Who hasn’t stood in a grocery aisle and heard a child demand that her mother buy something?  Not even asks with a polite please, but demands and follows up by a scream that echoes through the store when the mother says in an apologetic and almost fearful tone, “Not today, honey”.  Us old-timers have things we would love to say that would probably get us in trouble with everyone, things like, “Keep that up and I’ll give you something to scream about.”  The problem is, that laxness in training has brought us a whole generation that makes demands of God too, demands just as insufferable and spoiled, like “How can God let me suffer like this?”

              I have a friend, a sister in Christ who has her own medical problems—not the kind that could steal your vision, like mine, but the kind that could steal your life.  She is a bit older than I so the aches and pains and increasing exhaustion of old age plague her as well, but here is her attitude:

              “I pray to God for just a measure of health.  I don’t expect to be what I used to be.  We all get old, that’s just part of life.  I just want enough energy to do what I need to do to take care of others and help them.”

              We live in a world of increasing self-absorption, where “Poor little me” is plastered all over Facebook and peppers every conversation.  Instead of being grateful children, we have become demanding children who think God owes us for our faith.  “I’ve been so good and done so much.  Why is this happening to me?” 

            Thanks to the words of my friend, this is now my prayer:  Lord, just give me enough vision, for long enough, to do what I need to do to help others.  And someday soon, it will likely be, give me enough faith to keep helping others despite my lack of vision.

             If you are having a rough time, remember why you are here, remember whom you are following, and if you can’t find a good example among your peers, use this beautiful moment courtesy of my beautiful friend, a true disciple of the Suffering Servant and faithful daughter of God.
 
If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. (John 13:14-15)
 
Dene Ward

I did not watch any television to speak of for about twenty years.  A few football games here and there, and a couple of educational shows while the children were small meant that I knew more Sesame Street characters than characters on any of the popular series.   I suppose the last shows I remembered well before then were the original Star Trek, Mission: Impossible, and Hawaii Five-O.

            A few years ago I turned on some show—I don’t even remember what is was—and I nearly went crazy.  The scene shifted every thirty seconds.  You no longer had dialogue that built dramatic tension over a five minute time span.  Instead you had 15 seconds of verbal staccato followed by an explosion or a gunfight or a chase scene.  They tell me this is all because of the video game generation—people who cannot sit still longer than a minute at a time without some sort of excitement to keep the adrenaline pumping.  Maybe I am an old fogy, but it seems to me that instead of accommodating all of this, we should be teaching people how to overcome it. 

            The problem with short attention spans is that you do not listen long enough to get below the subject’s surface.  God spent 1500 years writing a book that you cannot read and understand in fifteen second bursts.  He has already accommodated us with an incredible sacrifice.  Seems to me we could learn to accommodate him and the way he communicates with us.

            Parents, have you even thought about helping your children develop a longer attention span and a desire for greater depth in their studies?  Instead of saying, “He just can’t sit still,” how about saying, “Sit still!”  Instead of saying, “I can’t get them to listen,” say, “Listen!  This is important!”  Or don’t we believe it is? 

            Yes, I know all about ADHD.  I have a son who has it.  The doctor said that the reason he was so well-behaved and did so well in school in spite of it was because he had a verbal, educated family that believed in loving discipline.  Was it easy? No, but no one ever said parenting was supposed to be.  It takes patience and diligence—a long parental attention span!

            It isn’t merely my idea of what does and does not constitute good behavior.  I worry about children who cannot sit still long enough to learn a Bible lesson and the accompanying applications to their lives; who cannot concentrate long enough to memorize a verse that might help them in a tempting moment; who actually think the world revolves around them and needs to run on their frenetic schedule with a lot of excitement or it isn’t worth their notice.  Keith has a lot of them sit across the desk from him in the prison—they usually have manacles on.

            How do you think Moses managed 40 days of taking dictation from God on Mt. Sinai?  How did Joshua abide the boredom of marching around Jericho everyday for six days, much less seven times on the seventh?  How could Paul have fasted and prayed for three days straight without needing to get up and run around for awhile?  How could those early churches sit and listen to an entire epistle being read to them at one sitting, and actually make heads or tails of it?  How in the world did Noah spend 120 years building a giant box no one had ever seen before and couldn’t imagine the need for?  Would any of this generation be able to?

