Several years ago, the heel of my right foot became so swollen and sore I could hardly walk, and if I banged it against anything I nearly lost my lunch.  So I needed what the podiatrist called a retrocalcanealexostectomy.  In plain English, they detached the Achilles tendon, removed a wad of extraneous tissue that my body had created to try to pillow the pain, sawed off the back of my heel, which had calcified into a walnut-sized knob, then reattached the tendon with what amounted to a “hollow wall anchor.”  It was nearly a year before I walked normally. 

When they took the cast off the right leg, the difference in the calf muscles was amazing.  Crutches for two months followed by a cane for another two or three, means no exercise, and no exercise equals atrophy.  The right calf was half the size of the left, and totally limp.  For the next four years that did not matter too much; I still had a good left leg.  Then the left foot did the same thing and here we go again—more surgery.

Now I had two wimpy calf muscles.  Guess what you need when you try to reach something on the top shelf and need to stand on your toes?  Guess what it feels like when you try to do that automatically, without thinking, with those sore heels and limp calf muscles?  Yeow!

So for the next few months I worked on getting those muscles back into shape.  The first time I tried toe raises, nothing happened!  I concentrated hard and told myself to stand on tiptoe, and still nothing happened!  So I found some exercises that I could do without trying to stand on my toes, that still made my calf muscles ache and burn.  In a few weeks I actually went up about a half inch off the floor.  Kind of hard to tell with your eyes a little over five feet higher than your feet, but I am pretty sure, based on what I could and could not reach on the top shelf.  Progress!  It wasn’t long till I could tiptoe through the tulips—if we had tulips in Florida.

So how about your spiritual muscles?  You know what?  They atrophy just like those physical muscles.  When was the last time you actually did a real Bible study on your own?  I mean work, with a pen and paper, not just reading commentaries and doing a copy and paste job on your computer.  In education classes they always told us that writing things down was a big key to information retention.  Taking notes makes you hear the words again, saying them in your head as your write; then you feel yourself forming each letter of each word, and see them again after they are written.  The more senses that are involved, the more likely you are to learn and remember. 

Of course, putting knowledge into action is what makes it worthwhile.  There is the meditation, the decision making and actual living based upon your newfound knowledge, and the teaching as you share what you learn.  The more you learn and do, the stronger you become.  Soon you will be tiptoeing through the pages of the Bible with more and more ease, more and more confidence, and more and more ability to live like God wants you to.  Pick up your Bible and exercise a little.

For when by reason of time you ought to be teachers, you have need again that someone teach you the rudiments of the first principles of the oracles of God, and have become such as those who need milk and not solid food.  For everyone who partakes of milk is without experience of the word of righteousness, for he is a baby.  But solid food is for full-grown men, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern good and evil,   Heb 5:12-14.

Dene Ward

 We put up several new feeders recently, along with some new bluebird houses and a couple of small birdbaths.  We hoped to increase both the numbers of birds visiting us, as well as the varieties, and we succeeded.  The very first day our usual birds had multiplied and there on the ground was a new one.  It didn’t take long to find him in the bird books I have—a brown-headed cowbird.

The cowbird is a member of the blackbird family, and it is easy to think him some sort of blackbird.  That brown head is not obvious at a distance.  He stretches 7 to 8 inches from head to tail, glossy black with a chocolate brown head and a pointed gray bill.  Cowbirds do, however, have a negative trait—they lay their eggs in the nests of other birds, then go off and expect that bird to raise their young.  Sometimes the host bird will destroy the unfamiliar eggs, but far more often, they will raise the cowbird nestlings, often neglecting their own.  Cowbird chicks are so much larger than the hosts’ chicks that they take most of the food and leave the others hungry.

Do you know what they call birds that steal nests and abandon their young to others?  Parasite birds.  I had never thought of it that way, but it is a legitimate biological classification.  Cuckoos do it.  Wood ducks do it.  In fact, about 750 species of birds do it.

Humans wouldn’t do that, would they?  We wouldn’t ignore the sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman, breaking up a home at will just because “I want him now,” or “I don’t love her any more.”  Why can’t I steal someone else’s nest if I want it?

