Today's post is by guest writer Philip Martin.

Proverbs 6:32 says whoever commits adultery ‘destroys his own soul.’ The Hebrew word here is striking. Mashchît means to bring ruin upon yourself, to act as your own destroyer. This is not about making a mistake. This is about choosing devastation.

I know a man who threw away twenty years of marriage for six months of excitement. When the dust settled, he had lost his wife, his children barely spoke to him, and his reputation in the community was shattered. But here's what haunted him most: he could not escape what he had become. A betrayer. A promise-breaker. His own worst enemy.

This is not just a man's story. I've seen wives make the same devastating choice, leaving behind confused children and heartbroken husbands. The destruction plays no favorites. When either spouse chooses unfaithfulness, they light a fuse that burns through everything they've built.

Let me be clear about what an affair costs. It costs your children their security. They stop believing in forever because the two people who were supposed to show them what forever looks like just proved it was a lie. It costs your spouse their ability to trust, not just you, but anyone. You hand them a wound that bleeds into every future relationship.

It costs money, too. Lawyers. Separate homes. Therapy for the kids. Child support. Alimony. The financial devastation can last decades. One moment of passion can mean a lifetime of payments.

But the deepest cost is to your own soul. You become someone you never wanted to be. You join the ranks of those who break sacred promises. You discover you're capable of looking someone you love in the eye and lying to them. That knowledge doesn't leave. It follows you into every relationship, every promise, every attempt to rebuild.

Marriage is a covenant between equals. Both husband and wife stand before God and make the same vows. Both promise faithfulness. Both bear the same responsibility to guard their marriage. When either one breaks that covenant, they sin against their spouse, against God, and against their own soul. There are no exceptions based on gender. Unfaithfulness destroys the unfaithful, whether man or woman.

Some will say, "But people make mistakes. There's forgiveness." Yes, there is. David found forgiveness after his adultery. But he also buried a son. His family was torn by violence. His sin was made public for all generations to read about. Forgiveness doesn't erase consequences. Grace doesn't undo destruction.

If you're standing at the edge of temptation, stop. Think about what you're about to pay. Think about your spouse waking up alone, wondering where you are. Think about your children asking why Mommy or Daddy doesn't live here anymore. Think about becoming the villain in your own life story.

Marriage is hard work. Some days you won't feel the butterflies. Some seasons will test everything you thought you knew about love. But faithfulness through those seasons builds something affairs can never offer: deep trust, earned respect, and the quiet satisfaction of being someone whose word means something.

Every day you choose faithfulness, you choose to build rather than destroy. You choose to be a person of integrity rather than deception. You prove that promises still matter, that covenants can be kept, that love is more than just a feeling that comes and goes.

The unfaithful spouse trades everything for nothing. They exchange a lifetime partner for a temporary thrill. They swap their children's respect for their children's disappointment. They give up being trusted for being suspected. They choose destruction over construction, death over life.

Here's the bottom line: affairs cost everything that matters and deliver nothing that lasts. They promise excitement but deliver emptiness. They offer escape but create prisons. They whisper of life but bring death to everything they touch.

Both husbands and wives face this choice. Both can be tempted. Both can fall. But both can also choose a better path. Choose faithfulness. Choose your family. Choose to be someone whose promises can be trusted. The price of an affair is one no one can afford to pay.

Your marriage is worth protecting. Your integrity is worth preserving. Your children deserve parents who keep their promises. Don't become your own destroyer. The cost is too high, and the bill always comes due.

~PW 🌮🛶

Phillip Martin via Steve Wolfgang

Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.

 I’m sure the general reaction to the title is, “well, doesn’t everyone?”  My experience among churches of Christ is that a great number of Christians are so determined to be anti-Calvinistic that, no, they don’t believe in the grace of God.  They read Eph. 2:8-9  “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast,” and they immediately turn to James 2 to explain away the clear teaching of Paul.  They read Rom. 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” and are explaining how it doesn’t really mean Christians can’t be condemned before they even finish the verse.  They sit up nights in terror of the Judgment Day because they aren’t sure they’ve done enough to be saved.  They cannot understand the joy of hope in God’s grace because they believe, whether or not they’d admit this, that they have to earn their salvation. 

 First, a proper understanding of James 2 shows that our works validate our faith, they don’t take the place of it.  By our works we show our faith.  This is the “obedience of faith” concept that is the theme of the book of Romans.  That phrase begins and ends the book (Rom. 1:5; 16:26) and the faith taught in Romans is an active faith, just like in James. Then, in Ephesians 2:10, right after Paul says we are saved by grace and not of ourselves, he goes on to say that God has prepared works for us to do, now that we are saved.  We work, because we are saved, i.e., because we have faith. Still, no amount of work keeps us saved. Still, we all fall short and sometimes in ways we are not even aware of.  I’d be ashamed to admit the number of times I’ve studied out some chapter or concept and then thought, “Hey!  I need to change how I’m living!”  And then a few months later it happens again.  And then again.  If listening to my 79 year old father speak of the constancy of finding new ways to get closer to the person God demands us be is any indication, this process never stops. Were we lost before we discovered the newest way we needed to repent before God?  No! Because we are not saved by works, but by God’s grace!

