When I was fifteen, the teenage Bible class met upstairs in the building where the church assembled.  The stairs were steep and narrow.  After you become accustomed to something, you become careless, and one Sunday morning after the bell rang and the halls below were filled with talking and laughter, I headed down those stairs and stepped just a little too far.  The front of my foot bent forward at an anatomically impossible angle, and my downward plunge didn’t stop till I hit the bottom.
            Do you know what I did?  Even though my foot started to swell like a balloon on a helium tank, even though the doctor shook his head and told me it was the worst sprain he had ever seen, even though that foot bothered me for six months and the ankle always twisted at the least bit of uneven ground for the next twenty years—despite the gravity of the injury and the pain, the first thing I did was push my skirt down.  When I landed at the bottom of the staircase, it was up around my waist.  That lasted approximately 0.2 seconds.  Whoosh!  It was down and back to my knees once again.  Then, and only then, did I moan.
            Modesty was second nature to me because I was taught it as a child.  I have a friend who wouldn’t give the ER doctor her shirt, despite the fact that she was having a heart attack at that moment.  That’s the way we were raised.  That’s the way most people raised their daughters.  I’m not so sure they do any longer.
            This is something that most women do not want to hear.  They do not want to believe what I am going to tell you about good men.  They want to think that this only applies to bad men, to immature men, to worldly men, but it doesn’t.  It applies to them all because they are men.
            God made men differently than he made women.  He put something in them that makes them think and behave differently.  It’s a hormone, ladies, just like the hormones you want to use to excuse your less than stellar behavior at certain times of life, only it’s a male hormone. 
            Testosterone is what makes a man a man.  It makes him aggressive and protective.  That is why he romances you.  That is why he wants to provide for you and take care of you and the children you have together.  Good things, right?  It also makes him more easily aroused sexually.  He is not a “dirty old man” when he feels that way.  He is, quite simply, a man.  If he has to put up with your moods, you must put up with the side effects of his hormones too.  And just like you expect him to be understanding, he has the right to expect the same from you—without ridicule and without complaint. 
            Far more important than that, God expects it of you.  You must not do anything that could cause a man to sin (stumble, offend), and that leads us to the clothing we wear.  Granted, we are talking about good men, men who practice self-control.  Some men can lust after a woman who is covered head to toe in a horse blanket.  You can’t do anything about them and God doesn’t hold you responsible for that.  But when I hear a Christian college girl say to a young man, “I can wear my bikini if I want to--deal with it!” I know someone needs an attitude adjustment.
            Look at Romans 14 and, instead of thinking about the idolatry problem, think about the clothes you wear. Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, "As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God." So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother, vv 10-13.  When we don’t care how our actions affect our brothers, we are despising them, Paul says, judging them, and we will have to answer to God for that.     
            Now look at verse 15, with just one slight word change:  For if your brother is grieved by what you [wear], you are no longer walking in love. By what you [wear], do not destroy the one for whom Christ died.  Are you willing to meet God having destroyed a brother by your insistence that you can do as you like and he should “Deal with it?”
            Every Man’s Battle is a book that every woman should read.  As I said, you won’t like it.  You won’t like thinking about the fact that the man you love is like that, but refusing to deal with the issue won’t change it.  Once you understand what your man is dealing with, you will be able to help him through it.
            And here is something else just as important:  Teach your girls about it!  Do you want to keep them safe in a world of predators?  Teach them how to avoid the traps.  How they act and what they wear can make a huge difference.  And listen to their fathers.  If he says, “She doesn’t leave the house in that outfit,” pay attention to him!  He knows better than you what could happen if she does.
            The fashion world knows exactly what it is doing when it creates the clothes women wear.  Unlike the women in the church who want to stick their heads in the sand, worldly women can tell you in an instant what a woman’s clothes do to a man. 
            This is a serious matter.  It’s about the destiny of souls, and God holding us responsible for them.
           
