Flight Paths

            I have been asked for some tips on Bible study.  First let me make this clear:  I am not an expert on this subject.  I am as far from being a Bible scholar as you can get and still know the basic Bible stories. 

            Do you want my biggest secret?  I work at it.  Yes, I will be happy to share my methods, most of which would make a true scholar laugh himself silly.  So please understand that these are not for preachers or academics.  They are for us ordinary people, who never studied hermeneutics or Greek grammar or any of those theological arguments fit only for quiet, dusty rooms instead of life.

            However, you must realize that there is no magic formula.  It’s like losing weight.  You still have to be hungry and you still have to exercise and you still have to give up a few things, no matter what the diet scammers tell you.  With Bible study, you still have to work—that means reading till your eyes cross and making notes till your hands cramp and then thinking about it for days, or maybe years, before it all gels and comes together.  There is no shortcut.

            And speaking of “thinking” about it—most people have an erroneous idea of what meditation is all about.  You don’t cross your legs in the floor and hum with your eyes closed.  You don’t repeat a verse over and over like a mantra.  Instead, you think of the ramifications of a Biblical idea you have been studying, then put two and two together as you begin to collect more verses in your notes, and ultimately in your memory, and more concepts in your understanding.  Suddenly, you will be thinking about things one day in the middle of washing a sink full of dishes and the light bulb will come on--you think of something you had never thought of before.  The joy in that moment is worth all the hours you spend over a table piled with Bibles, concordances, and papers.  What does the Bible say about the righteous man?  “His delight is in the law of the Lord,” Psalm 1:2.  If you don’t already love the Word of God, I really can’t fix that.

            So for the next few Mondays, I will give you both my methods and my thoughts on Bible study.  I will approach this as if teaching a class, giving you assignments for the week.  I promise that if you do these things, you will become better at doing your own Bible study, and will probably develop a few methods that suit you better. 

            This will not happen overnight.  I am much better at this than I was 30 years ago because I have become familiar with the tools and how to use them, and because, yes indeed, I did find a few shortcuts, though they probably only save a few minutes instead of a few hours.  You will become adept too, but only if you continue to do them past these few weeks, over and over and over.  Practice is the key.

            Feel free to write me if you have questions (left sidebar:  contact Dene).  I hope you will find this helpful, and will enjoy the discoveries it brings you, both in the next few weeks and in the future.

            Remember—Bible study methods for us ordinary folks, for the next 5 Mondays.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.  Psalms 1:1-2.

Dene Ward

(Today’s post is by guest writer Keith Ward, written to our son following his wedding)

            As I listened to Thaxter Dickey perform your wedding, thoughts came together that have been forming over years of study. Someone recently asked, “Why male and female: God could have done reproduction some other way. Is there a significance?” Maybe this is part of the answer that has been revealed.

            God said, “Let us make man in our image...and he created man [mankind, not male] in his own image...male and female created he them.”  (Gen 1:26-27). I have often used this passage to establish that from the beginning God is spoken of as the plurality we find revealed as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit in the N.T. Also, it is clear that since both male and female are in his image, all that is good about the feminine nature and motherhood is as much a part of God’s character as the best of masculinity and fatherhood.

            These are old thoughts, often shared and heard. But as I considered the union being formed before us all, I connected another old truth; the word for “one” in the phrase “and they shall be one flesh” is the same as in “Jehovah thy God is one” (Gen 2:23; Deut 6:4) revealing a purpose of marriage I had previously not discerned. First, let’s digress to note that “one flesh” does not refer primarily to sexual union since we can’t go around that way all the time. A husband and wife are “one flesh” all the time, it is a state of being that exists so long as they live. For this reason, the divorce decrees of men cannot undo the union forged by God (Mt 19:9). A husband and wife are one all the time, all day, every day, just as God is one. Three are one in the Godhood; two are one in a marriage. God intended that a marriage approximate as much as possible the unity found between Father, Son and Spirit. Men comprehend the unity of the Godhood by participating in and observing the unity of a good marriage.

            Such a marriage will be filled with love, as God loved the Son, and submission, as Jesus obeyed the Father, and help and nurture, as the Spirit comforted, completed and revealed.

