Part 4 in a four part series.
 
            When caring for someone who is seriously ill, the caregiver often fails to care for herself.  I remember vividly the day my husband had some sort of attack that doctors were calling a stroke.  Meanwhile, I had a seriously abscessed tooth and an appointment for a root canal while he lay in the hospital.  I thought about canceling the appointment regardless the pain I was in, but his doctor looked at me and said, "Go take care of yourself so you can take care of him."  And that, indeed, is the bottom line.
            First I will give you the tips my friends have shared with me, and then we will talk about something else that many good Christian women wrestle with.
            1.  Schedule some time for yourself every day.  It may be devotional time with Bible study and prayer.  It may be exercise.  It may be journaling your feelings as you go through this process.  Whatever it is, make the time to do it.
            2.  Focus on the positives each day.  Don't dwell on the difficulties you encounter, or what life used to be like, or what retirement was supposed to be like.  Cherish each day and focus on creating sweet, new memories with your spouse.  Include your children and grandchildren whenever possible.
            3.  Plan an enjoyable outdoor activity for each day—a walk, a drive, sitting on the porch or in the yard, visiting a friend.  There is something emotionally healing about fresh air.
            4.  Take life slow and easy.  Do nothing in a rush.  Model the behavior that you have requested of the patient, and stay calm.
            5.  Take care of yourself physically—eating balanced meals on a schedule, drinking enough liquid every day, etc.  The last thing you need is to have your own health go downhill in a rush because you "don't feel like eating," or "don't have the time to eat," etc.
            6.  Above all, do not hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, and neighbors.  As members of the Lord's body, people should not just be mouthing, "Let me know if there is anything I can do," but actively looking for things to do for you.  If home and car maintenance are not your bailiwick, ask for help.  We are meant to serve one another and in this way you will not only aid the women in serving you, but the men too.  Trying to do it all will simply undo many of the things we have talked about as you become overtired and completely frustrated.  Making a martyr out of yourself is not the answer to anyone's problems, least of all the patient's.  ASK FOR HELP and don't be ashamed to do so.
           
            And now to that other issue.  Many women have problems taking on the role of caregiver, not because they do not wish to care for their very ill husbands, but because it requires them to, in their minds, usurp his authority as head of the house.  It is difficult for a woman who has been taught to be in subjection, honoring her husband as the leader of the home, to take over responsibilities and decision-making, especially when his weakened ability to think logically may have him trying to refuse the medical care he needs.  The doctor will look to the wife to decide upon the appropriate care and medication, and ultimately, when it might be time to seek care outside the home.  Let me see if I can help those women a little bit.
            I imagine everyone knows Bathsheba, but only in that sad instance of 2 Sam 11 and David's adultery and murder.  What we don't realize is that she seems to have become his favorite wife, bearing him at least four sons.  When David finally lay on his deathbed and his son Adonijah took over the throne against the plans of God and his father David, Nathan went to Bathsheba to tell her about it.  He obviously expected her to step in for her fatally ill husband.  With only a little persuasion she went to David and told him what was happening.  Nathan came in at the appropriate time and vouched for what she had told him.  That took care of the matter, then and there.  But what if Bathsheba had refused?  Let's face it, she had the most to gain because it was her son Solomon whom God wanted on the throne.  It probably looked self-serving of her at the least.  But David was so ill, he didn't even know what was going on; he certainly couldn't do anything about it himself.  Bathsheba looked to her husband's interests when he was no longer physically able.  (1 Kings 1)
            And then we have a very different example.  Abigail's extremely rich husband, Nabal, was "churlish and evil."  When David's men came to ask for some food—during a festival time when there was more than enough and after David's men had protected his workers and herds—he sent them away empty-handed with harsh, insulting words.  David was so angry he was ready to kill Nabal and everyone in his household.  Abigail went behind her husband's back and did what he refused to do, taking a generous amount of food to David and his army and their families, and giving him some wise and godly advice.  (1 Sam 25)
            Wait a minute!  How is that a good example?  This is how:  the man was drunk as a skunk.  He had no idea the danger he had put himself and his family and servants in.  Abigail may not have done what he wanted but she saved his life when he was too incapacitated to see the danger. 
            When your husband is no longer able to make decisions about the important things in your lives, he expects you to take over and do what is best for him.  She does him good and not evil all the days of his life, the Proverb writer says of the worthy wife (31:12).  My husband has told me certain things he wants me to do should he become unable to do or think on his own.  He expects me to carry out his wishes.  How is that usurping his authority?
            Talk to your husband now and find out what he wants.  Then when—if—the time comes, be a faithful wife, even if it means doing what his damaged mind no longer wants to be done.  You are not being a bad wife.  You are not being un-submissive.  You are, in fact, being the wife you ought to be, and there is no shame in that at all.
            I hope you have found these articles helpful.  My mother's ordeal is over.  Both she and Daddy have gone on to their rewards.  But my friend's trial continues, as it does for so many.  Today, join with me in a special prayer for those men and women as they fight fear, frustration, and grief to care for their loved ones in the best way they can.
 
