with the several layers of clothing we pile on, but the mist made that solution impossible.  We were soon wrapped in blankets struggling to keep our minds on our studies.  Before long, we gave up and crawled into the tent and sleeping bags.  Finally we were warm enough.

            The next morning we woke to more gray skies, but after breakfast, the sun peeked through.  As I walked to the bathhouse to brush my teeth, I took a moment to look straight up between the treetops—a bright cerulean sky everywhere!  I did my own version of Snoopy’s happy dance, holding out my arms and twirling in a circle—yessssss!!!!

            Funny how such a simple thing can make you so happy.  I had been reduced to living at the mercy of nature instead of climate controlled technology, and had suddenly developed a deep appreciation for something as simple as a sunny day.  The temperatures plummeted that night, the coldest we had all week, but we were able to sit by a fire and appreciated it far more than we would have a hotel room because of what we had endured the night before.  In fact, when we got home, our humble dwelling seemed a palace.

            I have contemplated this phenomenon often, usually right after we return from a camping trip. Have we let our technologically advanced, richer-than-ever society spoil us to the appreciation of the necessities of life God has granted us?  Would anyone ever do a “happy dance” for a blue sky, or does it have to be a trip to Disneyworld, a new Mercedes, or a new gadget that keeps us from having to think too hard, organize our lives for ourselves, or pick up a phone book?

            The early Christians rejoiced in things we would complain about, or even lose our faith over.  For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. Heb 10:34.  They therefore departed from the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the Name. Acts 5:41.  Would we be able to do a happy dance about those things?

            Those Christians, very new Christians in fact, knew that trials were a good thing.  They made them stronger, they made priorities obvious, they made them notice and appreciate their blessings as they should.  Those people understood that sin never satisfies, that the sinner will only “wax worse and worse,” as he seeks to find joy in debauchery, selfishness, and the fulfillment of every lust.  But the joy of being in Christ will fulfill the soul no matter what is happening on the outside, no matter what the body must put up with, no matter the pain, suffering, or even death that awaits us.

            Have you done a happy dance lately?  Should I ask what made you so happy?  How long has that happiness lasted, and what other feelings did that “thing” eventually bring?  Sin, or even material things that are not necessarily sinful, will only satisfy for a moment.  Wouldn’t you like to be doing a happy dance forever?
 
Do you not know this from of old, since man was placed on earth, that the exulting of the wicked is short, and the joy of the godless but for a moment? He will fly away like a dream and not be found; he will be chased away like a vision of the night. Because he knew no contentment in his belly, he will not let anything in which he delights escape him. There was nothing left after he had eaten; therefore his prosperity will not endure. In the fullness of his sufficiency he will be in distress…The possessions of his house will be carried away, dragged off in the day of God's wrath. This is the wicked man's portion from God, the heritage decreed for him by God. Job 20: 4,5,8,20-22,28-29.
 
Dene Ward
 

Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.

The Old Testament believers sure did things differently than us. They approached God in ways most modern Christians would never dare. For instance, the ninth chapter of Daniel records that Daniel had been reading Jeremiah’s prophecy and discovered that the time of the captivity was to be 70 years. By that time,70 years had passed. So Daniel begins praying, and his prayer constitutes most of the rest of the chapter. While Daniel spends most of the prayer acknowledging the sins of the people and God’s righteousness in destroying them, the thrust of the prayer is actually that it’s time for God to restore the people to Jerusalem. Daniel urges God to hasten to do this “for your own sake” (vs. 19). While Daniel is very diplomatic about it, he is still rather boldly demanding that God keep His promises.

Nehemiah does this as well. In the first chapter Nehemiah calls on God to remember His word, that He would gather His people back to Jerusalem. Nehemiah is rather blunt and essentially says, “Hey, you promised! Remember what you promised and do it.” What kind of chutzpah does it take to remind God of His promises and demand that He keep them? But it’s not just Daniel and Nehemiah. We see these reminders of promises throughout the Psalms. Just two examples: Ps. 25:6 “Remember your mercy, O LORD”; Ps. 74:1-2 “O God, why do you cast us off forever? Why does your anger smoke against the sheep of your pasture? Remember your congregation . . . Remember Mount Zion, where you have dwelt.” These men aren’t calling God on the carpet; rather they believe His promises so strongly that they feel comfortable depending on them and calling for them. “Reminding” God in this way really just showed their faith in, and dependence on, His promises.