            Considering marriage as a window to the unity of the Godhood makes divorce the more unthinkable. Since sexual union is not merely for reproduction or physical release, but is designed to teach us unity as one loving being, sexual sins become more abominable whether they occur before or after the vows. “Know ye not that he that is joined to a harlot is one body, for the twain, saith he, shall become one flesh” (1Cor 6:16). In other words, How can you degrade this that represents the beautiful unity of the Godhood by casually uniting with others than your spouse? How can you do this to your marriage (whether the wedding has taken place yet in time or not)?? It would be the same as though the Father, the Son, or the Spirit formed an outside relationship with an idol...UNSPEAKABLE!! And, the discords that plague all marriages are seen as the blots on the purity of “one” that they really are. How can we argue angrily, go our own way, seek the dominion, nag, play control games with sex, lay down the law, resent, etc. ad nauseum, when we understand this purpose of marriage?? Is this the way of Christ and the church (Eph 5:22-23)??

            We sing, “O To Be Like Thee” and the way we can come closest is to make our marriages all He wants them to be. God’s purpose from before the fall was that marriage lead man to an understanding of Him that the relationship between man and God could grow and mature. Even in a sin-sick world we can press toward that goal. Truly, “this mystery is great” and we will never comprehend it short of heaven. Yet, the more love and unity of heart, soul, and mind we develop in our marriages, the more we will be fitted to “see him as he is.”

Keith Ward

            In our women’s study we recently spent some time on the first century church’s attitude toward persecution.  We found several passages that told us the results of persecution.  What would you guess they were?  The group diminished in size and visibility, becoming timid and fearful, hiding when they worshipped, and keeping their faith a secret from their neighbors, right?  Although we all knew better than that, we were still surprised by what we discovered.

            In Acts 5 persecution left the early Christians with even more determination to preach so that in Acts 8 when persecution scattered them, the church spread over all the known world.  And why should we emulate these people?  In Romans 8 we found that we will be glorified if we suffer and in 2 Cor 4 we manifest the life of Christ when we are persecuted.  Philippians 1 tells us we have a token of our salvation when we suffer, and 2 Thessalonians says that our faith grows, our love abounds and we are counted worthy of the kingdom.  Peter tells us in various chapters of his first epistle that persecution proves our faith, gives us a blessing, and that the Spirit will rest on us when we endure it.  Then in Revelation, the brethren are promised that if they endure their coming trials they will wear white robes, they are washed and cleansed, they will live with Christ in His kingdom and have rest (chapter 6,7,20).

            So how should we feel about persecution?  The class decided it might just be necessary, even desirable.  Those first century brothers and sisters rejoiced in it (Acts 5:40-42), took pleasure in it (2 Cor 12:10), and considered it a privilege (Phil 1 :27-30).  Maybe we should be rethinking our attitudes about persecution. 

            I asked what they thought would happen if we were really persecuted today.  At first the women said, “The church would shrink a whole lot.”  Then, remembering what we had discovered about the early church, we decided it wouldn’t.  We would just see who was really part of the Lord’s body, not who showed up and sat in the pews.  And if history is any indicator, when the world saw how we stood for the Lord, even in the face of pain or death, they might understand that this is something worthwhile, something they might need in their lives as well, something worth any sacrifice called for.  Isn’t that what happened in the first century? 

            So should we be thanking God that we can worship “without fear of molestation?”  As big a coward as I am, I might still do so, but frankly, I am not so certain I should any more.

Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteousness’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  Blessed are you when men shall reproach you and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake.  Rejoice and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so persecuted they the prophets that were before you, Matt 5:10-12.

Dene Ward

 The idea of me writing a tutorial on how to use a website is hilarious, but I have been asked the same questions over and over, and usually have a new influx of readers every few months, so I have given in to the advice to write a how-to.  If you already know how to use all the elements of the Flight Paths blog, then you can safely skip this one.  If you are new, you might want to read it in any case.

 So, in the spirit of websites everywhere, here are the FAQs:

How do I get to the blog?     

I know that many people come here only from posted or shared links, especially from facebook.  If you do that, you will go straight to that post instead of the main page of the blog, and that means you will miss other posts.  I do post five days a week, except when otherwise noted. 