 As is hardly unusual, David’s life is instructive.  When we think of David’s sins, we typically think of adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah.  Some might remember when David counted the Israelites.  In each of those cases, we have accounts of David’s repenting of those sins, writing Psalms, and offering his life for his people’s.  But what about when he lied to the High Priest about being on a mission for Saul when he was running from Saul?  That lie led directly to the slaughter of the priests who helped him.  There is no record of David even feeling remorse over that.  David was a lousy father.  Far from the description of a father’s duties in Deut. 6:7  “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise,” David never told his children “no”. (1 Kings 1:6) The results were disastrous:  one son raped his half-sister, and two sons led revolts and tried to seize the throne.  Even in all this, David never punished his wicked sons.  David truly failed as a father, never coming close to what the Law taught about fatherhood.  I could go on.  There were significant, unrepented sins in David’s life (No record of penitence).  Does anyone doubt that David will be in heaven?  He was the man after God’s heart.  He was both the type and ancestor of the Messiah.  How is it that David could be saved with such obvious faults?  How could he be forgiven for sins that had no means of forgiveness in the law?  There is only one answer:  God’s grace.

 David was after God’s heart.  He was always hunting for God’s wishes, always closing in on who God wanted him to be. Because of David’s total faith in and commitment to God, God applied His grace to David.  This is not to excuse deliberate sin.  In all ways we know we should be better, we had need to be doing better.  This is to say that “If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7)  To understand that we are saved by grace through faith is to understand that God is not watching us with an eagle eye looking for an excuse to send us to Hell. In His grace and mercy He is looking for an excuse to bring us home with Him.  To understand grace is to truly come to love God and “perfect love casts out fear”. (1 John 4:18) 

 I believe in the grace of God.

Romans 8:1  “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Lucas Ward

Part 3 in the series by guest writer Keith Ward.  

Paul addresses the issue of yieldingness in this sequence: wives, husbands, children, fathers, servants, masters (Eph 5:21-6:9).   No one has the right of way.   Peter's list is shorter:  servants, wives, husbands (1Pet 2:18-3:7).   But, Peter adds an intensifier to both the command to the wife and that to the husband, "In the same way."  Our first question must be, "In the same way as what?"

If you have read the text quoted at the end of each of the devotionals in this series and noticed the emphasis, you know that a wife is to submit to her husband just as the servant is to submit to the unreasonable master and consequently, the husband is to live with the wife in an understanding way and honor her in the same manner as the wife and servant perform their obligations—whether she is good or bad, sweet or a terror. 

The older translations say that the servant must be in subjection not only to the good and gentle master, but also to the "froward."  A strange word that really underlines the extent of one's subjection.   Satan answered God that he had been "going to and fro in the earth" (Job 1:7 KJV).   I have been blessed with supervisors who were "to-ward" me and getting the job done.  I have been cursed with a few that were opposite or "fro-ward" in their attitude about me.  My obligation before God to both types is to submit.   We men tend to find this much easier to accept in 1Pet 3:1 than we do in 1Pet 3:7.   We wish to exercise our headship and cause her to conform to our desires.   Instead, we must use our headship to yield in a way that will draw her in toward becoming the wife God wants her to be.  Remember the last lesson, God never told the husband that he was the head of the wife.   He commanded the husband to love the wife. 

God's instructions through Peter are to "dwell with your wives according to knowledge." That is without question the hardest command in the Bible.   Numberless jokes have been told about the difficulty of understanding women, but for God this is no joke.  He expects the husband to work at it until he understands his wife.   Our biblical examples of married life are few: clueless Elkanah who was unaware of or ignored the tensions in his own house (1Sam 1:8); Jacob who did not realize that Leah was the godly wife until the later years of their marriage (Gen 49:31); David who cut through Michal's complaint to the contempt in her heart (2Sam 6:16).  We are left to make our subjection to the needs of our woman into the concrete examples of God's principles.

We cannot treat this as a minor matter.  If we fail to honor our wives as this verse commands, our prayers will be hindered.   I NEED my prayers for forgiveness to get through loud and clear.   No doubt we already understand that women are different and what would honor one man's wife would not be a blip on the radar for another's wife.   If this makes no sense to you, read "The Five Love Languages" 3 times, the last one with your wife, chapter by chapter with discussion between you about every page.  Men, we must consider our woman and her personality and her character with a view to helping her as the weaker vessel, with the goal of her salvation.   And, our own salvation depends on our ability to do so.   (Unless you think you can make it without prayer!)