I have things I want to do, a career that makes me important.  I’m not made for taking care of children--I shouldn’t be saddled with these kids.  Why can’t the government raise them for me?  Why can’t I hire someone to do the dirty work?  Why can’t I lay my eggs in someone else’s nest and expect them to be responsible for my children?

Why do I have to work to support my family?  Why should I have to control my physical hungers?  Why can’t I live as I want and not have to bear the responsibility of what follows?  Why can’t I deposit my burdens in someone else’s lap to pay for and tend to?

I wonder if biologists have a class of human called “parasitic.”  “Entitlement” comes to mind; “selfishness” as well, not to mention “irresponsibility.”  God holds us accountable for our lives, for our health, for our families, for all the privileges we claim, especially in the most blessed society in the world.  He expects us to exercise self-control.  He expects us to be mature in our choices and responsible for them.  He expects us to be considerate of others in those choices too.

Now that I have about 95% of you agreeing with me, let’s take it one step farther.  What about Christians who deposit their children in Bible classes and expect the church to teach them?  Sometimes parents will see that the child does his lesson, but sometimes the teachers are lucky if a workbook accompanies a child at all, much less one that has been well-studied and filled out.  The Bible tells us that parents are to teach their children, not the church.  It is certainly commendable to take them to Bible classes, but the example they see many, many more hours a week at home is the one that they learn from.

The brown headed cowbird is one of the most disapproved of birds in the avian world.  Why is that we think the same sort of behavior, in any of its manifestations, should be acceptable, even applauded, in ours?

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without natural affection, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 2 Timothy 3:1-5

Dene Ward

I sat with my hands in my lap, listening to the announcements.  When it came time for prayer, instantly two hands reached for mine and held them until the amens echoed around the building.

The hand on my right was my husband’s.  After spending thirty-nine years together, it seemed only natural.  We are always touching, patting, and hugging.  To walk past one another without some sort of physical contact is unthinkable.  What has made this relationship even more remarkable though, is the spiritual sharing and touching.  When two people pray for the same things, hope for the same things, and endure the same things with the help of the same Comforter, two people who were so unalike in the beginning that several people tried to talk us out of this marriage, the closeness can only be with the help of the Divine Creator who united us in far more than holy matrimony.

The other hand came from a friend, someone I have known for several years now, who has supported me in every way imaginable, who has stood by me and has lifted my name up in prayer, who has shared her own trials with me and allowed me to help her as well, someone who lives nearly fifty miles from me, whom I would never have known except that we share the same Savior and the same hope and a place in the same spiritual family.

Some people view holding hands in prayer as nothing more than an outward show of emotionalism.  To me those hands signify the unifying power of the grace of God.  That unity began with 12 men who would never have come together in any other way, and soon spread to add one more.  Some were urbane city dwellers who looked down on lowly Galileans.  Some were working class men while another was a highly educated Pharisee.  Some had Hebrew/Aramaic names while others’ names bore the influence of Hellenism.  One was a Zealot and another his political enemy, a tax collector.  Yet the Lord brought them all together in a unity that conquered the world.

I have held black hands, brown hands and white hands.  I have held plump soft hands and rough calloused hands.  I have held the tender hands of the young and the withered hands of the old.  I have held the hands of lawyers and doctors and plumbers and farmers, teachers and nurses and secretaries and homemakers, hands that hammer nails and hands that type on computer keyboards, hands that cook and sew and even hands that carry a weapon on the job.  We all have this in common—our Lord saved us when none of us deserved it.  That is His unifying power. 

The hand of God is the one that makes all of our hands worth holding.

May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God. Romans 15:5-7

Dene Ward

I don’t know how many times I have had someone tell me that my others senses will all improve once I am completely blind.  I just smile and tell them I appreciate their concern.  It is the grateful, loving thing to do, while jumping down their throats and biting their heads off with a sharp retort certainly isn’t.  If they didn’t care so much they wouldn’t try to be helpful, and I am just as responsible for my words as they are for theirs.

