It was almost amusing when it happened. 

            Many years ago at one of the congregations where Keith preached, one of the older men made it a point to say to him, “I know you are a hard worker.  But you still have children at home.  You need to make sure you spend time with them.” 

            We appreciated that.  Keith was a hard worker, spending at least 30 hours a week with the Word, just as Paul told Timothy and Titus they needed to be doing as young evangelists, plus the four hours preaching and teaching in the assembly every week, and then holding Bible studies, usually in the evenings, with interested people, or looking for more interested folks as he passed out flyers and meeting announcements, sent out and graded correspondence courses, and wrote articles in the local paper.  I often met him at the local pond loaded down with old towels and blankets, especially in the winter, for a baptism.  He seldom worked less than 60 hours a week.

            Yet not long afterward, the same man’s wife came up to him and scolded him because he had missed putting an article in the paper the week we moved from one house to another.  Everything else was done, but something had to give that week, and he preferred that one article not be written rather than his boys not have time with their father.

            I fear too many churches are more like the wife of that couple than the husband.  Especially if a man is supported mainly by other churches, the pressure is felt, even if it isn’t applied.  Then there are the men who do not even need that pressure to avoid their obligations at home, using the same excuse  Here is what Jesus had to say about that. 

            And he said to them, "You have a fine way of rejecting the commandment of God in order to establish your tradition! For Moses said, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.' But you say, 'If a man tells his father or his mother, "Whatever you would have gained from me is Corban"' (that is, given to God)-- then you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or mother, thus making void the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And many such things you do."  Mark 7:9-13.

            Those people got out of their financial obligations to their elderly parents by claiming their money was “given to God,” whether or not it ever actually made it to the Temple coffers! 

            “And many such things you do,” Jesus tacked on the end of that. .”  As long as you can say you are using it for God, whatever “it” is, you don’t have to give it to anyone else.  Tell me that saying your time is given to God (Corban) so it’s all right if you don’t spend enough of it with your children to teach them basic skills of life, to discuss the Word of God “when you walk and talk,” to just listen to their childish concerns and give them the fatherly wisdom they crave, or enough time to nurture your relationship with the wife whom you have come to take for granted, aren’t “such things.

            I have seen old pioneer preachers lauded for sacrificing their family lives to go off for months at a time to preach the gospel.  I am not sure the Lord would have been among their admirers.  If they were single, fine, but choosing to have a family places other obligations on you.  Isn’t that what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7?  I would rather you be like me (single) so you do not have the obligations that having a family puts on you, duties which God does expect you to fulfill.  Paul certainly didn’t say those obligations were negated by spiritual things.

            Churches need to look at their preachers’ schedules for this reason:  see if he is raising his children; see if he is spending time with his wife.  The Lord made a family with both a mother and a father present in the home.  He made the woman to be a help not a substitute father.  Jesus said, “Don’t blame what you do for God as the reason you neglect your family obligations.”  He says you make void the Word of God when you do that.  Churches, do you want to be a party, or perhaps the main cause, for a man to make void the Word of God?

            And we can also say this applies to anyone who hides behind “spiritual things” to avoid his family responsibilities—he is calling his family, “Corban.”

            We call the argument about “quality time” between working mothers and their children a “myth.”  Quality time can only happen when a quantity of time is being spent.  What applies to mothers, certainly applies to fathers too.  Jesus seems to agree.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4.  Read that without the parenthetical statement—just the underlined words.

Dene Ward

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I seem to be reacting a lot lately, and here I go again. 

            I understand that the divorce rate in this country is atrocious.  I understand that this insidious practice of hard-hearted men has even infected God’s people, just as it did thousands of years ago.  But I think it is time we fought it in a different way.  Telling our children that Christians are leaving their mates by the score so they need to be careful is not the way to battle this ungodliness, and I will show you how I know.

