Flight Paths

I saw a new tech at the eye clinic the last time I was there.  Most of the others know me by sight and name, but this one couldn’t pronounce my name, so I knew she had not been there long, and certainly I had never been prepped by her before. 
            She nearly dropped my chart and said, “Wow!  This is a huge one.  Have you been coming here all your life?”  No, just eighteen years now.  If I had been going there my whole life, the chart would have been in volumes instead of just four inches thick.
            You see, everything to do with my eyes is in that chart—every test, every procedure, every surgery, every referral, every appointment of which there have been as many as three dozen in one year.  The doctor regularly writes two or three pages of notes at every visit. 
            That always makes me think of that other book being written that does cover my lifetime.  I know there are pages in it I would love to remove.  If I want them removed, imagine how a holy and righteous God feels about them.  Doesn’t that make it even more amazing when we realize that He has taken out so many?    I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, your transgressions, and, as a cloud, your sins: return unto me; for I have redeemed you, Isa 44:22.   I hope when He finished blotting out the bad, it wasn’t totally empty, that there was at least a page or two of good left.
            We sometimes seem to have that mistaken belief, that God has all the good stuff written on one side and all the bad written on the other, and that as long as there is more good than bad, we’re safe.  Wrong.  If He has any bad pages left, that means we haven’t repented of those evil things.  Sin is so bad that it only takes one unforgiven sin to cost us our souls.  When I say to the righteous, that he shall surely live; if he trust to his righteousness, and commit iniquity, none of his righteous deeds shall be remembered; but in his iniquity that he has committed, therein shall he die, Ezek 33:13.  We simply don’t understand the enormity of sin when we treat any of them as small and inconsequential. 
            The next time you visit the doctor, take a look at that chart.  How large is it?  Imagine one a hundred times bigger, and then remember that probably a million or so pages have been removed due to the grace of God, and rejoice.
 
And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat upon it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them. And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne; and books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of the things which were written in the books, according to their works…And if any was not found written in the book of life, he was cast into the lake of fire, Rev 20:11,12,15.
 
Dene Ward

When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left.

While he is doing this, half a dozen folks start milling around, unsure of where they belong.

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, ​I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

The uncertain ones, who do not know exactly where they should line up, hear the commendation of the sheep and step into line behind them.  “Surely this is where we belong,” they assure one another quietly.  But the Lord leaves them standing.

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’

“Wait,” one of them finally speaks up.  “We certainly don’t belong in that group.  Where is the other line?”

Finally the Lord seems to notice them.  “I don’t see another line.”

“But there must be!” they all insist with one voice.

“So,” said the Lord, “tell me what line you think is missing.”

Finally feeling a bit more confident, one man stepped up and said, “The one for people who get mad.”  Suddenly he realized how that sounded when he said it out loud, and quickly explained. 

“I was a Christian for years but things got rough in my life.  I couldn’t quite get myself turned around and I—uh—well, I’m afraid I left the church.”

“Yes,” the Lord said quietly, “I know.”

That didn’t even seem to faze the man and he went right on.  “Well, brother ________ came to talk to me.  I did not like the way he did it.  He told me I was wrong and I needed to straighten up my life, that I knew better than that.  He made me so mad I just couldn’t go back, ever again!”

“I see,” said the Lord.  “You know, he spoke to me about that before he went to see you.  He asked for help to say the right things.  I’m sorry you didn’t like the way I helped him.  And you sister?” he asked, turning to the next person leaving the first man sputtering.

“Sister _____________ came to me and she really hurt my feelings when she told me I should think about the clothes I was wearing.  What I wear is none of her business!”

“Actually it is,” replied the Lord.  “You see I told the older women to teach young women like you.  She risked losing your good will to try to help you, and you have a remarkable lack of gratitude.”

He turned to the next young woman.  “And you?”

“The same as her, sir, except it wasn’t about my clothes.  I dress modestly all the time and,” she added, pointedly looking to the first man, “I never miss a service of the church.  But she had the nerve to tell me I should be careful in my speech.  I do NOT use bad language, just maybe I talk a little too much, especially about other people, but I mean no harm!  I’m just trying to help.”

“Ah,” said the Lord.  “So what did you do then?”

“I told everyone exactly how mean she was to me and how much she hurt my feelings!  And you know what?  All my friends agreed with me!” she crowed triumphantly.

“So let’s see.  You went around slandering her to everyone, is that what you are confessing to?”