As to that comment, it is just a myth.  It isn’t that suddenly your hearing will improve when you can no longer see.  It’s that suddenly you use it to better advantage.  When you could see who was approaching you, you didn’t need to hear the door open, judge the weight of the steps and length of the stride, and determine whose voice it was.  Now you must, so you do.  Even still sighted, I have always seen more than Keith has.  When you have poor vision, you concentrate harder and take care to notice more.  I see signs he never does.  I notice the color of cars and houses.  I know two oak trees flank a driveway, not just one, and I remember that when we go back to someone’s home the second time.  He just looks for the address, numbers I can never see from the car.

All of that made me wonder about our spiritual senses.  Did you know you can find all five mentioned in a figurative context in the Bible?

Jesus had a lot to say about people who are spiritually blind.  For judgment came I into this world, that they that see not may see; and that they that see may become blind. Those of the Pharisees who were with him heard these things, and said unto him, Are we also blind? Jesus said unto them, If you were blind, you would have no sin: but now you say, We see: your sin remains, John 9:39-41. 

The prophets also talk about spiritual blindness.  It isn’t just that some people cannot comprehend God’s word—they blind themselves to it when they do not want to see what it says.  Peter also mentions people who are spiritually near-sighted in 2 Pet 1:9.  You can find more passages about spiritual blindness than any of the other senses, and they should scare us all to death.  Be careful when, in a spiritual discussion, you find yourself uttering the words, “I just can’t see that.”  It may be that you have become spiritually blind.

You could make a similarly long list of passages commanding us to “hear,” “listen,” “hearken,” and “take heed.”  Jesus said in the context of the parable of the sower, “Take heed what you hear,” and also, “Take heed HOW you hear.” 

Just as some are “hard of hearing” physically, the prophets and preachers dealt with those who were hard of hearing spiritually.  Jeremiah and Ezekiel both were told to go preach to a people who would “refuse to hear.”  Do you think it cannot happen to us?  The Hebrew writer warns, “See that you do not refuse him who speaks,” 12:25, and Paul warns of those who have “itching ears.”  Keith has special medicine for exactly that thing.  Too bad it doesn’t work on the spiritually deaf as well.

Do you think you can’t have a spiritual problem with your nose?  For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? 2 Corinthians 2:15-16.  The point is exactly the same—if you don’t like what becoming a follower of Christ means, it will stink to you, but to those who understand, who comprehend, who hear and see the true nature of things, he will smell wonderful.

The Hebrew writer talks about those who have “tasted the heavenly gift…and the goodness of the word of God” 6:4,5.  If you don’t know people who think the Bible is anything but good, is, in fact, the source of human misery, you haven’t tried too hard to spread it.  Always there are some who take a taste and spit it out with disgust—the same people who cannot see, cannot hear, and cannot smell the sweet aroma of Christ.

And always there are those who cannot feel, whose hearts will never be pricked by the gospel, who are numb to its appeals.  Paul told the Athenians at the Areopagus, And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, Acts 17:26-27.  Not many of those people groped their way to the Lord in the end, but a few did.

Did you notice something about all those spiritual senses?  When a physical sense leaves you, you learn to make better use of the ones that remain.  Unfortunately, when a spiritual sense leaves, the rest seem to follow suit.  If you won’t see, then you won’t hear.  You won’t let the grace of God touch your heart.  You won’t enjoy the smell of his sacrifice nor the taste of his love--if you have tasted that the Lord is gracious, 1 Pet 2:3.

Can you imagine a more miserable existence than never seeing a sunset, never hearing the sweet coo of a baby, never tasting a ripe strawberry, never smelling the yeasty aroma of bread fresh from the oven, or never feeling the warm sun on your back?  That’s exactly the kind of lives people live when their spiritual senses don’t work.  But you can fix them all with one easy cure—heal your heart.  God told Ezekiel that if the people repented he would give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26.  Once your heart can be touched, the other senses will come flooding back into your life, almost overwhelming you with new sensations.

The five physical senses are a wonderful blessing from God.  The spiritual ones are even better.

In that day the deaf shall hear the words of a book, and out of their gloom and darkness the eyes of the blind shall see. The meek shall obtain fresh joy in the LORD, and the poor among mankind shall exult in the Holy One of Israel. Isaiah 29:18-19.

Dene Ward

I became a mother for the first time on this day in 1977.  It seems only yesterday that two hours after the high forceps delivery of a sunny side up (nurse talk for a posterior birth) nine pound three and a half ounce, twenty-two inch boy the nurse came in, slapped my thigh and said, “Time for a shower!” 