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  (Isa 41:10).
 
Dene Ward

Part 3 of a four part series.
 
            As I have mentioned, and will keep on stressing, I am not a medical professional and will not attempt to give you any medical advice.  What I am sharing now has come straight from the caregivers, what worked for them and what did not.  You can look on the internet in several places and find other things to add here.  The things in this article come from their personal and practical experience.  I believe they might also be beneficial for visitors, or for those who offer care time while the caregiver is away running necessary errands.  These were shared by those who have been there and who want to help others with their hard-won wisdom and knowledge.
            1.  You must enter the Alzheimer's patient's world; do not expect him to understand or interact in your world any longer.  A basic tenet of education is "Start where the student is at."  The same is true of the Alzheimer's patient.  Don't try to make him do what he can no longer do.  If he wants to converse, then talk about the things he wants to talk about, but if he is no longer conversational, then you must do the talking and watch his reactions for signs of interest or lack thereof.  If he closes his eyes or turns his back, try another subject.
            2.  Address him by name ("Hello, Bob").  He may not reply but at least he knows he is not being ignored. 
            3.  Ask simple yes or no questions and give him choices whenever possible, but no more than two.  "Do you want ______ or ______ for supper?"  "Do you want to watch ________ or _________ on TV?"  Always be willing and able to live with whatever he chooses.
            4.  Don't say, "Do you remember__________?"  Instead, say, "I remember when we ______________," and allow him to say something, to nod or smile.
            5.  Find something to keep his hands busy.  Puzzles might be a good choice, but be aware that while you may have started with 1000 piece puzzles, you will gradually need to move to 500, 300, and even 100 piece puzzles as the illness progresses.  Pay attention to what is happening and his frustration level to know when to switch. 
            6.  On the occasion when something must be done (going to the doctor, getting dressed, taking a bath, taking medication), do not say, "Do you want to __________?"  Just say, "It's time to _________."  This avoids the problem of him answering your question with a "No," especially if it is something that simply must be done at a certain time.
            7.  Patiently answer the same question as many times as it takes, even if it is asked in rapid succession many times.  Use the same verbiage.  Control your frustration and answer it as if it is the first time he has asked.
            8.  Give simple three or four word instructions, helping him accomplish a task one step at a time.  Do not overburden him with too much information at once.  For instance, when he is dressing himself, you might need to tell which article of clothing to put on, one after the other and how to do it.  Another friend of mine had left her mother dressing herself for church and when she returned, found her with her slip on top of her dress.  Do not assume that the patient knows how to do anything the correct way anymore, but stand by and watch, ready to give one piece of information at a time, but only as needed.  For as long as possible, let them have their small victories.
            9.  Remember that you are the patient's anchor, especially when he begins following you around and seems nervous and clingy.  Be there for him and reassure him that you will not leave him.
            10.  And above all, remember that the patient is still a human being with feelings just like you.  They may not be able to verbalize and are limited in their abilities, but they will always remember who makes them feel good.
            The caregivers I have spoken to and I hope these things will help you as you travel a long, hard, and often lonely road.
 
And we urge you, brothers…encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.  (1Thess 5:14).
 
Dene Ward

Part 2 of a four part series.

