You might want to check the posts on July 27 and 28 if you missed the beginning of this subject.
 
            I think the bruises have healed now; dare I approach this topic again?  Yes, because I left it completely one-sided.  Now, do not take that to mean that anyone who is at fault—just as I was, oh, so many years ago—has an excuse now not to improve.  Other people’s failures never make mine acceptable in God’s eyes.  On the other hand, there are people who may well stand in line with me and take their rebuke as well.  The problem with short articles is you cannot cover every aspect at once.  So here goes:  Some people out there help create these hot messes.

            Parents!  What are you teaching your children?  When you teach your daughters that they are little prima donnas who are to be waited on hand and foot and every desire indulged, you are making it nearly impossible for them to function as the workers at home that God commands them to be.  Even if they want to work, they won’t know how.  They need regular chores.  They need instruction on how to accomplish those chores and what you expect of them before those chores are considered “well done.”  They need to actually sweat a little and to understand that work is not a punishment.  Work is the life God has ordained since Genesis 2.  It became “hard” work in Genesis 3 and that is totally OUR fault, not God’s.  Teach them to face the facts and deal with them.

            Don’t make whiny sissies out of them, either boys or girls.  If they get a boo-boo, give it a hug, a Band-Aid, and a mama’s kiss, and send them off to play some more.  Tell them [their favorite super-hero] would just laugh it off and keep on saving the world.  That’s exactly what the world will expect of them.

            Mothers!  Do not teach your sons that they have no duties in the home by picking up after them like a slave. Except on birthdays or other special occasions, do not cater to their every whim by cooking their own special meal even when that is not what is on the menu that night.  My mother used to tell me, “I am not running a restaurant.”  When you go out of your way, especially when it means your already stretched time and energy are spent mollycoddling him, and the grocery budget is blown because he hasn’t learned to eat what is put in front of him, you are making it extremely difficult for your future daughter-in-law.  If everything has to be just so before he is satisfied, your indulgence on him will impose far more labor on his already overburdened wife than even the Lord expects. 

           Fathers!  When he sees you requiring all these things of your wife—his mother—he will grow up thinking that’s the way the “king of the castle” is supposed to behave.  It is hard enough to overcome being a “hot mess” without the other so-called adult in the house making your life even more difficult.  Do not turn him into a liability instead of an asset to your new young daughter.

            And that brings us to young husbands.  If your mother treated you like a little prince, it’s time to grow up.  When you married, you took on the leadership of a home and the buck now stops with you.  If your overworked and frenetic young bride becomes a hot mess, you may well deserve some of the blame.

            Is she picking up after you?  Does she have to clean your mess from the previous evening off the table before she can even feed the children every morning?  Is she picking up adult-sized clothing in practically every room of the house?  When you leave for work in the morning, are your breakfast dishes still on the table?  Why can’t you get up early enough to clean up your own mess before you leave the house—like a responsible adult should.  NO SIR!  That is NOT what SHE is there for.  She is not your slave any more than your mother was.

            And as for the children, the last I checked, they are yours too.  It raises my hackles like nothing else to hear a young father tell his friends that no, he cannot go watch the ball game with them tonight because he has “to babysit the kids.”  You have to stay home tonight because you are a FATHER!  Parents do not “babysit” their own children!  Especially if the activity the mother is leaving the house for is a Bible class, the young man ought to be ashamed of himself.  (Yes, I have heard that one more times than I can count.) As the spiritual leader of the home, he should willing to do whatever necessary to help his wife grow spiritually.

            And you need to tell her often, not just on her birthday or Mother’s Day, that you know how much she does for the family and how much you appreciate her.  Tell her you are proud of her and her work.  Tell other people in her presence how much she means to you and that you don’t know what you would do without her.  Don’t fall for society’s disdain of a woman who is “just a housewife.”  No woman who follows the guidelines set out in the Bible is “just” anything—and “housewife” is a demeaning description.  She did not marry a house, although sometimes it becomes apparent to all that she did marry a spoiled child.

            For a couple of years in our marriage, when we had two children under the age of 3, my poor husband was working two part time jobs, preaching by appointment three Sundays a month, and going to school to finish his degree.  Yet every evening he took those two babies and bathed them right after supper so I had time to do some things I needed to do—washing dishes, folding laundry, picking up toys, and sometimes just sitting down for a moment.  He also wanted special time with his children.  I had no excuse for falling into the hot mess mentality.  That was totally on me.  I give you him as your example of what it means to be a leader in the home.

            Regardless the cause, giving in to the “hot mess” mentality is still wrong.  But maybe if all of us examined ourselves and the effects our behavior might have on our children’s long term future, from parents to husbands to young women themselves, maybe this thing would disappear altogether.  We are here to help one another—with examples, with service, with advice, and yes, even with rebuke. 
 