To get to the entire blog, type www.flightpaths.weebly.com in your search engine.  If you come from the Flight Paths facebook page, go to the top of that page under my picture and click on the blue address in the description of the website.

By approaching the blog in either of those ways, you can scroll down and read the current and previous nine entries on any given day.  At the very bottom of the main page, on the left (under the current ten entries), you will see the word “Previous.”  If you click on that, you can go to the ten entries just before those, and so on, all the way back to the beginning of the blog.

How do I subscribe to the blog?

I am told there are two ways to do so.

First, on the right sidebar of the main page, under “Categories” you will see “RSS Feed.”  If you click on that, it will take you to a page to subscribe.  I am not sure how it works.  In fact, some have had trouble getting it to work or figuring out what to put in the form on the page, but if you are far more computer literate than I, you can give it a try.

 More people have told me they “bookmark” the main page.  On my computer, you go to the top bar and click on a little square on the right.  A box drops down and then you find “bookmark this page” and click on that.  It will then be added to your favorites list.  After that, all you have to do is click on “favorites” or “bookmarks” or whatever your computer calls it.  When the box drops, look for “Flight Paths” and click on that.  It will take you straight to the page without the hassle of a Google search.

This will only work if you bookmark the main page.  If you use a link, that one post is what you will get every time.

If I go from a link, how do I find the main blog?

Any time you go to the blog from a link, just look on the left sidebar for “Dene’s blog.”  Click on that and you will get the entire blog, including the ten previous posts.  Just keep scrolling down as we mentioned earlier.  You can also bookmark it at that point, and it will work just fine.

How do I get a Flight Paths book?

Also on the left sidebar, you will see “Dene’s books” and “Dene’s classbooks.”  Click on whichever you want, and it will take you to a page that links to a bookstore or my publisher.

How do I find a specific article?

This is what the right sidebar is for.  Under my picture you will find “Archives” and “Categories.”  If you know the approximate date, then click on the month and year and scroll through those.  If you know the general topic, try the categories list.

 About those categories.  Many posts are linked under several.  Some of the categories have to do with the topic of the post, faith, unity, family, etc., but others are based on the jumping off point.  If I came up with a post while I was cooking one day, you should look under “Cooking/Kitchen.”  If you remember something about a camping trip, look under “Camping.”  If it started with a cute story about a child, click on “children.”  So you have several ways to find a particular post—date, jumping off point, and topic.

Are there other pages?

All the other pages of the post are listed on the left sidebar.  Whichever page you are on will be highlighted.  I have already told you about the book pages.  Let me talk a minute about two others.

“Contact Dene” is an email page.  This might be useful if you have a question you would rather keep private rather than posting on the bottom of an article.  Yes, anyone can see the comments on the bottom of the articles, but only I receive the question from the “Contact” page.

“Dene’s Recipes” came about from the Cooking/Kitchen entries.  After reading a particular post, people often asked for the recipe I mentioned.  So I have started including them on that page, with links to the date of the original post.  You can go either way—from the post to the recipe or from the recipe to the post.

What do I do with the facebook page?

The facebook page is strictly for announcements, tips on using the blog, and usually one link a week.  If you “like” the page, you will automatically see anything I post on that page on your newsfeed.  I use it to share when and where I will be speaking, when a new book is coming out, when I am starting a series, and many readers use it to share links with people they think might find a particular post helpful.  I do not link all of my posts.  That would make me the proverbial boy who cried wolf, and people would stop noticing.  If all you use are the links on the facebook page, you will miss 80% or more of the posts.  That is why you need to bookmark the main page.

I hope this has been helpful.  I will post it again every six months or so for new readers.

Dene Ward

            The other morning I was outside feeding the dogs when I got a bit of a shock.  Wood smoke from the chimney swirled around in the cold north breeze, rustling the one or two brown leaves still hanging on the sycamore.  My breath billowed around me even thicker than the smoke and my hands ached from the cold.  The frost on the ground crunched beneath my feet, and the cold dampness coming through my shoes turned my toes to ice cubes.  Suddenly I heard my neighbor’s lawn mower roar into life.  My subconscious mind immediately went to work and without even thinking about it I was humming the old Sesame Street tune, “One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just isn’t the same…”

            Yes, I do live in Florida, but up here in north Florida your mower sits gathering dust, leaves, spider webs, and other assorted natural trash from November 1 till March 1, and sometimes beyond.  What in the world was he mowing? I wondered.  I never did find out, but it struck me that if I had driven by he would have looked odd sitting on a lawn mower with a heavy jacket, gloves, and a wool hat.  I wonder if he worried about what the people who drove by his yard thought about him.