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes! Matthew 18:6-7
 
Dene Ward

I have been teaching Bible classes since I was sixteen, to literally hundreds of women and children in over a dozen different locations, in several different venues.  Sometimes I wish I could go back and apologize to those early classes.  Experience has taught me so much.  This particular experience has probably happened to every teacher everywhere, probably more than once.
            A sensitive topic was on the agenda so I approached it with more than a little trepidation and a lot of prayer.  What I was about to tell them is no longer popular in the world.  I had prepared myself for possible objections, and steeled myself to stay calm and give thoughtful answers in a calm voice.  Oddly enough, when you defend the word of God, it should never sound “defensive.”
            A few weeks later, one of the young women wrote me a note.  She told me she had not agreed with everything I said, but that she had learned things she never knew before that would affect her views from then on.  She said she was likely to change her mind on some as she considered the things I had presented.  She thanked me for the time and effort I had taken to teach that study.  I still have that note, and always will.
            Contrast this to another young woman who, as the subject was presented, began to seethe.  She compressed her lips into a thin line and narrowed her eyes in contempt.  As soon as I took a breath, she raised her voice, and accused me of judging her personally.  She told me I was wrong in a tone of voice I would not have used on an enemy.  Then she folded her arms, sat as crossways as she could away from my general direction, and lifted her chin defiantly.  I doubt she heard anything else I had to say.
            It was an important topic that should not be avoided, and really, to be responsible before God as a teacher of His word, I could not have avoided it.  No names were mentioned.  I knew no one’s personal history.  I carefully said at the beginning, “I am not aiming this at anyone here because I do not know you that well.”  By her own actions, this person identified herself to all as one who had the problem, and by her own actions she told me that she would not even consider that she might be wrong.  
            I have far more confidence in the first woman’s continuing faith than the second.  I only hope that by making such a big deal out of it herself, that the latter will remember it and perhaps reconsider in spite of herself.  Her problem, you see, was pride.  She wasn’t wrong simply because she couldn’t be wrong.
            But he gives more grace.  Therefore it says, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble,” James 4:6.  That word “resist” is a military term.  It means “to range in battle against,” according to W. E. Vine.  It means you are going to war against God.
            Matthew Henry says it like this:  “In his understanding [the proud man] resists the truth of God; in his will, he resists the law of God, in his passions, he resists the providence of God.”  How many other ways can God reach us?  If we resist all these things because of pride, we will never find his grace.
            I found so many passages where God talks about destroying the proud that I lost count.  Sometimes it was individuals.  Sometimes it was a small group like the church at Corinth.  Sometimes it was the general personality of a nation, like Edom and Moab.  People who are proud will never find God, because they will never admit their need for Him.
            It can all be seen in something as small as a Bible study.  That first listener is far more likely to experience the grace of God.  She is open-minded and willing to listen, and most of all, she is willing to consider that she might possibly be wrong about something.  Peter refers to the same scripture as James in 1 Pet 5:5,6.  Notice, however, the context of this reference. 
            Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elder. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you.
            Though he begins by speaking about the elders in particular (5:1-3), he gradually moves on to the more general “older” and “younger.”  As with the constant urging in the book of Proverbs from which the original passage comes (3:34), he expects us to learn from those who are older, who have more knowledge, and more experience.  Perhaps they are wrong, but if we instantly dismiss them because they disagree with us, how can we ever hope to find out?  It all reminds me of children who look at a new dish and say, “I don’t like that,” when they have never even tasted it.  Childish, indeed, and so are we when we are too proud to listen and study because, “I’ve never heard that before, so it can’t be right.”
            Is anything worth missing out on the grace of God?  When it is asking too much of us to say, “I was wrong about that,” or even, “I might be wrong about that,” it will be asking too much of God to say, “Enter in…”
 
Talk no more so very proudly, let not arrogance come from your mouth; for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed. 1 Sam 2:3.
 