The woman’s smug look suddenly disintegrated into one of uncertainty.  “Well, so many agreed with me.”

The Lord looked over his shoulder to the line on the left.  “The people who did not try to save your soul, who, in fact, urged you on in your sin by refusing to correct you, are right over there with the other goats.  You just thought they were your friends.” 

Then he looked over the whole group, which had begun increasing in size when the conversations had first begun as many left the left line suddenly seeing a way out.  “And the rest of you?  Same problem?  Someone ‘made you mad” or ‘hurt your feelings?’ And so you are looking for another line to stand in?  What should we call it?”

They all stood there looking at one another and finally the first man spoke again.  “Well, we could be the ones who get in because someone was mean to us.”

The Lord shook his head sadly.  “So how someone else talks to you—even someone who meant well and did their best, and even asked for my guidance in speaking to you—and because you did not like how they did it but got your revenge in slander and then remained in your sin, you still get to spend Eternity with me?”

They looked at one another, hunching their shoulders as if trying to hide, no longer as sure of themselves as they had been.   

“Let me tell you something,” he said.  “I saw every one of these ‘mean’ people in action.  I know their hearts.  Only a tiny fraction of them had a bad attitude, and they are over there in the left line where they belong.  You might recall Paul talking about some of them in Phil 1:14-18.  He didn’t care how those men spoke, just that the truth was being taught.  That’s the attitude you should have had.  There are a whole lot fewer of them than there are of you.  Nearly every person who tried to help you is in this line on the right.

“So--if I can say, ‘well done,’ to you, then get in the line on my right with them.  But if I can’t say ‘well done,’ because you used someone else’s actions as your excuse and refused to change, get in the other one, right next to all my people down through the centuries who stoned preachers and killed the prophets who told them to repent. 

“You see,” he finished, “there is no third line.”
 
And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life. Matt 25:46.
 
Dene Ward

"I am not a child.  I don't have to learn memory verses."
            I am happy to report that this one was not said anywhere I have been a member of the Lord's body, at least that I know of.  It was reported to me by a reader.  Evidently, the preacher or Bible class teacher had asked everyone to memorize a verse each week.  One member was not happy about this and expressed that unhappiness with the comment above.
            I do recognize that as we age, memory becomes more of an issue.  But despite that, how many things have you committed to memory anyway?  Your address, your land line number, your cell number, your office number, your social security number, your date of birth, perhaps a safe combination, various passwords, all of which have become much more complicated by adding symbols and numbers, your security code for the alarm system, the entrance code if you live in a gated community, maybe even a credit card number.  Need I list more?
            So what kind of examples do we have in the Bible?  The apostles remembered Jesus' words (Luke 24:8; John 2:22; John 15:22; Acts 11:26; Acts 20:35).  Joshua told the Israelites to remember Moses's words (Josh 1:13).  In fact, to this day, traditional Jews still recite at least a portion of the Shema, Deuteronomy 6:4-9, daily.  Their rabbis recite that plus Deuteronomy 11:13-21 and Numbers 15:37-41 twice a day.  The Psalmist meditated on the Word of God (Psalm 119:48, 97).  How could he meditate on something all day long that he had not committed to memory, at least the gist of?  And why did he want to meditate on it?  Because he loved the Law of God enough to do so (Psalm 119:127, 159, 165, 167).
            Notice:  none of those people were children.  They were all adults who understood the importance of having God's Word spring instantly to their lips when they needed it.  They had enough love for the Word of God that they studied it constantly, and thought about it while they lived their daily lives.  The apostles were even able to recall a verse from the thousands in the Old Testament whenever an event in Jesus' life reminded them of it (e.g., John 2:16,17).
            Unlike those people from so long ago, we are lucky enough to have the Bible sitting on a shelf in our living rooms or bedrooms.  Some of us have a dozen or so counting all the versions and styles.  That does not let us off the hook if we can't find what we need when we need it.  The Devil won't wait until you have everything at hand so you can fight him off easily.  He will wait until you are alone and away from your inspired Help, and then he will plant that thought in your mind—you are not a child; you don't need to know all this stuff anyway.  The thing is, you really do.
 
I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you (Ps 119:11).

