Today's post is by Joanne Beckley in which she shares an essay by Lucy Green.
Whether it is a broken doll, lost good health, or the loss of a husband, we all must suffer great disappointments as we walk through this life here on earth. But I think for every married woman, it must be the loss of her husband that is her biggest challenge.
God knows this and has filled his Word with how we are to care for our widows and how the widow is to face her loss. Notice the numerous commands and admonitions: Deuteronomy 24:17-22; 25:5-10; Matthew 15:3; Eph 6:1; 1 Tim 5:4,14
But I want to shift this lesson away from our own responsibilities toward widows and focus on the widow herself. Whether married or unmarried, we all face the reality of living alone, now or in the future. But for the married, the death of a spouse carries additional pain and it is this pain that must be accepted and worked through.
Since I have yet to face this possible pain, I want to refer you to a short article by Lucy Greene. I came across it a number of years ago and thought it wise to file it away for the very real possibility that I too might find myself in her shoes. As you read this, you may even now be in her shoes. Hopefully this article can help you. I pray it is so.
“I became a widow twenty-two months ago. I say twenty-two months just like I did when my babies were little. You never have a twenty five month old, but up until that two year mark you count time in terms of months. Unlike having babies grow with those busy days passing quickly, these months have been an eternity.
I never wanted to be a widow, nor the pioneer widow of my peer group, but here I am. Even so, what I am learning and experiencing will smooth the way for those who come after me, though no individual journey is the same.
I want to grow older gracefully, but there’s been nothing graceful about the stages of grief that I’ve experienced. Some days I’ve felt at the mercy of unplanned and unexpected waves of emotion that come out of the blue and zap me at the most inconvenient moments. Sometimes it’s even been hard to pray. Somewhere on my journey, I was surprised to realize that I was indeed living in the past and missing the blessings of the present. Intellectually, I knew that was not a good way to live, but I hadn’t recognized it for what it was. My friend observed that I wasn’t letting go, and I thought about that deeply and seriously.
Treasuring the past and it’s memories, being thankful for our past blessings and relationships is right and important, but longing for what we no longer can have instead of looking for the joy and opportunities of TODAY is an exercise in futility, and does interfere with our aging gracefully. I am realizing that acceptance of one’s circumstance in life is a quality one must learn as we grow older. It puts us in a better frame of mind for facing so many of the less desirable outcomes of aging.
So many things are beyond our control and not the way that we had pictured them. Aging of our bodies, changing financial circumstances, passing of friends and relatives, changes in living arrangements--- to name a few. If we can accept physical appearance, aches and pains, poor health as we age and know that “though our outward man perish, the inward man is being renewed day by day,” (2 Corinthians 4:16) we can be serene when we look in the mirror or try to get up out of a chair. Dependence on God and trusting Him with the future is the key to acceptance. Paul said that he had learned to be content in whatever state he found himself (Philippians 4:11.)
Acceptance brings contentment. Contentment is defined as “an uncomplaining acceptance of one’s lot.” You might not like what’s happened to you, but accepting that situation says, “This is the way it is. It’s going to be OK. God will take care of me. I can live with this.” Hebrews 13:5 says, “Be content with such things as you have for he said, ‘I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee’.” In 1Timothy 6:6 we are told that godliness with contentment is great gain. May we adopt that thought as our goal as we strive to age gracefully." Lucy Greene
Although I am not a widow, I can appreciate her pain, and her needs. I can be there for her, if she so desires. But where I may fail in my attempts, she will always have her Lord, her defender and friend.
Psalm 68:4 Sing to God, sing praises to His name; Extol Him who rides on the clouds by His name YAH, And rejoice before Him. 5 A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation. 6 God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land.
The widow is not alone. She can accept her lot in life and find contentment in her Lord, facing forward with each new day.
Joanne Beckley
Whether it is a broken doll, lost good health, or the loss of a husband, we all must suffer great disappointments as we walk through this life here on earth. But I think for every married woman, it must be the loss of her husband that is her biggest challenge.
God knows this and has filled his Word with how we are to care for our widows and how the widow is to face her loss. Notice the numerous commands and admonitions: Deuteronomy 24:17-22; 25:5-10; Matthew 15:3; Eph 6:1; 1 Tim 5:4,14
But I want to shift this lesson away from our own responsibilities toward widows and focus on the widow herself. Whether married or unmarried, we all face the reality of living alone, now or in the future. But for the married, the death of a spouse carries additional pain and it is this pain that must be accepted and worked through.
Since I have yet to face this possible pain, I want to refer you to a short article by Lucy Greene. I came across it a number of years ago and thought it wise to file it away for the very real possibility that I too might find myself in her shoes. As you read this, you may even now be in her shoes. Hopefully this article can help you. I pray it is so.
“I became a widow twenty-two months ago. I say twenty-two months just like I did when my babies were little. You never have a twenty five month old, but up until that two year mark you count time in terms of months. Unlike having babies grow with those busy days passing quickly, these months have been an eternity.
I never wanted to be a widow, nor the pioneer widow of my peer group, but here I am. Even so, what I am learning and experiencing will smooth the way for those who come after me, though no individual journey is the same.
I want to grow older gracefully, but there’s been nothing graceful about the stages of grief that I’ve experienced. Some days I’ve felt at the mercy of unplanned and unexpected waves of emotion that come out of the blue and zap me at the most inconvenient moments. Sometimes it’s even been hard to pray. Somewhere on my journey, I was surprised to realize that I was indeed living in the past and missing the blessings of the present. Intellectually, I knew that was not a good way to live, but I hadn’t recognized it for what it was. My friend observed that I wasn’t letting go, and I thought about that deeply and seriously.
Treasuring the past and it’s memories, being thankful for our past blessings and relationships is right and important, but longing for what we no longer can have instead of looking for the joy and opportunities of TODAY is an exercise in futility, and does interfere with our aging gracefully. I am realizing that acceptance of one’s circumstance in life is a quality one must learn as we grow older. It puts us in a better frame of mind for facing so many of the less desirable outcomes of aging.
So many things are beyond our control and not the way that we had pictured them. Aging of our bodies, changing financial circumstances, passing of friends and relatives, changes in living arrangements--- to name a few. If we can accept physical appearance, aches and pains, poor health as we age and know that “though our outward man perish, the inward man is being renewed day by day,” (2 Corinthians 4:16) we can be serene when we look in the mirror or try to get up out of a chair. Dependence on God and trusting Him with the future is the key to acceptance. Paul said that he had learned to be content in whatever state he found himself (Philippians 4:11.)
Acceptance brings contentment. Contentment is defined as “an uncomplaining acceptance of one’s lot.” You might not like what’s happened to you, but accepting that situation says, “This is the way it is. It’s going to be OK. God will take care of me. I can live with this.” Hebrews 13:5 says, “Be content with such things as you have for he said, ‘I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee’.” In 1Timothy 6:6 we are told that godliness with contentment is great gain. May we adopt that thought as our goal as we strive to age gracefully." Lucy Greene
Although I am not a widow, I can appreciate her pain, and her needs. I can be there for her, if she so desires. But where I may fail in my attempts, she will always have her Lord, her defender and friend.
Psalm 68:4 Sing to God, sing praises to His name; Extol Him who rides on the clouds by His name YAH, And rejoice before Him. 5 A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, Is God in His holy habitation. 6 God sets the solitary in families; He brings out those who are bound into prosperity; But the rebellious dwell in a dry land.
The widow is not alone. She can accept her lot in life and find contentment in her Lord, facing forward with each new day.
Joanne Beckley
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