Dene Ward

Every dog we have ever had has loved a good belly rub, but Chloe seems to have taken it to another level.  It isn’t just that she begs for a belly rub, it’s that she thinks God put her here to have her belly scratched, and that scratching her belly may be the only reason He put us here.
            A few people seem to have the same opinion about themselves and the church.  The only reason God instituted a church is to pander to their every need.  It seldom seems to cross their minds that other people have needs as well, and that those needs may be even more critical than theirs.  Chloe wouldn’t care if the house were on fire if she saw us running outside.  She would still scamper up, plop herself on the ground and roll over—isn’t that why we came outside, to scratch her belly?  A Christian who thinks he is the center of the universe is behaving the same way.
            Others think the only reason God put them in the church was for the church to listen to them.  They never ask a question in a Bible class, or offer a comment to stimulate discussion and deep thinking.  Instead they have all the answers and are happy to tell you exactly how things ought to be done, even things that are not specifically spelled out in the scriptures.  They know best.  It amazes me when these are people new to a congregation, who don’t yet know the background and experiences of the people they are trying to advise, often including elders, or who are in their mid-twenties with little life experience behind them.  Kind of reminds me of Chloe who thinks a belly rub is appropriate any time of day, any place, even while you are trying to shoot a rattlesnake that she obviously has not seen.  But she knows best, Boss!
            Then there are the ones who think their feelings, or the feelings of a family member, are all that count.  The church is supposed to pussyfoot around and never offer exhortation or criticism that might “offend” by our definition of the word.  They think they are put here to be stroked and petted and “have their belly rubbed” regardless of what might be happening to their souls.  Reminds me of that passage about people “whose god is their belly”—nothing matters at the moment but how they feel.  I am not about to let Chloe roll over on her back in the middle of a garden row I have just planted that is supposed to help feed us this year, no matter how much it hurts her feelings for me to tell her, “No!”  Some things are more important than her feelings, and if she were my child instead of my dog, I would explain that to her rather than let her do as she pleased and cost us a few hundred dollars worth of groceries. 
            So what do you do about people like that?  You do the same thing the Lord did for you when you were still that immature and selfish.  You tolerate, you teach, you show them a better way with the example of your own service and willingness to accept abuse or take on responsibilities that are not yours but that you do because they need doing and you are there.  You love them in a way they don’t deserve and yes, you rebuke when necessary and hope they won’t act childishly and run off to play somewhere else, where everyone will scratch the belly they offer, and let them be the only ones who matter and the only ones worth listening to.
            The Lord did all that for us, and he expects us to do it for them.  Some day maybe they will learn to be better than a silly little dog who thinks the world is here to scratch her belly.  Didn’t you?
 
And we exhort you, brethren, admonish the disorderly, encourage the fainthearted, support the weak, be longsuffering toward all. 1Thes 5:14
 