            Prayer requires long quiet moments with God.  Meditation requires thoughtful time with the word of God.  Commitment requires a lifetime of doing what needs to be done even when it is tedious and you don’t want to do it.  Help your children learn those things.  Don’t give in to yet another method for Satan to steal them away from us.
 
So Ezra the priest brought the Law before the assembly, both men and women and all who could understand what they heard, on the first day of the seventh month. And he read from it facing the square before the Water Gate from early morning until midday, in the presence of the men and the women and those who could understand. And the ears of all the people were attentive to the Book of the Law. Neh 8:2,3.                        
 
Dene Ward

Today is a day for lovers, or so the merchandisers of the world say.  Do Keith and I do anything special?  You better believe it.  It’s usually nothing huge—a card, a homemade gift, a bouquet of handpicked wildflowers, a special dessert.  We don’t try to single-handedly support Madison Avenue.  Sometimes Keith simply takes the day off and we spend time together talking—what a novel idea, especially for some married folks!  Not because we celebrate some Catholic “saint” or because we feel pressured by society, but because we take every opportunity to revel in our love.  How do you think we have managed to put up with each other for all these years?

            Romance is not an un-Biblical concept.  While the description of the body in several passages in the Song of Solomon may not appeal to our Western ears, it is still used in the courtship rituals of some Eastern countries today.  The Proverb writer speaks of romance like this: There are three things which are too wonderful for me, yes, four which I do not understand:  the way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent upon a rock, the way of a ship in the middle of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid, 30:18-20. 

            The writer of Ecclesiastes tells us to live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your life of vanity, which he has given you under the sun…for that is your portion in life, 9:9.  “Live joyfully” is an injunction; it is not passive.  Do not wait for it; initiate it yourself.  These passages were originally spoken to couples whose marriages were arranged.  Imagine what God expects of those of us who chose our own spouses after “falling in love.” 

            Two or three times a week as I clean out Keith’s lunchbox in the evening, I find red, heart-shaped love notes he has cut out of some office scrap paper and written—I know he has taken time out of a busy day to think of me.  And he usually calls during his lunch hour.

            Eating a nice dinner out is in our budget only a couple of times a year—and that is up from the early days of our marriage--but I can make a four course meal for two for the price of one entrée in an upscale restaurant, and enjoy doing it. Several times a year, we dress up, get out the china, light the candles, and have a meal I have worked on all day.  When the boys were little, I fixed them their own special meal—more along the lines of pizza than boeuf bourguignon--then explained how they could help mommy and daddy have a special time together by going to bed early, and staying there.  Besides the reward of their favorite meal, they could stay up late reading and talking to one another.  We occasionally heard thumps and giggles long after we would have ordinarily put a stop to it, but never once did they not fulfill their part of the bargain by interrupting us because we stressed to them how important their part was and they were thrilled to do it. 

            Marriage is a high maintenance relationship.  If you neglect it, it goes downhill in a hurry.  Do something today, no matter how small it may be—and whether or not the other one reciprocates--to keep that from happening.  Make sure it is something that will mean something to your spouse, not just to you!  Men and women are different that way (as if you hadn’t noticed).  Then choose another time to do it again—not just your anniversary or Valentine’s Day.  Do it sometimes for no good reason at all. Or isn’t keeping your marriage alive reason enough? 

            God expects you to romance one another.
 
Drink waters out of your own cistern, and running waters out of your own well.  Should your springs be dispersed abroad, and streams of water in the streets?  Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.  Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth.  As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times, and be ravished always with her love.  Prov 5:15-20   
 
Dene Ward

We have already discussed an adult child’s obligations to his parents.  What about the parents’ obligations?  As we have indicated by the title, this relationship is a changing one.  After a child has grown, gone are the days when the parent can speak his opinion freely and expect it to be instantly accepted.  Instant obedience as a child was required.  Not so when the child is now running his own life.

              In fact, my first no-no for parents of adult children is to never try to control their lives.  “Adult” means “responsible” and unless you are willing to admit that you did a poor job of raising them, you should now be ready to sit back and see the results of your training, what should be a pleasant and satisfying prospect.  Failure in this area is usually caused by parents who want the vicarious thrills of their child’s achievements.  It’s not about you and what you want any longer.  This is his life and we need to be adults who can accept that fact.