“Are you nuts?”  I remember asking, not too politely. 

Even as big a bundle as he was, he was still too small for those newborn clothes.  They swallowed him whole, but he grew into them quickly. Now he is bigger than I am and could carry me around.

Jesus said we need to become “as little children,” and many suggestions have been made about what He was referring to, from humility, to total dependence, to being easy to forgive.  But when I thought of my son’s birthday, it struck me that there is one thing that children do far better than anyone else.  In fact, they are made for it--they grow, and they grow quickly!

Not too long ago in a women’s Bible study, one sister suggested that the reason we don’t learn too well, the reason we resist deep study and even complain if a class gets past the things we already know is that we think we have arrived.  We are already mature in Christ and there is nothing new to learn.  Never mind that we just heard something new and didn’t know it—it must not be true if we never heard it before!  And it’s asking too much for us to actually act like a student and work at learning—reading scriptures, doing research, filling out workbooks.

I have been blessed beyond measure with the classes I have taught.  The women in them never complain about the difficult lessons, the number of hours they take and the old chestnuts I debunk--there is no gate called the Needle’s Eye!  They eat up everything I give them, write as fast as their fingers can fly, and have even learned to ask me, “How do you know that?”  Good for them!

Do you remember when Paul and Barnabas passed back through the churches of their first journey a second time, appointing elders in every church, Acts 14:21-23?  Those men had only been Christians for about a year.  Yet Paul told Timothy the elder should not be a novice, 1 Tim 3:6.  Would we ever appoint a man to be an elder after only a year?  So what’s the difference today?  Granted they had miraculous gifts back then, but having them and being wise enough to use them properly are two different things—as the Corinthians show us so well; and Paul tells us that having the completed word of God is far superior to spiritual gifts anyway, 1 Cor 12:31; 13:8-12.  The difference is they grew, evidently as fast as children do, while we sit back and complain about the extra effort involved. 

If I were told that I had to pass a certain course to keep my job, do you think I would study hard?  Of course I would.  If I let my driver’s license expire and had to retake the test, would I study hard, even though I probably know most of what is in that manual?  Yes.  I would not want to even take a chance on failing the test.  So where are my priorities?

I don’t know how much time we have to learn and grow, but God says there is a time for each of us: For when by reason of time you ought to be teachers you have reason again that one should teach you…This is a pass/fail test.  What if my time allotment is already past?  I’m not taking the chance.  How about you?

Of whom we have many things to say, hard of interpretation, seeing you have become dull of hearing.  For when by reason of the time you ought to be teachers, you have need again that someone teach you the rudiments of the first principles of the oracles of God, and have become such as need milk, and not of solid food.  For everyone who partakes of milk is without experience of the word of righteousness, for he is a baby.  But solid food is for full grown men, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern good and evil.  Heb 5:11-14.

Dene Ward

Today’s post is by guest writer, Keith Ward

Some read these words in Phil 4:5 and think the apostle Paul expected the Lord to return at any minute to judge the world and save the Christians.  Since this did not happen, they devalue the integrity of his writing.  First, we must consider 2 Thes 2:2 where Paul said it is not true “that the day of the Lord is just at hand,” though some were teaching this falsely. Second, “at hand” often means “nearby.”  Now that is a comforting thought that fits well the encouraging words of Phil 4:  “Rejoice,” “Don’t be anxious,”  “The peace of God shall guard you,” and “The Lord is at hand (nearby).”

When Jesus is nearby, one can find joy where there is nothing to be happy about, and one’s soul can be at peace though his world is in turmoil.  God is everywhere all the time.  He is ever-present, whether I accept that or not.  So, one must be spiritually in tune to reap the benefits of Jesus’ presence.  One must open his eyes to receive the assurance that comes from knowing that Jesus really is nearby his heart—"at hand”.

God seeks us and provides the means for us to unlock the shackles of the mundane and see Jesus nearby.  We start with thanksgiving (Phil 4:6) and as a song says, “Count your many blessings.”  We may not have all we want (and that is probably best for us), but God has been good.  Next, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; in all wisdom teaching and admonishing yourselves with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts unto God;” then, “In everything, by prayer and supplication;” “Pray without ceasing” (Col 3:16, Phil 4:6, 1 Thes 5:17).