Dene Ward
 

When I was a child I learned quickly that meeting with the saints was more important than anything else I might like to do at the given time.  My earliest memories of our faith are sitting in my mother’s lap while my Daddy led the singing, and then sitting on the front pew with him when my little sister came along and usurped my throne.  On Sunday and Wednesday we went to services.  Every night of every gospel meeting we went to services.  Every time the people of God met together, we met with them, and neither convenience, nor school functions, nor social gatherings of any kind got in the way.  As soon as we found out there was a conflict, there wasn’t one, because my parents taught us that nothing and no one was more important than God. 
            Nowadays it has become fashionable to not only dismiss the assemblies as unimportant, but to talk about anyone who thinks they are as “Sunday morning Christians” at best, and Pharisaical hypocrites at worst.  That was not true in my family.  In my house at least, the assemblies were object lessons:  if you won’t do this easy thing for the Lord, will you ever do anything more difficult? 
            My parents lived their lives the rest of the week as godly servants of others, visiting the sick, cooking and carrying food to those who needed it, showing hospitality, sending financial support to preachers in need, buying supplies for poor churches they had heard about, and keeping themselves pure from the worldliness that surrounded them, even when it made them unpopular with their extended family, neighbors, and co-workers.  And they also taught their children to follow in their steps, children who have now taught 9 grandchildren and 8 great-grandchildren, beginning early on, that gathering with God’s people is important.  All the accountable ones are faithful Christians seven days a week.
            Do you think God’s people have ever thought that the assembly rituals were the only thing there was to their religion?  The Law of Moses was intricately bound up in the everyday lives of God’s people.  It wasn’t just “Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy,” and nothing else.  Sacrifices were required for various times in their lives, the birth of children, death in the family and other times of uncleanness, sin offerings, and thanksgiving other than the mandated feast days.  Harvest time meant remembering to leave the corners and the missed crop behind for the poor.  It meant time for tithing the increase.  The Law pervaded their lives and these things were done any and every day of the week. 
            Even in Jesus’ time the people led lives of worship.  The Pharisees fasted twice a week, not on the Sabbath but on Monday and Thursday, ordinary weekdays.  Jewish families lined the doors and walls of their houses with scriptures—the original post-it notes.  Their lives revolved around the feast days, which demanded making extensive travel plans and saving money for the trip all year long.  They had rabbis in their homes to ask them questions and hear them teach.  That’s how Jesus often wound up among them. 
            All these people worshipped throughout the week, but it wasn’t the instant cure for hypocrisy some seem to think, was it?  Many of those labeled hypocrites by the Lord looked down on others for not being as enlightened as they were.  Sort of like folks today who think they are better than anyone who dares utter the phrase “Sunday worship service.”
            Perhaps these people should get off their high horse and follow the Lord’s example.  Even if they don’t think the assemblies are important, Jesus did.  Where was the first place we find him seeing to “His Father’s business?”  He met with God’s people in the synagogues all the time, and synagogue worship was only a tradition, not something included in the Law.  He attended the feast days, including the one which was simply a civil holiday.  He taught the apostles to do the same.  Paul went to the synagogues expecting to find there the best prospects for the gospel—imagine that!  Too bad some of our more informed brethren couldn’t be there to teach him better.
            Of course Sunday morning isn’t all there is to it.  God never meant it to be, but don’t become an unrighteous judge of people who believe it is important.  That’s how a lot of us learned about serving God, not only by being there for the Bible study, but by putting it first over every other worldly thing in our lives, even if they weren’t sinful things.  Babes must crawl before they can run. 
             Hebrews commands us to consider one another to provoke one another to love and good works.  That’s what we do when we meet together.  It isn’t love to look on your brethren with contempt, and that’s what I am seeing in these prideful attitudes of instant dismissal when anyone speaks of our gatherings as “worship.” 
            Seems to me, someone needs to be provoked a little more.
           
Acts 1:13,14; 2:1; 2:42; 2:46; 6:1-3; 14:27; 20:7; 1 Cor 5:4; 11:17-28; all of chapter 14; Heb 10:23-25—the reasons we gather.  I will let you choose the one you think is most important.  Better yet—read them all.
 