              Another important no-no:  Do not come between couples.  And do not separate them either.  When my son comes to visit, I expect his wife to come too.  I would never ask him to come alone, yet I have heard of that very thing.  Your child-in-law should never feel unwelcome.  My husband and I are a unit.  You want one, you get both.  The same is true for your child and spouse. I covered this earlier in an in-law series, but it bears repeating:  your child’s spouse should feel love and acceptance in the family.  It is nothing but shameful when that does not happen.

              Next, and yet another big one, do not manipulate your adult child.  Do not use guilt trips.  Put “No one loves me,” “I guess you just don’t have time for me any more,” and “You never come to see me,” out of your vocabulary.  Recognize that your perspective may be skewed because you are not as busy as you used to be or you can no longer drive yourself a great distance so time passes more slowly and intervals between visits seem longer than they actually are.  Recognize that your child has obligations, obligations that you taught him to fulfill, like those to God, his wife and children, her parents, and his work.  Just what exactly were you doing at his age?  Probably the same things s/he is.

              Do not make the holidays a source of pain for everyone.  There are now two sets of parents to spend time with.  Accept your children’s  division of the time.  Believe me, they are doing their best, but too often both sets of parents want it all.  That simply will not work, and all your complaining does is ruin it for everyone.  They will grow to hate the holidays, and some of that is bound to rub off on you if you are the ones causing the problems.  Don’t allow your lives to be ruled by a calendar.  Work it out and make their time with you—whenever it is and for however long—something they will always cherish.

              And never, never, never use your grandchildren to get your way.  Anyone who uses a child is the lowest of the low.  Don’t even consider it.  And that includes deluding yourself that you are actually doing this in the child’s best interests, when it is obvious to everyone else that it is you who matters the most to you.

              Then there is the issue of losing your independence and their caring for you.  Sooner or later it will happen.  When the time comes, make caring for you easy and pleasant.  Stubborn refusal to follow doctor’s orders, take your medications, etc., will only cast a stumbling block in front of them as they try to fulfill their scriptural obligations, and you know what Jesus had to say about that.  Be realistic.  No one goes on forever.  (“Our outer man is decaying…”2 Cor 4:16.) When it is time to give something up, perhaps driving or living alone, do it gracefully.  Make caring for you the joy it should be to a grateful child.  Make your final years things they will miss instead of a relief to have over.

              This relationship bears obligations both ways.  I probably haven’t even touched them all, but these, and yesterday’s, are a good start.
 
Fathers [and mothers], do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Col 3:21)

Dene Ward

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother (which is the first commandment with promise), that it may be well with thee, and you may live long on the earth.  Eph 6:1-3. 

             Sometimes it seems to escape us of all people, we who preach the innocence of children as opposed to inherited total depravity, that the above passage cannot be directed at unaccountable children because children do not sin.  Jesus, in fact, directed this command to adult children in Matt 15:1-9.
So how do we as their children, but independent adults at the same time, honor our parents?
 
             Starting with Jesus’ point in Matt 15, we care for them, and that may indeed involve financial support.  But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God...But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.  1Tim 5:4,8
 
            It may mean taking them into our homes as they near the end.  It may also mean completely changing the family dynamic, where you become the parent and they the children, doing what is in their best interests whether they want it or not, and even if it adversely affects the relationship.  What used to be their responsibility is now yours.

            Part of that care involves your companionship.  Try telling your wife you love her and then never spending any time with her!  Especially if you are down to one widowed parent, you are the one who can come closest to replacing what she has lost.  If a Christian is commanded to “visit” (Matt 25:31-40; James 1:27), surely a child is expected to.  If you live a distance away, regular telephone calls, emails, or letters if your parent eschews electronics, should be part of your routine.  No matter how busy your life, this should be on your schedule, like brushing your teeth or taking a shower.  You may as well spit in their faces as ignore them or put them at the bottom of the “if I have time” list.