Dene Ward

We have always shared our garden produce.  We have never had a lot of disposable income, but every summer we have extra beans, peas, squash, cucumbers, corn, cantaloupes, okra, peppers, tomatoes, and melons.  Every trip into services includes handing out bag after bag after bag of whatever we are inundated with that week.
Once we gave a friend a bag of fordhooks.  Knowing she was a city girl, we did not do so without instructions.
            “You will need to shell them tonight, or if you must wait until tomorrow, then spread them out on newspapers.”
            A week or so later we asked her how she liked the beans.  Her red face and downcast eyes told the story before she said a word.
            “I left them in the bag overnight on the kitchen table and they soured and sprouted.  I’m so sorry.  I thought you were just exaggerating.”
            Yes, we still speak and are still good friends.  In fact, she is not the only one who has ignored our instructions and lost good produce as a result.  All these people help me understand a couple of verses in the book of Hebrews.
            And to whom swore he that they should not enter into his rest, but to them that were disobedient? And we see that they were not able to enter in because of unbelief. Heb 3:18-19
            In one verse, the Hebrew writer accuses the Israelites in the wilderness of disobedience and in the next of unbelief.  To him they were one and the same, and my disbelieving non-gardening friends prove the point.  When you do not believe what you are told, you will not do what you are told.
            Now granted, Keith and I are just ordinary people who might possibly be wrong, but you would think that forty years’ gardening experience would make us at least a little credible.
            And certainly God should have been credible to people who saw Him send the ten plagues, part the Red Sea, send water gushing out of a rock, and rain manna night after night.  But people always have an excuse if they do not want to obey.
            “It can’t be that important.”
            “God doesn’t care about such a little thing.”
            “God is merciful and loving.”
            “After all, I have done so many good things.  That ought to count more than this.”
            And so they deceive themselves into believing that the beans won’t spoil.  And their unbelief becomes disobedience, something God has never tolerated for an instant.
            Believe it!
 
For good news came to us just as to them, but the message they heard did not benefit them, because they were not united by faith with those who listened. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. Heb 4:2,11
 
Dene Ward

Today's post is part of a continuing series by guest writer Lucas Ward.

Lev. 20:24b "I am Jehovah your God who has separated  you from among the peoples."
            The story of the OT is largely the story of God attempting to have a relationship with the people of Israel.  To that end, God freed the Children of Israel from slavery in Egypt and led them with power to the Promised Land.  "I am Jehovah your God who has brought you out of the land of Egypt" (Lev. 19:36 AND 26:13 among many others).  He freed them because He wanted them to be His people.  Ex. 6:7 "And I will take you to me for a people and I will be unto you a God."  God also wanted this to be a relationship closer than merely Master/servant.  He describes His intents in terms of close friendship and uses imagery from the Garden to get the point across:  "And I will walk among you and be your God and you shall be my people."  (Lev. 26:12).  The references to this relationship between God and Israel continue throughout the OT:  2 Sam. 7:8, 1 Kings 6:13, Ps. 50:7 etc, etc. 
            There was one slight hitch in these plans, however.  God is a Holy God (Lev. 11:45), and His chosen people were not.  As God could not become less than holy, nor could He remain holy if He closely associated with the unholy, God emphasized the need for His people to become holy and lead holy lives. 
Ex. 22:31 "And you shall be holy men unto me, therefore . . ."
Lev_19:2  "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of Israel, and say unto them, Ye shall be holy; for I Jehovah your God am holy."
            This is what God meant when He said He had separated them from the peoples.  To be holy is to be set apart; to be designated for a special, specific use.  As God instructed Moses in how to build the Tabernacle, He repeatedly stated that the articles of the Tabernacle were "Holy to the Lord" (Ex. 28:36, 31:15, 39:30).  Those things were only to be used in the service of God.  In like manner, the people were to be holy and to live only for Jehovah, not for any lesser God or lesser purpose.  They were to learn to make a distinction between the holy and unholy, the clean and the unclean (Lev. 10:10, 20:25).  They were to keep themselves apart from the nations surrounding them (Ex. 34:11-16).  God had separated them from among the nations to have a relationship with them and they were to maintain that holy status in order to sustain that association. 
            All of this is instructive to us as members of the Kingdom of Heaven.  As God separated the Children of Israel from the nations, so we have been called out from among them (Rom. 1:6).  We are to be Holy, as He is (1 Pet. 1:15, 2:9).  We are His, and can only maintain that closeness if we remain separate from the world (Col. 3:12, 1 Cor. 3:23; James 4:4).  The Children of Israel failed to remain separate from the world and lost their relationship with God.  We are heirs to a better salvation and a closer relationship, but we, too, can lose that if we don't maintain our holiness.  We should learn from Israel's mistakes so as not to earn their fate, but instead, to one day be glorified with Him as His called out people.
 