Dene Ward

The “dumps” is an easy place to find yourself if you aren’t careful.  In fact, lately I have visited more times than I care to admit.  If the doctors’ timetable holds, this could be an exciting year for me and I don’t mean that in a good way.
            I try to remind myself every day that “the dumps” is a dangerous place to be.  Cain found out when his visit there led him to kill his brother.  After offering his unacceptable sacrifice, God had warned him, “Why are you angry, and why has your countenance fallen?  If you do well, will you not be accepted?  And if you do not do well, sin couches at the door,” Gen 4:6,7, ASV.
            That word “couch” is a little odd to us.  We seem to think that God made a typo, and usually read it “crouch.”  The old King James says, “Lies at the door,” but that misses the connotation—an animal hunched up and ready to spring on its unwary prey.  Just like a lion, we might think, and isn’t that appropriate when we consider who exactly is waiting at the door for us and why? 
            When you allow yourself to visit “the dumps” you make yourself a prime target.  Grief certainly isn’t wrong, disappointment isn’t a sinful emotion, anger isn’t either according to Ephesians 4, but every one of those “downers” make us vulnerable to something that is sinful—bitterness, malice, and vengeance, just to name a few.
            “Get out of there,” God told Cain, but Cain stayed.  Instead of changing his attitude, his anger and disappointment became resentment and he slew his brother.
            When we wallow in the mires of sadness, we are far more prone to blame it all on God and give up our faith.  When we flounder around in the seas of anger, we are more apt to lash out.  If we tend toward hurt feelings, we are more likely to think badly of a perfectly innocent brother or sister, and then act on that bad feeling.  And every one of those “countenances” has to do with me making myself the center of attention.  When all I think about is me and how I feel and what has happened to me, Satan is leading me as if he were a compass, straight to the place where I will be more likely to fall.
            How do you stay out of the dumps?  Do well, God told Cain.  When you are doing, you are far less likely to get into trouble.  When others become the center of your attention, you will suddenly find you have left “the dumps.”  Satan will have no hand hold on you.  He can only get a good grip when your countenance falls, your mood dips, or your attitude sours on people and life in general.  Then he will step right up and be the friend you think you need, the one who says, “Of course you deserve better than this, of course they were mean to you, of course God has deserted you.”
            Have you been hearing those words lately?  Be careful.  You are visiting the dumps again and the owner of that junkyard is not your friend.
 
When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works. Psa 73:21-28                            
 
Dene Ward

It must be axiomatic:  men cannot see dirt.
          No, it is not obvious, especially when you have a mottled medium shade of brown countertop.  But as a woman, I automatically know to wipe a countertop after I have done anything on top of it, whether I can see anything there or not.  Keith thinks that because he cannot see it, it isn’t there.  So I wipe up cracker crumbs, cookie crumbs, salt, coffee grounds, peanut butter smears, and assorted beverage circles several times a day.
            That doesn’t mean men are dirty.  If I ask Keith to clean the tub for me, you will have never heard such scrubbing and scouring and huffing and puffing in all your life.  It sparkles when he is finished.  Whenever he washes dishes for me, he will spend a good half hour on a black pot bottom I have long since given up on.  No, he is not dirty.   He is just not used to looking for the mess until I ask him to.  Then he makes the effort with an eye to what is not clean, and suddenly, he sees it.
            We all have that problem when looking for the dirt in our own lives.  We simply cannot see it.  But in someone else?  That’s simple, and it is so because we have an eye for the dirt in others’ lives, especially those we don’t like much. 
            Many country wives tell their husbands again and again that it is impossible to get all the dirt and mud off those athletic shoes and work boots with the deep treads on the bottom.  “But I wiped my feet,” they say, and walk right in, shoes and all.  Then after they leave, we women get out the brooms and the dustpans, or in some cases, the mops and pails. 
            Some people just will not believe you when you tell them over and over and over that their actions will cost them their souls, that they will become inured to worldliness and think nothing of it, and that other people will suffer because of the dirt they leave behind them.  They reach the point that they blind themselves to the obvious facts in front of them. 
            Today, make it a point to look for the dirt in your own life instead of others’.  Do it while you still can see it.  One of these days even a microscope won’t help, and then where will you be?  You will find yourself living a life full of dirt and stains that would have disgusted you not long before, but which have become invisible to you.  You will find yourself eating off a filthy countertop of sin that will kill you with its toxic germs sooner or later.
 
And why behold the mote that is in your brother's eye, but consider not the beam that is in your own eye? How will you say to your brother, Let me pull the mote out of your eye; and, behold, a beam is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first cast the beam out of your own eye; and then shall you see clearly to cast the mote out of your brother's eye. Matt 7:3-5.
 
