June 14 is our anniversary.  We like to call it “our” birthday, because 40 years ago we became one new person.  It is, in fact, Keith’s own birthday as well.  He tells me I am the best birthday present he ever received, even now when I am causing him more trouble than ever before with these eyes of mine.

            Do you know what I consider the best present he ever gave me?  Security.  I am not talking about money.  He never promised me a lavish lifestyle.  He never promised me a big home, a bottomless bank account, vacations all over the world, or even all over this country.  What he did promise was “for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health,” and he has kept those promises.

            We have had our share of “poorer;” we’ve certainly had times of “worse;” we have dealt with the “sickness” aspect longer that most realize if you count our increasing disabilities.  But he is still here.  I can still see well enough in the mirror.  Despite bulges, surgery scars, wrinkles, once tight skin that now flaps in the breeze, long black curly hair that is cut short for ease and has turned gun metal gray, and eyes that are now constantly swollen and squinty, and sometimes black, purple, or red, he still tells me I am beautiful.  And you know what?  Somehow, he makes me believe it.

            In spite of his own handicap, which few view with any understanding or compassion at all and which grows worse every day, he pampers me, takes care of me, serves me, guards me, and puts me on a pedestal I don’t deserve.  I know he will never leave me, and that is a gift of comfort beyond all measure.

            Yet we do not take each other for granted.  We both work hard to make this marriage commitment not just a responsibility but a pleasure as well.  Forty years ago we made promises not just to each other, but to God.  We both believe those promises must be kept, and in keeping them, we laugh and love more and more every day.

            Being several years older, he frets about who will care for me when he is gone.  But we have two sons who have seen his example their entire lives.  I don’t worry one bit.

            Do you young husbands want an example for your marriages?  Do you older husbands want to give your wives a wonderful gift?  Here it is:  security in your love.  It will make all the difference in the world. 

Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for it.  Even so ought husbands to love their wives as their own bodies, Eph 5:25,28.

Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil which you toil under the sun, Eccl 9:9,

Dene Ward

            Now, now--I can see those eyebrows.  No, I don’t know her name, but I sure know a lot about her, and so do you, if you think about it.

            We need to start back a few generations.  Luke tells us that Mary and Elizabeth were close relatives, 1:36.  If one is from the tribe of Judah, a descendant of David, and the other a “daughter of Aaron” from the tribe of Levi, how could they be “close?”      
           
            Under the Jewish system, unless there were no sons to inherit property, daughters were allowed to marry outside their tribe and were absorbed into their husbands’ tribes.  Luke’s genealogy shows that Mary was a direct descendant of David.  Yet he also says she was a “near kinswoman” of Elizabeth, a “daughter of Aaron.”  For Elizabeth to be past child-bearing age, she must have been at least two generations older than Mary, the same generation as Mary’s grandmother.  Thus it is likely that a sister from the previous generation married into the tribe of Levi, the family of Aaron.  The mother of those two earlier sisters must have been a righteous woman to raise two daughters who then raised yet more generations of righteous Jews, one of whom bore John the forerunner of the Messiah, and another the grandmother of the Messiah himself.

            This brings us to the woman in question—Jesus’ grandmother.  We know she had at least two daughters, Mary being the more famous.  Now get a sheet of paper, if your mind needs to see this in black and white like mine usually does.  Read Matt 27:56, Mark 15:40, and John 19:25.  List the women who stood at the cross and start matching them up.  Matthew says they were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee.  Mark says they were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James the Less and Joses, and Salome.  John says that besides Jesus’ mother Mary, they were Mary Magdalene, Mary the wife of Cleopas (or Clopas or Cleophas), and Jesus’ mother’s sister.

            Look how much you learn from such a simple exercise.  Besides finding yet another Mary, we find out that James the Less had a brother named Joses.  We find out that his father Alphaeus (Matt 10:3) was also called Cleopas.  He was probably the Cleopas on the road to Emmaus in Luke 24:18.

            More to the point, we find out that James and John, the sons of Zebedee, were also the sons of Salome, and that she was Mary’s sister.  If John were the “baby cousin,” no wonder he was especially dear to Jesus.  This might also mollify any bad feelings some have toward Salome.  She really wasn’t all that presumptuous.  She was His aunt after all, and her sons were Jesus’ only blood relatives among the apostles.  Why not think they should be His first and second lieutenants? 