            You think not?  You’re probably right.  Something needed to be done that involved a lawn mower and so he did it.  It’s really no one else’s business what it was and why he felt the need to do it.  Then why in the world do we get so uncomfortable when we look different to the world?

            We always direct thoughts like this to the young, but peer pressure works on every age, not just teenagers.  Isn’t that why we become uncommonly quiet when certain topics of conversation come up among our friends in the world?  We Americans often argue about our right to be individuals, usually quoting from works like 1984, calling Big Government laws we don’t like “Orwellian” because they take away the rights of the individual.  Then when the time comes to actually stand up and be an individual, to act differently than the mainstream of society, to talk differently, dress differently, live differently, we are just as bad as a teenager who wants to do what “everyone else is doing.”  Like a chameleon, we want to camouflage ourselves and blend in.

            So, can I really do this?  Do I have the strength to stand out in a crowd?  Can I be the one that every Sesame Street viewing child can point out as “not the same?”  God expects me to do just that.  In fact, he says, that if I live by the standards his Son taught I will not be able to help being different.  Some people will hate me for it; but others will respect me for it.  And maybe a few will be influenced to change their own lives.  We cannot have that influence if we are busy putting on our camo gear every morning before we go out.  Yes, the snipers might get us if we go out in blaze orange, but the ones who are looking for a way out of the woods might see us too.

Beloved I beseech you as sojourners and pilgrims to abstain from fleshly lusts which war after the soul; having your behavior seemly among the Gentiles; that wherein they speak against you as evil-doers they may by your good works which they behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.  I Pet 2:11,12.

Dene Ward

This is  part 11 of the Monday series, "Whoso Findeth a Wife."

And this second thing you o. You cover the LORD's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, "Why does he not?" Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. "For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless." Malachi 2:13-16

            The passage in Malachi also reminds us that the husband and wife are covenant partners, which is the last and perhaps most important description of a wife we will discuss.  No other passage in the Bible brings home the seriousness of breaking that covenant in quite the same way. 

            The one who does this is “faithless,” the prophet says in verses 15 and 16.  In another version he is called “treacherous.”  A covenant partner has every right to feel secure in that relationship.  Even a con man like Laban recognized that God was the witness in a marriage covenant (Gen 31:49,50), and even in a polygamous culture lines were drawn.  As we learned earlier, faithlessness was not confined to men (Prov 2:17).  Women can forsake men just as easily, especially these days when “I am woman!” seems to be a call to independence away from men and family in general.

            Malachi states plainly that breaking the marriage covenant is considered “violence,” verse 16, and as above in Genesis 31, “oppression.”  The violence may not be physical, but anyone who has seen the heartbreak of a divorce knows that the “tears” and “groans,” verse 13, are just as real and inflict just as much damage.  I have seen forsaken husbands and wives alike practically disintegrate before my eyes, losing weight, and aging ten years in a month.  God will hold the one who causes that “violence” to His child accountable.

            If nothing else brings home the gravity of violating a covenant, perhaps this will:  God will no longer accept the offering of one who breaks the marriage covenant, verse 13, and s/he no longer has the Spirit, verse 15.  For anyone who still has any recognition at all of his need for the grace of God and the help and comfort of the Holy Spirit in his life, this should be terrifying.  It should certainly be a wake-up call for all those who think they can still be a Christian after dissolving the covenant they swore to for anything other than the one exception Jesus made in Matthew 19. 

            Malachi reinforces God’s displeasure by repeating “thus says the Lord” at the beginning and end of the same sentence (v 16).  It is as if God says, “This is what I say…and I mean it!”  All through the scriptures, God approaches marriage and its responsibilities as a choice we make voluntarily, but which then makes us responsible to its sacred promises.  “Love your husband.”  “Love your wife.”  “Respect your husband.”  “Live joyfully with the wife [spouse] of your youth.”  If these things just “happened” God would not hold us liable.  He expects us to choose to make them happen, working at it, praying for it, fulfilling our individual duties without blaming the other party for the things we refused to do because “the spark has died.”  God expects me to get out my flint and strike a new one.  “It ain’t over till it’s over,” and that isn’t until the other party leaves altogether.