Just as being a help to you will be different for your wife than had she married a man in a different profession with a different personality, dwelling with her according to knowledge is unique to you two.   When we consider all that Christ did for his bride, we should at the least be willing to read books to learn about women and to learn to improve our relationship.   We should learn to do things we are not comfortable with for her.   We should meditate on her emotional needs and ways to adjust to fulfil them.  Above all, we should listen.  And, if this seems too great a task, remember, "Subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ (Eph 5:21).

Some men only notice when their wives start screaming and crying and throwing pots and pans.   Then they are shocked for they had no clue there was a problem.   If the wife is too godly to act that way, the husband continues in a clueless way grinding her spirit to nothing.   How can a man claim to follow the Savior who became one of us in order to intercede for us, yet not listen to his bride?  If God purposed the church to be Christ's bride before creation, should not each man be gathering data and purposing to create in his wife the parallel to the Church (Eph 3:10-11)?  Is not the goal to become one, and can that be accomplished without mutual effort?  What if Jesus listened to our prayers the way we notice our wives' problems, complaints, and desires?  In fact, 1 Pet 3:7 promises exactly that! 

Jesus gave himself up to set apart the church to be a present for himself (Eph 5:25-27).   His mission was to cleanse the church to be without spot and blemish, a holy bride to himself.   To accomplish this he first became whatever it took on his part, servant, flesh, human (Phil 2, Jn 1).   Then he began to shape the church: he did not browbeat or demand; he washed her with water and the word.   He thoughtfully fashioned words that would transform her into the present he desired for himself.   God through Paul commands husbands to do the same for their wives. 

If husbands believe their role is merely to be the provider, they are carnal, having little spiritual understanding.   Physically providing food and shelter is the least of his duties.   Giving honor to her as the weaker vessel means to work with her spiritually to build her up to walk beside her husband spiritually.  He must know her spiritual and emotional weaknesses and help strengthen her and protect her as "heirs with you of the grace of life."  He must meditate and thoughtfully fashion words that will transform her into the present to himself that he wishes her to be.   He cannot do this with force but only with the same self-sacrificing kind of love Christ used to transform the church.

It is a shame on husbands that in many (if not most) families, it is the wife who is the spiritual leader: she helps the children with their Bible lessons, she makes certain all are ready for church on time, she insists that nothing interfere with church, she reminds him that he has a certain duty this Sunday so he can prepare.  He simply attends.    Such a one is not a head like Jesus is head, no matter how bossy he is.   [Ignoring these duties to preach and teach the gospel is no less carnal than failing them for other reasons.]

That ceremony did not make you a husband.   However many years "on the job" has not made you a husband either.   Only the considered imitation of the love of Christ for the church will make you the husband of your wife. 

Dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto the woman…as being also joint-heirs of the grace of life.

Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable.  (1Pet 2:18).

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, (1Pet 3:1).

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.  (1Pet 3:7).

Keith Ward

Today's post is by guest writer Joanne Beckley.

I thought to take a closer look at the first chapter of the Bible. Why? Because I listened to a Bible class on the book of Genesis and it opened my eyes to a number of words from this chapter that I had not considered despite all my years of reading this book! So, here are my notes taken from (https://www.charlestownroad.org/category/classes/genesis-how-it-begins/).

The book of Genesis is attributed to Moses and is thought to have been written during the same time period as the book of Deuteronomy, before entering the Promised Land. As we need to be reminded of whom we belong to, so did the Israelites. Both they and we have the knowledge of one eternal being.  Through His words and by our faith we trust in Him. One God and His creation. Genesis is indeed a key book to our faith. Look at how this book answers a number of questions:

1. Genesis introduces us to God, self-existing, his nature, maker of good, and the fact that He is not us, although we are unique, made in His image.

2. We find answers to our questions of life–where did we come from, why are we here, why do people have pain and why do we die?

3. The beginning establishes a chain of authority.

4. The love of God lays the ground work for the scheme of redemption.

5. Marriage is defined.

6. We learn about choices, responsibilities and consequences.

7. This book shakes many of the preconceived ideas that we have heard/learned and prove not to be true.

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” The heavens and the earth were created from nothing. From this point of beginning God made all that we know around us today. Note “us” in verse 26 as is evident in verses one and two–God, His Spirit, His Son. The apostle John began his writing from an understanding of this same beginning, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...” John 1:1-3. The apostle Paul wrote, “For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities–all thing have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together” Col 1:16-17.

Genesis chapter 1

Life came from life, matter is not eternal, and matter is good.

There are several theories about “day” in this chapter, but one cannot ignore the repetition and conclusion: “there was evening and there was morning, one day”. What was made was not a gradual process, nor an increase of development and intelligence. God created the heavens and the earth young and they look old.

Day 1 - Light called day, separated from darkness called night.