           Honoring your parents may involve some forbearance and longsuffering.  They are slower now, in body at least, if not in mind.  Things that seem trivial to us may mean the world to them.  Respect them by tolerating those things equably.  Don’t stand there tapping your toes and heaving frustrated sighs.  They do notice and all you will accomplish is stealing that small amount of happiness from a life that is nearly over. We cannot claim to be the Lord’s disciple and do otherwise:  We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.” Rom 15:1-3
             
             Honoring your parents literally involves your speech to and about them.
           “Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death. Exod 21:17
             Consecrate yourselves, therefore, and be holy, for I am the LORD your God. Keep my statutes and do them; I am the LORD who sanctifies you. For anyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father or his mother; his blood is upon him. Lev 20:7-9
             
            Most of us wouldn’t stoop so low as actually cursing our parents, but how do you handle a disagreement?  How do you speak about them to others?  Is love and concern apparent, or just aggravation and annoyance?  What stories do you tell your children about their grandparents?  Do you spread your inability to get along with them to the next generation, even if you do feel justified, and so ruin any hope of a wonderful grandparent/grandchild relationship for them?  Remember, gossip is gossip no matter who it’s about.

              Honoring parents is a command we must obey as surely as baptism.  Too many times we rationalize our way out of the commandment just as our unbaptized neighbors do.
 
They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. Rom 1:29-32
Dene Ward

My mother moved into a one bedroom apartment recently and that meant some serious downsizing.  We have been going through her things, pricing them for a yard sale, and the memories come flooding back as I handle them. 

            I can tell you what she served in every one of her serving dishes and which casseroles bubbled away in which pans.  I pulled a few things out for myself and last week I cooked a pot roast in her Magnalite roasting pan, used her pale blue plastic shaker to mix flour and water for the gravy, and then poured that gravy into her small blue bowl, just like she did for us Sunday after Sunday for years.  And I remember the Sunday, under her compassionate direction, we carted all that food to a neighbor whose husband had been killed in an automobile accident the night before.

              I emptied a file cabinet that held a folder for every major appliance in the house, plus its manual and even the sales slip with either her or my daddy’s signature on the bottom.  I found a letter sorter with “Gulf Oil” etched on it, a tape dispenser with “Gulf Credit Union” and its phone number taped to the side, and even a Gulf Oil hardhat with “Gerald Ayers” on the front of it.  And I remember the people at that company who learned to respect a man who was honest in everything and whose language was pristine.

              I found a recipe card collection that I remember from my early teens, which contains some of my favorite recipes.  Some are printed cards with color pictures, but others are handwritten, including one for “Rice with Backbone.”  Tell me where you will ever find that recipe anywhere else.  In fact, tell me where you will find backbone!  And I remembered all the recipes she made for company who graced our table, family, brethren, college students who loved having a home cooked meal, and the showers she hosted, the gospel sings, and the meeting preachers.

              And that’s not the half of it.  I found myself tearing up again and again as the memories flooded back, memories of a loving family and an extremely blessed childhood.  How many times have I thanked God for the parents who raised me, who taught me right from wrong, who turned me into a responsible adult, and most of all, who taught me about God.  And here is the fruit of it all:

              My parents raised two daughters.  Each of those girls married a godly man.  Between them they raised 9 grandchildren, all of whom are Christians.  Of the three married grandchildren, all married Christians as well.  And now six great-grandchildren are being taught the same way we were.  My parents’ progeny speaks well for them.

              They were not famous.  They were not influential in worldly ways.  But each one of us carry memories of them that keep us on the right track, memories that inspire us and make us want to be like them.  No, they were not perfect.  Show me anyone who is.  But they did what was necessary to raise us in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and to teach our children and those children teach theirs what they need to know to serve God. 

              You are creating memories for your children.  One day, they will go through your things.  What will mean the most to them?  What will they think of when they see your signature, when they read a letter you wrote, when they pick up a bowl or a mug or even a wood-cased thermometer that used to hang in your shed by a piece of green twisted wire?  What have you taught them about serving God?  You have taught them something, whether you intended to or not.  Maybe it’s time to spend a little more time on the eternal things.
 
“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children-- Deut 4:9
 
Dene Ward

I told you yesterday that I had googled “reasons for abortion” and had found a couple of articles, but in that post I only told you about one of them.  I also found one of the most self-serving articles I have ever read with a title so long I won’t bother now to type it out, but it started, “Ten Reasons I am Pro-Abortion,” and the author is Valerie Tarico.  Let’s just go over some of her statements today.