            Our culture may not honor marriage, considering it as breakable as an athlete’s contract, but “from the beginning it was not so,” Jesus said in Matthew 19.  One man, one woman, one lifetime—that’s what God intended.  A marriage is not between two persons, but three.  God is that third partner.  When you stand there in that beautiful white gown thinking this day is all about you, remember Who Else you are making a vow to.  Even if someday you think so little of your spouse that you would break a solemn oath to him, think twice before you break it to a Creator who could destroy you with a thought.

When you shall vow a vow unto Jehovah your God, you shall not be slack to pay it: for Jehovah your God will surely require it of you; and it would be sin in you.  That which is gone out of your lips you shall observe and do; according as you have vowed unto Jehovah your God... Deuteronomy 23:21,23.

Live joyfully with the wife [or husband] whom you love all the days of your life of vanity, which he has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity: for that is your portion in life, and in your labor wherein you labor under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9

Dene Ward

This is Part 10 of the Monday series, "Whoso Findeth a Wife."

 
Yet you say, Wherefore? Because Jehovah has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion... Malachi 2:14

            The Hebrew word for “companion” in this passage is only used here in the Old Testament, and is feminine.  It makes sense then, that this is a one-of-a-kind companion to the man, which should make them special to each another. 

            The prophet obviously speaks to older men who were “dealing treacherously” with the women they had married young, trading them in on a new model, as we often say nowadays.  They had forgotten the covenant they made when they were younger to be a companion, not just for awhile, but for life.  Men are not the only ones who need this reminder. So you will be delivered from… the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; Proverbs 2:16-17.

            Since we cannot look to other uses of the word in scripture, it might be helpful to examine the English word the translators chose.  Originally it derived from “someone to share bread with.”  It speaks of a closeness beyond simple acquaintance.  When people put their feet under the same table, they learn far more about each other than they ever will with a handshake in the foyer.  For a man and woman to share a meal, the assumption is intimacy.  What do you think of a couple you see eating together in a restaurant?  Either they are married or dating.

            The intimacy of a marriage, of course, goes far beyond eating together.  When I see a man whose tie is askew or whose collar is turned up, I tell his wife.  I would never put my hands on another woman’s husband in quite that way.  In the same manner, Keith and I eat off one another’s plates and share drinks, we brush lint off one another, and get in one another’s personal space without a second thought.  The sexual relationship, which we have already discussed (see “Cistern”), is a natural element of male-female companionship and all these small nuances are its natural byproducts.  That is why married people should be careful who they spend the most time with.

            God meant that this companionship begin, ideally, in youth, and continue for a lifetime.  “A man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife…” Gen 2:24.  As he reaches manhood, as she reaches womanhood, they search out a companion, make a covenant together and begin a marriage.  In their “youth,” however a particular culture may define it, they learn together and grow together.  They make plans and share a purpose—together.  These are choices they make, not some overpowering feeling they cannot control.  Choosing to be together and using that time to best effect makes the relationship more and more intimate as the years go by. But just as the myth with children, “quality time” does not happen if a quantity of time is not being spent at it.  Anything that lessens companionship, in both quality and quantity, is a danger to the relationship.

            Dating couples need to be talking about these things early on.  If you cannot agree on life goals, if you do not share priorities, if you become bored in one another’s company, maybe this is not the ideal companion for you.  Stop now before you get in so deep you feel unable to get out.  It will only make the hurt worse to continue in something that will have no good end.  You are talking about a lifetime decision here, one that will affect you as no other will, one that can even determine your eternity.

            It is interesting that Barnes defines “companion” as “another self.”  While some time alone can be re-invigorating to a marriage, it should always leave one with a sense that something is missing.  Couples who make it a habit to be away from one another are lessening that sense of belonging.  “But we’ve grown apart,” some will say to excuse divorce, condemning themselves in the process.  The whole point of the relationship is togetherness.  Do we think this happens by magic?  It is my responsibility to make sure we grow closer together, not further apart.  That does not mean that we must share every single interest, but we should share the things that matter the most.