Her children rise up, and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: Many daughters have done worthily, But you excel them all. Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; But a woman that fear Jehovah, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; And let her works praise her in the gates. Prov 31:28-31

Dene Ward

Sir Walter Scott was born on August 15, 1771.  Besides being the inventor of the historical romantic novel, such as Ivanhoe,  he is also known for the many phrases coined in his writings,  “Caught red-handed,” “cold shoulder,” “go berserk,” “lock, stock, and barrel,” “tongue in cheek,” back of beyond,” and “apple of my eye,” are all common phrases attributed to Scott.

          “Blood is thicker than water,” is another, meaning that family relationships are more important than those between unrelated people.  I think to Christians, though, the sad truth of the matter is, “Blood is thicker than the waters of baptism.”

            How many times have you seen a preacher change his views on an issue when suddenly it involved his family instead of someone else’s?  How many times has an elder of the church shown a difference in how he treated the sins of one member and the sin of another based upon his family relationship with them?  And how many times has a family left the church disgruntled, or taken up for their wayward kin, when the church’s obligation to discipline fell upon that sinner?  Many seem to forget that Jesus plainly told us, “He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.”

            Jesus loved his earthly family.  He made a point to give his mother over to the care of her nephew John, even while he hung in agony on the cross.  Yet when the family came to see him while he preached, he asked those who informed him, “Who is my mother and who are my brethren?  And he stretched forth his hands to his disciples and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!  For whoever shall do the will of my Father who is in heaven, he is my brother and my sister, and my mother,” Matt 12:48-50.

            The Jews counted heavily on physical relationships.  More than once they proudly claimed, “We have Abraham as our father,” to which Jesus replied, “If Abraham were your father you would do the works of Abraham,” John 8:38-40.  John told them from the beginning of his ministry, “Do not begin to say within yourselves, We have Abraham to our father for I say to you that God is able of these stones to raise up children to Abraham,” Luke 3:8, so this was not a new thought, and it plainly shows how little physical relationships mean to God.

            We could multiply the verses telling us that physical parentage is not the most important thing, but rather one’s spiritual parentage.  Abraham, as the father of the faithful, is usually the one designated as our spiritual patriarch.  This also makes the point to the Gentile Christians that they did not have to be physically related to that great believer to be his children, and they were not second class citizens because they did not have a physical Jewish heritage.

            “…that [Abraham] might be the father of all who believe, even though they be in uncircumcision,” Rom 4:11.

            “…which is of the faith of Abraham who is the father of us all,” Rom 4:16.

            “And if you are Christ’s you are Abraham’s seed, heirs according to the promise,” Gal 3:29.

            “For verily not to angels does he give help, but to the seed of Abraham,” Heb 2:16.

            And especially to the women, “Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham…whose daughter you are as long as you do well,” 1Pet 3:6.

            It does not matter who your parents are.  It does not matter where you came from.  It does not matter your race or country of origin.  You are the children of whomever you take after.  That is the meaning of so many metaphors in the scriptures.  Are you a “son of disobedience?”  You are if you disobey.  Are you a “child of light?”  You are if you walk in the light.  It is the spiritual aspect of a person that determines his spiritual end.  And that couldn’t be fairer, because while we cannot control who our physical parents are, we can control who our spiritual parents are.  Doesn’t that make it even more wonderful when those physical parents are also part of your spiritual family?

            If you are not living right, don’t blame your parents or society.  Abraham came from idolatrous ancestry, having grown up in an idolatrous culture, Josh 24:2.  Yet he is the very one given as an example of faith and obedience.  If he can overcome his heritage so can we, and if our heritage is a godly one, we of all people have no excuse.

            The waters of baptism have given us new parentage, a Father in Heaven, and new siblings, both here and in Heaven.  When we believe that physical relationships trump the spiritual, when our obligations to God are put aside for the sake of a family member, we are not just disowning the members of the church, but also our Father and Older Brother in Heaven.  We are saying that physical blood means more than spiritual water that put us into the sacrificial blood that frees us from a life of sin (Rom 6: 1-14).  No wonder he said He would deny us if we deny Him.
 
They answered and said to him, Our father is Abraham.
Jesus said to them, If you were Abraham’s children, you would do the works of Abraham…
[They said] We have one Father, even God.
Jesus said to them, If God were your Father you would love me…Why do you not understand my speech?  Because you cannot hear my word.  You are of your father the Devil, and the lusts of your father it is your will to do…When he speaks a lie he speaks of his own, for he is a liar, and the father thereof.  But because I say the truth you believe me not…For this cause you hear not—because you are not [children] of God, John 8:39-47.
 
Dene Ward

As Keith says, we are so typical it’s embarrassing.  Be that as it may, let me tell you about my grandson.