God has made us promises, too. He has promised to keep us from facing unwinnable temptations (1 Cor. 10:13). He has promised to forgive us our sins if we will acknowledge them (1 John 1:8-9). He has promised to provide us with our daily necessities (Matt. 6:31-34). He has promised to work for us with great power (Eph. 1:19-20). He has promised to raise us from the dead to eternal life giving us a great inheritance by making us joint heirs with Christ (1 Cor. 15:53-57, Rom. 8:16-17). Do we believe in those promises? Do we believe in them enough to “call” God on them? The Apostles did. They believed in His promises of eternal life so strongly that they called on Christ to return as quickly as possible (1 Cor. 16:22, Rev. 22:20).

How much more successful would I be at defeating temptations if, when tempted, I prayed, “God, you said you’d always make a way of escape. Please help me see it now.”? How much more calm would I be about my finances if I prayed “God, you said if I seek your kingdom first, you’d provide for my needs, so I’m counting on you to let me eat.”? Etc, etc.

How strongly do you hold to His promises?

Rev. 22:20 “He who testifies these things says, Yea: I come quickly. Amen: come, Lord Jesus.”
 
Lucas Ward

The people who once bestowed commands, consulships, legions, and all else, now meddle no more and longs eagerly for just two things—bread and circuses.  Decimus Junius Juvenalis.

            That ancient Roman writer, known today as Juvenal, described how the Roman rulers kept the masses content, while gradually stealing away all their power.  What had once been a Republic had become an empire ruled by selfish, immoral, greedy men, more interested in retaining power and wealth than caring for the people under their rule.  And the people themselves deteriorated into a populace addicted to free distribution of food and violent gladiatorial contests.  They were so distracted by mindless self-gratification that they had become unable to think, unable to recognize any greater good beyond their own lusts.

            I can think of ways this might apply to America today, as I am sure you can, but it is nothing new.  Jesus dealt with the same mindset.  In John 6:26, he reproached the masses who followed him like this:  You seek me…because you ate of the loaves and were filled.  When he began to talk about the True Bread, they left. 

            The Pharisees came on more than one occasion, and to test him they asked him to show a sign from Heaven, Matt 16:1.  Herod on the night before he was crucified had long desired to see him, because he had heard about him, and was hoping to see some sign done by him, Luke 23:8.  They wanted a show, a “circus,” not a sign that would produce faith.  John tells us that for many of these people though he had done many signs before them, they still did not believe in him, 12:27.  Bread and circuses do not work in the spiritual world any more than they do in the physical.  It may bring more in, but how many stay when they find out what is really required of a disciple? 

            None of this is to say that we should not reach out to the world in as many ways as possible.  After all, Jesus did feed them, and he did do signs.  But sooner or later we must get past the superficial and reach the heart.  If my neighbor is in need, why not help him?  When I take a meal to the sick, perhaps he will be more willing to realize that his sick soul needs food too, and maybe he will come to me to feed it.  If I am part of an assembly that is open and friendly, that worships whole-heartedly and obviously instead of sitting like bumps on a log, perhaps he will sooner understand that the heart is not all that matters because he will more often visit and hear the word of God spoken clearly and forcefully.  But we must sooner or later do as Jesus did and force the choice upon them: 

            Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink.  Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so whoever feeds on me, he also will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven, not like the bread the fathers ate and died. Whoever feeds on this bread will live forever, John 6:54-58.

            And when they refuse to exist on nothing but Christ, then we must also do as he did—let them go and not bother chasing them down.  They have shown what they really wanted, and spirituality was not part of it.  God does not want people who are so distracted by mindless self-gratification that they become unable to think, unable to recognize any greater good beyond their own lusts.  He wants people who live on him and his word, even when it is uncomfortable and inconvenient, even if it costs more than they had ever imagined.  He wants a people for his own possession, who will give him the glory and honor he deserves.
 