            So following those righteous women down the line we have one branch of the distant family bringing about the Forerunner of the Messiah, the Elijah of the New Testament, a martyr for the Lord’s cause.  In the other branch we have two twigs, one bringing forth the Messiah, the writers of two epistles (James and Jude, two of Jesus’ brothers) and an elder in the Jerusalem church (the same James); and the other bearing two of the apostles, one of whom would be the first apostle martyred (James in Acts 12) and the other who would write one gospel, three epistles, and the final Revelation—the apostle John.

            I have often thought of Mary and her dilemma when she discovered that she would be a pregnant virgin.  At that point she was a young teenager, poor and unmarried.  Imagine having to tell her parents.  Would you believe your daughter?  Of course, in this age things like that no longer happen, but when was the last miracle these people had seen?  How long had they been living with the promise of a Messiah who had yet to come?  They knew how they had raised their daughter.  They knew she was telling the truth.  Or maybe God “helped” them know as He helped Joseph, and their faith kept them strong through what must have been a difficult and awkward time with the rest of the community.

            I wonder if God could find such a family today, especially one whose righteousness He could count on to continue through several generations.  What about the family I raised?  What about yours?  What will happen two or three generations from now?  Did we give our children enough ammunition to fight Satan that long?

            One of the reasons God said he could trust Abraham, one of the reasons he was chosen was I have known him to the end that he may command his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of Jehovah to do righteousness and justice to the end that Jehovah may bring upon Abraham that which he has spoken to him, Gen. 18:19.

            Jesus grandparents and great-grandparents, poor, uneducated by our standards, and living in a vassal nation, still accomplished what even the wealthiest and most powerful could not.  They probably never knew the end result during their lifetimes. We may never know what our efforts have accomplished either, but it may be something wonderful.  Don’t ever think that teaching your children won’t matter to the rest of the world.  Your influence, for good or bad, could go on for generations.

 

Therefore we said, Let us now build an altar, not for burnt offering, nor for sacrifice, but to be a witness between us and you and between our generations after us, that we do perform the service of the Lord in his presence with our burnt offerings and sacrifices and peace offerings, so your children will not say to our children in time to come, “You have no portion in the Lord,” Josh 22:26,27.

Dene Ward

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(For hints, help, and instructions on using this blog, click on the FAQ/Tutorial page on the left sidebar)

            No, I didn’t marry Steve.  I married Keith Ward.  If ever there was a man who understood that religion isn’t a “woman thing,” that as leader of the family, the buck stopped with him, it’s this man.  The Bible was read and discussed every day in our home.  Bible lessons were done.  Sermons were dissected and analyzed.  By the time they were twelve, our sons knew more Bible than most adults.  When they hit Florida College, freshman Bible was an easy A.

            And me?  This man is the original enabler.  He taught me how to study.  He bought me books.  He answered my questions.  He arranged his schedule so he could watch the children while I taught classes.  He proofread material, offered suggestions, and made corrections.  Ultimately he footed a huge bill so we could print Born of a Woman.

            He is the one who suggested the blog and he hands out far more blog cards than I do.  Now, with my vision slowly declining, he drives me to the classes I teach and to speaking engagements, and still offers the same services proofreading and commenting.

            He does this without complaint and without resentment, despite the fact that his full-time preaching career, the only thing he wanted to do with his life, ended many years ago.  Since then he has held a few meetings, lectured at Florida College, and filled in at a dozen different congregations, but that is not what he had in mind.  Some men couldn’t live with that.  Some men would have kept their wives out of the limelight if they couldn’t have a share, especially men with so much knowledge and ability as he. 

            I’ve taught classes where some of the women could not attend because their husbands refused to “babysit.”  Excuse me?  They are his children, not his hobby.  But he had been “working all day and shouldn’t be expected to do that too.”  So his wife’s spirituality suffered when she missed an opportunity to learn, unimpeded by wrestling with babies.

            I’ve taught classes where as soon as it became apparent that she was becoming more knowledgeable than he, suddenly she was no longer allowed to attend.  Far be it from him to actually study enough to keep up with her.