Originally, this was the only article I planned to write.  Watching my mother and hearing from my friend made me intensely aware of things I had never known before—things they had to deal with that I would have never imagined.  In a way, this might be the most important of the three articles, though I guarantee you that those two women would have thought otherwise in their attitudes of humility and service. 
            I am listing these things in no particular order, but as they have come to me, from my observation, research, and discussions with and suggestions from those involved.  I imagine the order of importance is different for each case.  It will be up to you to look for these things yourself and decide what is needed for the people you are trying to help.
            1.  Do not ask the caregiver how the spouse is doing when that spouse is standing right there, or on the phone when you know the spouse can overhear that side of the conversation.  You never know how much he will understand and how it might make him feel.
            2.  Don't give medical advice.  Any physician would never think of impinging upon another physician's role.  How much less should someone with no medical training, or much less, such as an LPN?  This got so often and so bad for my mother, that she finally had to say something like, "I believe I will do what the doctor says."  That might have sounded a bit rude, but she had been pressured so often that she felt harassed and judged.  Please don't put a godly and already stressed out person in that situation.
            3.  Don't say, "I know how you feel."  Knowing someone who has Alzheimer's or dementia and dealing with it 24/7 as the primary caregiver are two entirely different things with two entirely different stress levels.  Even helping on a minimal basis, like an overnight stay or afternoon substitute, is far from the same thing.  If you have not done it, you don't know.  Period.
            4.  Don't say, "You make everything look so easy."  You don't see the struggles, the extra length of time, the often frustrating explanations it took to get a spouse up and ready to go to the doctor or to worship services or any other place.  That statement minimizes the caregiver's efforts and her sometimes almost super-human patience.
            5.  If you live in the same neighborhood as a caregiver, please keep an eye out.  For example, my mother went to take a shower one evening and when she got out, two strange men were sitting in her living room.  Turned out they were vacuum cleaner salesmen rather than criminals up to no good whom my daddy had let in with no idea what was up except to be friendly, especially since they often received church visitors in the evenings.  How much better if a neighbor had told those men, "Please don't bother my next door neighbors.  The husband is very ill and the wife is caring for him and doesn't need the interruption.  They wouldn't be interested right now anyway."
            Also be aware that Alzheimer's patients tend to wander.  If you see your ill neighbor out walking the street, go out immediately and talk him into going back home.  Listen to him if he tells you where he is going or who he is looking for, and say whatever is necessary to get him to go with you.  My mother put an alarm on her door after the vacuum cleaner salesmen episode, but my daddy was a tinkerer who could figure out how anything worked, and one night as she was again taking a shower, he figured out that alarm and took off looking for "his wife."  She ended up having to call the police to get him back home.
            6.  Send cards or small gifts, and if possible deliver them in person.  Even the least expensive, tiniest things will brighten a caregiver's day.  Due to things like #5 above, a caregiver often has no chance for her own doctor appointments or errands like buying groceries or getting a haircut or car maintenance.  If the situation is manageable, consider offering to spend some time with the patient while the caregiver gets a few things done.  That is often preferable to you doing it for her because it gets her out of the house and in a calmer situation for an hour or so.  Talk to the caregiver about what is best in her situation.  This will change from day to day and as the disease progresses.
            7.  This may be one of the most important:  Do not judge the caregiver's choices.  No one should be telling her that she is not being a good wife if she has decided that she can no longer take care of her spouse at home and must use a Memory Care Facility.  You may not realize that the disease has reached a point where she is now in danger.  If that seriously ill mate no longer knows her and thinks a stranger has invaded his home, what might he do to her?  I know that doctors will begin asking questions about weapons in the house.  One caregiver I knew had to pack up all of her cooking knives.  Another had to give all the guns in the house to another family member.  But those are not the only weapons available when someone is frightened enough to think he needs one.
            At some point, the caregiver's own health will begin to suffer.  Most men are bigger than their wives.  How will she pick him up if he falls?  Many of these patients suffer REM disorder and sleep fitfully with dreams they try to act out.  The caregiver will often go several days without any real sleep, and this will go on for years.  Eventually reaching the point where she decides he would be best cared for 24/7 in a facility is most emphatically NOT a sign that she is a disloyal or unloving wife who has broken her vows "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse."  It is no one's decision but hers, and none of us has any right to question it.
            If you have a friend or family member in the same situation, I hope these few things that have come straight from other caregivers will help you out.  And as I mentioned in our introductory article, please feel free to share any others below.
 
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. (Gal 6:2).
 
Dene Ward

Number 1 in a four part series.
 
Today begins a four part series on the difficulties of Alzheimer's and how to help those dealing with it, both patient and caregiver alike.  I believe these might also be helpful for those dealing with dementia patients as well. 
Please notice:  I will not be approaching these as a professional on any level, but simply as someone who has seen it up close and who also has friends dealing with it.  I will not be giving medical advice beyond what the doctors have told me and my family and friends.  This is strictly practical information from those who have dealt with it firsthand, information that I hope will be a true service in helping and encouraging others. I also hope it will help us all to avoid saying and doing something hurtful, even with the best intentions.
            My father developed dementia gradually over the last twelve years of his life.  It was hard to watch a highly intelligent and competent man become as dependent as a child, and especially to see him forget who his wife of sixty-four years was, even as she patiently waited on him day after day.  I have a close friend whose husband is now traveling down the road of Alzheimer's.  I see the disease taking more of him every time I read one of her letters, and watch as she bravely faces the unknown every day.  These two, and others I have known, are my inspirations, and the primary source of the things I will write in this series.
            Please, if you are facing, or have faced, similar challenges yourself and have more to add, feel free to comment on the bottom of every article so that others can learn from you as well. It is better to put it on the article than on the Facebook link because it will eventually reach more people, especially as others discover it in the future from an internet search. As many problems as it might cause, one real benefit of the internet is reaching more people.  Please help me do that. 
            Too many times I have stood frozen in my tracks, not knowing what to do and totally unable to think as something happened to someone close to my heart or simply standing nearby, and then wished for days afterward I had known how to act and what to do, mentally flailing myself for being so clueless.  Let's see if we can help one another avoid that. 
            This is merely an introductory article.  The remaining three articles will run the next three days.
 
We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.  (Rom 15:1).
 