            Jesus grew up in a time similar to ours.  Even among God’s people scholars argued about the acceptable reasons for divorce.  Among the very conservative, adultery was the only “scriptural cause,” while among the more liberal almost any dissatisfaction was deemed suitable.  Evidently the divorce rate was sky high because when Jesus made his pronouncement, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery,” Matt 19:9, even his own disciples were shocked.  “If this is the case, it is better for a man not to marry!” they exclaimed a verse later.

            Do you see what rampant divorce triggers in the young?  Do you see how hearing the negatives warps their perspective of the way God intended people to live?  They think a happy marriage is impossible.  No wonder the world says, “You can always get out of it if it doesn’t work.”  When you grow up hearing that over 50% of all marriages fail, and that the church is just as bad, what else will you believe when you hit the first little bump in the road but, “I guess this means it’s over.”

            Everyone ought to know by now that statistics can lie.  They may be facts, but they can be skewed any which way the researcher wants to skew them.  What if we count your successful marriage, the successful marriages of two other friends, plus the marriages of Elizabeth Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor.  Between you all that’s 20 marriages, only three of which lasted, a 15% success rate.  Now that’s depressing unless you know who is being counted.

            Yes, over 50% of marriages in our country end in divorce, but that lumps them all in, first marriages, second, third, etc.  Let’s separate them and see if things change a little.  60% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.  And first time marriages for both parties? Only 41% end in divorce.  It is still a terrible statistic, but it is quite a bit lower than when you count in all those folks who have either failed once or shown a propensity to fail, and it means well over half of first time marriages survive.

            Some more good news:  you can actually reduce your risk.  If one set of parents is happily married, the couple’s risk decreases 14%.  (I couldn’t find statistics if both sets of parents were still married to the first spouse, but it stands to reason the risk would decrease even more.)  If the couple attended college (they don’t even have to have graduated), their risk decreases 13%.   The older they are, the less the risk until by age 25, the risk decreases 24%.  And let me add another one that just goes to show that God knew what He was talking about:  if a couple lives together before marriage, their risk of divorce increases by a whopping 40%!

            Now to those who want to mourn over the state of marriage in the church, even granting that this malady will touch us, please count how many first marriages are still intact in your congregation.  I doubt the failures are anywhere near the national average.  Simply put, when two people understand that they make a commitment not just to each other, but to God, they stand a far better chance of “making it.”  Let’s share these statistics with our young people.

            Yes, divorce exists among God’s people.  Yes, you can find bad marriages among Christians.  So let’s start nipping them in the bud.  Several times Keith and I have taught a “Preparation for Marriage” class.  We don’t sugar-coat anything.  We tell them what can go wrong and how to fix it, but we also show them how to prevent those things from happening in the first place.  We show them how to have a happy marriage from the beginning.  We impress upon them the need for seeking advice when necessary, and usually before they even think it’s necessary.  Several young couples have thanked us for the class, even after being married several years.  They knew what to look for in a mate and they know how to spot problems before they become impossible to deal with.

            And let’s also start giving our young people a reason for optimism.  You can do this!  You can live as one flesh for decades and have your love grow deeper and more meaningful with every passing year.  You can avoid the common pitfalls and make it through the trials of life.  No, it will not always be easy, but those difficulties are not a sign that your marriage is over.  They simply mean it’s time to work a little harder for awhile.

            I may be a cockeyed optimist, but do not let the pessimists out there ruin your view of marriage.  Don’t let them make you sigh along with the apostles, “It is better not to marry at all!”   God said you can do it, the two of you, living and loving together for a lifetime.  Just who do you believe anyway?

Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9

All statistics come from McKinleyIrvin.com, a family law website.

Dene Ward           

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            After my herb bed gave me fits one year, Keith spent some time completely digging it out and replacing the dirt with potting soil and composted manure.  That was $90 worth of dirt!  That means I am spending a lot more time, and even more money, caring for it so the original costs won’t be wasted.

            I have gone to a real nursery to find plants, larger and more established (and more expensive) than the discount store 99 cent pots.  I have dug trenches for some scalloped stone borders to help keep the encroaching lily bed out of it, and to dissuade any critters that might hide beneath the shed behind the bed from using it as a back door.