            I’ve taught classes where, even though there were no children, he expected her home with him every night.  He certainly didn’t want a quick and easy dinner so she could make a seven o’clock’ class, especially if it left the dishes for him to do (if she were lucky).

            In forty years I have seen all kinds of husbands, and I know how blessed I am.  Keith Ward understands what God expects of him.  He is the spiritual leader of this family and he knows he will be held accountable for where its members end up. 

            So will every man, especially those who take such stock in being (thumbs pulling on suspenders and chest puffed out) “Head of the house.”  Any man who wants the title had better live up to it.  I’ve shown you four men who did.  They are worthy of your admiration and imitation.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. Even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loves his own wife loves himself: for no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also the church; Ephesians 5:25-29.

Dene Ward

            The year after I began teaching Bible classes I dated a fourth year Bible student at Florida College.  I was only a senior in high school, but lived just across the river from Temple Terrace, only a mile as the crow flies from campus, and we attended the same congregation.  I accompanied him to his various preaching appointments and we visited at gospel meetings most Friday nights. With him I had my first experiences on campus at Thursday night devotionals down by the river. 

            The night he picked me up after play practice at high school, my stock there went through the roof.  Here I was, the quiet girl who kept mostly to herself, whom no one had ever seen with any guy at all, and suddenly a six foot stud appears who makes all the boys there look about 12, and he has come for me!  His name was Steve Bobbitt.

            The relationship came to its natural end when he graduated and moved on to his first preaching job and I graduated high school with a couple of scholarships and a major in mind.  So what did he have to do with my spiritual development?

            Exposure for one thing.  From him I first heard the words homiletics, hermeneutics, and apologetics.  He didn’t assume a girl wouldn’t care about such things, or even understand them.  We often studied together and I’d flip through his classbooks, real college textbooks about the Bible, which fanned my curiosity.  He answered my questions like they were important, not like they were a bother.  He listened to my thoughts and opinions like they made sense.  Today, even some of the men who know I am not an idiot still have that slight air of condescension about them when I say something about a Bible subject.  But Steve listened—he treated it like an investment he cared about.

            I made the mistake once of complaining about “being a woman and not getting to do anything.”  We were headed somewhere down a dark two lane highway, but he immediately pulled the car over and gave me a lecture that amounted to, “Don’t ever say that again.  There’s plenty you can do.”

            For graduation he gave me a one volume commentary that I have nearly used up, especially in preparing classes and writing class material.  Part of his inscription reads, “Here is a book to help your understanding of the Book of books.  May the Word of God ever guide you along the roads of life until you at last pass safely through the Arch of Triumph.”

            I have met two of Steve’s children, and one son-in-law.  It is apparent that he continued in his duties as a spiritual leader all through his life, which ended far too soon a few years ago.  He has already found that “Arch of Triumph” and I plan to see him there again one day.

            We were young, but this man, even in our youthful relationship, one that was bound to end in a few months, felt a responsibility toward me.  A man’s duty as a spiritual leader is not confined to family relationships.  It’s about whoever you come into contact with, especially in a relationship where you are the natural leader, whether by age or gender or role or, in our case, a few of those things combined.  He left an impact on me that the next man, the last one, could bring to completion.  Because of the three men who came before, the pump was primed, but the job was not yet finished.

Iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the mind of his friend,  Prov 27:17.

Dene Ward

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            I began teaching Bible classes when I was 16.  The elder who pulled me out of the high school class and put me into the third grade group when their teacher did not show up was a man named Robin Willis.  That was just the beginning of his cultivation of me as a teacher. 

            Eventually he appointed me the permanent first grade Bible class teacher.  It was a small class—never more than three, which was perfect for a teenage beginner, especially one flying solo.  I was only 17 and I don’t recall speaking to him much one on one, but he had obviously been paying attention.  In my experience since then, for a man to pay that kind of attention to any woman’s spiritual state, unless she is in abject sin, is unheard of.  More often we are shrugged off or ignored, but not this elder.

            Every so often brother Willis made an unannounced visit to my class.  He walked in, sat in the back, and quietly observed.  He never said a word during class and never made any extraneous noises—no grunts, no sighs, nothing that would distract me or the children.  I suppose that was the first time I realized the whole responsibility of elders in feeding their flock.  It wasn’t just appointing teachers and paying for classbooks.  That “onsite inspection” made me much more careful about what I taught and how, and it kept me from ever “phoning it in.”