Day 2 - Made the expanse (atmosphere) which separated waters above from waters below.

Day 3 - Separated waters named seas from land named earth–one land, no separation of continents. On the same day vegetation made in fully developed form.

Day 4 - Two great lights and stars placed in the expanse of the heavens and light already reaching earth (Some believe created from day one and the lights reaching earth on this day?).

Day 5 - Birds and fish, fully formed, not developed as evolution claims. As also with animals, God set boundaries, cannot change chromosomes, as in male/female, and not across bird-animal.

Day 6 - Made animals and created man on the same day fully formed. This includes dinosaurs, no prehistoric animals! Note that all the animals, including man ate vegetation and no meat. No death until chapter three.

Man was made in God’s image, male and female in His likeness. All creation was made for his benefit. Man was not of “caveman” mentality but a responsible farmer, capable of speech and reasoning ability - in God’s image. “So it is written, “The first man, Adam, became a living soul. The last Adam became a life-giving spirit...The first man is from the earth, earthy; the second man is from heaven” 1 Cor 15:45-47.

Conclusions we can draw from this first chapter:

1. The world came into being instantly by the act of God and not by natural means.

2. The complex and the simple were made at the same time.

3. The earth and the universe are the same age.

4. Creation was precise and accurate.

5. There is no such thing as prehistoric.

6. God is eternal–He is always “prime”, of first importance, the one and only.

7. Man was created distinct from the animal world and answerable to his Creator.

8. Death was not a part of the created world.

9. God is the force, designer, maker of all.

10. The world, including man, began mature and advanced.

I hope you have found this enlightening and interesting.

Joanne Beckley

Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward. 

 I grew up watching John Wayne movies and reading Louis L’Amour novels.  We lived in a rural area, grew most of our food,, and heated the house with a wood stove, cutting wood whenever any was available throughout the year. So I was steeped in the American culture of self-sufficiency.  Real men handled their own problems.  Or, as L’Amour put it, “A man forks his own broncs.”  If you have a wild horse that needs breaking, you do it yourself; you don’t farm it out.  Another gem that comes from several L’Amour novels, and this is more of a paraphrase than a quote, “A man alone is stronger.  He knows he must do all by himself and so he does.  A man with companions begins to depend.  When his companions fail him, he is lost.”  This idea of being self-sufficient and self-sustaining is very American.  In many ways it has been a good thing for our country.  With no king or feudal lord the early colonists and, later, settlers had to depend upon themselves to determine the direction of their lives.  They had to provide for their own sustenance, fight their own battles and build their own homes.  That self-sufficiency carried the European settlers all the way across the continent in a conquest almost unique in history.  It wasn’t the army that “won the west”.  It was the individual settler, one farm, one ranch at a time. 

  And yet, that same self-sufficiency can be problematic when it doesn’t allow a person to ask for help when he needs it.  “I can handle it myself!” has caused a lot of problems, from broken marriages to various addictions to financial disasters to mental health breakdowns.  It is usually because a person’s self-image won’t allow him (and yes, this does tend to be a male problem) to admit he can’t handle a problem on his own.  Wait a minute!  Self-sufficiency, self-sustaining, self-image, “I can handle it myself!”  What is the focus of all these phrases?  Self!  And yet, what does Jesus say about that?  ““If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”  (Luke 9:23)  Denial of self is fundamental to Christianity.

Eph. 4:20-24 “ But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”

Out with the old, in with the new.  Hanging on to the old self, the old ways of life, is not how we learned Christ, is it?  Paul doubles down in Colossians:

Col. 2:20a  “If with Christ you died. . .” 

Col. 3:1a  “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above . . .”

Col. 3:5  “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”We died with Christ, were raised with Christ, and therefore put to death the old man of sin.  This is what it is to be a disciple of Christ.  Holding on to self just isn’t a part of it.  If you needed any other consideration, how about. . .

Gal. 2:20  “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”

Paul says he has changed so completely that it is like he is not even in control of his body anymore.  Christ is living in him, making sure of Paul’s actions.  How can self-image or even a self-contained dignity exist within these passages?  If sins are winning far too often, confess and ask for prayers and support.  If the weight we carry is to heavy, ask for help in bearing that burden.

Matt. 10:34-39  “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.  For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.  And a person's enemies will be those of his own household.  Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

We usually take verse 39 in isolation as we speak of losing our lives for the Lord, but what life is it that we lose for Him?  The context clearly shows it is the family, which would include family ideals.  Some of these are good, e.g. “I’m a Ward, and Wards don’t lie therefore, I won’t lie.”  Others are not so good, e.g. “I’m a Ward, and Wards don’t bother others with their problems.”  In following Christ, we must give up our pride of self and our pride of earthly family connections and anything else that keeps us from being humble enough to ask for help.  In fact, the better statement, “I am a Ward and Wards don’t lie,” should even become “I am a Christian, and Christians don’t lie.”