            I water it every day, and fertilize it every other week.  I pull out anything that somehow blows in and seeds itself in my precious black soil. 

            I have seedlings planted to finish the bed, varieties of herbs that are difficult to find as plants, which I had to carry in and out of the house time and time again due to the fluctuating spring temperatures.  Then they were transplanted into ever-increasing sized cups as they outgrew their tiny seed sponges, before finally reaching their permanent home in the herb garden bed. 

            I have invested so much time, energy, and money into this herb garden that I am not about to let it die.

            Why is it that we will work ourselves silly because of a monetary investment, while at the same time neglecting other things much more important to our lives?

            How about your marriage?  I say to every young couple I know, “Marriage is a high maintenance relationship.”  Right now, they think they will always be this close, always share every joy and every care.  They think there will never come a time when she wonders if he still loves her, or he wonders if she cares at all about the problems he must deal with at work.

            Life gets in the way.  If you want to stay as close as you are during that honeymoon phase, you have to tend your little garden.  Fix his favorite meal.  Send her flowers.  Put a love note in his lunchbox.  Take out the garbage without being asked.  Find a babysitter and go out on a date.  Just sit down after the kids are in bed--make them go to bed, people--and talk to each other.  And listen!  Pray together.  Study together.  Worship together.  Laugh together.  Cry together.

            What about your relationship with God?  Do you think you can maintain a close relationship with someone you don’t know?  He gave you a whole book telling you who He is, 1 Cor 2:11-13.  How much time do you spend with it?  How often do you talk to Him?  How can He help you when you never ask?  How can you enjoy being in the presence of someone with whom you have nothing in common?  Disciples want nothing more than to become like their teachers, 1 Pet 2:21,22; 2 Pet 3:18.

            None of that comes without effort.  You must spend some time and energy, maybe even make a few sacrifices to cultivate your relationship with God.  When you have invested nothing, it means nothing to you, and it shows. 

            Spend some time today improving your marriage, tending to your family relationships, cultivating your love and care for your brethren, and most of all, caring for your soul—pulling out the weeds, feeding it, nursing it along--so it will grow into a deeper, stronger, more fruitful relationship with your God.

Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap according to kindness; break up your fallow ground; for it is time to seek Jehovah, till he come and rain righteousness upon you, Hosea 10:12.

Dene Ward

            Keith had major surgery this past spring and because of his profound deafness I was with him in the hospital as caregiver 24/7.  We don’t do real sign language, but it is easier for me to communicate with him after 40 years of gradually adapting to his increasing disability.  People who are not used to it simply do not know how, and reading lips is not the easy fix to the problem that most think.

            Unfortunately, this hospital stay coincided with the garden harvest.  The beans, squash, and cucumbers had already begun coming in.  While we were away that week, those vegetables continued to grow.  When we got home, the beans were a lost cause--thick, tough, stringy and totally inedible.  The squash looked like a brass band had marched through, discarding their bright yellow tubas beneath the large green leaves, and the cucumbers as if a blimp had flown over in labor and dropped a litter.  If we expected the plants to continue to produce, I had to pull those huge gourds.  That first morning home I picked and dumped 8 buckets full.

            Gardens are taskmasters.  They don’t stop when it doesn’t suit your schedule.  They don’t wait till you have a free moment.  You must reap the harvest when it is ready or you lose it.  Every morning in late May and early June I go out to see what the day holds for me.  Will I be putting up beans or corn or tomatoes?  Will we have okra for supper or do I need to pickle it?  Are the jalapenos ready for this year’s salsa?  Are the bell peppers big enough to stuff or do I need to chop some for the freezer?  Do I need to make pesto before the basil completely takes over the herb bed? 

            And then you look for other problems.  Has blight struck the tomatoes?  Do the vining plants have a fungus?  Have the monarch butterflies laid their progeny on the parsley plants?  Have the cutworms attacked the peppers?  Has the ground developed a bacteria that is killing off half the garden almost overnight?  Do things just need watering?