Dene Ward

I was in the middle of making an excuse the other morning when suddenly I heard myself.  Yes, I was tired, I had a headache, and serious things were whirling around in my mind.  So surely my snappy tone of voice was understandable, wasn’t it?
            Let’s check this theory out.  Jesus is supposed to be my example.  Simply making the claim to be his disciple means I try my best to do what he would do.  So if I look at what had to be the worst time of his life on earth, the last twenty-four hours, then I can measure myself against the true standard.
            Over the Passover meal, when his disciples were once again arguing about who would be the most important in the kingdom, he finally lost his cool. “Shut up!  I have more important things on my mind than dealing with your petty concerns right now.”
            He was so concerned about the upcoming trials he would need to endure, he never once thought about what they might be going through, and left them to their fears and confusion.  “Grow up!” he told them.  “It’s high time you figured this out for yourselves.”
            When one of his best friends betrayed him, the other apostles were still murmuring among themselves about who it must be.  “Be quiet,” he said.  “This isn’t about you.”
            He was obviously in tremendous pain as he hung on the cross, so how could he even begin to worry about his mother and her care?  “Can’t you quit that sniveling?  You’re only making things worse.”
            Well, that’s how it might read if it were me going through those trials.  Instead, Jesus left an example that shows me there is no excuse for poor behavior.  Despite what he was going through, the like of which I have never had to endure, he kept his thoughts on others.  He kept his voice tempered.  He kept his actions loving.  Not even his enemies suffered a tongue-lashing of the type I find so easy to dish out when I am upset or do not feel well.
            For you see, God does not allow trials in our lives so we will have excuses for sin.  He allows them so we will grow and get stronger.  When I excuse my behavior because of what I am going through, I fail the test.  Unless I recognize where I failed and determine not to do it again, I will not get stronger; I will only get weaker.  In the process I will make it more likely that the next time I will fail again.  And again.  And again.  Till there is no more need for trials at all because Satan has me exactly where he wants me, and I am too weak to even think about fighting back.  Even those I claim to love will know to stay away from me when things are not going well, and so my last avenue of help is also gone.
            The sad truth of the matter is the one who is best at making excuses is one poor excuse for a Christian.
 
For hereunto were you called: because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow his steps:  who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:  who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered threatened not; but committed himself to him that judges righteously:  who his own self bare our sins in his body upon the tree, that we, having died unto sins, might live unto righteousness; by whose stripes ye were healed.  For you were going astray like sheep; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls,  1 Peter 2:21-25.
 
Dene Ward

It happens every year, April and August, that's when the snakes start moving.  In April, I am not sure if they are newly hatched and out to find their own territory, or if the warmer weather just has them moving again after the cold-blooded lethargy of winter.  In August, maybe they are looking for a hole to stay warm in during the upcoming winter.  Whatever the reason, that's when we see the most snakes around here, April and August, which my boys and I began calling "the A months" after we noticed the phenomenon many years ago.
              Yesterday I went out to fill the bird feeders.  I had walked right past them half a dozen times as I circled the property with Chloe and had no reason to suspect anything.  As soon as I stepped in the fallen seed directly beneath the feeder closest to the house, something moved.  I had seen absolutely nothing until then.  But crawling away from me as quickly as it could was a juvenile Something Snake.  It took a minute to register that it had a diamond pattern on its back and its head was wider than its neck.  By then it had found shelter at the base of an azalea, amid several two inch diameter limbs that formed a nice little hidey-hole. 
              I dropped my bucket of seed and ran around the house to where Keith was blowing leaves (a spring event in our area).  Even without his hearing aids, he knew the look and the run and came back with me.  With our own version of sign language I explained, and we were both almost certain we were talking about a rattler, one so small (18-20 inches) that it had no rattles yet.  He had picked up a two by two and sent me in for the .22 rifle and ratshot.  As he stomped around the bushes, I stood out from them with rifle cocked and ready.  Ask my boys—with a gun I am death on snakes.  Nothing came crawling out of the limbs or leaves, so he picked up his blower, a heavy-duty gasoline model that would make a small snake feel like it had been in a category 5 hurricane, and we went at it again.  Still no snake, so we were sure it had crawled away while I had run off looking for help.
              After lunch (dinner in the rural South) we were out to finish up the interrupted feeding.  As soon as Keith stepped up to that same spot of fallen seed under the feeder, another snake took off.  Both of us jumped back, but it was only a garter snake this time, bigger, but not dangerous, and helpful with rodent control.  We were instantly reminded about "the A months."  Neither one of us had seen either snake despite looking right at the ground.  God gave these creatures camouflage and it certainly works.  But today as I made my rounds, my eyes never left the ground.  My ears stayed open for scaly slithers through the leaves and warning rattles.  I may think I am on guard constantly, but now I am on guard in a much more careful way than before.
              We need to beware of "the A months" in our lives.  We have already been bitten by the Snake, but he is still out there waiting to pump even more venom into our hearts at every opportunity.  So what are our "A months?"  Maybe it's one of those days when the traffic is particularly bad, you have a flat tire, and then spill coffee on yourself before you even get to work at a job where the boss is imperious and your colleagues unfriendly.  Maybe it's an illness that has you ready to nurture your grouchiness instead of trying to put it aside.  Or maybe the kids are especially loud while you are dealing with a headache and an air conditioner that's on the blink in mid-July.  Whatever it is, be aware.  Don't let the snake hiding in the grass get hold of you.  Carry a two by two or even a rifle.  Do whatever you must to avoid the danger. 
              We wish we had managed to find that baby rattler.  I am happy that he left our yard, but he is still out there in the nearby woods where he can find a mate and make even more of them.  The more times you beat the devil, the more times he will leave you alone, at least for a while, but if you let him win, he will come back the more often.
              It's an "A month" out there—for the rest of your life.  Be careful.
 