              1.  Abortion is “fundamental to female empowerment and equality.”  What is this world all about any more except me and my rights?  We fight this in the church all the time, just as Paul fought it in the first century.  We are to be willing to “suffer wrong,” actually yielding our rights for the sake of others--I Cor 6,8, Rom 14, Phil 2—need I go on?  The whole mentality is the opposite of being Christlike.  Now we that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each one of us please his neighbor for that which is good, unto edifying. For Christ also pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell upon me. Rom 15:1-3.  Yielding our rights and subjecting ourselves to one another, whether male or female, is what Christianity is all about.

              2.  Taking pregnancy “as it happens” instead of planning it, and by inference removing what is unplanned, “trivializes pregnancy.”  On the contrary, treating pregnancy like something listed on a schedule trivializes it.  Babies are not some kind of item we need to remember to pick up at the market before we get home, or can toss in the trash if we don’t want them.  Even when it just “happens,” the people of God have always considered …children a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Ps 127:3

              3.  “Real people” are more important than a fetus.  And there you have the perennial justification.  A fetus is not a person.  God says otherwise, period.  Before I formed you in the womb I knew you… Jer 1:5.  But our society no longer has any respect for God or his Word, and with that perspective it can justify anything.  This woman even compared an unborn child to a hamster, and the hamster came out ahead.

              4 and 5.  Abortion can “fix our mistakes” or “fix tragic accidents.”  We now live in a society that blames our mistakes on others, or that thinks we should bear no consequences from them.  Unfortunately life is not like that and trying to pretend that it ought to be is foolish.  Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. Gal 6:7.  Indeed this argument is not about fixing mistakes or accidents, but about making me unaccountable for my sin.  There we go again—sin, a horribly old-fashioned word for something that no longer exists anyway, not to a godless society.

              6.  Abortion is “good economics.”  And by that of course, we are talking about having the money to raise a child.  I am so happy for her that she is part of a family that can eventually reach a point where they can “afford” a child.  If we had waited till we could have afforded them, we would never have had children at all.  Is she saying in all her wisdom that poor people should be neutered?  My children survived on hand-me-downs and happiness.  I do not believe either one of them feels deprived.  ​“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ​Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Matt 6:25-30.

              7 and 8.  Abortion is “a way to form a family of your own choosing,” and not having access to legal abortion would be “a violation of our values.”  Let me be clear that I am not against contraceptive measures being used by a married couple.  I am not against choosing the number of children you want to have as far as you can control with those contraceptive measures.  Medical science has made that possible today without the killing of conceived infants.  However, notice the attitude in these two statements.  It’s all about me and what I think, not about the eternal principles of right and wrong.  Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight! Isa 5:20-21.

            9 and 10.  Abortion is for the sake of the “happiness of the unborn” and to “give them a healthier start.”  What we’re talking about here is aborting defective babies.  As someone who was born with a birth defect, let me tell you exactly how angry this one makes me.  Does this writer think I am not happy?  Does she think I was not loved and cared for like a “perfect” child?  How dare she make those judgments for me and intimate that it would have been better for me if I had not been born!  How dare she say that I was not worth the trouble and expense to my parents or society!

            But folks, we will never win this argument because as Christians we will never come at it from the perspective of selfishness, materialism, and irreverence.  And we have no hope against someone who claims that her views on abortion prove that she “believes in mercy, grace, and compassion.”  We obviously do not even speak the same language.
   
            At some point, our task becomes one of keeping ourselves from being infected by this insidious attitude.  We must avoid anything that smacks of selfishness.  We must treat all things spiritual as the priority in our lives.  We must hold God and His Word in reverence, obeying every command and living a life of holiness and righteousness.  We may never change the minds of the godless, but we can keep our own hearts pure, and our actions and attitudes mirror images of the Lord’s. 
 
 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation. 1Pet 2:11-12
 
Dene Ward

A few years ago, some young parents we knew had a child whom they discovered was legally blind.  It was possible that nothing could be done for that child, even with glasses or lenses, to correct his vision.  Because I was a child who was visually disabled myself, I wrote this letter to them.  I thought it might also be a help to you or someone you know who has a child who is disabled in any way.  Feel free to share it with anyone it might possibly help.

We were so sorry to hear about your little one’s condition.  When your child is hurt, there is nothing quite like the pain in your heart.  Any loving parent would instantly trade places to spare him.  We will continue to think of you and especially to pray for your comfort, and that your precious little one gets the help he needs, and perhaps even less disability than you have been told.  Our God can indeed work wonders.