            Childrearing can be the same way.  Children don’t stop growing until it suits your schedule. They don’t wait till you have a free moment.  You must reap the harvest when it is ready or you lose it.

            God expects you to carefully watch those small plants.  He expects you to check for problems before they kill the plants, and nip them in the bud.  It is perfectly normal for a toddler to be self-centered, but somewhere along the way you must teach him consideration for others.  Are you watching for ways to overcome his innate selfishness and teach him to share? Do you have a plan to teach him generosity?  It won’t happen by itself--you have to do it.

           Are you examining your children every day for those little diseases—stubbornness, a hot temper, whining, disrespect, or the other side of the “leaf”—inordinate shyness, self-deprecation, pessimism.  God expects you to look for problems from the beginning and try to fix them so your child will grow into a happy, well-adjusted adult, able to serve Him without the baggage of character flaws that should have been caught when he was very small.  Parents who ignore these things, thinking they will somehow go away when he grows up, are failing in their duties as gardeners of God’s young souls.  Those things will not disappear on their own any more than nematodes and mole crickets will.

            He also expects you to make clear-eyed judgments.  He may be your precious little cutie-pie, but you need to take off your tinted glasses and take a good look at him.  If you ignore his problems because you are too smitten to see them, you do not love your child as much as you claim.  Whoever spares the rod, hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him, Prov 13:24.  When I ignore the blight in my garden it’s because saving the garden isn’t important to me.

            Have you and your spouse ever just sat and watched your children play?  Have you ever given any thought at all to the things you might need to correct in them?  If your schedule is too busy for that, then you are too busy.  Period.  Your children will keep right on growing, and without your attentive care they may rot on the vine. 

            You are a steward of God’s garden.  The most important thing you can do today is take care of it.

Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table… Psalms 128:3.

Dene Ward

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Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.
I went to the men's study Friday morning. It was an intro class to the first big section of the study called "Unpacking the Past."  The author called us to honestly look at our past, at the things that shaped who we are, the events that molded our lives and face up to them and learn from them or we can never take control of our lives. We will always be responding to stimuli we don't even acknowledge. He showed what he meant by talking about his childhood and the things that formed him. The negative things he had to overcome came from his father never saying he loved him, or was proud of him, never really talking to him, teaching him, or showing much interest. He was there, but he wasn't REALLY there. These were all things that affected how this teacher lived his life for years until he confronted it and decided to move on. In the discussion period after the class some of the men also talked about how their fathers were distant figures who were never emotionally involved in their children's lives. 

It made me think, and I brought this up in discussion, that I must have been even luckier than I thought in who I got as a father. I've (almost) always known and acknowledged that my dad did a great job as a dad, but the comparison really makes it stand out. Dad got up every morning earlier than he had to so he would have time to read us a chapter out of the Bible while we were eating breakfast. Then he would walk us to the bus stop and we would play catch until the bus came. After he had to give up preaching, he got a very good job as an insurance salesman that paid very well, but most of the contacts and sales meetings were, of course, in the evenings. He quit that job and took one that paid a much less because he felt he was missing us growing up. He wanted to spend time with us.

Perhaps what I most appreciate today -- and appreciated least then -- was that Dad taught us to work. We had what I like to call a "minifarm". Five acres with hogs, chickens, dogs and cats, and a garden so big that not only did we gorge ourselves on fresh produce all summer long and freeze and/or can enough to last us the remainder of the year, but we kept pretty much the whole church (200 people) in free, fresh produce all summer long. We came home from school and had chores to do in the afternoon. We worked hard most of the weekends and throughout the summer. Dad showed us first hand the need for responsibility, hard work, and doing things right the first time. As hard as we worked, Dad always made time for fun. We'd get up early and work hard throughout the morning and early afternoon, then take off and go swimming in one of the local swimming holes, or we'd play baseball or basketball or football -- nice to have a fifty yard long field almost equally wide to play in. Dad regularly told us he loved us and was proud of us. Before bed every night we gathered for a family prayer. He was involved.