Elisha's servant awoke one morning to find the city of Dothan, where he and Elisha were staying, surrounded by a Syrian army.  He despaired, "Alas, my master!  What shall we do?" But Elisha prayed for the servant’s eyes to be opened and then he could see, in addition to the enemy forces, the hills covered, with horses and chariots of fire. God's angelic army of protection was "at hand." (2Kg 6:15-17).

Unlike Elisha’s servant, we do not need a miracle to open our eyes so that we can see Jesus at hand.  We fill our hearts with thanksgiving and feel the love of his presence; we sing praises and hear an echo, “Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the ages” (Mt 28:20).  We bow our knees in prayer and glimpse from the corner of our eyes the master calming the sea. When we tune our spirits toward God, the “eyes of our hearts will be enlightened” to see Jesus at hand, for us, with us (Eph 1:18).

“Am I a God at hand, says Jehovah, and not a God afar off?” (Jer 23:23)

Keith Ward

People always call places like Tennessee and North Carolina “God’s Country,” but no one says anything like that about rural north central Florida.  All we have is swaths of lacy Spanish moss dripping off huge, ancient live oaks, whose wingspan is broader then my house, tall pencil-slim pines standing like silent rows of soldiers in the woods, knobby-kneed cypresses wading in the swamps whose heavy silence is punctuated only by the plop of bullfrogs in the water, rolling green pasture land dotted with grazing black Angus, and always something green and always something blooming, no matter what time of year it is.  Even in January the birds flock by the dozens around my feeders, the resident hawk couple circles overhead screaming hello as they look for nesting sites, and by February, when everyone else is still in the throes of winter, the hummingbirds are back, and the azaleas flowering so heavily you can’t see a single green leaf.  Not too bad for a place no one calls “God’s Country.”

But neither here nor any of those other places compare to the real “God’s country.”  God promised Abraham a land He later described to Moses as a good land and a large...a land flowing with milk and honey, Ex 3:8.  Abraham’s descendants waited over 400 years for that Promised Land., but even Abraham knew that the real Promised Land was still to come. That is why he could endure, stay faithful, and even pass the horrible test of offering his son. 

Paul had to scold the Corinthians more than once for having “carnal” minds.  Not carnal in the sense of illicit pleasures, but carnal in that they were more concerned with this life and the physical aspects of it than in spiritual things.  Only carnally minded people become jealous for showy spiritual gifts, sue one another, brag about who baptized them, and bring enough to feed an army for their family’s Lord’s Supper, just so they can show off.  Too often we, too, get caught up in the here and now and forget that this is merely a short motel stop on the way to a far better and permanent home.

Today would have been the 91st birthday of a man who understood that.  I first met him a week before I married his son.  He never lived in a fancy home or had an expensive car.  He often worked two jobs to keep his family fed.  He landed on the shores of Northern France in June 1944 and marched all the way to Berlin.  He buried a ten year old daughter who had been stricken with a horrible disease.  But he would have told you he lived a good life because he knew the physical doesn’t last.  His eyes were focused elsewhere, and nothing that happened here could get him down. 

We should all learn what he knew:  no place on this earth should mean more to us, no person should come between us, and no thing should ever deter us from our journey to God’s Country. 

By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed to go out unto a place which he was to receive for an inheritance, and he went out, not knowing where he went.  By faith he became a sojourner in the land of promise as in a land not his own, dwelling in tents, with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise, for he looked for the city which has the foundations, whose builder and maker is God…they desire a better country, that is a heavenly one, wherefore God is not ashamed of them to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.  Hebrews 11:8-10, 16.

Dene Ward

Not long before my first grandchild arrived in this world I told my daughter-in-law, “One day after he is born, maybe a week, maybe a month, and maybe more than once, you are going to sit down and bawl your eyes out.  You won’t know why and you will think, ‘What’s wrong with me?  This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life, and here I am crying.’ 