Dene Ward

If you have ever had your home photographed by your realtor, you understand what staging is.  Basically you make it look like no one has ever lived in it.  Everything is neat, in order, and decorated in perfectly unlivable ways.  No dishes on the kitchen counters, no shoes by the door, no bathrobes hanging on the hooks on the bathroom door and certainly no shirts, jackets or baseball caps hanging on the bedposts, no stack of reading next to the comfortable chair, no sweet child's drawing tacked on the refrigerator with a magnet that says, "Help me Lord, the Devil wants me fat!"  The idea is to make the place look so absolutely perfect that it will entice the viewer to buy it. I suppose it works.  At least we got a lot of walk-throughs after our photos went up on the internet.  And we sold in 4 days.  But we never in our lives lived in the house in those photos!
            Unfortunately, we have the same sort of mindset when we step into the meetinghouse on Sunday morning.  We want to look absolutely perfect, all put-together, handling easily the crises of life along with our perfect families.  Do we have any issues?  Is our family actually dysfunctional?  Are we battling sin and failing far too often?  In fact, do we have a closet full of skeletons that we do our best to hide with a smile, nice clothes, and perfectly coiffed hair?  And if we have all those things, why in the world are we trying so hard to keep them hidden?  How will we ever get the help we need?
            When I was growing up, I remember all those perfect looking people.  And I also remember how shocked everyone was when suddenly a marriage fell apart, one of the men had an accident and was charged with DUI, and one of the sons of a "pillar" suddenly stopped coming to church after his high school graduation.  What happened, we wondered.  How could this be?  They looked so perfect!
            And that is what happens when we forget why God made the church and why we are supposed to assemble together.  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works (Heb 10:24).  Do you recognize that passage?  It comes right before the one we quote all the time: "…not forsaking the assembling…"  That is one of the main reasons for our assembling.  Then we have half a dozen or more in Romans, 1 Corinthians, Ephesians, and Thessalonians, and others I am sure telling us to edify, encourage, exhort, admonish, rebuke, and console.  How can we do those things if we do not share our problems with one another?  And who wants to open up to a person who puts on a perfect looking façade?  It is too depressing to think you might be the only one with real problems, and to wonder what in the world is wrong with you when everyone else looks like a perfectly staged house.
            A well-staged home is not for real living; neither is a Christian putting on a show.  You can never help someone in trouble when you pretend to have your books lined up on the shelf in alphabetical order, potpourri wafting through the air, and a gorgeous apple pie sitting on the kitchen island without a scattering of flour on the floor or a smear of pie filling dripping over on the countertop.  Be humble enough to help your brother or your sister.  Be approachable and easy to talk to, sharing your own failures and problems and the methods that helped or did not help you.  Who are you trying to fool anyway?  God knows exactly what is going on in your life and your home.  Be ready to help others and they just might be ready to help you too.
 
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ (Gal 6:1-2).
 