2 Cor. 6:16  " . . . for we are a temple of the living God; even as God said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people."

Lucas Ward

We make one mistake in our Bible study over and over and over, and because of it we often miss the lessons we need the most.  What mistake is it?  We fail to make it “real.”  We see the words and know their meanings but never place it into our culture and our times.  Let me show you.
            Just a few weeks ago we talked about the Good Samaritan.  We mentioned that he left “two denarii” to care for the injured man.  So he was generous, we say, and move right along, missing just how generous he was.  Put it into our language.  A denarius was a day’s wage for a skilled laborer—not an untrained ditch digger, but someone like a mason, or a welder, or a carpenter or plumber.  Now think in your mind, how much an hour do those people make nowadays?  What would that be for two days’ labor today?  Relatively speaking, that’s how much the Samaritan left for a perfect stranger, and one who was his enemy at that.  Would we do that for, say, a Muslim we encountered in need?
            Here’s another one for you.  The early church sold property to provide for the needs of those who had come only for the feast and wound up staying far beyond that, with no work, no place to stay, no way to provide for their families.  Obviously those in Jerusalem did not sell the houses they lived in.  That would have exacerbated the problem with more homeless people.  But if they had another piece of property outside town, or maybe some rental property on the other side or even down the street, that’s what they sold.  Have you priced houses and acreage lately?  We are talking tens of thousands, maybe over a hundred thousand in our day, and the cost of living in their time would have made it relatively the same amount.  These were not paltry gifts.  Now you understand a little better the temptation that Ananias and Sapphira gave in to.  And doesn’t that make that instant excuse we fall back on so often when even a small need arises, “I have to be a good steward of my money,” just a little ridiculous?
            Sometimes we need to understand the culture in relation to people.  Young men were expected to be mature enough to begin a family and support that family with an occupation by the time they were in their mid-teens.  Young women were expected to marry at puberty and begin raising a family immediately.  John MacArthur says that girls in first century Palestine entered the betrothal (kiddushin) at 13 and married at 14.  Young people were expected to understand making a lifetime commitment well before we expect that of our own children.  Make it real:  13 back then was more like 19 or 20 now in regard to maturity.  Think about that before you begin pressing your child about baptism before he is even out of grade school.  Don’t make it a contest to see whose child is baptized first.
            A book of the customs of Bible times is an excellent investment.  When we do not know those customs we miss the bravery of women like the one in Luke 7.  The fact that she even got into the house to see Jesus took guts and what could have happened to her and been condoned by those in charge will fill you with shame at the times you have cowered in the back corner instead of admitting your faith.  How about the blind man in John 9?  Do you know what it meant to be cast out of the synagogue?  It meant no social and no business life—and that meant poverty.  And here he was just now able to have a normal life for the first time since his birth and he sacrifices it all when he puts those rulers in their place with the statement, “Here is the amazing thing—he made me see and yet you do not know where he came from.”
            When you make these things real, when you make them relate to something you actually know and experience, the application to your own life will become real as well.  In fact, it may hurt a little more.  It may hurt a lot more.  Maybe that’s why we don’t do it.
 
For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Rom 15:4
 
Dene Ward

This past Thanksgiving we had our traditional game of Ultimate Croquet.  If you have been with me awhile, you know what that means.  It is far more difficult to play in a field instead of a table-top, bright green, freshly mown lawn!  Somehow paper-plate sized sycamore leaves, wads of gray Spanish moss, truck ruts, and armadillo holes wreak havoc with a rolling ball.
            This year both Silas and Judah were able to play their own game without help.  With 6 of us it was an interesting, if long, game.  Judah and I brought up the rear but we still had fun and cheered for each other.  At least twice both boys had little mishaps with their mallets.  Once the head of Silas's mallet hit the ground before it hit the ball and since all the impetus was gone, the ball only rolled an inch.  Another time Judah had a similar problem caused more by the fact that his arms are shorter than the mallet handle.  So almost at the same time with one voice, we adults cried, "Put it back and do it again."  They were much happier with their second chances.
            I suppose it is age that does it to you.  Several times lately I have had the thought, "This is it.  It's nearly over and you don't get another chance to do it any other way."  Every time, my stomach has done a little flip and I don't really know why.  It's not like I didn't know that already.  Maybe it's just having your nose rubbed in it by the early death of an old friend, or wanting to share something with your parents before realizing they are no longer there, or maybe it's just that you look in the mirror one day and, maybe due to illness or a bad night, it's really obvious how old you are now!  And when this is over, there is no going back.  Since his days are determined, and the number of his months is with you, and you have appointed his limits that he cannot pass (Job 14:5).
            The only thing even close to a do-over is today.  If you opened your eyes this morning, you have another chance to be a better spouse, a better parent, a better friend, a better servant of God.  You have the opportunity to heal a broken relationship or confess a wrong.  You have one more chance to put down the mending and play with a child on his level, with ears open and welcoming to his words and thoughts.  Today is the only second chance you get.  And you never know—it may also be your last.
 