“There is nothing wrong with you.  You are simply exhausted and overwhelmed.  You have carried a child nine months, you haven’t slept enough, not only since he was born, but for awhile before that because you were so uncomfortable.  You haven’t sat down except to feed him.  Yes, you love him with a ferocity you have never felt before, but he is one demanding little creature, and you will wonder, ‘What in the world was I thinking?’ which only adds to the guilt you feel.  If you don’t suddenly burst into tears a few times, you aren’t normal, and it doesn’t mean you are a bad mother.  In fact, it probably means just the opposite.”

I told her all that because I wished someone had told me when I sat down and burst into tears one afternoon long ago.  We do our brothers and sisters no favors by pretending that life is one big fairy tale.  Instead, we seem to bottle up our own emotions and deny they ever existed, while telling them to “Shape up!”

God put us here to help one another, and it is no help at all to act like we never had these problems.  Babies do not lie down and go to sleep when you need them to.  One word “fitly spoken” will not unravel a tangled conflict.  Sometimes spouses are inconsiderate and unkind and have no interest in talking about the problem and fixing it.  We have lived too long with sitcoms that solve all difficulties in less than thirty minutes and Lifetime movies that depict one intervention mending a twenty year rift in a relationship.  In real life it doesn’t happen that way.

We once spent an hour with a man who thought himself “the dream husband,” trying to get him to see that his actions were nothing more than abusive control.  The hour ended with him in tears, determined to be better.  The next morning he was again blaming his wife for her lack of gratitude for all his “care.”  That is real life.  Problems that took years to develop will not disappear in a minute, or an hour, or even a week. 

Our children learn nothing when we hide our disagreements.  Keith’s parents once said, “We never argue.”  When he was finally old enough to figure things out, he answered, “That’s because you both clammed up and walked away, not because you never got mad at each other.”  Children need to see how to resolve conflicts in a godly manner, or even how to apologize when the manner was less than godly. 

When a young person struggles with sin and we tell him he never truly repented, when someone who is seriously ill becomes depressed and we say, “Where’s your faith?” when another is beset by tragedy and in her grief asks, “Why?” and all we can do is scold, we have failed them.  A brother is born for adversity, Prov 17:17.  When I do not comfort my brother in that adversity, when I am too proud to share the wisdom that has come from mistakes I have made, I have not fulfilled my purpose for being.

It’s time we older Christians stopped endorsing fairy tales.  It’s time we told it like it is.  Life can be hard and it doesn’t necessarily mean you are at fault. Even when you are at fault, it doesn’t mean you are worse than anyone else, no matter what image others try to present.  Older Christians must realistically prepare the younger for life, and comfort them during their trials.  Job said that when we do not comfort those who need it our very relationship with God is in peril, 6:14,15. 

God told Ezekiel, Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel… and say to them…The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought…therefore you shepherds hear the word of the Lord…I am against the shepherds and I will require my sheep at their hands…Ezek 34:2,4,7,10.  He feels the same way about older Christians who present unrealistic expectations to the younger and then do not comfort and console when difficulties arise.

I must stop pretending I am completely put together so I can help those whose lives are falling apart.

Dene Ward

It’s just beginning to bloom again, covered with buds as thick as deep pile carpeting…

Six years ago we planted a jasmine vine.  I had always wanted one twining up a trellis by the side of my porch, but being married to a man with allergies made that impossible.  That summer, though, he wanted to do anything and everything for me, at least the small things we could afford, so he bought me a jasmine vine.  It is not by the porch—I wouldn’t let him suffer just for my sake--so it is next to the drive about seventy-five feet away from the house. 

He built one lollapalooza of a trellis out of a cow panel and an antenna mast.  It stands about fifteen feet in the air.  In just two years that dark green vine has grown up and over the top and this time of year is covered with tiny, white blossoms.  And the fragrance!  When the wind is right, you can smell it fifty feet away.  I would know it was there whether I could see it or not—which one day may be important.

I think I would like to be like a jasmine—vines trailing out everywhere, winding in and out of the squares of its “trellis,” covered in beautiful blooms, and sending out a sweet smell that tells everyone it is there, even when they cannot otherwise see it.  But when I look in “the mirror” I am a long way from that ideal, much pruning and fertilizing still to be done. 