That's not to say Dad didn't mess up sometimes. He definitely wasn't perfect, but that brings me to my earliest memory. It occurred, I believe, in South Carolina, from which we moved a week after my third birthday, so it was early in my life. I'm not real sure exactly what happened, just that Dad was angry with me about something and hollered. Mom stopped him and said something, again I'm real fuzzy here, but what I remember clearly is Dad stopping, getting down on the floor so he could look me in the eyes and say he was sorry. He meant it. He said he was sorry, that what he said was something he should never have said and repeated that he was sorry. He then prayed, with me, to God for forgiveness. I've never forgotten. To this day, I am willing to admit when I'm wrong -- I'm stubborn, but if the facts are there, I'll admit it -- and apologize. I've apologized up hill and down hill. I'm willing to listen when others approach me. I try to analyze myself and my actions honestly. Do you think Dad's example might have had something to do with that?

My dad isn't perfect. There were times I was so mad at him I thought I'd never want to see him again -- of course, some of those times were because I wasn't perfect. He messed up, but he loved us. He tried his best, and tried to keep getting better and learn from his mistakes. He studied the Bible for help in getting better. He was there for us, taught us the things he thought were important about being a man, spurred us onward and propped us up. He taught us about God. 

Thanks, Dad.

Lucas Ward

            June 14 is our anniversary.  We like to call it “our” birthday, because 40 years ago we became one new person.  It is, in fact, Keith’s own birthday as well.  He tells me I am the best birthday present he ever received, even now when I am causing him more trouble than ever before with these eyes of mine.

            Do you know what I consider the best present he ever gave me?  Security.  I am not talking about money.  He never promised me a lavish lifestyle.  He never promised me a big home, a bottomless bank account, vacations all over the world, or even all over this country.  What he did promise was “for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health,” and he has kept those promises.

            We have had our share of “poorer;” we’ve certainly had times of “worse;” we have dealt with the “sickness” aspect longer that most realize if you count our increasing disabilities.  But he is still here.  I can still see well enough in the mirror.  Despite bulges, surgery scars, wrinkles, once tight skin that now flaps in the breeze, long black curly hair that is cut short for ease and has turned gun metal gray, and eyes that are now constantly swollen and squinty, and sometimes black, purple, or red, he still tells me I am beautiful.  And you know what?  Somehow, he makes me believe it.

            In spite of his own handicap, which few view with any understanding or compassion at all and which grows worse every day, he pampers me, takes care of me, serves me, guards me, and puts me on a pedestal I don’t deserve.  I know he will never leave me, and that is a gift of comfort beyond all measure.

            Yet we do not take each other for granted.  We both work hard to make this marriage commitment not just a responsibility but a pleasure as well.  Forty years ago we made promises not just to each other, but to God.  We both believe those promises must be kept, and in keeping them, we laugh and love more and more every day.

            Being several years older, he frets about who will care for me when he is gone.  But we have two sons who have seen his example their entire lives.  I don’t worry one bit.

            Do you young husbands want an example for your marriages?  Do you older husbands want to give your wives a wonderful gift?  Here it is:  security in your love.  It will make all the difference in the world. 

Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for it.  Even so ought husbands to love their wives as their own bodies, Eph 5:25,28.

Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil which you toil under the sun, Eccl 9:9,

Dene Ward

            Now, now--I can see those eyebrows.  No, I don’t know her name, but I sure know a lot about her, and so do you, if you think about it.

            We need to start back a few generations.  Luke tells us that Mary and Elizabeth were close relatives, 1:36.  If one is from the tribe of Judah, a descendant of David, and the other a “daughter of Aaron” from the tribe of Levi, how could they be “close?”      
           