After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, will you also go away?  Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God." John 6:66-69
 
Dene Ward

I used to prefer studying the Old Testament.  It was so much more interesting.  I am afraid I always thought the Gospels a little “ho-hum.”   Then I actually sat down and started studying—and discovered my error.  The Gospels are a great place to study.  Unfortunately, it is where a lot of folks make a huge mistake.

              The first three, Matthew, Mark, and Luke, share many of the same narratives, but if you have read them at all, you know that they often contain different details.   While skeptics seize upon this fact to discredit them, they studiously ignore what every crime novel and crime drama aficionado knows—when the stories are exactly the same between witnesses, the police know something isn’t right, most likely criminal collusion.  Their very differences are testimony to the Gospels’ accuracy.  But that isn’t my point today.

              Each gospel writer wrote to a different audience and with a different aim in mind.  Probably the most obvious is that Matthew wrote to Jews to prove that Jesus was the promised Messiah, the King of God’s restored Kingdom promised over and over in the prophets.  He begins his account with the genealogy of Jesus, something important to all Jews, and without which none of them would have even begun to entertain the thought of who this Jesus person might be.  He carries that genealogy through Joseph.  Though we know that Joseph was not Jesus’ biological father, establishing him as the legal father was important to show he was in the royal line of Judah, with the legal right of inheritance.

              Matthew uses more than fifty direct quotations from the Old Testament and even more allusions to connect Jesus to the Jewish prophecies, than any other gospel writer.  Even in the gospels themselves we read about the false Messiahs running around during the first century.  Matthew more than any other writer did his best to ground his readers in the idea that Jesus alone fulfilled prophecy and had the credentials to be the promised Christ.

              Each gospel writer had his own purpose based upon his time and audience.  When you are studying one of the gospel books, you will completely lose this if you insist on bringing in every other account of the same incident as you go along.  Matthew chose his events and his details to accomplish something.  Don’t make it all in vain.  Look for the clues.  Remember the audience.  Get out of Matthew what Matthew intended you to get.  You are NOT smarter than an inspired apostle.

              There may be a place for a Harmony of the Gospels study, but if that’s all you ever do, constantly flipping over to the other gospels “to get all the facts” you will miss something significant.  If the Holy Spirit had not intended that we at least occasionally study them separately, resisting the urge to flip, He would have written one all-inclusive gospel.  Again, we are NOT smarter than the Holy Spirit.

              Having said that, let’s say you are studying, not a whole gospel, but a single event in the gospels.  Now is the time to compare all accounts.  I like to make columns, one for each book that contains the event, and then write down the verse citation and exactly what is said or done there.  You will be surprised at even the minute differences. 

            You would do well to ask yourself, “Why did Matthew say this and Mark something else?”  For example, in Matt 9:18, Jairus is called “a ruler” while Mark calls him “one of the rulers of the synagogue” (5:22).  Why would Matthew leave out the identifying phrase?  Remember who Matthew is written to—Jews.  What ruler would they automatically think of?  Mark on the other hand is written primarily to a Roman audience.  They had all sorts of rulers, and might never have thought of a ruler of the synagogue.

              Also, Matthew specifically says that Jairus “knelt” before Jesus, while Mark and Luke talk about “falling before him.”  The latter speaks of desperation, the first of humility and respect.  For a ruler of the synagogue to kneel before Jesus would be a powerful testimony of Jesus’ identity to a Jewish audience.

              So once again, here is the basic rule:  If you are studying a book, stay in the book.  Find out who it was written to and ask yourself why this event and these details would matter to that audience.  What is it that the writer wants you to learn?  Study the various events in the same book and look for connections between them.  Keith recently discovered just by doing this that Matt 19 is not about divorce and remarriage, which is all anyone ever seems to mention.  Look at all the events in that chapter and you will see that it is about what you should be willing to give up for the kingdom’s sake:  your sexuality, your self-esteem, and your material possessions.  You keep hopping around and you won’t see it.  You lose sight of the purpose of the book—the King and his kingdom—and you won’t ever get it.

            If you are studying an event in particular, by all means, compare accounts so you can get all the facts.  Just don’t ever think you know more than an inspired writer and the Holy Spirit who directed him.
 
Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. (John 20:30-31)
 
Dene Ward

Parenting articles can only do so much.  The biggest problem is making parents understand their role.  Once they get what it’s all about, they usually do their best to accomplish the goal.  If they have the wrong goal or worse maybe, no goal at all, they will flounder around and do nearly everything wrong.  Believe me, you do enough wrong when you are actually trying to do right.  So here are, not a huge list no one is capable of remembering under stress, but just a couple of things, suitable for any circumstance. Remember these and you will come far closer to being good parents than you would have before.

1. YOU ARE THE BOSS.
              First, being parents means YOU are in charge.  We're not talking about being a tyrant, but you are supposed to be older and wiser, the ones God meant to guide their way.  You do not have to ask your children’s permission for anything. 

            You don’t say, “Would like a bath?”  Instead you gently lead them toward the bathroom where you already have the water running and say, “It’s time for a bath!”  You don’t ask them, “Do you want to go to bed now?”  You begin whatever their bedtime routine is and lead them that way.  If you have done this from the beginning, you will not have any problems.  It’s only if you are just now trying to change the habits of a two year old that things become difficult.  Make it easy on yourself by getting it right from the start.

              When I see parents who are afraid of their children, cringing when they have to say, “Not today,” I know something has gone dreadfully wrong.  When a child knows she can pitch a fit in a store and get exactly what she wants, she has not learned who is in control.

              It is not bad to think this way, no matter what some child raising guru might tell you.  This is how you teach them respect for authority.  They need to know without question that when mom and dad say they should do something, that’s exactly what they should do.  It will make school easier for them (and their teachers).  It will make their work lives easier.  It will certainly make it easier when they understand the authority of the law of the land.  Do you know how many young men have sat across the desk from my husband thinking they could still go wherever they wanted to go even if they were under house arrest?  When they wound up in prison for violating their probation, they finally understood.

              And understanding and respecting authority will ultimately save their souls.  Eli forgot that, and because he did not “restrain” his sons but sat back while they profaned the tabernacle and its worship, they lost their lives and their souls, and he lost his life and his family the priesthood.  And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. Therefore I swear to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli's house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever.” (1Sam 3:13-14)

2.  YOUR JOB IS TO RAISE THEM TO BE RESPONSIBLE ADULTS.
And of course, as a Christian, you can add, “an obedient and faithful child of God.”

             That means you don’t do everything for them.  Can they make their own bed?  Can they sew on a button?  Can they wash their own clothes?  Can they iron a wrinkled shirt?  Can they write a check?  You would be surprised how many kids get to college and haven’t learned any of these things because Mama always did it for them.

          It means you make them work and expect that work to be done according to some set standard.  Of course you tailor the work to their ages and abilities.  You don’t put a five year old out to mow the yard, but he can certainly pick up his toys every night.

              It means you teach them common decency and manners.  They should show gratitude for gifts and service.  I remember that I was taught to say to the woman who had invited us over for dinner, “I enjoyed my meal.  Thank you very much.”  Which presupposes that you have taught them not to look at a proffered meal over which someone slaved for hours and say, “Yuk.  I don’t like that!”  We had a rule in our house.  If you said “Yuk!”—even to me—you had to eat a double portion. 

              It means you allow them to fail once in a while.  If you fix every problem they get themselves into, what have they learned?  Mama cannot fix it when the police come after him.  Far better he find out that actions have consequences when the consequences are much smaller.  Yes, it will still seem like a lot to him when he discovers that you cannot necessarily replace an expensive toy he left out in the rain, but it won’t be prison time, and he is far less likely to even face that on down the road after he learned this lesson on something less important.

              It also means you teach him that he is not the center of the universe.  He may be that to you, but don’t let him know it, not if you expect him to become a generous and considerate adult.  One way you do that is to make sure your MARRIAGE is the center of the home, not the children.  They need to see that marriage played out in front of them every day.  They even need to see the mistakes and the fact that you forgive one another and hang in there because of a thing called commitment.   When you have finished raising those children and they are out the door, if your marriage has been neglected, you will have nothing left.   I have seen it too many times.