            When I was 20 he asked me to create and teach a Bible class for the teenage girls in the church.  He came into that one too.  I think it bothered the young ladies far more than it did me—I was used to it by then, but the reminder of my responsibilities never hurt. 

            Before long, he told me I should publish my lessons.  He was as worried as I that the material for women’s classes at that time was pitifully shallow.  It took a few more years, but eventually Born of a Woman: Woman’s Place in the Scheme of Redemption appeared.  He worked for a printing company and saw to it personally that we got an excellent deal and a good looking product.  In case you are wondering, he gave up any personal commissions so I could have the lowest cost possible.  That book is still in circulation and it always pays for itself now.  I have women tell me all the time that they never learned so much in their lives as they did with that book.  They owe that to Robin Willis and his foresight.

            Studying for and writing that book and all that teaching experience at such an early age is what made me the teacher I am today.  Because a shepherd was looking at his flock and saw one who had some potential, because he cultivated that potential with patience, encouragement, and opportunities, I have now taught hundreds of women and children.  An elder doesn’t just feed his flock—he trains others to help with the task, be they men who become teachers, speakers, and maybe even elders, or women who learn to teach in the capacity God has allowed.  Shepherds teach those people the importance of their duty as they check up on them, offering suggestions and giving direction.

            Robin Willis holds a special place in my heart and always will.  If you have ever sat in one of my classes, or learned from one of my books, or read one of my articles, you should thank him as well.  If you are a shepherd of the Lord’s flock, take note of a man who knew what being a spiritual leader was all about.

Take heed unto yourselves, and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you bishops, to feed the church of the Lord which he purchased with his own blood, Acts 20:28.

Dene Ward

This new series has come to me in fits and starts over the years.  Age has a way of bringing together bits and pieces into a final realization that would never have arrived any other way.  After reviewing my life and observing hundreds of others, answering letters and emails seeking advice, and having scores of private sessions both in person and on the phone, I think I have finally figured something out. 

            We teach our young men fairly well these days, especially now that man-bashing has become a cultural phenomenon.  We, meaning women, seem to think they are responsible for all the ills in the world, and bumbling idiots to boot.  If you haven’t noticed that on television, you haven’t been paying enough attention.  So we teach them to be considerate husbands and involved fathers.  But have we ever taught them that, as the Divinely appointed head in practically all situations, they are to be spiritual leaders?  It is up to them, the scriptures say, to bring up their children “in the chastening and admonition of the Lord,” Eph 6:4.  It is up to them to “feed the flock” Acts 20:28.  It is up to them to make their wives holy (Eph 5:25-27).  As a woman I am not the one to teach this, but I can share with you the men in my life and how they have fulfilled their duties, and let their examples teach.  I am blessed to have had these men watching out for my spiritual growth and learning. 

            Obviously, fathers have the most to do with a child’s spiritual growth.  I have already introduced you to my father, Gerald Ayers--his example, his wisdom, and his care.  Because he understood his role, I grew up to be a Christian, not just someone who “got wet” and sat on a pew, but a real disciple of Christ. 

            In my house, no one ever questioned where we would be on Sunday and Wednesday.  There was never any reason to ask if I could miss an assembly for anything whatsoever.  It went without saying.  That kind of consistency is remarkably absent these days.  We try so hard to teach people that being a Christian is about more than sitting on a pew that we forget to tell them where and when to sit at all. 

            Yet I knew that assembly wasn’t all of it.  “Little pitchers have big ears,” we say of our children.  I heard some of the things he went through at work because he wouldn’t participate in after hours drinking, because he wouldn’t lie for the boss, and because his language was above reproach.  They called him, “Shucks,” because that was the strongest word that ever came out of his mouth, and most of them meant it as an insult.  I knew that being a Christian was important enough to take those insults, to be shunned, and to stand up when no one else stood with you.  My mother stood right there beside him.

            As I grew older he made sure I had the tools to study my Bible.  He made sure I had the time to do my lessons.  When a science teacher in the 8th grade gave me grief for being a Creationist, he gave me the materials I needed.  He had collected them and filed them away, and when the day came and I needed help, he handed me plenty of ammunition to fight my first real battle as a believer.  Thanks to him I wrote a paper that impressed even my teacher, according to her written remarks, even though to save face she only gave me a B+.  As a straight A student, I wore that B+ like a badge of honor.  It was my first ding in God’s service.