            Under the Jewish system, unless there were no sons to inherit property, daughters were allowed to marry outside their tribe and were absorbed into their husbands’ tribes.  Luke’s genealogy shows that Mary was a direct descendant of David.  Yet he also says she was a “near kinswoman” of Elizabeth, a “daughter of Aaron.”  For Elizabeth to be past child-bearing age, she must have been at least two generations older than Mary, the same generation as Mary’s grandmother.  Thus it is likely that a sister from the previous generation married into the tribe of Levi, the family of Aaron.  The mother of those two earlier sisters must have been a righteous woman to raise two daughters who then raised yet more generations of righteous Jews, one of whom bore John the forerunner of the Messiah, and another the grandmother of the Messiah himself.

            This brings us to the woman in question—Jesus’ grandmother.  We know she had at least two daughters, Mary being the more famous.  Now get a sheet of paper, if your mind needs to see this in black and white like mine usually does.  Read Matt 27:56, Mark 15:40, and John 19:25.  List the women who stood at the cross and start matching them up.  Matthew says they were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee.  Mark says they were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James the Less and Joses, and Salome.  John says that besides Jesus’ mother Mary, they were Mary Magdalene, Mary the wife of Cleopas (or Clopas or Cleophas), and Jesus’ mother’s sister.

            Look how much you learn from such a simple exercise.  Besides finding yet another Mary, we find out that James the Less had a brother named Joses.  We find out that his father Alphaeus (Matt 10:3) was also called Cleopas.  He was probably the Cleopas on the road to Emmaus in Luke 24:18.

            More to the point, we find out that James and John, the sons of Zebedee, were also the sons of Salome, and that she was Mary’s sister.  If John were the “baby cousin,” no wonder he was especially dear to Jesus.  This might also mollify any bad feelings some have toward Salome.  She really wasn’t all that presumptuous.  She was His aunt after all, and her sons were Jesus’ only blood relatives among the apostles.  Why not think they should be His first and second lieutenants? 

            So following those righteous women down the line we have one branch of the distant family bringing about the Forerunner of the Messiah, the Elijah of the New Testament, a martyr for the Lord’s cause.  In the other branch we have two twigs, one bringing forth the Messiah, the writers of two epistles (James and Jude, two of Jesus’ brothers) and an elder in the Jerusalem church (the same James); and the other bearing two of the apostles, one of whom would be the first apostle martyred (James in Acts 12) and the other who would write one gospel, three epistles, and the final Revelation—the apostle John.

            I have often thought of Mary and her dilemma when she discovered that she would be a pregnant virgin.  At that point she was a young teenager, poor and unmarried.  Imagine having to tell her parents.  Would you believe your daughter?  Of course, in this age things like that no longer happen, but when was the last miracle these people had seen?  How long had they been living with the promise of a Messiah who had yet to come?  They knew how they had raised their daughter.  They knew she was telling the truth.  Or maybe God “helped” them know as He helped Joseph, and their faith kept them strong through what must have been a difficult and awkward time with the rest of the community.

            I wonder if God could find such a family today, especially one whose righteousness He could count on to continue through several generations.  What about the family I raised?  What about yours?  What will happen two or three generations from now?  Did we give our children enough ammunition to fight Satan that long?

            One of the reasons God said he could trust Abraham, one of the reasons he was chosen was I have known him to the end that he may command his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of Jehovah to do righteousness and justice to the end that Jehovah may bring upon Abraham that which he has spoken to him, Gen. 18:19.

            Jesus grandparents and great-grandparents, poor, uneducated by our standards, and living in a vassal nation, still accomplished what even the wealthiest and most powerful could not.  They probably never knew the end result during their lifetimes. We may never know what our efforts have accomplished either, but it may be something wonderful.  Don’t ever think that teaching your children won’t matter to the rest of the world.  Your influence, for good or bad, could go on for generations.

 

Therefore we said, Let us now build an altar, not for burnt offering, nor for sacrifice, but to be a witness between us and you and between our generations after us, that we do perform the service of the Lord in his presence with our burnt offerings and sacrifices and peace offerings, so your children will not say to our children in time to come, “You have no portion in the Lord,” Josh 22:26,27.