No man has power to retain the spirit, or power over the day of death… (Eccl 8:8).
 
Dene Ward

It is winter, even here in Florida, and we are once again drinking our last cup of coffee by a fire in the mornings, instead of under a fan.  Florida is not always hot.  It's not always even warm, especially in the northern parts.  On February 13, 1899, a Canadian cold front pushed a blast of arctic air into our state in what became known as the Great Arctic Outbreak.  Tallahassee woke to the coldest temperatures ever recorded in Florida, -2 degrees F.  Yes, that's a minus in front of that single digit number.  We have been here in north Florida for other amazing things, like an inch or two of snow on the ground and a white Christmas both in 1989, but never a negative temperature.  I hope we don't experience it any time soon.
            With the first front this winter, I was reminded of a basic fact.  Cool, crisp air behaves differently than hot, humid air.  Hot humid air is also hazy air.  You cannot see as far and the sky is a duller, almost muted, shade of blue.  Cool air is clear.  Even my weak eyes can see farther.  And a clear winter sky is one of the prettiest blues you will ever see.
            Hot humid air will also mute sound.  Not enough that you will notice it in the summer.  You only notice it on a cold morning when suddenly the traffic on the highway a quarter mile through the woods sounds like it might just be coming through the trees right at you.  You can always hear better in the winter.
            And that may very well mean that we need to keep a cool head about us in spiritual matters.  When your spiritual vision is clouded by the heat of emotion, you will inevitably make the wrong decision.  In almost every Bible narrative you will see the difference between wrong-headed emotion and cool, clear logic.  Look at Joseph and Potiphar's wife as a simple example.  Which one was guided by hot, wanton desire and which by a decision based on a cool, careful consideration of right and wrong?  And that process plays out over and over, not only in the Bible, but in our own lives.
            The difficult part of this, at least in a culture so steeped in emotionalism, is teaching these things to our children.  I told mine over and over, you have to be a little cold-blooded when it comes to choosing a spouse.  You have to be willing to ask yourself the hard questions.  Will she be a good mother to my children?  Will she be a help or hindrance in my chosen career?  Are her aims in life the same as mine?  Does she understand a lifetime commitment in the same manner I do?  Will she help me get to Heaven, and will she let me help her?  Too many times I see young ladies who are blinded by love, falling for exactly the wrong guy, and who will not listen to their friends who quite clearly see an emotional, and possibly physical, abuser.  And I see young men who refuse to understand that attraction should come from knowing one another and sharing spiritual ideals, not good looks and shapely figures.
            There are any number of decisions we make in life, some having nothing to do with right and wrong, and some everything, that require clear thinking.  Some things hurt, and hurt badly, but must be done for the good of oneself, one's family, and people we are trying to serve.  Some of those things are things God has said to do.  You would be surprised how many times I have heard God's commands completely dismissed because someone might be "hurt."
            And so, as you notice how clear things appear this winter, remember that a little cold logic can be an excellent thing.  You will see better.  You will hear better.  And you will make far better decisions both for this life and the next.
 
“Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD… (Isa 1:18)
 
Dene Ward

You might want to check the two previous posts if you missed the beginning of this subject.
 