Finally, please notice that Christ asked for help when He needed it. 

Matt. 26:36-38  “Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, ‘Sit here, while I go over there and pray.’  And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled.  Then he said to them, ‘My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.’”

When Jesus was sad and scared and ready to weep, when the weight of the upcoming events was just too much to handle alone, Jesus asked His friends to be with Him as He prayed.  Paul did similarly:

2 Tim. 4:9-13  “Do your best to come to me soon.  For Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia.  Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry. Tychicus I have sent to Ephesus.  When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments.”

Paul is alone as his life comes to a close.  His friends are all on missionary trips except Demas, who abandoned him.  Despite Luke’s presence, and despite his great confession of faith in the preceding verses, Paul is feeling alone and reaches out to Timothy for companionship in a tough time.  If the unstoppable Paul, the Christian Terminator reached out for assistance when he needed it, if Our Lord and Savior admitted the crushing weight He was carrying and asked for support, who am I to feel to dignified to ask for help?

 Please, if you are struggling with sin, are fighting sadness and depression, and/or the various pressures of this world are beginning to crush you, reach out to your local congregation.  I pretty much guarantee there is someone there who has gone through much the same situations as you and who would love to help.  Even if there is no shared experience, you will find brothers and sisters who love you and want to help you in anyway they can.  Please, please, reach out and allow us to follow those oft disobeyed commands. 

Lucas Ward

Part 2 in a continuing series by guest writer Keith Ward.  For Part 1, scroll down to July 31, 2026.

I have always known these principles: I memorized Ephesians for Homer Hailey's "Scheme of Redemption" class; I took Roland Lewis's "Home and Family" class; I preached sermons; I wrote the goals and objectives for the men when our church divided the men and women for family classes; with Dene's assistance, I taught marriage and parenting classes to both the High School and College age classes. So, WHY did I find myself riding my bicycle 13 miles home from work as slowly as possible because I did not know what to say or do about a situation between us?  I did not even know for sure whose fault it was or how to proceed to find out without creating a bigger problem.  Well, I did manage that, I was so late she worried and came looking for me. So, "Knowledge puffs up."  And, the answers are not always easy and there is a learning curve on applying what you know.

It might help us to note that God never said to the husbands that they are the head.  He said that to the wives.  It seems like a small distinction but the difference it creates in perspective has caused chasms in relationships for hundreds of years.  In fact, that small difference often leads to a domineering attitude in husbands that is foreign to the context of "subjecting [our]selves one to another," and especially to the first command to husbands, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it."

To understand our role as husbands, we men must consider that Christ was head, though he only gave—gave himself up over and over again.  And he did so without complaint or resentment.  First, he gave up his place with and equal with God to become a man.  A fact we treat as a theological argument rather than the tremendous yielding (emptying self) that it was (Phil 2:5-7).  The creator became a creature.  Next, he walked through a world of sin.  Sometimes city people cannot stand the sights and smells of real farm life.  Anyone who has gathered eggs knows they do not come as clean as they do in the grocery store carton.  Imagine the disgust an absolutely holy being would have toward rebellious, self-destructive sin.  And, he walked among and had compassion toward these sinners.  Last, he died and in dying became sin on our behalf (2 Cor 5:21).  At no point did or does this one who is "far above all rule, and authority, and power, and dominion, and every name that is named" in his role as head of the church coerce anyone to do anything (Eph 1:21).  He wooed his people to him by giving himself up.

When men discuss this, they end the matter with, "I would be willing to die for my wife. Next verse, brother ________."  Whoa!  Back up just a bit—Is dying all that Jesus did for us? 

The Word gave up who he was and became someone else, Jesus, for his bride.   Unscripturally, many men not only do not change when they become husbands, they see no need to change.  Jesus' example leaves no wiggle room at all for the husband about his willingness to change for his wife.  And, remember, Jesus did it before his bride subjected herself and as a motive to lead her to do so.  "That's just not who I am and she knew that when she married me," is not a valid excuse.  A man determined to belong to God must consider the changes he needs to make to be the head of his wife.  Not only may different women have different needs, but the same woman will have changing needs as life progresses.  That means the husband imitating Christ cannot stay the same either.  "But what about my rights as head?"  Go consider: What about Jesus' rights? No man ever had more power than Jesus. Yet, he never used any of it to get his way about anything. Even so ought husbands to act toward their wives.

Since "head" is the way the wife is commanded to treat him and not a license for the husband to boss, he should give himself up by working to develop mutual decisions and plans. He must show consideration for her ideas and her desires by listening to her as equal partners in your life before God. In fact, imitating Christ may require him to give up his desires, his way for hers.

A man may cling to his rights and privileges. But, a husband may give up his hobbies, his plans, his buddies, his dreams to demonstrate his love for his bride.  He must not wait until she asks or cries about his neglect; he must wisely consider and use his power to act on her behalf by yielding. When she sees that he loves her so, she will submit joyfully and change into the help suitable for him so that they two become one in heart.