            He just turned two.  As he sat there in his high chair licking the frosting off his cupcake he quite deliberately read the letters on his Happy Birthday sign, the one that used to hang over our dining room windows when his father and uncle had a birthday, “H-A-P-P-Y,” all the way through to the end, never missing a letter.  Then he told us what colors the letters were, each one different.  Before that he had recited the alphabet, not sung it mind you, but recited it.  Then he had counted to nearly 20 and recognized all the numbers.  All day he had been pointing out shapes, including “oval.”

            Shortly after we had arrived, his granddad had read him a book.  “See the fish?” he said.

            ”Dolphin,” two year old Silas instantly corrected.

            His parents told us about a time a couple months before when a friend from church had come walking through the restaurant where they sat.  “Hi Mark,” they said, and suddenly my 22 month old grandson was reciting, “Luke, John, Acts, Romans,” taking up right where he thought his parents had left off. 

            Isn’t it normal for parents and grandparents to brag on their kids?  Do you think God doesn’t have the same feelings we do?  When I brag on my grandson, when I say he is the cutest, smartest little boy in the whole world, I am simply living up to the image in which I was created.  “Have you considered my servant Job?” God asked Satan.  “There is none like him in all the earth.”

            At least twice God spoke from Heaven about his Son, “This is my Son in whom I am well pleased.”  Don’t you know God loved saying that?

            When God made Israel his chosen people, his children, he had every right to expect them to behave like His children should.  Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation, Ex 19:5,6. 

            When they didn’t He was just as devastated as we would be if our children did not behave themselves well. For as the loincloth clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah cling to me, declares the LORD, that they might be for me a people, a name, a praise, and a glory, but they would not listen, Jer 13:11.

            In a Messianic passage, Isaiah speaks of the coming kingdom, the church.  You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her…for the LORD delights in you, Isa 62:3,4.  Just as Old Testament Israel had the chance to make God proud of them, we have that chance today. 

            What would people think about your Father if they saw your behavior and heard you speak?  What would they think if they saw how you treated the poor, the sick and the weak?  What would they think if they saw how you drive, how you dress, how you work for your employer?  All some people will ever know about God is what they see in you.

            Make your Heavenly Father proud enough to brag about you today.  “Have you seen my child?  There is none like him in all the earth.”

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire, 2 Pet 1:3,4.
 
Dene Ward

Today I am going to take my life into my hands and offer a little motherly—oh, all right, grandmotherly—advice on overcoming this “hot mess” problem.  First, let me say this.  All these things took me years to come up with.  And lots of failures.  All I am doing is trying to save you some pain.  If they work, great, but if they don't, don't give up!  Find your own remedies.  Then you will have something to share with the next generation of struggling young women.

If your parents never gave you any real work to do, expecting it to be done well and on time “or else,” you are at a distinct disadvantage.  Learning how to work is your first task.  You would be surprised how many business owners complain about first time employees, usually teenagers working after school or on weekends, who do not understand what it even means to work, and to keep working even when they are tired, kids who do not show up for work on a consistent basis simply because “I didn’t feel like it today.”  The world doesn’t care how you feel today.  Get used to it.  “Work” means not just accomplishing what you have been told to do, but looking for more and doing “whatever your hand finds to do” Eccl 9:10.  And when you are managing a home, you seldom get a sick day off, much less a mere “I don’t feel like it” day.

            So what do you do if you feel like “a hot mess,” not just occasionally, but constantly?  Do not use it as your excuse du jour.  The young mother I quoted yesterday, Miranda Nerland, is absolutely correct in her assessment of the life God expects of us.  From the moment of the first sin, toil and labor have been our lot.  That is the reality of the situation.  So work.  Your mother got through it and so did mine.  Our grandmothers survived and so has every generation for thousands of years.  Stop acting like there is something special about you.  In fact, those earlier generations than yours and mine got through it without all the convenience items you use every day.  They washed diapers every day and hung them out to dry.  And before that, they rinsed those dirty diapers out in wash tubs while you roll them up and throw them away.  They worked on diapers for hours every day.  If they hadn’t, their children would have been running around bare-bottomed.  That task had to be completed no matter what else was going on that day or how tired they were, and that’s just one issue they had to deal with out of dozens of absolutely necessary things.

            Second, know yourself.  If you cannot talk and work, then be quiet.  Do whatever it takes to have the quiet time you need to accomplish at least the necessary.  When I see a young mother wondering why she cannot get things done and find five posts with her answering comments in 6 hours’ time, isn’t it obvious why she gets nothing done?  Unplug the land line, turn off your cell, turn off the TV for however long you have determined you need to get the absolute minimum accomplished.  It will all be there when you turn it back on.  And be flexible about when that time is.  For me, it was my children’s naptime.  As I said yesterday, that old chestnut about resting when the baby does did not work for me.  Do not be afraid to “break the rules.”

