Several years ago a young woman came to me for some advice. She had been dating a young man whom she thought she really liked but something happened and she wondered if it was a red flag or if she was overreacting to a trivial thing that would not matter in their future relationship. It seems that he was getting seriously interested as well and thought she should come meet his family. On the way he received a text from his sister. "Be careful. Dad is home early and he is not happy." She decided it was not fair to make a judgment on a secondhand piece of information, even though her young man had suddenly become quiet and a bit withdrawn. When she arrived at his family's home, he was met at the door by his mother, who whispered into his ear before welcoming his girlfriend. Everyone seemed subdued, talking quietly and stopping to peer over their shoulders every so often. Finally, at dinner, all of them sat down together and the father was definitely not in a good mood, did not welcome her, and spent his time either eating in silence or questioning the mother about her activities for the day. Interrogating, the young lady said, was a more accurate a word.
What did I tell her? That her instincts were probably correct. If this is the way the young man learned headship, things would more than likely be difficult. She did not want to give him up initially, but soon he came to her home to meet her family and was shocked at the lively conversation around the meal, the joking between both parents and between parents and children, and the general pleasantness and playfulness. "Is your family always like this?" he asked. I felt sorry for the young man at that, and so did she, but before many more weeks had passed, she was receiving phone calls from him wanting to know every detail of her day, including everything she ate and drank, and giving her instructions about what she should and should not eat! At that point, it was over. I breathed a sigh of relief.
The manner of a father whose appearance at home caused fear in the entire family so that they are sending quick messages to "Be careful," reminded me of that old saying I have heard so many times. "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I'm sorry, but that is nothing to brag about. In fact, I would be ashamed to have someone say it about me. To even think that my bad moods should effect the people I love is completely opposite of the admonitions to encourage, lift up, and make glad. This is not the manner of ordained headship and it certainly isn't love.
All the way back to the beginning, God has warned against bad moods. He told Cain, Why are you wroth? and why is your countenance fallen? If you do well, shall it not be lifted up? and if you do not well, sin couches at the door: and unto you shall be its desire; but you rule over it. Cain was in a very bad mood. Why? Because God had not accepted his sacrifice. God told him that being in a bad mood was one of the most dangerous things that could happen to him. Do better, He said, and your mood will be better as well. A bad mood puts you in a dangerous place, a place where sin will rule over you instead of your ruling over it. Sure enough, Cain fell prey to Satan because of his bad mood, his "fallen countenance." It led him to unjust anger and then to murder.
When we allow our bad moods to not only fester within us, but also to cause fear and distress to others, we are sinning. Period! Proverbs warns us that we can tear our homes apart with our own hands (Prov 14:1). Surely the same thing applies to one filled with the poison of a bad mood, and it usually shows itself in the words that come from such a person. Hear, for I will speak excellent things; And the opening of my lips shall be right things. For my mouth shall utter truth; And wickedness is an abomination to my lips. All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; There is nothing crooked or perverse in them. Does any of that sound like a Mama—or Daddy--in a bad mood? God expects us to control our moods.
If Mama ain't happy (or Daddy), she had better get herself together and exercise some self-control just as God instructed Cain. No one should be afraid to walk into my house any time of any day.
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable; But the mouth of the wicked speaks perverseness, Prov 10:32.
Dene Ward
What did I tell her? That her instincts were probably correct. If this is the way the young man learned headship, things would more than likely be difficult. She did not want to give him up initially, but soon he came to her home to meet her family and was shocked at the lively conversation around the meal, the joking between both parents and between parents and children, and the general pleasantness and playfulness. "Is your family always like this?" he asked. I felt sorry for the young man at that, and so did she, but before many more weeks had passed, she was receiving phone calls from him wanting to know every detail of her day, including everything she ate and drank, and giving her instructions about what she should and should not eat! At that point, it was over. I breathed a sigh of relief.
The manner of a father whose appearance at home caused fear in the entire family so that they are sending quick messages to "Be careful," reminded me of that old saying I have heard so many times. "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I'm sorry, but that is nothing to brag about. In fact, I would be ashamed to have someone say it about me. To even think that my bad moods should effect the people I love is completely opposite of the admonitions to encourage, lift up, and make glad. This is not the manner of ordained headship and it certainly isn't love.
All the way back to the beginning, God has warned against bad moods. He told Cain, Why are you wroth? and why is your countenance fallen? If you do well, shall it not be lifted up? and if you do not well, sin couches at the door: and unto you shall be its desire; but you rule over it. Cain was in a very bad mood. Why? Because God had not accepted his sacrifice. God told him that being in a bad mood was one of the most dangerous things that could happen to him. Do better, He said, and your mood will be better as well. A bad mood puts you in a dangerous place, a place where sin will rule over you instead of your ruling over it. Sure enough, Cain fell prey to Satan because of his bad mood, his "fallen countenance." It led him to unjust anger and then to murder.
When we allow our bad moods to not only fester within us, but also to cause fear and distress to others, we are sinning. Period! Proverbs warns us that we can tear our homes apart with our own hands (Prov 14:1). Surely the same thing applies to one filled with the poison of a bad mood, and it usually shows itself in the words that come from such a person. Hear, for I will speak excellent things; And the opening of my lips shall be right things. For my mouth shall utter truth; And wickedness is an abomination to my lips. All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; There is nothing crooked or perverse in them. Does any of that sound like a Mama—or Daddy--in a bad mood? God expects us to control our moods.
If Mama ain't happy (or Daddy), she had better get herself together and exercise some self-control just as God instructed Cain. No one should be afraid to walk into my house any time of any day.
The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable; But the mouth of the wicked speaks perverseness, Prov 10:32.
Dene Ward
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