            My father continued in his role as leader when his grandsons came along.  They both remember his kindness, his smile, and the hymns he constantly sang.  Before he died, even in a state of increasing dementia, he was concerned about our faith.  “I want us all worshipping with the saints in Heaven,” he told me.  Recently I dedicated one of my posts to him, and I often use him as an example in my classes. He was the first of my spiritual leaders and probably the most important because he set the foundation for others to build on.

             But there were three more men who influenced me greatly, and I want you to know them too.  I hope you will continue to join me every Monday as I share them with you.

And if it seem evil unto you to serve Jehovah, choose you this day whom you will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve Jehovah. Joshua 24:15.

Dene Ward

 (For hints, help and instructions on using this blog, click on the FAQ/Tutorial page on the left sidebar)

          We heat with wood.  A thirty-two-year-old Ashley wood stove sits in the heart of our home—the kitchen and family room area.  Our boys grew up watching their father labor with a chainsaw, axe, and splitting maul, eventually helping him load the eighteen inch lengths of wood into the pickup bed and then onto the wood racks.  Every time a friend or neighbor lost a tree or several large limbs fell, the phone rang, and the three of them set off for a Saturday’s worth of work that kept us warm for a few days and the heating bill down where we could pay it.

            At first those small boys could only carry one log at a time, and a small one at that.  Wood is heavy if still unseasoned, and always rough and unwieldy.  By the time they were 10, an armful numbered two or three standard logs, even the lighter, seasoned ones.  They were 16 or older before they could come close to their father’s armload of over half a dozen logs, and grown men before they could match him log for log.  Even that is a small amount of wood.  In a damped woodstove, it might last half the night, but on an open fire barely an hour.

            So I laugh when I see pictures of an 8-10 year old Isaac carrying four or five “sticks” up Mt Moriah behind his father Abraham.  To carry the amount of wood necessary to burn a very wet animal sacrifice, Isaac had to have been grown, or nearly so, not less than 16 or 17, and probably older and more filled out.  In fact, in the very next chapter, Genesis 23, Isaac is 37 years old.  In chapter 21, his weaning, he is somewhere between 3 and 8, probably the older end, so all we can say for certain is he is between 3 and 37 at the time of his offering.  Our experience with wood carrying tells me that he was far older than most people envision.

            Do you realize what that means?  This may well have been a test of Abraham’s faith, but it also shows that Isaac’s faith was not far behind his father’s.  He could easily have over-powered his father, a man probably two decades north of 100, and gotten away.  He, too, trusted that God would provide, even as he lay himself down on that altar and watched his father raise his hand.

            How did he know?  Because he watched God provide everyday of his life.  He saw his father’s relationship with God, heard his prayers and watched his offerings, witnessed the decisions he made every day based solely on the belief in God’s promises, and his absolute obedience even when it hurt, like sending his brother Ishmael away (Gen 21:12-14). Isaac did not know a time when his family did not trust God, so he did too.  “God will provide” made perfect sense to him.

            When that young man carried that hefty load of wood up that mountain, he went with a purpose, based upon the example of his father’s faith and his Father’s faithfulness.  Would your children be willing to carry that wood?

The living, the living, he thanks you, as I do this day; the father makes known to the children your faithfulness. Isaiah 38:19

Dene Ward

(For hints, help, and instructions on using this blog, click on the FAQ/Tutorial page on the left sidebar)

            A male cardinal showed up one spring morning and tried out the bird feeder.  He had not eaten long before he left and came back with his mate.  He started eating while she sat on the side simply watching, but then he picked up another seed and hopped over to her, gently placing it in her mouth.  She ate and afterward continued to eat, the two of them side by side, enjoying a free and easy meal that she now knew was safe.

            A few weeks later I noticed that her figure was spreading.  Her round breast was more than round.  Too much bird seed, I wondered?  But no, all of a sudden one morning she was thinner again, and she and her mate came separately instead of together.  In fact, she came much less often, and he did a whole lot of back and forth commuting.