            But for now, may I please be so bold as to offer you a little advice?  My current vision problem did not just suddenly start—I was born with it, but no one realized it, not even my parents.  In those days children were not checked as often or as completely as they are today.  As a result, my parents treated me exactly like they would have any child.  The first four years of my life I saw nothing but a blur of color, but I was the only one who knew that, and of course, I thought everyone was that way and did not complain.  I was, in fact, legally blind, yet I still learned to feed and dress myself.  They were able to potty train me.  I memorized quickly because I couldn’t see, and that has stuck with me, at least until now when age has affected it some.  Still I probably remember things better than most people my age.

            Even after they realized something was wrong, the doctor himself did not recognize exactly what the problem was, just that “she has really bad vision.”  You probably know something about magnification in lenses.  My magnification was +17.25 and that only got me to 20/40 on a good day, and that was not even the worst of my issues.  Yet I still learned to function.  When you can’t see well you notice things that other people don’t. 

            Even with correction I couldn’t see faces across a lawn or a parking lot or even a large room.  But I knew people by their walks and hand gestures.  If I had seen them earlier in the day, I remembered what they wore.  I couldn’t read street signs, but I knew there was a tree on that corner, or a pothole just before the turn.  You adapt when your survival, whether life and death or simply getting along in society, depends on it.

            Even if I eventually lose it all, which is probable, I still plan to be independent as long as possible.  I will probably be a widow someday, but I do not want to live with anyone, or in some care facility, until it is absolutely necessary.  I feel that way because of how I was raised.

            You need to give your child that same spirit of independence.  One thing is good and I say this from experience:  since he was born this way, he will not know what he is missing.  Don’t you make him miserable by treating him like there is something missing.  The best gift you can give him is the one my parents gave me, even if it was accidental:  treat him like a normal child.  He is normal; normal for him!  Help him learn how to get along.  Push him.  Tell him he can do it, even when you aren’t sure he can.  You’d be surprised what can be accomplished simply because a person thinks he can.  This is the loving thing for parents in your position to do.  Babying him is not.  I will be forever grateful that I was not babied—it has made me strong and able to bear far more than most.

            Now comes the hard part:  don’t let anyone baby him, and that includes grandparents.  You may have to put your foot down once in a while.  Do not be afraid to tell them, “No.”  You can do it kindly and with respect, but you have to be the one who stands up for your child against anyone’s misguided attempts to shelter him.  He is your child and God will hold you accountable for his care.  You might need to remind them of that once in a while. 

            Treating him as a normal child will also mean disciplining him that way.  It is hard enough to scold or spank the little hands of a perfectly healthy child.  You must be strong enough to do this.  Your child is counting on you to turn him into a faithful child of God and save his soul.  If you let him have his way because of his “problem,” you are only creating more problems for him to overcome—you are not loving him like you think you are.  I am forever grateful to my parents for not turning me into a selfish, and self-absorbed, adult.

            God has a purpose for all of his children, and your little one will grow up better able to serve those who have disabilities than those who have none ever could.  He will understand and sympathize and think of things that other people do not—another thing that Keith and I have discovered as our disabilities have increased.  No one even thinks to consider what we can or cannot hear, can or cannot see.  Only the disabled give us that consideration. And thus the disabled are enabled to help others.  But he won’t perform that service if you raise him to think that he is the center of the universe because of his disability.

            Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you.  Do not be too proud to use Blind Services or anything else offered to you.  It is not sinful to take help.  It will be nice to know that someone who really deserves our tax money is making use of it.  And do not be afraid to ask for whatever help you need from your brothers and sisters in the Lord, including us.  That’s why God put us here.

            We are praying for you as you take this journey.  It will be hard at times, but other times it will bring you even more joy than the parents of the perfectly healthy children.  Just you wait and see!
 
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2Cor 1:3-4

Dene Ward

Read any book on parenting and you will probably see a line like this:  Never tell your children they must obey “because I said so.”  God broke that “rule” constantly, and that is precisely why, as a parent, I chose to break it myself.  How else do you teach authority?

            Yes, when there is a good reason for something you tell them to do, and when they are capable of understanding that reason, give your children the reason.  But they must eventually come to the understanding that obedience has nothing to do with the reason, but with the authority who requires it.  If they never learn this lesson, they will disobey whenever it suits them, whether it is you they disobey, or their teachers, or their employers, or the law of the land—or God.