Elkanah gave up his right to overturn Hannah's vow, gave up his son, gave up a bull for a sacrifice (1Sam 1; Num 30:12).  God says that "the husband has not power over his own body, but the wife" (1Cor 7:4).  If a husband cannot be boss over his own body, why would he be boss over his time?  His preferences?  His habits?  His only goal as God's man is to give himself up with purpose to shape her into God's woman.

Approximately half the population is men; many are married, few are husbands.  Are you even on the journey to becoming one?

Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. (1Pet 2:18).

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, (1Pet 3:1).

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1Pet 3:7).

Keith Ward

Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward.

Last time we began a discussion about how hard it is to bear burdens when no one admits to being weighed down or to pray for sins when no one admits to weaknesses (Gal. 6:2; James 5:16).  We discussed fear as a reason for that unwillingness to admit struggles and concluded that a proper show of love was the solution to that problem.

 This time I want to consider pride as a problem.  Specifically, pride in our religious status.  Jesus dealt with this problem constantly in His encounters with the Pharisees and Chief Priests.  E.g. “They replied to him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves to anybody. So how can you say, 'You will be set free?’” (John 8:33)  Their reliance upon their status within their religious system – by that time somewhat different from what God had given them on Sinai – did not allow them to understand what Jesus said.  Also,  “Beware of the scribes, who like to walk around in long robes, and love greetings in the marketplaces and the best seats in the synagogues and the places of honor at feast” (Luke 20:26).  People with this much pride in their status within their religion could never admit to a burden they couldn’t bear or sins they couldn’t overcome.  They never would ask for help.

 In fact, this pride is what led these people to killing Jesus and, later, persecuting Christians.  “If we let him go on like this, everyone will believe in him, and the Romans will come and take away both our place and our nation.” (John 11:48)  Which do you think they minded more, that the people would believe in Jesus rather than them or that the Romans might come?  Even their fear of the Romans was based upon them loosing their place!  Acts 5:17-18 says that the High Priest had the Apostles arrested because of his jealousy.  They were hardly alone in the N.T.  2 Cor. 11:13 speaks of people claiming apostle status.  1 Cor. 12-14 deals with status claims based on how cool their various spiritual gifts were.  John 12:42-43 shows how this type of pride will keep us away from Christ.  It was so bad that Paul began mocking the pride in status by bragging himself, tongue firmly planted in cheek:  2 Cor. 11:21-23  “But whatever anyone else dares to boast of—I am speaking as a fool—I also dare to boast of that.  Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they offspring of Abraham? So am I.  Are they servants of Christ? I am a better one—I am talking like a madman—with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death.”

 Unfortunately, we haven’t left this type of pride in the Twenty-First Century.  Whether it is pride in who our family is, pride in institutional affiliation, or pride in the type of service we perform for the church, too many of us build our egos upon our supposed status within our religion.  We can’t risk that status by admitting to weaknesses, too heavy weights, or sadness.  Allow me to illustrate by being silly in the same way Paul was, just in more modern terms:  I was not only raised in the church, I was raised in the church by parents who were also raised in the church.  All four grand-parents were members, all of whom knew their Bibles backwards and forwards.  My father has been a preacher/deacon/elder for 50 years and my mother has taught Ladies’ Bible Classes, and written their study materials, for as long.  One grandfather was in the first class at Florida College, my parents both graduated from there (Dad with his Bible certificate), my brother and I both graduated from FC, and my brother is a professor of Biblical studies there.  I myself have been a preacher for over six years, have written a Christian self-help book and have had essays published in two other anthologies. 

All this sounds pretty impressive, but what does it get me?  None of those religious status symbols will save me.  Claiming affiliation with Florida College will not help when I stand before the Lord on the last day, nor will years of preaching or the number of books published. (Matt. 7:22-23).  None of these things will protect me from temptations.  Remember when Jesus said that our righteousness must be greater than those prideful Pharisees? (Matt. 5:20)  He went on to elaborate by speaking of runaway anger and lust, lying, vengeance and hatred.  All their status did not keep them from temptation and sin. 

Prov. 11:2  “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” 

Prov. 29:23  “One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.” 

Ultimately, if my pride keeps me from asking for help when I need it, then my pride is harming me and will lead to destruction. 

John 12:42-43  “Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.”

Lucas Ward

(The reason I am writing this.)

Guest writer Keith Ward begins a series for husbands, which will run the last Monday of the month for the next few months.