            I think the bruises have healed now; dare I approach this topic again?  Yes, because I left it completely one-sided.  Now, do not take that to mean that anyone who is at fault—just as I was, oh, so many years ago—has an excuse now not to improve.  Other people’s failures never make mine acceptable in God’s eyes.  On the other hand, there are people who may well stand in line with me and take their rebuke as well.  The problem with short articles is you cannot cover every aspect at once.  So here goes:  Some people out there help create these hot messes.
            Parents!  What are you teaching your children?  When you teach your daughters that they are little prima donnas who are to be waited on hand and foot and every desire indulged, you are making it nearly impossible for them to function as the "workers at home" that God commands them to be.  Even if they want to work, they won’t know how.  They need regular chores.  They need instruction on how to accomplish those chores and what you expect of them before those chores are considered “well done.”  They need to actually sweat a little and to understand that work is not a punishment.  Work is the life God has ordained since Genesis 2.  It became “hard” work in Genesis 3 and that is totally OUR fault, not God’s.  Teach them to face the facts and deal with them.
            Don’t make whiny sissies out of them, either boys or girls.  If they get a boo-boo, give it a hug, a Band-Aid, and a mama’s kiss, and send them off to play some more.  Tell them [their favorite super-hero] would just laugh it off and keep on saving the world.  That’s exactly what the world will expect of them.
            Mothers!  Do not teach your sons that they have no duties in the home by picking up after them like a slave. Except on birthdays or other special occasions, do not cater to their every whim by cooking their own special meal even when that is not what is on the menu that night.  My mother used to tell me, “I am not running a restaurant.”  When you go out of your way, especially when it means your already stretched time and energy are spent mollycoddling him, and the grocery budget is blown because he hasn’t learned to eat what is put in front of him, you are making it extremely difficult for your future daughter-in-law.  If everything has to be just so before he is satisfied, your indulgence of him will impose far more labor on his already overburdened wife than even the Lord expects. 
            Fathers!  When he sees you requiring all these things of your wife—his mother—he will grow up thinking that’s the way the “king of the castle” is supposed to behave.  It is hard enough to overcome being a “hot mess” without the other so-called adult in the house making your life even more difficult.  Do not turn him into a liability instead of an asset to your new young daughter.
            And that brings us to young husbands.  If your mother treated you like a little prince, it’s time to grow up.  When you married, you took on the leadership of a home and the buck now stops with you.  If your overworked and frenetic young bride becomes a hot mess, you may well deserve some of the blame.
            Is she picking up after you?  Does she have to clean the things you were working on the previous evening from the table before she can even feed the children every morning?  Is she picking up adult-sized clothing in practically every room of the house?  When you leave for work in the morning, are your breakfast dishes still on the table?  Why can’t you get up early enough to clean up your own mess before you leave the house—like a responsible adult should?  NO SIR!  That is NOT what SHE is there for.  She is not your slave any more than your mother was.
            And as for the children, the last I checked, they are yours too.  It raises my hackles like nothing else to hear a young father tell his friends that no, he cannot go watch the ball game with them tonight because he has “to babysit the kids.”  You have to stay home tonight because you are a FATHER!  Parents do not “babysit” their own children!  Especially if the activity the mother is leaving the house for is a Bible class, the young man ought to be ashamed of himself.  (Yes, I have heard that one more times than I can count.) As the spiritual leader of the home, he should willing to do whatever necessary to help his wife grow spiritually.
            And you need to tell her often, not just on her birthday or Mother’s Day, that you know how much she does for the family and how much you appreciate her.  Tell her you are proud of her and her work.  Tell other people in her presence how much she means to you and that you don’t know what you would do without her.  Don’t fall for society’s disdain of a woman who is “just a housewife.”  No woman who follows the guidelines set out in the Bible is “just” anything—and “housewife” is a demeaning description.  She did not marry a house, although sometimes it becomes apparent to all that she did marry a spoiled child.
            For a couple of years in our marriage, when we had two children under the age of 3, my poor husband was working two part time jobs, preaching by appointment three Sundays a month, and going to school to finish his degree.  Yet every evening he took those two babies and bathed them right after supper so I had time to do some things I needed to do—washing dishes, folding laundry, picking up toys, and sometimes just sitting down for a moment.  He also wanted special time with his children.  I had no excuse for falling into the hot mess mentality.  That was totally on me.  I give you him as your example of what it means to be a leader in the home.
            Regardless the cause, giving in to the “hot mess” mentality is still wrong.  But maybe if all of us examined ourselves and the effects our behavior might have on our children’s long term future, from parents to husbands to young women themselves, maybe this thing would disappear altogether.  We are here to help one another—with examples, with service, with advice, and yes, even with rebuke. 
 