            Look at Lev 18 and 19.  God punctuates every command with a declaration of who he is. 
            My ordinances shall you do, and my statutes shall you keep, to walk therein: I am Jehovah your God.         
            You shall therefore keep my statutes, and mine ordinances; which if a man do, he shall live in them: I am Jehovah.

            That’s just two verses.  Keep right on reading for the next page or so.  “I am Jehovah,” meant, “I have the right to rule over you.”  It meant exactly what we say when we tell our children, “Because I am your father (or mother), that’s why!”  It is the exclamation point that says, “I mean it!”

            Read through those passages some time today.  Some of them may open your eyes to areas in which our culture has failed significantly.

            You shall fear every man his mother, and his father…  I am Jehovah your God.
            You shall not swear by my name falsely, and profane the name of your God: I am Jehovah.
            You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am Jehovah.
            You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am Jehovah, 19:3,12,16,32.

            I have read that this was part of the covenant ritual, and as such, we are required to do our part in order to receive God’s part—his blessings in this life, and ultimately salvation.  If we won’t obey “because he said so,” we won’t enjoy eternal life with that Father, the Ultimate Authority Figure. 

            Remind yourself today of that lesson you learned long ago about exclamation points.  They are used for emphasis and to express strong feelings.  God has perhaps his strongest feelings against those who disobey.  “Because I said so,” should be good enough for any who claim to be his children, whether we understand or not.
 
And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says "I know him" but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. 1 John 2:3-6.
 
Dene Ward

It’s fun watching them gradually realize that Grandma is Daddy’s Mom and that Gran-gran is Daddy’s Grandma, that Uncle is Daddy’s big brother and Grandma is Gran-gran’s little girl.  Silas is beginning to figure it out, but Judah still gets a funny look on his face when you try to explain it.  He raises those little eyebrows, cuts his eyes around and purses those lips—“And what have you been drinking?” he seems to think—except he wouldn’t understand that either.

We want them to know who family is because family matters.  We want them to understand that Silas’s middle name may be the name of an apostle, but it is also the name of one of his great-great-grandfathers; that Judah’s middle name may be the name of a great prophet, priest, and judge but it is the name of another great-great-grandfather as well.  Even if they never knew those men, there is a connection.

Just look at the book of Obadiah.  By the time it was written, few, if any, of the Edomites knew the Jews personally, but it still mattered to God that a long time before Jacob and Esau had been brothers.  He expected those two nations to treat each other like brothers.

Because of the violence done to your brother Jacob, shame shall cover you, and you shall be cut off forever. ​On the day that you stood aloof, on the day that strangers carried off his wealth and foreigners entered his gates and cast lots for Jerusalem, you were like one of them. But do not gloat over the day of your brother in the day of his misfortune; do not rejoice over the people of Judah in the day of their ruin; do not boast in the day of distress. ​Do not enter the gate of my people in the day of their calamity; do not gloat over his disaster in the day of his calamity; do not loot his wealth in the day of his calamity. ​Do not stand at the crossroads to cut off his fugitives; do not hand over his survivors in the day of distress. Obadiah 1:10-14.

Because they did not help, because they “gloated” over their brothers’ misfortune, because they actively stood in the way to prevent escape, God judged the Edomites and destroyed them.  Their relationship with Israel was many generations removed, their people’s knowledge of one another socially was small if at all, yet they were still expected to act like brothers.

So what does God think about siblings who argue over estates?  About grudges that are held for decades?  About bad feelings that are passed down to the next generation instead of being hid out of shame that such a thing exists in their hearts?  God expects better of families, and why?  Because that is the model for His people, the church.

The church is often described as “the household (family) of God,” and that makes us brothers and sisters.  God expects us to act like flesh and blood brothers and sisters.  He expects us to love one another because we are spiritually related—family.  He expects us to forgive, to forbear, to help, to encourage and yes, even to admonish just as an older brother or sister would a younger one.  And it does not matter whether we “know” one another or not.

Let’s add this quickly because someone is thinking it—yes, God even expects us to put His spiritual family ahead of our physical families; but assuming that is not an issue, my family life, even with the most distant of relatives, had better be a good one.  How else will I know how to treat my brothers and sisters in Christ?
 
Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. 1Tim 5:1-2
 
Dene Ward