For some years it has amazed me that from a section of 397 words (ASV) concerning subjection, preaching and teaching has focused on the 65 words addressed to "Wives be in subjection to your own husbands" while only cursory attention has been given to the 332 other words on submission and even less to the 220 words addressed to husbands (Eph 5:21-6:9).  Notice that the Holy Spirit spoke almost 4 times as many words to the men about their duties as husbands as he did to the wives about theirs. Further, He simply states the duty of the wives but understands the necessity of enforcing by strong analogies to Christ and the church and loving oneself the husband's duties toward the wives. Comparison of the history of the amount of teaching done on the two sets of duties shows that we men missed the message.

The section opens by commanding us all to "Subject[ing] yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ." Then God specifies the subjection of wives and husbands, children and fathers, and servants and masters. Some years ago in a small group meeting from church, I compared Christianity to traffic circles—No one has the right-of-way.  Unlike 4-way stops where the laws specify who has the right of way, traffic circles have yield signs at every entrance; NO ONE has the right of way. So also does this section on subjection. In every one of the six relationships listed in the section, the command is to submit, not to control.

Let us note that in the other relationships discussed, the children are to obey their parents, but that does not make the fathers the boss. Rather, fathers are to "provoke not" and "nurture" them.  Slaves are to obey masters but masters are to treat slaves as they expect the Lord to treat them.  So, just where did we find in the expression that the husband is the head of the wife the concept that he is boss and Lord of the house?  Certainly we left the clearly written spirit of the context to discover it.

Considering the attitudes of our times, women do need the lessons on submission that the Holy Spirit teaches here. In fact, I must emphasize that God is speaking for so many accuse Paul of just being a misogynist bachelor. But, I see nothing in this text or any other that instructs men to force their wives into submission.

Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church; husbands are to give themselves up for their wives as Christ did for the church; husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies; husbands are to feed and warm their wives; husbands are to leave all others for their wives.  This is the headship that God commands the husbands to exercise toward their wives.  Just which of those sounds like control?

Over the next lessons, we will examine some practical ways husbands can follow Jesus' example in their relationship as head of their wives. The teachings and suggestions will not be exhaustive, but they should give the man with a willing heart enough to be able to adapt them to his wife and their situation.

Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. (1Pet 2:18).

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, (1Pet 3:1).

You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1Pet 3:7).

Keith Ward

Today’s post is by guest writer Joanne Beckley.

Psalm 34:11 Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

12 Who is the man who desires life, And loves [length of] days that he may see good?

13 Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit.

14 Depart from evil, and do good; Seek peace, and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous, And His ears are [open] to their cry.

16 The face of the LORD is against evildoers, To cut off the memory of them from the

earth.

17 [The righteous] cry and the LORD hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles.

18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous; But the LORD delivers him out of them all.

Psalm 34:11 tells us that to fear the Lord is to live a godly life. We know this because the

psalmist tells us specifically what we must learn that will prove what it means to fear the

Lord! These verses are like a recipe for life, for a long life, for a good life. Details are not

given but there are two points necessary for this godly life – the fear of the Lord. They are

(1) right speech (v13) and (2) right conduct (v14). Until a person has made this his aim

and goal, he has not learned “the fear of the LORD.”

From these verses, we also learn that there is third point necessary to help achieve the fear

of the Lord: (3) seek peace and pursue it (v14). Thus, one’s attitude in life comes into

play and must also be addressed. By controlling our tongues and doing good we learn to

live at peace with ourselves, with others, and with God. Indeed, there is no other way to

peace except through the right heart. “Righteousness and peace kiss each other” (Ps

85:10).

Verse 15 addresses how we are to achieve peace because living a righteous life must

include the right attitude toward any sin residing in our hearts. In verse 15, the favor of

God rests upon the righteous, the brokenhearted, and the crushed in spirit. (See also Psa

51:17; 145:18; Isa 57:15; 61:1; 66:2)

The psalmist rounded out his advice and admonitions with this: we must be willing to

accept that when we trust in God we are not shielded from all troubles.

v19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all.

God is with us during crisis situations. What a blessing!

Eric Liddell (remember the winning runner in the movie Chariots of Fire?), in his last

years in China as a missionary, was incarcerated and did not know what his fate would

be. While awaiting his end he wrote these words to Chinese Christians:

“Victory over all the circumstances of life comes not by might nor by power but by a

practical confidence in life and by allowing His spirit to dwell in our hearts and control

our actions and emotions. Learn in the days of ease and comfort so that when the days of

hardship come you will be fully prepared and equipped to meet them.”

James 1:2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3

knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have [its]

perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 5 But if any of

you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without

reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for

the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.

The apostle Paul also wrote to expect trials in the life of a Christian and gave Timothy

this admonition:

2Tim 3:12And indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. 13

But evil men and impostors will proceed [from bad] to worse, deceiving and being

deceived. 14 You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become

convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned [them].

Ps 16:11 Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fulness of joy; In

Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.

As David said in his psalm, it is His presence that makes it possible to triumph in the

midst of trials.

Philippians 4:13I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

The New Testament tells us of the reality of deliverance beyond death. May we all

continue learning the fear of the Lord and live in His presence.