            If you are one of those folks who is constantly making lists, it’s time to work on the list.  Take that last list of “Things to Do” that has you in such a frenzy wondering how you will ever manage it, and just start doing those chores one at a time.  Mark them off as you work. 
           
            I was one of those list makers.  I would write it all down then sit there and become inordinately depressed just looking at it.  No way was I going to accomplish all this, I kept thinking.  Finally I learned to just start working and mark things off as I finished them.  I had wasted more time sitting there stewing than it took to complete some of those tasks, and once I got to work I finished far more quickly than I thought possible.  Even if you do not finish the list, seeing how much you have done will be encouraging rather than the opposite.  I loved marking things off.  Sometimes when I remembered a chore I did not have on the list, I wrote it in just so I could mark it off!  Wow!  I got ten things done today, not just the nine I had originally written down.

            If your children are old enough—which is not as old as you think need be--get them involved.  If they think they are helping you or doing a “grown-up” thing—call it whatever you need to keep them smiling--they will not view it as a chore.  Yes, you sometimes have to be creative and a little less picky about how things are done, but just the fact that they are busy gives you both more work time and more time with them.

            If you find just five or ten minutes free some time during the day, use it for another chore—a five or ten minute one.  My kitchen was swept far more often and more laundry put up because of that one little trick than if I had just sat down for those same five or ten minutes.  They usually happened for me when we were getting ready to walk out the door.  With just a little practice you will find those few extra minutes in your day.  Sometimes little things make a huge difference.

            Will this make you any less tired at the end of the day?  Not really, but you will be less stressed because you accomplished more and can see the difference.  But more than that, you will know that you are “working at home,” “managing your home” (I Tim 5:14), exactly the way God expects you to.  He does not expect you to do more than you are capable of, but most of us are capable of far more than we realize, especially when we quit whining and get to work! 

            God did not call any of us to be a “hot mess.”
 
She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Prov 31:13,15,17-19,27
 
Dene Ward

“I've been so disheartened lately by the "hot mess" mentality. The "I-just-can't-it's-too-hard-I-don't-have-time-Oh-well-I'm-just-a-hot-mess" lifestyle that so many of us are adopting under the guise of being "real." It makes us feel good to be a part of that club, but the problem is that we aren't called to be a hot mess. We aren't called to get by. We aren't called to just do the minimum. We aren't called to just keep the kids alive. We are called to work...to be "workers at home." To go to bed tired from working hard at the end of each day, like our Savior did throughout his earthly ministry. Like she [a blogger being referred to] says...we are called to "do the next right thing." This is how we redeem the time. DOING your next right thing, whatever that looks like in your world. Don't let today happen to you. DO today.”*

            The above post showed up on my newsfeed a couple of months ago and I wanted to stand up and cheer.  If there is anything disheartening about Facebook it’s how many young women whine about having so much to do for their families and how impossible it is to get it all done.  As this young mom said, it’s almost like a badge of honor to say about such things, “Well, this is what real life is like.”  Real life is evidently having your family live in disorder and chaos and bragging about it.

            Now let me tell you that this young mother I applauded has not one but two children, and one of them is a chronically ill child who requires many times more doctor appointments than yours do, including emergency room runs for things you give your child a couple of Tylenol for and hope they won’t run around too much for the neighbors or church folks or schoolmates to think they really are sick.  This young mother has excuses for a house in disarray and an overflowing laundry hamper but refuses to use them. 

            Since I had never heard of this “hot mess” phenomenon, I did a little research.  Evidently it is applied in several different areas, some that have no business in a Christian’s life at all, but the common denominator in them all is never managing to complete the tasks at hand.  I also found several lists, some meant to be humorous, others helpful in straightening out those who have this mentality, and other lists helping people to recognize that personality and keep their distance!  Here are three things that I think we can all work on.

            1.  For people who are “hot messes,” clutter and disarray seem to be second nature.  We aren’t talking about the toys being all over the floor because the kids have been playing hard this morning, or the counters covered with pots and pans because you are in the middle of an elaborate meal for guests.  We are talking about people who don’t have the maturity to organize and compartmentalize their lives, making sure that important papers like birth certificates and car titles are kept in a safe place, that the receipt you need to return that defective whatever can easily be found, or not needing to worry about what your little one might pick up and eat off your floor.  These things matter, and they are part of your job as a homemaker.