Her children rise up, and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: Many daughters have done worthily, But you excel them all. Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; But a woman that fear Jehovah, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her works praise her in the gates. Prov 31:28-31
 
Dene Ward

Today I am going to take my life into my hands and offer a little motherly—oh, all right, grandmotherly—advice on overcoming this “hot mess” problem. 
            If your parents never gave you any real work to do, expecting it to be done well and on time “or else,” you are at a distinct disadvantage.  Learning how to work is your first task.  You would be surprised how many business owners complain about first time employees, usually teenagers working after school or on weekends, who do not understand what it even means to work, and to keep working even when they are tired, kids who do not show up for work on a consistent basis simply because “I didn’t feel like it today.”  The world doesn’t care how you feel today.  Get used to it.  “Work” means not just accomplishing what you have been told to do, but looking for more and doing “whatever your hand finds to do” Eccl 9:10.  And when you are managing a home, you seldom get a sick day off, much less a mere “I don’t feel like it” day.
            So what do you do if you feel like “a hot mess,” not just occasionally, but constantly?  Do not use it as your excuse du jour.  The young mother I quoted yesterday, Miranda Nerland, is absolutely correct in her assessment of the life God expects of us.  From the moment of the first sin, toil and labor have been our lot.  That is the reality of the situation.  So work.  Your mother got through it and so did mine.  Our grandmothers survived and so has every generation for thousands of years.  Stop acting like there is something special about you.  In fact, those earlier generations than yours and mine got through it without all the convenience items we use every day.  They washed diapers every day and hung them out to dry.  And before that, they rinsed those dirty diapers out in wash tubs while you roll them up and throw them away.  They worked on diapers for hours every day.  If they hadn’t, their children would have been running around bare-bottomed.  That task had to be completed no matter what else was going on that day or how tired they were, and that’s just one issue they had to deal with out of dozens of absolutely necessary things.
            Second, know yourself.  If you cannot talk and work, then be quiet.  Do whatever it takes to have the quiet time you need to accomplish at least the necessary.  When I see a young mother wondering why she cannot get things done and find five posts with her answering comments in 6 hours’ time, isn’t it obvious why she gets nothing done?  Unplug the land line, turn off your cell, turn off the TV for however long you have determined you need to get the absolute minimum accomplished.  It will all be there when you turn it back on.  And be flexible about when that time is.  For me, it was my children’s naptime.  As I said yesterday, that old chestnut about resting when the baby does did not work for me.  Do not be afraid to “break the rules.”
            If you are one of those folks who is constantly making lists, it’s time to work on the list.  Take that last list of “Things to Do” that has you in such a frenzy wondering how you will ever manage it, and just start doing those chores one at a time.  Mark them off as you work. 
           I was one of those list makers.  I would write it all down then sit there and become inordinately depressed just looking at it.  No way was I going to accomplish all this, I kept thinking.  Finally I learned to just start working and mark things off as I finished them.  I had wasted more time sitting there stewing than it took to complete some of those tasks, and once I got to work I finished far more quickly than I thought possible.  Even if you do not finish the list, seeing how much you have done will be encouraging rather than the opposite.  I loved marking things off.  Sometimes when I remembered a chore I did not have on the list, I wrote it in just so I could mark it off!  Wow!  I got ten things done today, not just the nine I had originally written down.
            If your children are old enough—which is not as old as you think need be--get them involved.  If they think they are helping you or doing a “grown-up” thing—call it whatever you need to keep them smiling--they will not view it as a chore.  Yes, you sometimes have to be creative and a little less picky about how things are done, but just the fact that they are busy gives you both more work time and more time with them.
            If you find just five or ten minutes free some time during the day, use it for another chore—a five or ten minute one.  My kitchen was swept far more often and more laundry put up because of that one little trick than if I had just sat down for those same five or ten minutes.  They usually happened for me when we were getting ready to walk out the door.  With just a little practice you will find those few extra minutes in your day.  Sometimes little things make a huge difference.
            Will this make you any less tired at the end of the day?  Not really, but you will be less stressed because you accomplished more and can see the difference.  But more than that, you will know that you are “working at home,” “managing your home” (I Tim 5:14), exactly the way God expects you to.  He does not expect you to do more than you are capable of, but most of us are capable of far more than we realize, especially when we quit whining and get to work! 
            God did not call any of us to be a “hot mess.”
 
She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Prov 31:13,15,17-19,27
 
Dene Ward