Today's post is by guest writer Laurie Moyer.
Your integrity is one of the most foundational elements of character that you can possess. To be known as a woman of your word creates a reputation that is a city on a hill and light in the darkness. This is the desire of Jesus (Matt 5:14-16) because it gives all who see your good works the opportunity to glorify God. A few verses later He said oaths are not needed for one who has proven that a simple “yes,” or “no,” is all that is required to establish the truth of what they say. How does this happen? It is grown over the course of experience and time. A reputation is not built overnight, and your integrity is also a cumulative reflection of the choices of your life.
The rain cloud in this picture is that it only takes one break of integrity to ruin your reputation. One moment of weakness and inconsistency will counter-act years of pattern behavior. Good habits reinforce making the right choices, but once broken, it is easier to lapse the next time. Praise God that He has said He will forgive our trespasses when we repent! Our mistakes do not need to define our future. Our reputation, however, may take a bit longer to regain. Our pride does not like to be reminded that we have sinned, but we must not ignore failures if we want to learn and grow from them.
You have a reputation with your children, as well. They trust and rely on you. When they are hurt or in distress they come to you for comfort. The accomplishments of their simple world are brought to you for display. “Look what I can do.” Do not tarnish that trust. Their hearts think in such simple terms that a broken promise is not so easily understood with lengthy explanations. When you tell them things you need to be determined to follow them through. I cannot count the number of times I have heard a parent threaten a child in public with punishment in some form and then watch in horror as misbehavior continues and nothing happens. Why do we lie to our children this way? Perhaps these parents never intended to carry out punishment in the first place, but thought the mere threat of pain or deprival would intimidate the child. Why should it? If a child has been conditioned to receive empty threats and wiggle out of them, why should they their parents ever mean what they say? Do not try to bully your child into obedience.
Sadly, when we, in good faith, give a consequence to misbehavior and then retract that punishment later for any reason we are saying the same thing. No, we are not perfect. We may fully intend to do something that circumstances prevent. Those moments we must deal with as they occur and perhaps the best method is to be more careful in what we say in the first place. To say, “We plan to go to Grandma’s house next week,” leaves room for changing circumstances and, more importantly, for the will of God to play out in the daily areas of our lives. James 4:13-16 warns us not to presume to be the one in charge of every future moment. Indeed, it is better not to make promises you cannot keep.
On the other hand, when we say, “If you don’t finish your dinner you don’t get dessert,” we have made a law that we both must live by. It does not matter that it was an impulsive thing to say or that it seemed easier at the time it was spoken. If you are going to dangle sweets as an incentive in front of your child, your “understanding” of why they did not comply does not remove the fact that it happened. Sympathize. Resolve not to be that rash in the future, but you must keep your word...
We have all made mistakes in setting standards for our children. When this happens, admit it to them. If you have wronged them, apologize. Tell them you want to do better. If your rules have changed tell them what the new rules will be from this time on, and resolve to work together to be a family that pleases God.
Laurie Moyer
Taken from Searching Daily a blog by Doy Moyer
Your integrity is one of the most foundational elements of character that you can possess. To be known as a woman of your word creates a reputation that is a city on a hill and light in the darkness. This is the desire of Jesus (Matt 5:14-16) because it gives all who see your good works the opportunity to glorify God. A few verses later He said oaths are not needed for one who has proven that a simple “yes,” or “no,” is all that is required to establish the truth of what they say. How does this happen? It is grown over the course of experience and time. A reputation is not built overnight, and your integrity is also a cumulative reflection of the choices of your life.
The rain cloud in this picture is that it only takes one break of integrity to ruin your reputation. One moment of weakness and inconsistency will counter-act years of pattern behavior. Good habits reinforce making the right choices, but once broken, it is easier to lapse the next time. Praise God that He has said He will forgive our trespasses when we repent! Our mistakes do not need to define our future. Our reputation, however, may take a bit longer to regain. Our pride does not like to be reminded that we have sinned, but we must not ignore failures if we want to learn and grow from them.
You have a reputation with your children, as well. They trust and rely on you. When they are hurt or in distress they come to you for comfort. The accomplishments of their simple world are brought to you for display. “Look what I can do.” Do not tarnish that trust. Their hearts think in such simple terms that a broken promise is not so easily understood with lengthy explanations. When you tell them things you need to be determined to follow them through. I cannot count the number of times I have heard a parent threaten a child in public with punishment in some form and then watch in horror as misbehavior continues and nothing happens. Why do we lie to our children this way? Perhaps these parents never intended to carry out punishment in the first place, but thought the mere threat of pain or deprival would intimidate the child. Why should it? If a child has been conditioned to receive empty threats and wiggle out of them, why should they their parents ever mean what they say? Do not try to bully your child into obedience.
Sadly, when we, in good faith, give a consequence to misbehavior and then retract that punishment later for any reason we are saying the same thing. No, we are not perfect. We may fully intend to do something that circumstances prevent. Those moments we must deal with as they occur and perhaps the best method is to be more careful in what we say in the first place. To say, “We plan to go to Grandma’s house next week,” leaves room for changing circumstances and, more importantly, for the will of God to play out in the daily areas of our lives. James 4:13-16 warns us not to presume to be the one in charge of every future moment. Indeed, it is better not to make promises you cannot keep.
On the other hand, when we say, “If you don’t finish your dinner you don’t get dessert,” we have made a law that we both must live by. It does not matter that it was an impulsive thing to say or that it seemed easier at the time it was spoken. If you are going to dangle sweets as an incentive in front of your child, your “understanding” of why they did not comply does not remove the fact that it happened. Sympathize. Resolve not to be that rash in the future, but you must keep your word...
We have all made mistakes in setting standards for our children. When this happens, admit it to them. If you have wronged them, apologize. Tell them you want to do better. If your rules have changed tell them what the new rules will be from this time on, and resolve to work together to be a family that pleases God.
Laurie Moyer
Taken from Searching Daily a blog by Doy Moyer
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