            When you’ve started out young and made it together through the various trials of life, the relationship grows stronger, deeper, and sweeter.  Knowing there is always someone you can count on, that any little tiff will soon be over and all will be right again, gives you a sense of security that will see you through the toughest times, and that includes the time when this lifetime relationship is broken by death.  To hear my mother say to my father just moments before he died, “Wait for me at the gate.  I’ll be there soon,” was something I will cherish till my time comes to say the same words.  That is what companionship is all about.

            From those first baby steps as a brand new person—“one flesh”—to the maturity of an interdependent couple who have seen the both the best and the worst of each other, who have helped each other, supported each other, lived together, worked together, laughed together and cried together—a married couple should cling to one another and no one else in this relationship, under the loving watch of the Father who designed it.

And God said, It is not good for man to be alone… Gen 2:18.

Dene Ward

This is Part 9 of the Monday series, "Whoso Findeth a Wife."

Drink waters out of your own cistern, And running waters out of your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, And streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, And not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed; And rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And be ravished always with her love. Proverbs 5:15-19

            In many ladies’ Bible class books on marriage, especially those written by women, any reference to the sexual relationship is either absent or barely skimmed over.  Obviously, no one is comfortable with this topic, and maybe that is why more and more marriages are falling apart due to adultery.  God had a plan for marriage, and when we neglect any part of that plan, it will not be the perfect plan He created.

            The passage above from Proverbs is not only beautiful, but plainly written and instructive if we do more than read through it quickly with our eyes cast down in embarrassment.

           “Drink waters from your own cistern, and running water out of your own well.”  Yes, there is a possessiveness that is right in a marriage, just as God, who depicted his relationship with his people as a marriage, said, “I am a jealous God.”  I have every right to expect my husband to be mine and mine alone, and he has every right to expect the same from me.  In fact, we each have the right to expect that we were the only ones ever.  “For this is the will of God…that you should abstain from fornication…that no man defraud his brother…” 1 Thes 4:3-6.  When I give myself to another man before marriage, I have defrauded my future husband of what is rightfully his and his alone, and the same holds true for men.  God is an equal opportunity God.

            “Should your springs be dispersed abroad, and streams of water in the streets?  Let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you.”  The physical relationship between a husband and wife is not only intimate, it is private, not for general consumption, and sacred in that privacy.  “Let marriage be held in honor and the marriage bed undefiled,” the Hebrew writer adds in 13:4.  This part of the relationship is too precious to be thrown into the street for just anyone to see or hear about.

            “Let your fountain be blessed…”  The fountain here is a parallelism for the cistern, a deep well hewn out of rock.  In the scriptures “cistern” is symbolic of many things, including a necessity of life in a home (Deut 6:11), a peaceful and comfortable home (2 Kgs 18:31), and a source of life (Isa 51:1).  Those are more than appropriate descriptions in this case where the cistern and fountain symbolize the woman’s body.  If the fountain is “blessed,” a Hebrew word that is often translated “happy,” it becomes obvious that the woman is neither abused nor does she dislike the sexual aspect of marriage.  That is emphasized further when the writer continues, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth.”  This relationship is a joyful one.  When Abimelech looked out his window and saw the “brother and sister” team of Isaac and Rebekah “sporting” (Gen 26:7-9), two things became apparent to him.   First, they were married.  Despite the culture we live in, there are things that a husband and wife do that unmarried couples do not do.  Second, they were both enjoying what was going on.  Ladies, not only does God expect you to enjoy this part of your marriage, it can ruin it for the man you say you love if you do not.

            “…In the wife of your youth,” the writer says.  I found a commentator who said that could correctly be translated, “whom you married in your youth.”  In other words, they are no longer young, but they are still together.  God designed marriage for one man and one woman for one lifetime.  He designed this aspect of marriage the same way.  This couple in Proverbs is no longer young but they are still enjoying the sexual relationship God designed.  Frequency and intensity may change, but the need for intimacy in a marriage never goes away.  If you find yourself married to a man you no longer know, maybe it’s because you amputated part of the relationship a long time ago. 