Dene Ward

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            No, I didn’t marry Steve.  I married Keith Ward.  If ever there was a man who understood that religion isn’t a “woman thing,” that as leader of the family, the buck stopped with him, it’s this man.  The Bible was read and discussed every day in our home.  Bible lessons were done.  Sermons were dissected and analyzed.  By the time they were twelve, our sons knew more Bible than most adults.  When they hit Florida College, freshman Bible was an easy A.

            And me?  This man is the original enabler.  He taught me how to study.  He bought me books.  He answered my questions.  He arranged his schedule so he could watch the children while I taught classes.  He proofread material, offered suggestions, and made corrections.  Ultimately he footed a huge bill so we could print Born of a Woman.

            He is the one who suggested the blog and he hands out far more blog cards than I do.  Now, with my vision slowly declining, he drives me to the classes I teach and to speaking engagements, and still offers the same services proofreading and commenting.

            He does this without complaint and without resentment, despite the fact that his full-time preaching career, the only thing he wanted to do with his life, ended many years ago.  Since then he has held a few meetings, lectured at Florida College, and filled in at a dozen different congregations, but that is not what he had in mind.  Some men couldn’t live with that.  Some men would have kept their wives out of the limelight if they couldn’t have a share, especially men with so much knowledge and ability as he. 

            I’ve taught classes where some of the women could not attend because their husbands refused to “babysit.”  Excuse me?  They are his children, not his hobby.  But he had been “working all day and shouldn’t be expected to do that too.”  So his wife’s spirituality suffered when she missed an opportunity to learn, unimpeded by wrestling with babies.

            I’ve taught classes where as soon as it became apparent that she was becoming more knowledgeable than he, suddenly she was no longer allowed to attend.  Far be it from him to actually study enough to keep up with her.

            I’ve taught classes where, even though there were no children, he expected her home with him every night.  He certainly didn’t want a quick and easy dinner so she could make a seven o’clock’ class, especially if it left the dishes for him to do (if she were lucky).

            In forty years I have seen all kinds of husbands, and I know how blessed I am.  Keith Ward understands what God expects of him.  He is the spiritual leader of this family and he knows he will be held accountable for where its members end up. 

            So will every man, especially those who take such stock in being (thumbs pulling on suspenders and chest puffed out) “Head of the house.”  Any man who wants the title had better live up to it.  I’ve shown you four men who did.  They are worthy of your admiration and imitation.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loves his own wife loves himself: for no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church; Ephesians 5:25-29.

Dene Ward

            The year after I began teaching Bible classes I dated a fourth year Bible student at Florida College.  I was only a senior in high school, but lived just across the river from Temple Terrace, only a mile as the crow flies from campus, and we attended the same congregation.  I accompanied him to his various preaching appointments and we visited at gospel meetings most Friday nights. With him I had my first experiences on campus at Thursday night devotionals down by the river. 

            The night he picked me up after play practice at high school, my stock there went through the roof.  Here I was, the quiet girl who kept mostly to herself, whom no one had ever seen with any guy at all, and suddenly a six foot stud appears who makes all the boys there look about 12, and he has come for me!  His name was Steve Bobbitt.

            The relationship came to its natural end when he graduated and moved on to his first preaching job and I graduated high school with a couple of scholarships and a major in mind.  So what did he have to do with my spiritual development?

            Exposure for one thing.  From him I first heard the words homiletics, hermeneutics, and apologetics.  He didn’t assume a girl wouldn’t care about such things, or even understand them.  We often studied together and I’d flip through his classbooks, real college textbooks about the Bible, which fanned my curiosity.  He answered my questions like they were important, not like they were a bother.  He listened to my thoughts and opinions like they made sense.  Today, even some of the men who know I am not an idiot still have that slight air of condescension about them when I say something about a Bible subject.  But Steve listened—he treated it like an investment he cared about.