            2.  Another characteristic of a “hot mess” is that she never takes responsibility for her own actions.  “I would have but…” becomes a staple of her conversation.  After awhile you get so tired of hearing the excuses, you simply turn them off.  Bottom line:  what needed doing did not get done.   And if there is not a reason, there is always another person to blame—even one who not only does not live in the same house but whose name she doesn’t even know.  That person just had the misfortune to cross paths with her that morning and so is awarded the dubious distinction of being today’s scapegoat.

            3.  And the last one I saw that really made sense was that a “hot mess” is always a talker and never a doer.  She makes lists but it is rare she ever marks one off.  She makes plans but never follows through.  Why?  Because she is always talking.  Or posting.  Or looking at her phone to check on likes and comments and shares.  I knew a woman once who literally could not work and talk at the same time.  I went to her home to help her cook a meal for company.  Every time she opened her mouth her hands stopped moving.  I worked circles around her and cooked three dishes to her one.

            I am not unsympathetic to young mothers.  I used to be one, and not so long ago that I cannot remember it.  Not long after my first child was born something happened—I am not sure what—but suddenly I burst into tears.  “What’s wrong?” my alarmed husband asked.  I could not even answer him.  Now I know what it was—I was simply overwhelmed. 

            I had not had a good night’s sleep for several months.  I could not get anything done until nap time.  All that advice about resting when your baby does is nonsense.  It cannot be done unless you want to literally wade through laundry, toys, mail, bills, newspapers, and magazines for a year. 

            I looked at my weeping self and thought, “What in the world is wrong with you?  This should be the happiest time of your life.”  But I, too, grew up on TV shows where babies magically go to sleep when you lay them down and stay that way until you have time to play with them or feed them or show them off to your friends—another piece of nonsense.  Babies require more of you than you thought it was possible to give.  They demand your time and your attention, not out of malice but because they cannot survive any other way. 
           
            Every first time mother needs to know that it’s okay to cry.  Sometime in the first few months you will stand there like an idiot and bawl your eyeballs out.  It’s okay.  What’s not okay is to keep on doing it.  As my young friend said in her post, you’re supposed to be tired.  You’re supposed to feel inundated.  You’re supposed to fall into bed every night utterly exhausted.  That’s your job now, but you can’t just quit, and you certainly shouldn’t glory in being “a hot mess.”  You grow up.  You get better.  Maybe we will talk about that tomorrow.
 
*The post I quoted in the beginning was written by Miranda Nerland.

Dene Ward

It happened again.  I had thought and hoped that the habit had died out because people were finally paying closer attention to what they were reading, but no, once again I was hearing modest apparel “shoehorned” into Matt 5:27,28.  You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. It’s one thing to mention in passing that the problem in question is sometimes caused by scanty clothing.  It’s another thing entirely to turn what Jesus meant to be addressed to men—that they are to practice self-control—and turn it into a diatribe against women.

            In fact, while we are on this matter of correct hermeneutics, let’s also point out that the phrase “modest apparel” in the New Testament never refers to under-dressing, but only overdressing, at least in the old versions.

            Does that mean I think women should be allowed to run around half to three quarters naked as they tend to do this time of year, especially where I live?  I was the mother of two teenaged boys.  I greatly resented the sea of shapely legs they had to face while trying to pass the Lord’s Supper on Sunday mornings.  More than once I wanted to hit the baptistery dressing rooms for a towel or two to throw over bare thighs as well as the naked shoulders and backs sticking out of sundresses.  Besides, they were the ones always complaining about being cold, so why didn’t they cover up?!

            But I can find much better passages of scriptures without trying to squeeze a topic in one where it doesn’t belong.  How about all those scriptures about lasciviousness?  That’s exactly what it is when a woman dresses to excite a man’s lust.  You fathers are shirking your duty when you let your daughters out of the house looking like that, especially when they don’t even realize what they are doing, and most especially since you are men and know what’s going on in other men’s minds.  Take your heads out of the sand and start being parents!

            Here is a passage you might not have thought of.  Because they wore those knee length ephods when serving in their duties, the priests under the old covenant had a problem women in dresses and skirts can relate to (Ex 20:26).  One must be careful where and how one stands and sits in clothes like that.

            “Moses!” God said.  “Make those men some britches!” (Ex 28:42).

            Some people will tell you that God doesn’t care what we wear, but these passages tell us it does matter to him, though perhaps not in the way we like to think.  He plainly tells us not to make distinctions in the assembly between those with fine clothes and those with poor clothes (James 2).  What does matter to him is this—we must not disrespect our service to him by what we wear during that service.  Those priests so long ago were expected to cover up what needed to be covered when they offered sacrifices.  Peter tells us that as part of the new Israel we are priests (1 Pet 2:9).  Paul says we offer up our sacrifices (which only priests are allowed to do) in our daily lives (Rom 12:1,2).  As such God expects us to cover up what needs to be covered while we are doing it.