            “Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.”  This husband, despite his wife’s advancing age, is content with what he has.  We have already spoken about keeping yourself desirable to him as much as possible.  But even as your outer beauty fades, you can keep him happy and content by giving him what he needs and wants, when he needs it and wants it. 

            But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5.

            This passage does not say, “You are mine, I can do with you what I want.”  What it does say is, “I am yours, I will do what you want.”  The obligation is on the giver not the taker.  Too many women do not understand the real need that God has placed in a man’s body.  Testosterone makes him more aggressive, which enhances his desire to protect you.  It also makes him more easily aroused sexually.  When you fill that need, it helps to cement the relationship he has with you and his desire to protect and provide for his family.  If you do not allow him to fulfill that need in this godly manner, not only can you damage the relationship, you may be responsible for causing him to stumble (sin), and God will hold you accountable.  The Hebrew word for cistern (bor) is sometimes used of a dungeon or prison—a deep one.  When a man is locked into a sexless marriage, he is in a very real prison, one where he is tempted almost beyond endurance every day of his life, but unable to get out of it and stay faithful to the God he also made that marriage covenant before.  Yes, God allows for a time of abstinence to “devote yourself to prayer.”  Most of the enforced abstinence I know of happens because she got mad and wanted to punish him, not so she could pray.  Ladies, you are playing with fire when you do this, and you may just get burned—eternally.

            “Be ravished always with her love.”  Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the word translated “ravished” means to be deceived or to go astray.  What? I thought confusedly.  Then I got it.  He is so enraptured, enamored, entranced, and captivated by her that he simply loses his good sense.  Like a man who is intoxicated, he wants no one but her, and she is on his mind day and night.  If you have a man who treats you like that, it can be the most erotic thing in the world.  Most of us are not beautiful in the world’s eyes, nor glamorous, but a man who treats you like you are is all any woman really needs.  Now you give him what he needs.  Don’t make him beg.  Don’t make him miserable. 

            Treat him like the love of your life, the man who provides and protects to the best of his ability and wants nothing more than to be with you and you alone forever.

As an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with raisins; refresh me with apples, for I am sick with love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!.. The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice. My beloved speaks and says to me: …Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away. O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely…My beloved is mine, and I am his.. Song of Solomon 2:3-6, 8-9, 13-14,16.

Dene Ward

            It was one of those recuperating days I have had so many of the past few years, so I sat in my lounger outside, the early morning autumn breeze ruffling my hair, a sweet little dog snuffling for a pat at my side, looking out over our domain, such as it is.  The east sun was filtering through the woods fifty yards in front of me, not yet high enough to cause me any trouble. 

            I had carried a pair of binoculars to do a little bird-watching, but saw on the northeast corner of the property what looked like a giant orange bloom.  So I lifted those heavy lenses and got a surprise.  The bloom did not really exist.  What I saw was the sun shining on a clump of dried out pine straw hanging on a low, dead limb.  I pulled down the binoculars and looked again.  I much preferred the big orange bloom.

            Then I started looking around and saw some more.  The dull green leaves near the top of the tree glinted like small mirrors in the few rays of sun that had pierced through to them.  Even the gray Spanish moss resembled icicles.  I knew in a few minutes the effect would all be gone.  The sun would have risen high enough not to perform these magic tricks.  Still, it reminded me of something important.

            All by myself I am nothing, I can do nothing, and I have nothing to hope for.  But the light of the gospel changes everything.  Through that light, we are able to see the glory of Christ and believe (2 Cor 4:3-6.)  When we are raised from the waters of baptism, God’s glory gives us the power to walk “in newness of life” (Rom 6:4).  We transform ourselves into the image of His Son by the renewing of our minds (Rom 12:2, 8:29).  When the glory of the Lord shines on us through our submission to his gospel, what looks plain and ordinary becomes beautiful, what looks dead and repulsive becomes glorious.  That’s us we’re talking about—you and me.  We can be beautiful.

            Look at your life today.  Would someone see a beautiful bloom, a sparkling mirror, a glittering icicle?  They only will if you have allowed that light inside you, if you have let it have its way, transforming you into the person God meant you to be from the beginning.  Some will not do this.  They fight it, and offer excuses of all sorts.  “I’m only human after all.”  “No one is perfect.”  “Someone has to have common sense around here and not be such an innocent babe!” “It’s my right after all.”  None of those will give anyone a beautiful view of a child of God.