            Then they showed up with four other cardinals, young ones nearly full-grown, but thinner and with a scruffy plumage, even more muted than Mom’s.  One female would only sit on the edge of the feeder and quiver her wings so fast they seemed but a blur, leaning forward with her mouth open.  Daddy often fed her, one seed at a time, until she was full and flew away. After a week of that, Mom had had enough.  How was this one ever going to learn to feed herself?  So she often flew at the young one, nearly knocking her off the feeder.  Daddy got the message and stopped the “spoon feeding.”  Sometimes Daddy’s little girl tries it again, but Daddy makes her get her own now.  What will she do when he is gone if she never has taken care of herself before?

            In the evenings the whole family comes to the feeder together.  The young ones fly at one another playfully before settling down to eat.  Mom and Dad used to eat last, but more often now they jump right in with the “little ones,” some of whom are bigger than their parents.  The plumage on the males is starting to redden, and, what is more important, they come to eat even when their parents don’t.  They have learned to shell the seeds, and the flying debris often pings against the windows and out into the azaleas.  They have also learned to fend for themselves against the other birds, and when the big bad squirrel comes, they will either gang up on him, or if one is alone, that bird knows it is much better to simply run. 

            The cardinals have done well.  Did you know that those birds are monogamous for life?  And they have taught their children well.  They know how to take care of themselves.  They know when to fight and when to run.  They know where to come when they need nourishment, because mama and daddy brought them from the time they were able to fly there behind them.  If something ever happens to those parents, I know the young ones will still be visiting me every day.  And soon, they will bring their own. 

            By the way, this lesson is not for the birds. 

Give ear, O my people, to my law: incline your ears to the words of my mouth.  I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, telling to the generation to come the praises of Jehovah, and his strength, and his wondrous works that he has done. For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children; that the generation to come might know them, even the children that should be born; who should arise and tell them to their children, Psalm 78:1-6.

Dene Ward

(Today’s post is by guest writer Keith Ward, written to our son following his wedding)

            As I listened to Thaxter Dickey perform your wedding, thoughts came together that have been forming over years of study. Someone recently asked, “Why male and female: God could have done reproduction some other way. Is there a significance?” Maybe this is part of the answer that has been revealed.

            God said, “Let us make man in our image...and he created man [mankind, not male] in his own image...male and female created he them.”  (Gen 1:26-27). I have often used this passage to establish that from the beginning God is spoken of as the plurality we find revealed as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit in the N.T. Also, it is clear that since both male and female are in his image, all that is good about the feminine nature and motherhood is as much a part of God’s character as the best of masculinity and fatherhood.

            These are old thoughts, often shared and heard. But as I considered the union being formed before us all, I connected another old truth; the word for “one” in the phrase “and they shall be one flesh” is the same as in “Jehovah thy God is one” (Gen 2:23; Deut 6:4) revealing a purpose of marriage I had previously not discerned. First, let’s digress to note that “one flesh” does not refer primarily to sexual union since we can’t go around that way all the time. A husband and wife are “one flesh” all the time, it is a state of being that exists so long as they live. For this reason, the divorce decrees of men cannot undo the union forged by God (Mt 19:9). A husband and wife are one all the time, all day, every day, just as God is one. Three are one in the Godhood; two are one in a marriage. God intended that a marriage approximate as much as possible the unity found between Father, Son and Spirit. Men comprehend the unity of the Godhood by participating in and observing the unity of a good marriage.

            Such a marriage will be filled with love, as God loved the Son, and submission, as Jesus obeyed the Father, and help and nurture, as the Spirit comforted, completed and revealed.

            Considering marriage as a window to the unity of the Godhood makes divorce the more unthinkable. Since sexual union is not merely for reproduction or physical release, but is designed to teach us unity as one loving being, sexual sins become more abominable whether they occur before or after the vows. “Know ye not that he that is joined to a harlot is one body, for the twain, saith he, shall become one flesh” (1Cor 6:16). In other words, How can you degrade this that represents the beautiful unity of the Godhood by casually uniting with others than your spouse? How can you do this to your marriage (whether the wedding has taken place yet in time or not)?? It would be the same as though the Father, the Son, or the Spirit formed an outside relationship with an idol...UNSPEAKABLE!! And, the discords that plague all marriages are seen as the blots on the purity of “one” that they really are. How can we argue angrily, go our own way, seek the dominion, nag, play control games with sex, lay down the law, resent, etc. ad nauseum, when we understand this purpose of marriage?? Is this the way of Christ and the church (Eph 5:22-23)??