            I am a priest whenever I serve my family, my brethren, or my community.  That means when I am shopping at the mall, working in the yard, or having coffee with a neighbor, not just in the meetinghouse on Sunday morning.  As a priest I would be profaning my sacred duty if I dressed in a way that caused lust instead of causing others to glorify God.  The same would be true if my dress aroused disgust.  And this applies to all of us, not just the women in this royal priesthood.

            Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Matthew records Jesus telling the men to control themselves.  By not mentioning any of the possible provocations, he is emphasizing the fact that none of them will excuse a man who lusts after a woman.  Neither what she is wearing nor what she is not wearing will make a difference on the Day of Judgment, no matter how many try to shoehorn it in there.
 
[The] priests have done violence to my law, and have profaned my holy things: they have made no distinction between the holy and the common, neither have they caused men to discern between the unclean and the clean, and have hid their eyes from my Sabbaths, and I am profaned among them… And I sought for a man among them that should build up the wall, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it; but I found none. Therefore have I poured out my indignation upon them; I have consumed them with the fire of my wrath: their own way have I brought upon their heads, says the Lord Jehovah. Ezek 22:26,30,31.
 
Dene Ward

Yes that is actually the topic for the day.  How is it that the thing that cleans us best (soap) is the same thing that makes some of the ugliest, hardest to remove dirt in the bathtub (soap scum)?  And if you do begin to get some of that flaky, grayish-white stuff removed as you scrub your knuckles off, but do not get it all, things look even worse.  How many times have I looked down, arms aching and out of breath, only to find white lines down the sides instead of a completely white tub, and had to start yet again?  Not just anything will remove soap scum. 

            Which made me sit and think awhile and yes, there may even be a spiritual application to soap scum!  Jesus told a parable about a sower.  Some of the seeds which fell among the thorns, these are they that have heard, and as they go on their way they are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection.  Luke 8:14

            When we read that parable we tend to think that all the “other grounds” besides the good ground are wicked things.  Not so here.  The cares of life can be anything from worrying about paying the bills to becoming workaholics.  Riches, though dangerous, are not necessarily sinful.  Pleasures can be hobbies and entertainment.  None of these things is inherently sinful, in fact, they can be therapeutic when we need rest or when our children need our attention on a one-on-one level.  They can build relationships with brethren. They can establish bonds with neighbors who we might then be able to teach.  They can support our families.  BUT------

            If those things are not managed wisely, they can choke out the Word.  They can keep us from prayer and meditation, from study time, from extra time in the Word offered by the elders in the way of classes, lectures, and gospel meetings.  No, you may not be actively sinning, but are you neglecting God in other ways?  Are you choking Him out of your life?

            These are the hardest things to “weed out” precisely because they are not wrong.  Consider this:  don’t you as a parent look out for your child by limiting the things--the perfectly good things--he becomes involved in?  I hope you do.  No child should be robbed of his childhood by a parent who overschedules him with every activity he can find in an effort to offer him “enrichment.”  As a piano teacher I saw too many of my students nearly fall asleep on the bench because they were too tired—even 6 year olds!  More than once I told a parent that his child was not making the progress he should because he did not have the time to practice.  He might as well quit lessons—he certainly needed to drop out of something!  I even had some parents learn that the hard way when a child had what we called in the old days a “nervous breakdown.”

            Your children learn it from you.  Are you too busy to study your Bible in the evening?  Are you too busy to visit the sick and the widows?  Are you too busy to attend an extra Bible class?  Then something needs to go.  The cares and pleasures of your life are choking out the Word.

            This morning walk into your bathroom and look at the tub.  Remind yourself that even good things can produce bad consequences.  All that sudsy, good-smelling soap we use in the shower can leave an ugly scum that needs to be removed before we can even claim that our bathroom is clean.  The same thing is true of your life.   
 
Look therefore carefully how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise; redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be not foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Eph 5:15-17
 
Dene Ward

Back in the late 19th century a man named William Smart lost his wife in childbirth.  Somehow he managed to raise that infant and the five older children all on his own while supporting them all as well.  When his daughter Sonora Dodd grew up, she finally realized what an amazing feat that had been and how much her father had sacrificed for all of them.  She asked her minister to preach a sermon honoring fathers on June 5, 1909, her father’s birthday.  Evidently she did not give the man enough notice so the sermon did not occur until June 19 that year, the third Sunday of the month.

           It became a tradition there and gradually spread.  A national holiday in honor of fathers was supported by Calvin Coolidge but was not made official until 1966 by President Lyndon Johnson.

            When we discussed Mother’s Day I hope you remember that parenting magazine I spoke of that offered a list of things for moms to do since no one ever bothered doing anything for them [it opined], thirty-one items totaling nearly $1000.  The next month, Father’s Day month, that same magazine “celebrated Pop culture” with an article taking up less than a fourth of one page, the rest being filled with a 72 point font title and a picture of a dad playing with a little girl. 