            Peter reminds us, As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy." 1 Peter 1:14-16.  If we are not submissive to his will, we will never be transformed to his image.  We will look like nothing but dried out pine straw on a dead limb, and all the excuses in the world will never change it. 

            “What would Jesus do?” may be an old denominational catch-phrase, but is it any different than, “Be ye holy as I am holy?”  God desires nothing more than for us to be exactly like Christ, “conformed to the image of his son” Rom 8:29, “that you might follow in his steps” 1 Pet 2:21.  If you find yourself looking through the world’s binoculars and seeing nothing but your old self, the light of the gospel has not reached your heart.

            Conform yourself today.  In every aspect of your life, in every action you take, and every word you speak, “be ye holy in all your conduct.”  You can do it, or God wouldn’t have asked it of you.

But we all, with unveiled face reflecting as a mirror the glory of the Lord, are transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord the Spirit. 2 Cor 3:18.

Dene Ward

            This time of year I usually try to make a batch of chocolate fudge.  I say “try” because I usually fail.  Peanut butter fudge I have down.  19 out of 20 times it will turn out right, but not the chocolate variety. I am talking about real fudge, not the newer recipes that add things like marshmallow crème, and wind up changing the texture just so it won’t flop on you.  If it shines, it isn’t fudge; if it’s soft, it isn’t fudge; if it’s grainy, it isn’t fudge; if it must be kept refrigerated, it isn’t fudge.  Real fudge is matte to the eye, firm to the touch, creamy in your mouth, and sits just fine on the countertop without changing consistency. 

            So a couple of years ago I found a recipe for foolproof fudge in a cooking magazine that I ordinarily trust implicitly.  I made their recipe, and indeed it did just fine, but it was shiny, it was soft, it had to be stored in the fridge.  It wasn’t fudge, and I was disappointed beyond measure.  However, in the article accompanying the recipe, the author stated that fudge is a tricky thing.  If the temperature and humidity are not just right, if your ingredients have sucked up too much moisture from the kitchen atmosphere any time recently, if your candy thermometer is just a degree or two off, your fudge will not “fudge.”  He went on to say that even seasoned professionals feel frustrated when trying to make this unreasonably difficult recipe.  While I am sorry those folks feel that way, it certainly made me feel a lot better.  It helped explain my 1 in 10 record of success over the years.

            Aren’t we glad salvation is not so difficult?  Just follow a few simple directions and suddenly you have a relationship that will help you in the trials of this life, and lead you to the joys of the next, the sweetest of treats anyone could possibly enjoy.  Why is it that some people feel so obligated to make it more difficult?

            My brother-in-law was nearly run out of a church on a rail once because, using the Philippian jailor of Acts 16 as an example, he dared to say that there really is not all that much we have to know before we submit to baptism.  Oh no, he was told, we must know all about the plan of God through the ages, about the true nature of the first century church, about the false teachings on salvation and how to combat them, about the “correct” definitions of faith, baptism, and grace, among other things.

            Just what was it Philip asked that Ethiopian proselyte when he wanted to be baptized?  If you believe with all your heart, you may, and he said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, Acts 8:37.  Funny that Philip never gave him a list of things to memorize and recite before he was allowed in the water.  Isn’t it wonderful—and amazing!—that our Lord will accept our obedient faith the moment we realize our need for Him?

            Yes, there are many things we must all learn.  All these years after my baptism there are still many more.  That’s what the rest of your life is for; that’s why Peter said to grow in the grace and knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, 2 Pet 3:18.   We never finish that part.  Maybe the problem is, we make this arbitrary list and think once we know it, we are finished.  Just who made the list in the first place, if God didn’t?

            One of Satan’s most powerful tools is frustration and hopelessness.  Let’s not help him do his work by making salvation so difficult that people give up before they even get the chance to start.

And [the jailor] called for lights and sprang in, and trembling for fear, fell down before Paul and Silas and brought them out and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved?  And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus and you shall be saved, you and your house; and they spoke the word of the Lord unto him with all that were in his house, and he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes and was baptized, he and all his immediately, Acts 16:29-33.

Dene Ward