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you…  (Jas 4:7-8).
 
Dene Ward

So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. (1Tim 5:14).
 
              With so many of us confined to home these days, now might be the perfect time to discuss what it means to "manage" the home.  I fear we have let the world tell us that being an organized, hardworking, guardian/teacher of one's home and children isn't anything to be proud of—we must have something "fulfilling" to do with our lives.  One of the ways we perpetuate the myth of a soap opera addicted, bonbon munching idler is by a slapdash effort and constant complaining about the tedium of it all, finding every excuse to sleep late and post on Facebook forty times a day.  Let's see what we can do to change that. 
              When we become stay-at-home moms, and later, stay-at-home workers/servants in the kingdom, our husbands are treating us as managers of the shop, so to speak.  He leaves every day to work in another venue and expects that the home and family he has entrusted into our care will be run economically—within the living he brings home—and efficiently.  It is up to us to know who needs to be where and when and get them there—doctor's appointments, school functions, recitals, etc.—in clean, appropriate clothing.  It is up to us to keep track of the supplies everyone in the house depends on—toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper (a little tricky these days), ibuprofen, bandaids, etc.  And it is up to us to fill those needs as thriftily as possible. 
             We are now in a time when jobs have disappeared or hours been cut, when some groceries have become hard-to-find, and prices accordingly higher.  How we manage the home matters more than ever before—at least more than it ever has for most young people.  They never had a Great Depression to learn in.  I hope this post today will help you out, and you won't mind it being a bit long—or a lot long, actually.
              I am sure most of these things have been listed elsewhere on the internet.  You can probably find more exhaustive lists, and other ideas of accomplishing the same things.  These suggestions—and that's all they are—are just to help you begin thinking on your own, to supply a little inspiration as you deal with your own family's particular needs.  We have been through several personal economic depressions, and this is how we got through them.
              As the manager of my home, I spend a good two hours every week going through sales flyers, cutting coupons (sometimes digitally these days), planning menus based on those sales, and making a shopping list.  As for coupons, I do not buy anything I won't eventually need.  I prefer to use a coupon when something is on sale so I get a double whammy.  I go to town ONCE, so as not to waste gas, and get everything done in one day.  I used to do that with babies in tow, too.  I keep my lists on one of those postage paid envelopes people are always sending you in the junk mail, with the appropriate coupons inside, along with things like dry cleaners receipts and bank deposit slips.  As I make every stop, any new receipt goes inside the envelope so everything is together when I get it home.
              As for cost saving tricks, do not think in terms of disposables any more than you can help it.  One bottle of dish detergent will wash a hundred times more plates, cups, and bowls for the money than the same dollar amount will buy paper goods. I am sure the same is true of dishwasher soap, but I don't have a dishwasher.
          Save plastic bags, especially freezer bags which are thicker and tougher.  Wash them out and dry them, which usually means to hang them somewhere.  (Sometimes my kitchen looks like a laundry room.)  Fabric softener sheets can be used more than once, in fact, until they get flimsy and crumpled. 
           Take all those singleton socks that have been bereaved of their mates by the sock-eating washer, slip them on your hand and dust to your heart's content.  Then throw that one in the washer.  Who knows?  It might even find its missing mate that way, or join it in the great Sock Beyond. 
           You know that bottle that says, "Shampoo.  Rinse, and Repeat?"  You don't have to repeat!  Just make sure your hair is really wet the first time and you will have plenty of lather to wash it with.  Especially if you are one of those people who wash their hair nearly every time they shower, you do not need to repeat.  It's just a waste of shampoo.  But I am sure these are things you have heard again and again as thrifty homemakers have been doing them for decades.
              Now to practice a little self-discipline.  When you have been able to buy whatever you want for most of your life, it may come as a shock that you can't do that any longer.  But here is your new rule:  if you can't afford it, you can't have it.  Sometimes credit cards make us think otherwise.  Learn this now.  If you no longer have the money, you have to stop the buying one way or the other.  For some people it takes cutting up the credit card to get the point.  Do what you need to do.
             Tap water will hydrate you.  That's all we had when we were kids.  None of us died.  Get rid of the sodas.  Period.  Eventually, we reached the salary point that my boys could have Kool-Aid.  I did not have the luxury of avoiding sugar—the alternatives, like fruit juices, were simply too expensive.  When my mother was growing up during the Depression, even sweet tea was for Sundays only.  Every other day of the week, the family had tap water with their meals.  She lived to be 91, and her mother 97.  See?  It won't kill you!
              Get rid of the snacks.  All mine had were homemade cookies, which were a fraction of the cost of Chips Ahoy or Oreos, and the boys thought they were better off than their friends.  This, and some of what I add below, may mean your family needs a major attitude adjustment.  I remember my mother telling me how Daddy turned up his nose and complained when she put oleo on the table.  He made $30 a week and she had a $10/wk. grocery budget.  She took him shopping with her.  When he saw the price of real butter, he changed his tune.  Sometimes you have to make do, and the Lord expects us to be grateful for the fact that we have what we need to survive.  He will NOT be happy with the ungrateful who demand luxuries.
              We might very well have to change our minds about what we will and won't eat.  Organic, cage-free eggs cost over twice as much as regular eggs.  If you don't have celiac disease, you might want to forego your gluten-free diet.  Those things are always far more expensive than the usual varieties.  It costs extra money for most of these fad diets. 