            I made the mistake once of complaining about “being a woman and not getting to do anything.”  We were headed somewhere down a dark two lane highway, but he immediately pulled the car over and gave me a lecture that amounted to, “Don’t ever say that again.  There’s plenty you can do.”

            For graduation he gave me a one volume commentary that I have nearly used up, especially in preparing classes and writing class material.  Part of his inscription reads, “Here is a book to help your understanding of the Book of books.  May the Word of God ever guide you along the roads of life until you at last pass safely through the Arch of Triumph.”

            I have met two of Steve’s children, and one son-in-law.  It is apparent that he continued in his duties as a spiritual leader all through his life, which ended far too soon a few years ago.  He has already found that “Arch of Triumph” and I plan to see him there again one day.

            We were young, but this man, even in our youthful relationship, one that was bound to end in a few months, felt a responsibility toward me.  A man’s duty as a spiritual leader is not confined to family relationships.  It’s about whoever you come into contact with, especially in a relationship where you are the natural leader, whether by age or gender or role or, in our case, a few of those things combined.  He left an impact on me that the next man, the last one, could bring to completion.  Because of the three men who came before, the pump was primed, but the job was not yet finished.

Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the mind of his friend,  Prov 27:17.

Dene Ward

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            I began teaching Bible classes when I was 16.  The elder who pulled me out of the high school class and put me into the third grade group when their teacher did not show up was a man named Robin Willis.  That was just the beginning of his cultivation of me as a teacher. 

            Eventually he appointed me the permanent first grade Bible class teacher.  It was a small class—never more than three, which was perfect for a teenage beginner, especially one flying solo.  I was only 17 and I don’t recall speaking to him much one on one, but he had obviously been paying attention.  In my experience since then, for a man to pay that kind of attention to any woman’s spiritual state, unless she is in abject sin, is unheard of.  More often we are shrugged off or ignored, but not this elder.

            Every so often brother Willis made an unannounced visit to my class.  He walked in, sat in the back, and quietly observed.  He never said a word during class and never made any extraneous noises—no grunts, no sighs, nothing that would distract me or the children.  I suppose that was the first time I realized the whole responsibility of elders in feeding their flock.  It wasn’t just appointing teachers and paying for classbooks.  That “onsite inspection” made me much more careful about what I taught and how, and it kept me from ever “phoning it in.”

            When I was 20 he asked me to create and teach a Bible class for the teenage girls in the church.  He came into that one too.  I think it bothered the young ladies far more than it did me—I was used to it by then, but the reminder of my responsibilities never hurt. 

            Before long, he told me I should publish my lessons.  He was as worried as I that the material for women’s classes at that time was pitifully shallow.  It took a few more years, but eventually Born of a Woman: Woman’s Place in the Scheme of Redemption appeared.  He worked for a printing company and saw to it personally that we got an excellent deal and a good looking product.  In case you are wondering, he gave up any personal commissions so I could have the lowest cost possible.  That book is still in circulation and it always pays for itself now.  I have women tell me all the time that they never learned so much in their lives as they did with that book.  They owe that to Robin Willis and his foresight.

            Studying for and writing that book and all that teaching experience at such an early age is what made me the teacher I am today.  Because a shepherd was looking at his flock and saw one who had some potential, because he cultivated that potential with patience, encouragement, and opportunities, I have now taught hundreds of women and children.  An elder doesn’t just feed his flock—he trains others to help with the task, be they men who become teachers, speakers, and maybe even elders, or women who learn to teach in the capacity God has allowed.  Shepherds teach those people the importance of their duty as they check up on them, offering suggestions and giving direction.

            Robin Willis holds a special place in my heart and always will.  If you have ever sat in one of my classes, or learned from one of my books, or read one of my articles, you should thank him as well.  If you are a shepherd of the Lord’s flock, take note of a man who knew what being a spiritual leader was all about.

Take heed unto yourselves, and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you bishops, to feed the church of the Lord which he purchased with his own blood, Acts 20:28.

Dene Ward