            And what were we supposed to do for dads?  Four measly items, none of which cost a penny, and two of which were not even directed toward the fathers.  Read a book called Animal Dads.  Teach your kids how to say, “Dad,” in several other languages.  Help your kids learn some silly jokes to make their dads laugh.  Make sure they have breakfast with their dads at least once that month.  Evidently fathers are not worth a whole lot.

            While I don’t espouse spending nearly $1000 doing something every day of June for fathers any more than I did for mothers in May, doesn’t this strike you as incredibly biased?  Yet it all fits in with our society’s downplaying of the importance of the role of father.

            You haven’t noticed?  How long has it been since we have regularly had television shows with strong, intelligent fathers?  No, instead, if you get a father at all he is a buffoon on the order of Tim “the Tool Man” Taylor, an uncultured, clumsy, immature, dare I say “stupid” clod, who must constantly be pulled out of trouble by his smarter, wiser, more responsible wife.  Or you get a family without a father or with too many fathers, or simply a work-based sitcom because career is the center of everyone’s life now.

            Add The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan to the sexual revolution of the sixties and you get a society that believes a nuclear family is no longer necessary.  Women don’t need men except as sperm donors; they can raise their children alone just fine, thank you.  And while that may get you a few more women who no longer feel guilty about making their professional level careers the most important part of their lives, women who can afford nannies or other private care, it also gets you the rise of “the feminization of poverty,” as Mona Charen puts it in her op-ed pieces.  There are far more Wal-Mart cashiers and diner waitresses trying to make a living for their kids than there are female doctors and lawyers.  They were told they didn’t need a man and they believed it, so their children are being raised by grandparents or daycare center workers or simply being left alone at home, and they are pinching pennies trying to feed them and keep them warm in the evenings.  The media perpetuates the myth and more young women are taken in because they grew up on television shows with scripts—one crisis and suddenly we have a breakthrough and everyone lives happily ever after, all in thirty minutes.  Unfortunately, we are living real lives not following scripts with rosy endings.

            When God made the first family, He made a mother and a father—one each.  There may be legitimate times when that cannot happen, but we should be trying to help those single parents and deprived children, filling in as missing role models rather than telling them it doesn’t matter.  How will we ever have a nation of strong fathers if there are no examples for our sons to follow?  How will fathers ever realize how important they are when we minimize and marginalize those men as if they were nuisances instead of necessities?

            If your father is still alive, I hope you tell him how much you appreciate him.  If your husband is being the kind of father he ought to be, I hope you let him know how much you appreciate him.  If you are a dad, I hope you know that you are necessary to the lives of your children.  That is what God had to say about the matter—don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
 
Hear, my sons, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding; for I give you good doctrine; forsake not my law.  For I was a son unto my father, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother.  And he taught me and said to me, let your heart retain my words, keep my commandment and live, Prov 4:1-4.
 
Dene Ward

I sat watching the birds a few days ago after returning from a trip, dog-tired and mind in a whirl.  I suddenly noticed the cardinals in the azaleas—six males perched on various branches, for once getting along instead of dive-bombing each other in a territorial squabble over the feeder.  Six bright red birds each with that signature crest standing high and “on alert.”  I have gotten so used to them, so jaded by having them right outside my window to wonder at virtually any time of day, that I had forgotten how beautiful they were.  In fact, I remembered a week or so before when I had wished them out of the way of the pudgy, little, brown wren so I could see him better.  He only comes once every few days, you see.

              Today is 42 years.  Have I gotten used to Keith that way?  He is there every morning and back every evening, after spending a day providing for me.  He calls every day after lunch to make sure I am all right.  On the weekends he is right outside the door, taking care of our things, repairing, improving, growing a garden to feed us well, and then making it look the way he knows I want it to.  When I have a bad day, a rough appointment, or a difficult surgery, he is always there to take care of me.  He has never once had a thought of betrayal or abandonment.  Have I forgotten just how glorious our relationship is?

            It is easy to see someone new and think he is more exciting.  It is easy to find someone’s interest thrilling, especially if she is a little younger.  Remember what drew you to your spouse in the beginning, the charm, the beauty, the stimulating conversations, and the common interests and goals in life.  Don’t think a pudgy brown wren is as beautiful as a bright red cardinal just because it’s the new chick in town.

            Despite the world’s scorn of marriage, God pictures it as a beautiful relationship, one he wanted with his people. 

            You shall no more be termed Forsaken, and your land shall no more be termed Desolate, but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the LORD delights in you, and your land shall be married. For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you, Isa 62:4,5. And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD, Hos 2:19,20.