Joanne Beckley

Today's post is by guest writer Lucas Ward, who begins a new series below.

 You might be surprised at which ones I am choosing:

Rom. 12:15  “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

Gal. 6:2  “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

James 5:16  “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another”

How can anyone pray for my sins if I am not willing to confess those sins?  How can anyone help bear my burdens if I am not willing to admit that anything weighs me down?  No one can weep with me if I refuse to tell them I am sad.  Conversely, I can’t do any of these things for others if no one will admit problems to me.  So, often, the problem is not that no one is willing to help, but that no one admits to needing help. 

 Why do you think that is?  I think it likely comes down to three things:  too much pride, not enough humility, and fear.  Too much pride in our supposed status within the church risks our reputations by admitting being human.  For instance, “God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.” (Luke 18:11)  This man never admitted that there ever was a burden, much less that he might need help carrying it.  Then there is too little humility because we are used to handling problems on our own.  Too much dignity, too much self-sufficiency (“I can handle it myself!), too much sense of identity to be willing to ask for help.  What did Jesus say about this?  ““If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”  (Luke 9:23)  Finally, there is fear.  The fear that if we open ourselves up to the church, admit our failings and weaknesses and ask for help, the other church members will be horrified.  They will reject and ostracize us, and so we keep quiet out for fear.

 I want to address this last problem first.  This fear of rejection comes from a misunderstanding of the purpose and nature of the Church and its members.  Yes, the New Testament consistently refers to active disciples of Christ as saints, or those sanctified (Rom. 1:7; 1 Cor. 1:2; 1 Pet. 1:15-16), but how did they become sanctified?  In Revelation 7, the innumerable host in heaven dressed in white robes are those washed in the blood of the Lamb.  In Isaiah 1:18 the Lord says, “though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”  We were all filthy in our sins and are only clean by the grace of the Lord.  We all have pasts.  A sister once said that the Church is like Sinners’ Anonymous.  That seems exactly right to me.  Just as A.A. won’t allow someone to bring a six-pack of beer to their meetings, the church cannot allow those who choose to continue a lifestyle of sin to be a part of the local body.  However, just like A.A. is a safe place to discuss struggles, doubts, and failures in a life of sobriety, and a place where we receive help and support from others who have walked the same path, the church should be a safe place to confess struggles, doubts, and failures to walk in the light, and to receive support and help from those who have and are walking the same path. 

 How do we convince people that our local families provide this kind of support, help and acceptance?  The answer is love.  The more obvious that each local congregation loves each other with a Biblical love, the more people will be willing to ask for help.  If we are loving well, remember we can always do better (1 Thess. 4:9-10).

1 Pet. 4:7-9  “But the end of all things is at hand: be therefore of sound mind, and be sober unto prayer:  above all things being fervent in your love among yourselves; for love covers a multitude of sins:  using hospitality one to another without murmuring”

 Peter says the most important thing to do to get ready for the end is to be fervent in our love for each other.  He then describes love as being hospitable. 

 Hospitality in the ancient days was taking in strangers who were traveling and stopped in your town.  It was considered an honor to be allowed to do this.  The self-sacrifice of hospitality was the basis for Job’s defense of his righteousness (Job 31).  According to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia there were four major requirements for proper hospitality.  1)  The guest becomes the master of the house.  2)  The host performs the most servile offices for the guest.  3)  The guest is given access to all the host owns.  4)  The host is duty-bound to protect the guest from all dangers.  Peter says to be hospitable to each other.  So we are to adapt the principles of hospitality to our brothers and sisters in Christ.  So, according to the first requirement, all of my brethren are my masters.  They are the priority.  If they need help, I drop what I’m doing and help.  Oddly, there are others passages that support this:  Gal. 5:13“through love be servants one to another.” and Phil. 2:4“Do not be concerned about your own interests, but also be concerned about the interests of others.”  The second principle of the host performing menial service for the guest was demonstrated by our Lord when He washed the Apostles’ feet.  Afterwards, He said, “You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right because that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you must also wash one another's feet.” (John 13:13-14)  To sum that up, there should be nothing my brother might need from me that I am too important to do.  We also don’t hold anything back from our brethren in need.  1 John 3:16 says we should be willing to die for each other and Rom. 8:32 says that God, having sacrificed His Son for us, would hold nothing else back.  Combining those two principles, if we are willing to die for our brethren, is there anything else they might need that we would withhold?  Finally, we protect each other from all dangers, especially that roaring lion looking to devour us.  We help. We hold. We cry. We pray.  The better we get at these things, the more obvious it becomes that we won’t reject those confessing a need for help.  That gives us even more opportunities to show the love God taught us (1 John 4:19) and makes it easier for those with heavy burdens to ask for help.  And we become the family God always wanted us to be.

Lucas Ward