            We sing, “O To Be Like Thee” and the way we can come closest is to make our marriages all He wants them to be. God’s purpose from before the fall was that marriage lead man to an understanding of Him that the relationship between man and God could grow and mature. Even in a sin-sick world we can press toward that goal. Truly, “this mystery is great” and we will never comprehend it short of heaven. Yet, the more love and unity of heart, soul, and mind we develop in our marriages, the more we will be fitted to “see him as he is.”

Keith Ward

This is  part 11 of the Monday series, "Whoso Findeth a Wife."

And this second thing you o. You cover the LORD's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, "Why does he not?" Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. "For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless." Malachi 2:13-16

            The passage in Malachi also reminds us that the husband and wife are covenant partners, which is the last and perhaps most important description of a wife we will discuss.  No other passage in the Bible brings home the seriousness of breaking that covenant in quite the same way. 

            The one who does this is “faithless,” the prophet says in verses 15 and 16.  In another version he is called “treacherous.”  A covenant partner has every right to feel secure in that relationship.  Even a con man like Laban recognized that God was the witness in a marriage covenant (Gen 31:49,50), and even in a polygamous culture lines were drawn.  As we learned earlier, faithlessness was not confined to men (Prov 2:17).  Women can forsake men just as easily, especially these days when “I am woman!” seems to be a call to independence away from men and family in general.

            Malachi states plainly that breaking the marriage covenant is considered “violence,” verse 16, and as above in Genesis 31, “oppression.”  The violence may not be physical, but anyone who has seen the heartbreak of a divorce knows that the “tears” and “groans,” verse 13, are just as real and inflict just as much damage.  I have seen forsaken husbands and wives alike practically disintegrate before my eyes, losing weight, and aging ten years in a month.  God will hold the one who causes that “violence” to His child accountable.

            If nothing else brings home the gravity of violating a covenant, perhaps this will:  God will no longer accept the offering of one who breaks the marriage covenant, verse 13, and s/he no longer has the Spirit, verse 15.  For anyone who still has any recognition at all of his need for the grace of God and the help and comfort of the Holy Spirit in his life, this should be terrifying.  It should certainly be a wake-up call for all those who think they can still be a Christian after dissolving the covenant they swore to for anything other than the one exception Jesus made in Matthew 19. 

            Malachi reinforces God’s displeasure by repeating “thus says the Lord” at the beginning and end of the same sentence (v 16).  It is as if God says, “This is what I say…and I mean it!”  All through the scriptures, God approaches marriage and its responsibilities as a choice we make voluntarily, but which then makes us responsible to its sacred promises.  “Love your husband.”  “Love your wife.”  “Respect your husband.”  “Live joyfully with the wife [spouse] of your youth.”  If these things just “happened” God would not hold us liable.  He expects us to choose to make them happen, working at it, praying for it, fulfilling our individual duties without blaming the other party for the things we refused to do because “the spark has died.”  God expects me to get out my flint and strike a new one.  “It ain’t over till it’s over,” and that isn’t until the other party leaves altogether.

            Our culture may not honor marriage, considering it as breakable as an athlete’s contract, but “from the beginning it was not so,” Jesus said in Matthew 19.  One man, one woman, one lifetime—that’s what God intended.  A marriage is not between two persons, but three.  God is that third partner.  When you stand there in that beautiful white gown thinking this day is all about you, remember Who Else you are making a vow to.  Even if someday you think so little of your spouse that you would break a solemn oath to him, think twice before you break it to a Creator who could destroy you with a thought.

When you shall vow a vow unto Jehovah your God, you shall not be slack to pay it: for Jehovah your God will surely require it of you; and it would be sin in you.  That which is gone out of your lips you shall observe and do; according as you have vowed unto Jehovah your God... Deuteronomy 23:21,23.

Live joyfully with the wife [or husband] whom you love all the days of your life of vanity, which he has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity: for that is your portion in life, and in your labor wherein you labor under the sun. Ecclesiastes 9:9

Dene Ward