              Save oil you have fried in, and all bacon grease.  (If you are a true Southerner, that last should go without saying.)  I actually had a small stovetop percolator for years into which I poured used oil.  The grounds basket sieved out the impurities and pieces of leftover fried food, and all it takes is a tablespoon or so of fresh oil to refresh the used.  I have had the same old coffee can, back when you could still get metal ones, for bacon grease that I had when the boys were growing up.  What do I use the drippings for?  Seasoning Southern vegetables, greasing a biscuit pan, making cornbread, frying eggs or potatoes, or anything else that might benefit from bacon flavor.
             If you use a lot of canned goods (vegetables, I mean) keep any drained off liquid in a glass jar in the fridge to use as broth when you make soup.  Just add to it all week.  I usually made soup at least once a week because I always had a good quart of makeshift broth by then.  Potato soup, French onion soup, tomato soup, root vegetable bisque, plain old vegetable soup—none of these contain meat and all are made with relatively inexpensive items.
            There are any number of meatless meals, or meals where the meat can be skimped on.  Usually these meals are heavy on the starch (carbs), but that's what fills people up.  You yourself may need to cut back (diabetics, for example), but if you have teenage boys as I did, you will want to keep them satisfied and starch does the trick.  Beans and rice are the ultimate example.  Red beans and rice, black beans and rice—same dish, different spices and seasoning.  True Cuban black beans and rice contains no meat whatsoever.  If your recipe does for either of those dishes, cut the amount in half, or consider using a bone.  (Save all of your bones, by the way to make stock or to season soups and vegetables.)  And cut the meat into smaller pieces so more mouthfuls will have meat in them.  Then there are pinto beans and cornbread, Great Northern beans and cornbread, dried baby limas and cornbread, and on and on we go.  Lentil soup is basically a bean dish.  Pasta fagioli is an Italian soup with very little but white beans and pasta in it, and it is delicious.
             Eggs are another standby.  You can make omelets with whatever bits and pieces of leftovers you have—a few ham cubes, a shred or two of cheese, some chopped peppers and onions, etc.  Do not throw any bits and pieces of anything away! 
             Pasta with Eggs and Cheese is quick, easy, and cheap.  Boil a pound of spaghetti in heavily salted water.  Beat together three eggs and 2/3 cup of shredded Pecorino Romano or Parmagiana Reggianno cheese (pecorino is cheaper).  Drain the spaghetti and while it is still hot, pour the eggs and cheese over it and toss constantly, allowing the heat of the pasta to cook the eggs, until every strand is coated with cooked egg and melted cheese.  If you want it creamier, add ¼-1/2 cup of the pasta water (or milk if you want to splurge).  Some people add a couple tablespoons of butter, but we never did and it was just fine.
            Pancakes and waffles will also fill the bill—cheap and satisfying.  Biscuits and gravy are a favorite for many.  We couldn't afford the sausage, but even cream gravy made with milk, flour, and plenty of bacon grease was wonderful over hot biscuits.  When I was a child, my mother would sometimes make a huge pan of biscuits and then pull out everything she could find in the fridge and pantry to go on them—butter, jam, preserves, peanut butter, honey, maple syrup.  We kids loved it.  We had no idea that the money had run out that week—we thought it was a treat!
               I never pay full price for meat, but always buy it on sale, plus one thing extra to freeze.  As the weeks go by, you will find yourself needing to buy less meat at the time.  A couple of paragraphs ago I talked about cutting the meat in half for your bean dishes.  Do it for everything.  For chicken breasts, lay your hand on top of the breast, and cut horizontally beneath your hand.  Every breast will make two servings, and your eye will be fooled into thinking it is a whole breast.  Do the same with boneless pork chops.  If they have been frozen, do the slicing while they are still a little firm in the center and it will be easier to control the knife and keep the slice even. 
             Then there is the tale of the three night whole chicken, something I did again and again so long ago a chicken could be found for 19 cents a pound, and even then it was almost more than we could afford.
              Take the breasts and do the trick above, cutting them in half horizontally.  That is your splurge meal, assuming there are no more than four in your family.  Bread and fry, or oven fry, or grill, or use in any other recipe, including something a little nicer, like Chicken Milanese.  The second night use the thighs and drumsticks for a potpie or other chicken casserole your family likes.  Double up on any vegetables or starch the recipe contains.  Who knows?  That one might even last you two nights if you do it right. 
              On the last night, use the back and wings to make the broth for chicken and dumplings.  In the Deep South and parts of Appalachia, our dumplings are called "slicks" or "slickers."  A dough of flour, eggs, butter, salt, and some of the broth is rolled out flat on a heavily floured board and cut into strips about two inches long.  Because of the eggs in them, when they are boiled, they become fairly thick and all that flour you rolled them in will help thicken the broth, especially if you have cooled and then reheated them.  What you will have is more like dumplings and chicken rather than chicken and dumplings, but that's the point here—how to get by on a shoestring budget.  Chicken and rice is another good option.  Just use the same philosophy—less meat, lots of starch. 
              This is how the world survived during the Depression and we can do the same.  I am sure this is far more information than you actually need.  You are smart enough to see the pattern and implement it in ways that meet your families' needs and tastes. 
             We have much to be grateful for.  This is a time to learn some lessons our culture has sorely needed to revisit for a few decades now.  We will get through this because our God is in control, and He expects us to be good stewards of the blessings He has showered upon us.
 
Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful.  (1Cor 4:2).
 
Dene Ward

Our late winter/early spring gardening chores include pruning.  Pruning is serious business.  If you do it at the wrong time and in the wrong way, you can kill a plant.  But correct pruning encourages healthy growth, more flowering, heavier fruit yields, and in general, better looking plants.  Correct pruning can also scare you to death.
              If Keith had not had an experienced friend show him how to prune the grapes, he would never have done it correctly.  Light pruning does not promote fruiting on grape vines.  It takes a heavy-handed pruner, one who knows exactly how far down which vines to cut—and it is much farther than you would ever expect—to make vines that in the late summer provide both greater quantity and quality of grapes. 
              Roses also benefit from good pruning.  Every January or February (remember that we are talking here in Florida before you follow this to the letter) you should cut off 1/3 to ½ of the mature canes, plus all dead or dying branches, as well as those that cross or stray out of the general shape of the bush.  That is how you get more flowers and larger blooms, and healthier, prettier bushes altogether.
              God believes in pruning too.  John 15 is full of the imagery of pruning grape vines, cutting off those that no longer produce and throwing them into the fire, which just happens to be where we throw all our prunings as well.  God has done a lot of pruning throughout history.
              The wilderness wandering was nothing but one big pruning exercise.  All the faithless, those men of war responsible for the decision not to take the land, had to die, and a new generation be prepared.  Do you realize that if you only count those men, on average throughout those forty years, 40 men died every day?  That does not count the people who died of accident, disease and childbirth, and the women and priests who simply died of old age.  Every morning the first thing on one’s mind must have been, “Who died yesterday?”  Those people must have done nothing but bury the dead every single day for forty years.  No wonder they moved so often.
              Then there was the Babylonian captivity.  Ezekiel worked for seventy years preparing the next generation to return to the land as a righteous remnant while the older one died off.  Pruning made them better, stronger, and more able to endure those months of rebuilding, and the years that followed.
              And what else was it but pruning that made God cut off some branches (Jews) and graft in others (Gentiles)?  They were broken off because of their unbelief, Paul says in Rom 11:20, and then goes on to say that if God will prune the natural branches, he will certainly prune those that had been grafted in if their faith fails.
              God still prunes.  We tend to call it by other metaphors these days—refining our faith as gold, Peter says in one of those passages.  “Discipline” the Hebrew writer calls it, adding that the Lord only chastens those he loves.  But all these figures mean the same thing.  Pruning can be painful.  The best pruning shears are the sharp ones, for the wound will heal more quickly the cleaner the cut. 
              We carry a lot of deadwood on us that God has to whittle away through the trials and experiences of life, and with our own growth in the knowledge of the Word as we learn what is and is not acceptable to God.  It is up to us to use that pruning, shedding the dead wood and cultivating new growth, bearing more fruit, higher quality fruit, and more beautiful blooms.  If I am not growing, I can expect nothing more than my whole vine to be cut off and cast into the fire. 
              We want to be that productive grape vine with fruit so heavy and juicy we almost break from the sheer weight of it.  We want to be the rose that brings the oohs and aahs, whose perfume wafts on the breeze to all those around us.  We must submit to the pruning of the Master Gardener, glorying in His work in us, no matter how painful, so that we can “prove to be his disciples,” John 15:8, faithful to the end.
 
Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit, John 15:2.
 
Dene Ward

Yes, there are more obvious things we simply read over in Psalm 23.  (Scroll down for part 1 if you missed it.)
              When do you usually hear a reading of the twenty-third psalm?  Funerals and deathbeds, right?  We have consigned this little gem to those two occasions, probably because of the translation, “the valley of the shadow of death.”  Yet, if we had simply done a little study—very little, in fact—instead of just accepting what we always hear and assuming it the beginning and end of the matter, we would have found many other uses for this psalm.
              “The valley of the shadow of death” is actually one Hebrew word--tsalmaveth—and it can mean “deep darkness.”  It is, in fact, translated that way in the modern versions.  Yes, in Job 38:17 it seems to refer to physical death, but in Jer 2:6 it refers to the wilderness wandering, certainly a dark era for the people of God.  In Jer 13:16 it refers to the coming destruction and captivity, perhaps their darkest period.  In Job 34:22 I am not certain what it refers to, but it certainly isn’t death.  This is important because all of us experience times of deep darkness in our lives.  To know that God is with us during those times too, not just at death, is a comfort beyond any other.
              And do notice this, God is the one leading us to and through this dark place.  In fact, coming immediately after “he leads me in paths of righteousness” (literally, “right paths”), this dark place is the right place for me to be.  It may be a severe trial, but for some reason I need to be there.  It is right for me to be there, and God will lead me “through” it.  He will not put me there and leave me there.  Even something as severe as losing a child, becoming disabled, or becoming terminally ill, is one He has led me to and through, accompanying me all the way. 
              But there may well be other kinds of dark places I must go through, and will realize He has been with me when I get out on the other side.  That is, if I have remained His faithful servant, trusting in His wisdom and care.  As long as He is with me, “I will fear no evil.”  It may be that His presence involves correction or discipline (His “rod and staff”), but I know that He loves me and this is the right place for me to be, and that even in this dark place, “goodness and mercy follows me,” that is, “pursues” me.  His goodness and mercy are on the hunt for me, even in the dark places--especially in the dark places.
              Don’t miss out on the gold in this little treasure chest just because you have heard it all your life.  Use it to help you navigate those dark places, with Him as your guiding star.  Trust Him, as this particular genre of psalms is called, the Psalms of Trust, or Psalms of Confidence--in God. 
              You can make it through the dark to a light beyond, which is also implied, for you can’t have a shadow without a light shining somewhere.
 
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple, Psalm 27:1-4.
 
Dene Ward

Another checkup, another new disorder.  I did not realize there were so many things that could go wrong with an eyeball.  Remember freshman biology in high school?  The model of the eye sat up on its white plastic pedestal stand, and you could lift off the layers and see the various parts of the eye:  the cornea, the pupil, the iris, and the retina.  You might see the optic nerve running off from the back, and if you had a particularly diligent teacher you might hear the words sclera (eyeball skin) and vitreous humor (eyeball fluid), but that was it.  That is what we were all taught an eyeball was made up of.  Let me tell you, that is not even half of it!
              My knowledge has come a long way in the past 17 years, but once again I have learned something new, something else that can go wrong.  I won't trouble you with the four word disorder or describe it.  Here is the frightening thing:  within five years I could need a cornea transplant to save the eye.  HOWEVER, in all caps, italicized, and underlined, the so-called easy cure is not for me.  All these other problems I have make me a horrible candidate for that surgery—unless there is just no other choice.  And should that be the case, the complications may very well cost me the eye.
              My vision may now have a real, concrete time limit.  So what do I do in the meantime?  Of course I pray.  That is obvious.  I have already had one timely "coincidence" save my vision for a while longer.  God can certainly make that happen again.  But in the words of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, "Even if he doesn't…" how shall I prepare myself for the days of darkness ahead of me?
              Instead of making this a totally self-absorbed post, let's consider your days of darkness, too, because it does not have to be blindness we are talking about here.  What is troubling you?  What lies ahead in your life that either might come or definitely will come, all things being equal?  What should any of us do to prepare for those frightening times?
              Let us fill our minds with the good.  Are you reading his Word on a daily basis, not just a minimal chapter a day, but a good hour of real study time?  Are you spending time with brothers and sisters in worship, in study together, in encouragement and exhortation?  Have you ever taken advantage of the extra studies that take place during the week, both at the building and in homes?
              Do you follow the admonition of Paul?  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. The things which ye both learned and received and heard and saw in me, these things do: and the God of peace shall be with you. (Phil 4:8-9)
             Or do you spend more time on Facebook, surfing the web, playing video games, watching mindless or, worse, worldly entertainment, or any number of other time-wasters that are using up the precious time you have left?  How are you preparing for the moment when all you will have due to a disability or an illness or other circumstance is what you have stored in your heart?
              The days of darkness will come, sooner or later, for all of us.  What will see you through it?
 
For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness. (Ps 18:28).
 
Dene Ward