              Expect them to learn to sacrifice for the good of the family.  Dad does not give up a good promotion because Susie doesn’t want to move and leave her friends.  If you have done your job, that shouldn’t even come up. 

              Expect them to take responsibility for their own lives, gradually at first, but eventually learning to do their homework without being reminded, and their Bible class lessons the same way.  Teach them to make smart choices.  You start by laying out two or three acceptable outfits for kindergarten and allowing them to choose which one they want to wear.  You do NOT start by letting them choose from the whole assortment.  Appropriate behavior, language, and dress are essential to courtesy.  Jesus himself used a parable in which a man inappropriately dressed for a wedding was thrown out, and Jesus approved whole-heartedly.  You are not stifling his creativity by not allowing him free rein.  From what I have seen, that excuse has less to do with enlightened parenting and more to do with lazy parenting.  You are supposed to be teaching them wisdom in their decision making.

              David made the mistake of teaching Adonijah that he could have whatever he wanted, no matter who it hurt, no matter what his father wanted, and no matter what God had said otherwise.  Now Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, “I will be king.” And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, “Why have you done thus and so?” (1Kgs 1:5,6)

              So those are my two basic rules.  Remember who is in charge—BE in charge--and teach them to become the kind of adults you won’t be ashamed of, in fact, the kind of adults God would not be ashamed of.  If you think of those two things in every situation, I guarantee you will do more right than wrong.
 
And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” (Heb 12:5-6)
 
Dene Ward

Cooking is a funny thing.  Sometimes you can mess around with it and sometimes you can’t.  My recipe for minestrone is not something a purist would recognize as minestrone, and it’s never the same.  Some of it depends upon what’s in the refrigerator, and some of it comes from our likes and dislikes.  You can change it around, but as long as it winds up as a brothy soup with a bunch of vegetables in it, some kind of pasta, and some Mediterranean herbs, you can call it minestrone.  You really can’t mess it up unless you do something just plain weird with it, like pouring in a bottle of molasses.

            Baking is another matter.  You must think long and hard before you change anything in a recipe for baked goods.  If you don’t, it can fall, or not rise, or be too dry to choke down, or so “short” that it turns into crumbs when you touch it.  If you use baking soda, you must have an acid like buttermilk or sour cream.  If you get any fat in your egg whites they won’t whip.  If you don’t heat the liquid, your yeast won’t rise, but if you heat it too much you kill it. Baking is chemistry and it does make a difference.

            A lot of people don’t want to follow any sort of recipe in their religion.  They think it is about good hearts, sincere love, and feeling good, none of which is quantifiable, and therefore none of which can be legislated.  They will proclaim that the early church did things differently depending upon the location and the culture, and in some cases they are correct.  Just like cooking minestrone can be varied according to the ingredients on hand and the palates of the eaters.  But sometimes it is like baking—it does make a difference if you don’t want your cake to fall.

            The word may not be used in the New Testament, but the concept of an appropriate orthodoxy is there in black and white.

            And when they had appointed elders for them in every church, with prayer and fasting they committed them to the Lord in whom they had believed. Acts 14:23.

            That is why I sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord, to remind you of my ways in Christ, as I teach them everywhere in every church. 1 Cor 4:17.

            Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. 1 Cor 7:17.

            For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints, I Cor 14:33.

            Now concerning the collection for the saints: as I directed the churches of Galatia, so you also are to do. 1 Cor 16:1.

            There are certain things the apostles expected to be done everywhere.  The methods were not always specified, and that’s where we get to choose our ingredients, but the other things are religious “baking”—things that must be done for our service to God to be acceptable.  If we think we can change the chemistry we are wrong.  Put egg whites in a greasy bowl and they will not turn into a beautiful meringue no matter how sincerely you beat them.

            As you can plainly see from the passages quoted above, God expects some control over our service to him.  Some folks chafe at the idea that we cannot change anything and everything about our religious service at our own whims.  Israel had the same problem and wound up in Babylonian captivity.  Don’t make the mistakes they did.
 
He will render to each one according to his works: to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; but for those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury, Rom 2:6-8.
 
Dene Ward