If I am going to effect others I need to involve myself with them, whether it is convenient or not.  If I am to present a beautiful picture to them, I need to follow in the footsteps of my Savior, who served others to the ultimate degree.  If I am to influence those who do not know me, I must influence those who do by an example of love, longsuffering, and faith that continues on even in the face of trials. 

The only way to accomplish all of that is to constantly fill myself with His word, to talk with Him often, to make others the center of my life rather than myself, to watch that tongue of mine!  I must give with no thought of reciprocity from others; give of myself, of my time, of my labor, of my care and consideration, regardless of what others may do. 

The more I look at this, the more I think I will never make it.  But God has made a jasmine vine, a gift from a man who can hardly tolerate them due to the physical discomfort they cause him, yet who gave it nevertheless.  That is my inspiration.  Every time I walk past it, its sweet fragrance reminds me to pray for help and, in praying, have faith that I will receive.

I will heal their backsliding; I will love them freely, for my anger is turned away from them.  I will be as the dew unto Israel; he shall blossom as the lily and cast forth his roots as Lebanon.  His branches shall spread and his beauty shall be as the olive-tree, and his smell as Lebanon.  They that dwell under his shadow shall return; they shall revive as the grain and blossom as the vine; the scent of it shall be as the wine of Lebanon…Who is wise that he may understand these things?  Prudent that he may know them?  For the ways of Jehovah are right, and the just shall walk in them; but transgressors shall fall therein.  Hosea 14:4-7,9

Dene Ward

Most of the time people assume that because I am not in the middle of a crisis, everything is fine with these eyes of mine.  It is difficult to understand that they are surviving on “borrowed time,” that they have outlived the prognosticators, and that any day could be the beginning of the end for my vision.

Occasionally someone still asks about the things I have been through, and I still answer them without thinking--until they begin to shudder, and I take pity and stop.  One experience in particular makes people shrink about half their size as their shoulders draw in and their chins drop to their chests with a groan.  Even the everyday isn’t pleasant.  Eye drops are some of the most painful medications in existence, and an evening headache is par for the course.

“Is it worth it?” some asked.  In fact, one person tried to talk me out of any more surgeries.

Is it worth it?  I began all these procedures before either of my grandsons was born.  Without them, I would never have seen those sweet, tiny faces.  Was it worth the pain and the terror I sometimes felt right before yet another sharp instrument or harsh chemical headed for my eyeballs?  Do I even need to answer that?           My doctor thinks I am strong.  No—I was a grandmother in prospect, and a stubborn one at that.

Some people obviously do not think the Lord is worth any sort of pain at all.  They give up when it gets difficult, and “difficult” can just mean they have problems with relationships, or they must give up activities they enjoy.  They have yet to encounter physical pain; the emotional pain was all it took.

Keith and I have received threats in the mail, threats that the FBI took seriously enough to send an investigator to look into.  We have endured gossip and slander that spread a couple hundred miles.  We came within two days of being homeless because of, as Paul called them, “false brethren.”  Was it worth it? 

As we enter old age, looking to the end is no longer a distant view, and that makes it comforting to know that we have a reward waiting for us precisely because we endured those things.  We have yet to face physical torture, and though I no longer consider that an impossibility in this country, I doubt it will reach that point before we are gone.  To have put up with any sort of pain for the Lord, emotional or otherwise, is a blessing.  Finally I understand how the disciples could “count it all joy” to give up or endure something for the Lord who gave up all for us, even if that something is trivial comparatively speaking.

Was it worth it?  Yes, Heaven is worth it all, but gratitude should ultimately reach the point that merely being able to sacrifice for the Lord is worth even more.  True spiritual maturity revels in seeing our Lord and Savior, not in seeing Paradise; in the ability to serve a God we can see before us, not in being pain- and worry-free forever; in being beside the Father who loves us, not in enjoying one giant eternal party.

Sometimes going through pain in life, pain that has nothing to do with your Christianity, opens your eyes to spiritual things.  Was that physical pain worth it?  Did it give you a longer life?  A better quality of life?  Did it give you more time with your loved ones?  Usually that is enough to make it “worth it.”  Now ask yourself, what can you make it through for the Lord?  Will it be worth it?  God has the ability to make it so, but only you can make the decision to endure.

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. 1 Peter 4:12-16

Dene Ward