            If that is God’s view of marriage, why do we stand by and let others demean it?  Worse, why do we not live up to its promises ourselves, for a relationship is only what two people make of it.

            A couple of years ago I almost literally bumped into an older gentleman at the grocery store.  He smiled and asked a question about some product on the shelf and then I went on my way, down the aisle, around, and back up the next.  He had done the same going his direction and so we once again passed and he made another comment.  I am a little slow.  It took the third or fourth time for me to realize what was up, and I casually mentioned “my husband.”  That was all it took.  He was polite but never bothered me again.  Here was a man who respected the institution.  He was interested, but not with a married woman.  He would not be, in the old parlance, “a home-wrecker.”

            I see little of that respect today.  A marriage is made to break just like any other contract, whenever it no longer suits us.  Working things out, growing through our trials, supporting one another “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part,” are empty words recited for tradition’s sake and nothing more.  If I see someone I want, who cares if he is married?  That takes a mere pen stroke to undo.  In fact, why bother going through all that rigmarole in the first place?

            My opinion of marriage should be the same as my Father’s.  He thought so much of it that he used it to pattern his Son’s body, the church, “The Bride of Christ.” That he might present the church to himself, glorious…This mystery [marriage] is great: but I speak in regard of Christ and of the church, Eph 5:27, 32.  Full of glory, that’s how Christ sees his Bride.

            Have we grown jaded to this marvelous relationship, graciously given by a loving Father who knew what was best for us, and like many other things, corrupted its very nature to the point that it means little to nothing except a nuisance we must somehow put up with?  We might as well think the same of the Father who gave it. 

            Don’t get too used to the glory.
 
For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called, Isa 54:5.
 
Dene Ward

He never gets any attention; she gets it all.  Any sacrifice on his part is not mentioned.  Any responsibility placed on his shoulders is not recognized.  You would think he was unnecessary to the plan, but you would be wrong.

            In a Jewish family, the man was definitely the head of the house.  He was responsible not only for providing for his family, but for their protection and their religious upbringing. This man did it all, without complaint and without receiving any glory, other than an almost casual mention.  He evidently died young and never even saw the promise come to pass, even after a lifetime of bearing ridicule or shame, depending upon who was talking about him, in order to help it happen.

            Like another Joseph before him he was the son of Jacob (Matt 1:16).  He thought he had chosen well, a young lady--very young by our standards--from a good family, also in the lineage of David.  The kiddushin had begun, the year of betrothal, and suddenly his world turned upside down.  His wife, for so his betrothed one was called though they as yet were not married, had turned up pregnant, at least three months by the time he found out.  Now what?

            He was a kind man who would not shame her, so he was ready to seek a quiet divorce (1:19), the only way to end a betrothal.  But God sent the angel Gabriel to reassure him.  Mary was not lying, she was not hallucinating.  She really was pregnant, but not by another man.  She had not been unfaithful to him.  God was the father of this unborn child, and he was putting that child’s safety and well-being into the hands of Joseph.

            So Joseph was faced with this horrible shame for the rest of his life.  Either people would think he had no self-control, that he and Mary had committed fornication as many were still saying thirty-three years later (John 8:41), or they would think he was a cuckold, too weak to put her away.  Joseph could have been consumed with pride in either case and simply said no, but he didn’t.  He took Mary as his wife.

            Almost immediately he found himself in danger of King Herod, a cruel and ruthless man who had no problem killing his own sons, much less someone else’s.  Joseph found himself fleeing to a land several hundred miles distant to save the life of a child that not only delayed his marriage but put his own life in danger, a child that was not even his.  Yet he fulfilled his duty to protect and provide, finally returning to his home town Nazareth, where all the gossips lived, and working his whole life to provide food, clothing, and shelter, and teaching this child a trade, just as if he were his own.  Somehow he managed to overlook the problems this woman had caused him, and raised a large family with her, at least four more sons and uncounted daughters (Mark 6:3).

            They tell women that men have fragile egos, that we should be careful of the things we say and do, things that might make him feel less a man.  No one watched out for Joseph’s ego.  He took it all, evidently without a word, simply because he was a righteous man who lived by faith.  He fulfilled his duty, never expecting and never receiving any glory in this life.  He took care of a child who changed the world.  He kept him safe, and helped raise him to be able to fulfill his own duty, one even harder than Joseph’s. 

            We often point out the great humility of Jesus.  Seems to me he “got it honest” as we so often say.  He had a great example in his “father.”  What kind of example are you leaving your children—that of someone who needs praise in order to feel manly, or someone who simply fulfills the obligations God has laid on his shoulders, regardless the inconvenience and pain, and whether anyone else notices or not?
 
For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned, Rom 12:3.
 
Dene Ward