Dene Ward

Having lived through the Cold War and the Cuban Missile Crisis, I grew up knowing about fallout.  I knew people who had bomb shelters in their backyards, and full pantries in their closets.  And at school we practiced diving under our desks, using our hands to cover the backs of our necks, every time a plane flew over.  At 8 or 9, I learned to live through national paranoia like we have never seen since.
            But about that fallout—originally it referred to radioactive particles that might descend through the atmosphere after a nuclear explosion.  We all understood that even if we survived the blast, we were not yet survivors.  Fallout could kill too, just not as quickly, and there would be nothing easy about it.
            I suppose this came to mind after I dirtied up four dust rags and two Swiffer dusters one morning during our recent renovations.  Scraping off popcorn ceilings and taking up 20 year old tiles will raise a dust worse than any Okie ever saw in the thirties.  When it was finally over, we changed air conditioner filters for about the fifth time and hired someone to come in and do a complete and thorough cleanup.  This old, arthritic body just cannot handle it any longer.
            These days, fallout has taken on a different meaning—secondary, lingering effects after an event.  Anyone who has lived through an emotional trauma understands the concept.  Children's misbehavior, depression, or even feelings of guilt after their parents' divorce.  Nightmares after being victimized by a crime.  For soldiers, PTSD.  Many of these people need counseling or some other sort of help because the emotional pain and scarring run so deep.
            But there are other kinds of fallout, some of which we cause out of carelessness.  Words are usually the weapons in those cases.  When two brothers raise a fuss in the Bible class, what do we think will be the effects on visitors from the community?  I once knew of body of the Lord's people which was known in the community as people who couldn't even get along with each other, much less their neighbors.  I wonder how many souls were lost in that area because of that?  When someone thinks it is their God-given right to blast out the preacher on the front steps after a difficult but necessary sermon, I wonder how many weak brothers and sisters are so disgusted they leave—for good?  When a young person overhears two women gossiping about another, I can only imagine how much respect they have lost or how that bad example will reap more just like them.  In each of these cases, it's a slow spiritual death that often follows.
            I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned (Matt 12:36-37).
            We all need to be aware of the fallout we cause by our selfish and careless behavior.  In 1 Cor 6, Paul admonished us to be willing to take wrong rather than do harm to the reputation of the body.  And Jesus was even harder in his judgment.  But whoso shall cause one of these little ones that believe on me to stumble, it is profitable for him that a great millstone should be hanged about his neck, and that he should be sunk in the depth of the sea (Matt 18:6).
When we set off a bomb, we are responsible for the fallout.  That means we are responsible for the deaths that follow as well.
 
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Eph 4:29).
 
Dene Ward

One of the things we dreaded about moving into town was having to deal with an HOA.  Homeowners' Associations breed all sorts of nightmare stories that are easy to find on the internet.  I think that every time I look at the news, I see yet another story about people losing their homes to the petty tyrants of one of those institutions.  As for ours, at least the fees were small, about 10% of one of the other neighborhoods we looked at.  Since it was so small we reasoned that they were not doing that much and shouldn't be a problem to deal with.
            About a week after we moved in, still trying to clean the place up and unpack, we received a letter from the HOA saying our "turf was weak" and we had "one week" to fix the problem or we would be fined every day after that until it was.  This was not a good introduction to our HOA.
            I sat down and sent an email to the property manager detailing all we were dealing with inside the house which was our priority, plus our ages and disabilities, and finally asked the question, "How exactly do you make ugly grass grow beautiful in one week?"  Especially after just coming through a drought (as our next door neighbor told us).  That did take care of the problem, but then two months later, we were having our yard dug up to fix the drainage issues in an HOA-approved action, and got another letter saying our sod needed replacing in ten days, "or else."  The work would not even be finished for another month.  Once again we called, and the problem was taken care of.
            Then we received notice of the quarterly HOA meeting to which all residents were invited.  So we went.  Having arrived early and with only a couple of others besides the board of three (and one of them absent) and the property manager, we were able to engage in small talk and get to know one another better.  Our impression?  These were not unreasonable people.  They were much friendlier than those two letters sounded and welcomed us into the neighborhood.  Then the meeting began and we suddenly saw some of the things they dealt with, things that might have left me much less cheerful than they were.
            At last we got our chance to speak, and we learned some things about how an HOA runs, the responsibilities they had that neither of us had ever guessed, and the legal ramifications if things were not done in a certain way.  When Keith finally had his say, we were encouraged to always call when we got a letter so they could consider the circumstances.  We discovered that they had, in fact, not fined anyone in years!  The law says they have to treat every resident the same regardless their situation or they could be sued, but if we just called and talked to the property manager, it could probably be handled that way.  Perhaps there are legitimate HOA horror stories, but we left with a much better opinion of our HOA.
            Do you think it was that sort of communication that the Lord had in mind when he said that people with personal issues should get together and talk with one another first? (Matt 18:15-17).  We went with an attitude to listen first.  Listening taught us many things we were unaware of.  Then when we had our turn to speak, we automatically tempered our language and heat level because we realized things we had never known before.  We still had suggestions, but put them forth in a manner that meant the board listened instead of automatically tuning us out.  We all understood one another a lot better, and we came up with a solution that kept them out of legal trouble and us from a lot of resentment.
            When we go to others first before speaking to the brother in question, what should have been a small problem becomes much larger.  Before long, something between two becomes something between a few dozen or more.  Do we tell others because we want everyone's sympathy rather than a closer relationship with our brother?  If so, that attitude tells tales on our own hearts, even if we are in the right in the personal matter—which is now no longer personal, and in which we are now no longer in the right because we have disobeyed the Lord's instructions for how to handle it.
            God's way is not only the right way, it is the wise way.  Maybe it will not always bring a good resolution because of the recalcitrance of the wicked, but it is far more likely to do so with a brother who has made an honest mistake or just acted in a moment of weakness than our disobedient way will.
 
​Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another's secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end (Prov 25:9-10).
 
Dene Ward

Peter still didn’t get it.
            "Lord, do you wash my feet?"
            Jesus answered him, "What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand."
            Peter said to him, "You shall never wash my feet."
            Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no share with me."
            Simon Peter said to him, "Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!" (John 13:6-9)
            Typical Peter, we always say, always overdoing it.  No, he didn’t overdo it.  He didn’t go far enough, in fact.  None of them did.  Not a one of them said, “No, Lord.  We ought to be washing YOUR feet.”          
            It wasn’t that difficult a concept.  Two women had already figured it out, one identified as “a sinful woman” in Luke 7, and then Mary, Lazarus’s sister, in John 12. 
            One of those apostles should have said, “Why didn’t we think of that?” but none of them did, not even the three from that inner circle.  If ever they failed to show their understanding of who Jesus really was, it was that night in the upper room.  In fact, instead of serving him as Mary did a few days earlier, they all, not just Judas, resented the fact that so much was spent on that very gesture (Matt 26:8).
            But just a few weeks later—“afterward,” as Jesus had said--they did get it.  All of them, even that apostle born out of season, figured out what service and humility meant.  For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake, 2 Cor 4:5.  Paul and all the others except John were ultimately martyred in their service to the Lord, along the way serving others at huge costs.  They washed their Lord’s feet, not with water, but with their own blood.
            Do we get it?  Do we understand humility, or is saving face more important?  Can we give it all up for Christ, or do our opinions and think-sos matter more than the body for which he died?  Can we subject ourselves, our preferences, our goods, even our lifestyles to others for their souls’ sakes, 1 Cor 9:20-22? 
            I once spoke about subjection at a women’s meeting.  As I was giving an illustration one of the women spoke out loud for all to hear, “That’s where I draw the line.”  No, we were not discussing Acts 5:29 where such a statement would have been appropriate.  We were just talking about sacrificing for others.  Yet she wasn’t even embarrassed to say such a thing.  She obviously didn’t get it.   If she had been next to Peter that horrible night, she would have been happy to sit back and let the Lord wait on her, as long as the water wasn’t too hot and the towel was nice and soft.
            Consider this thought for a moment: what would I have done that night?  Would I have gone at least as far as Peter and the rest, and let the Lord wash my feet, learning the whole lesson eventually?  Or would I have already been there with my pan in hand, as those two other women had been, ready to wait on him and his disciples, anxious to show my devotion to my Lord and Master? 
            Now take it a step farther:  what am I willing to do today?  Am I willing to wash feet, not just with time, effort, and money, but with my own blood?  If we would draw a line anywhere, Satan will make sure we come face to face with that line sometime in our lives.
 
Then turning toward the woman he said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment.  Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven--for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little." And he said to her, "Your sins are forgiven." Luke 7:44-48.
 
Dene Ward